Half of my soul and all of my heart
by ladydewinter1
Summary: FINISHED! Anya finds a prophecy about the First that involves Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara. So they have to get Tara back... WK first, WT eventually. BS as well.
1. Chapter One

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Yes, please!!! This is my first story ever, so I wanna know if I should keep on writing or rather do something else :-)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Anya finds a prophecy about the First that involves Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara. So they have to get Tara back...How? You'll see...it might take some time, but it should be funnish ;-)  
  
****  
  
They were sitting in Buffy's living room doing research. Anya had gotten a couple of ancient volumes via her demon connections. After she and Giles had found out that it was because they had brought Buffy back from the dead that the First had been able to gain power, she decided to do some extra work so that she didn't have to blame herself. Actually, she mostly blamed Willow, but she didn't say anything. Willow had looked devastated when they had told her about the consequences of the spell. Anya knew she didn't have to do the blaming, Willow could do that all by herself.  
  
So now Anya was sitting there with them. Sometimes she asked herself why she was doing this. It wasn't as if she had to help them. But a part of her wanted to be useful, able to help. And a part of her wanted to be with Xander. She couldn't believe what she had just thought. It was humiliating. After all he had put her through, she still wanted to be with him. This was when she hated love most. It left her so helpless. She decided to concentrate on the research, these thoughts wouldn't improve anything.  
  
That was when she found it. She read it once again, twice. And nearly cried because of frustration.  
  
"An, what's up?" Xander asked, noticing the strange look on her face. "I think I found something. But I think it's...bad. As in it is really useful, but not to us, because, well, it's too late now."  
  
"What is it Anya?" Willow asked, annoyed. She had been feeling guilty ever since Anya had told them that it was their - no wait, HER - fault that all this was happening, and she was desperate for anything that could be a solution.  
  
"Well, it looks like a prophecy, only one that is...it doesn't sound as fancy as some others do." "Maybe the guy who wrote it didn't feel poetic enough," Dawn suggested. "Or maybe he had been left by his girlfriend and-"  
  
"WHO CARES?!" Willow interrupted angrily. "Sorry, guys, but...please, Anya, read it out. I-"  
  
"You know patience is a virtue, right? Okay, here we go..."Three are two who should not be. Four who made them be will return the power, and the First will flee.""  
  
Everybody was looking at her expectantly. "I'm wondering what the other prophecies sounded like. I mean, it's not that this is - understandable? I guess Yoda could have-" "Shut up, Andrew, we're not discussing stylistics." Dawn said, but she didn't look that angry. In fact, Andrew decided, she looked kinda cute. And she was the Slayer's little sister.  
  
"Don't you guys get it?" Anya demanded to know. "Doesn't look like it, anyways....Come on, isn't it obvious?" "Enlighten us, Anya, please." Giles, who had been sitting at the desk decided it was enough. "Well, what happens if a slayer dies?" "A potential is activated" came the chorus from the potentials. "Right, and how many times did Buffy die?" Anya didn't wait and answered the question herself. "Twice. So, with her being alive, that makes how many Slayers?"  
  
"Three..."Giles said slowly. "But where is the third? I was wondering about that the whole time, but maybe the disturbance of power was that great-" "Three Slayers. The question remains, who are the four. Well, if you're honest, we know who the four are - or were. It's Willow, Xander, me - and Tara. And Tara - "  
  
"Is gone."  
  
***  
  
"Hey, we're back and - What's with the gloomy look?" Buffy asked, Spike standing right behind her. They had just come back from patrol. Buffy had to admit she really liked patrolling with Spike. It was fun, and she felt oddly at ease when she was with him. She wouldn't have thought that would ever be possible again, after what had happened last year...She had a rough idea about what her feelings possibly meant, but she couldn't think about it right now. The others were all sitting in the living room, there were books everywhere and they were looking as of someone had died.  
  
"Did something happen? The First? Did it - ?"  
  
"Anya found a prophecy. About the Slayers, and the First." Giles stood up and started cleaning his glasses. "That's good, right? I mean, it has to be, has it? Come on, guys, tell me, what is it?"  
  
"Willow, Xander, Anya and Tara brought you back, and now there are three slayers and the First is on the loose and only the ones that brought you back can stop it. And as Willow's girlfriend is dead-"  
  
"Wait," Buffy interrupted Andrew. "Three? There aren't three of us, there is just me and Fai- wait, did you just say that we can't stop the First without Tara? But that's not possible, I mean, that means we don't stand any chance-"  
  
"We don't know that, Buffy, you have to calm down. We will find another solution, I'm sure-" Anya spoke up before Giles could finish his sentence. "If you ask me, I guess, there is another solution." "What do you mean?"  
  
"Maybe there are several, I got one idea that isn't really a good one, as it would involve getting rid of at least two Slayers, and as we don't even know where the third one is I guess we'll just skip that suggestion. What I was really thinking about was bringing Tara back." Hearing that, Willow stood up and left. "Why did you have to say that? You hurt her!" Kennedy looked at her angrily and went after Willow.  
  
"Anya, you know this just isn't possible. Even Willow wasn't able bring her back, and -" "Sorry Giles, I think I didn't use the right words or I messed up. But for making things right again, I need to talk to Willow first." "You sure that is a good idea? It will just upset her. We haven't ever really talked about-" "Right, Harris, that's what you're good at. Not talking about things! Just- let me deal with this. Trust me. I won't hurt her, at least I hope." Anya turned around and folled Willow and Kennedy.  
  
***  
  
Willow was in Buffy's room. In their room. She was standing at the window, looking outside. She remembered everything...how they had made love, kissed...how happy they had been. She still didn't understand how that could have happened. How anybody could have let this happen. But here she was, all alone...and Tara was gone.  
  
What on earth did Anya think she was talking about? She had tried to bring her back, tried so hard, she had begged, and then her rage had almost consumed her...her and the whole world, that is. There were times now she could forget about this feeling of emptiness, utter loneliness...she could forget about it, but it would always be there. She liked Kennedy, liked her a lot. But she wasn't Tara. No one was. And although she had felt devasted after Oz had left, she knew this was different. What Tara and she had had was special, real special, and no one could even think of replacing her or meaning as much to her as Tara had - did.  
  
Tara...Willow closed her eyes. Oh Baby, I wish you could be here with me, or I could be with you. I don't wanna be here alone anymore, I-  
  
"Willow?" That was Kennedy. Willow desperately wanted her to go away. She knew Kennedy wouldn't understand. She had the feeling Kennedy didn't want to understand about her and Tara. For her, Tara was just Willow's ex. Ex in the sense of former girlfriend, not in the sense that they had split up or anything. Well, they had, but hey - what about the making up ...making out...  
  
Kennedy interrupted her mindbabbling again. "Is everything alright? I hope Anya didn't upset you too much. Sometimes I could just-"  
  
"Don't. It isn't her fault..I believe. And she didn't say it to hurt me. She liked Tara a lot."  
  
"Yeah, as if anybody didn't. I mean, she seems to have been a semigoddess or something. At least that is what you might think if you hear everybody talking."  
  
"Who is talking about Tara?" Willow didn't get it. Why did Kennedy sound that aggressive? And when did they tell her about Tara?  
  
"Well, Dawn told us a bit, and Buffy...forget it, I don't care. I just want you to be alright."  
  
"You don't care? I care. I care a lot. And I'm not alright. I don't think I will ever be again. You don't understand any of it, Kennedy. Just don't talk about it, right? You don't get it, just -"  
  
"Willow, I really need to talk to you right now." Anya was standing at the door.  
  
"Didn't I tell you to leave her alone?" Kennedy turned around and glared at her.  
  
"No, actually you asked me why I had to say this thing about bringing Tara back. Could you please leave us alone?" Anya walked toward her and started shoving her out of the room.  
  
"Don't! Hey, leave me alone, get off me..."  
  
"Ouch!" Anya shouted. "Don't hit me, I'm human now...again. Nothing to slay here, potential! Just leave us alone."  
  
"I won't lea-"  
  
"It's okay, Kennedy, I don't mind. Just stop this, go. Please." Willow sounded exhausted. She felt like she couldn't stand it anymore... the fighting, Kennedy's protectiveness..it just didn't seem real. She felt like crying.  
  
"Right, I don't wanna be in your way." With a last nasty glance in Anya's direction, Kennedy left the room. "Don't you dare hurt her!"  
  
"Why is anybody so worried that I'm going to hurt you? The last time we were fighting, you hurt me...anyway, that's not what I wanna talk to you about."  
  
"What is it then?"  
  
"How much did you love her?" 


	2. Chapter Two

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. The poem included in this story is by Elizabeth Barett Browning (is that the way you spell it?).  
  
Feedback: Yes, please!!! This is my first story ever, so I wanna know if I should keep on writing or rather do something else :-)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Willow has a dream  
  
***  
  
It was as if she was watching a movie, only that she was right in it. She was in a room that seemed oddly - familiar, though she was certain she had never seen it before. It just felt as if she had. It was dark in there, there were only some candles burning... looking around, she noticed a young woman standing in front of a mirror. She wasn't suprised to see that she looked like her...only the woman had long, brown hair and was wearing a nightgown that seemed pretty oldfashioned even for a nightgown. The woman smiled at herself in the mirror, when suddenly someone started to speak. Willow instantly recognized the voice - how could she not have?  
  
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
  
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height  
  
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
  
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace..."  
  
The room started to dissolve, and they were in in what looked like a ballroom. Willow looked around, searching for the speaker, but she only saw the young woman who was now wearing one of these clothes they were always wearing in those Jane Austen movies. It was kind of pretty, she thought. Maybe I could try one of these myself at some time..  
  
Someone was approaching the woman, a young man in what Willow supposed were stylish for men at that time. He had long blond hair tied together and asked DreamWillow to dance as it seemed. Willow saw her accept, smiling happily. A guy? That's totally not like me...so no DreamWillow, no siree...  
  
As they started to dance, Willow heard the voice once again.  
  
"I love thee to the level of every day's  
  
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.  
  
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;  
  
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise..."  
  
They're dancing wrong, Willow thought. Aren't they suppose to walk these way too complicated figures? It looks like they're waltzing or something like that...Well, it's a dream, not a documentary, doofus, she reminded herself. The man had his face buried in the woman's neck. They seem pretty close, I wonder why nobody says anything...with that thought, Willow turned around, only to find that they were back in the dark room.  
  
"I love thee with the passion put to use  
  
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.  
  
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose  
  
With my lost saints -..."  
  
Whoa, whatcha doing guys? I'm watching here, and I'm not interested in...Suddenly she stopped thinking. The young man who was still standing with his back to her had started to undress her DreamSelf. They way he did it...so gently and caring and yet passionate reminded her of-  
  
Tara! She couldn't believe it. Her DreamSelf had pulled his shirt over his head, and there was no mistaking it...it wasn't a man at all. It was her, dressed like a man, disguised probably. I don't get it, how could I not see this? Tara...  
  
She wondered if she should look away now as the two of them had started to really get it on, but did not have to make a decision, as suddenly the two of them were lying in bed, naked. Obviously, she had missed the action part, she thought a bit sad. She missed her so much...  
  
"I love thee with the breath,  
  
Smiles, tears, of all my life!..."  
  
Now Willow understood how this could be Tara's voice. Or rather, DreamTara's voice...she almost wanted to ask her to speak once more, but suddenly there was some noise outside. Footsteps could be heard, and then someone was knocking on the door.  
  
"Open the door, you bitch, I know you're in there. I won't let this happen, you know? I'll kill you, I'll kill you both..."  
  
The banging stopped, it seemed as if the man who had been knocking had left...to get some help, maybe.  
  
The two lovers had jumped out of the bed, looking for a way to escape. "Listen, love, you have to go, I'll stall. It's ok, I won't let anything happen to me. Just...just run, right? Everything will be alright." It was the first time Willow heard DreamTara say anything else than the poem. She noticed how scared she looked, but she had put on her resolve face..I wonder if my DreamSelf knows there is no way she'll change her mind?  
  
"But-"  
  
"Leave, I'll follow soon. You don't have to worry, nothing will happen to me...just...just run when I tell you, right?"  
  
Willow was impressed, and she could see that this was true for her DreamSelf as well. She had rarely seen Tara acting as confident as this. Then she reminded the way Tara had stood up for her the day they couldn't get out of Buffy's house because of Dawnie's wish...she's only that way when she's protecting me. She's sexy when she's like that...  
  
From the way her DreamSelf was looking, it seemed as if she was having similar thoughts. But they were both interrupted when the banging started again. Actually, it wasn't banging...it was more like someone was trying to break the door...  
  
"Are you ready?" DreamTara asked.  
  
Willow nodded, mimicking her DreamSelf.  
  
"I love you. Now...RUN!"  
  
With that, DreamTara opened the door, and the man who had been trying to force it open, stumbled inside. Willow's DreamSelf sneaked by beside him and evidently ran down the stairs. Willow started to smile in relieve, when suddenly she noticed what the man was holding in his hand.  
  
"Now, bitch, I guess you could call that caught in the act.. you'll regret that, and your loverbitch as well."  
  
Willow had to watch as he grabbed DreamTara and threw her across the room. She hit her head hard on the floor and didn't move. The man bowed over her to check if she was unconscious. When he was right above her, DreamTara grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down. There was a struggle, and she just tried to escape. Finally, she was free, and stumbled towards the door. "NO, YOU WON'T!!!"  
  
Realizing she was about to escape, the man took his gun that had fallen on the floor and shot at her.  
  
All Willow could see was red. Blood was on the floor, on the door...she looked down at herself. She was wearing the same shirt she had on the day Tara...it didn't surprise her. It was sprinkled with blood, and there was some on her face as well. She didn't care. All she could think about was Tara, lying there on the floor...she tried to get to her, she wanted to comfort her..but she knew there was no comfort. Tara - DreamTara- was dead, and she couldn't even hold her. She felt totally helpless and all she wanted was to wake up.  
  
But it wasn't over yet. Suddenly, her DreamSelf was back, holding a gun herself. She didn't hesitate and shot her lover's murderer. He looked surprised, but wasn't able to defend himself.  
  
"Tara? Come, on baby. Get up. Please. Tara... No... no... no..." Willow watched her DreamSelf as she embraced her lover, never minding the blood. Did I look like this? She wondered. How could this happen...we loved each other so much, they-  
  
There was her voice again, once more:  
  
"and, if God choose,  
  
I shall but love thee better after death."  
  
***  
  
Willow woke up with a start. What was this all about? She noticed she had been crying in her sleep. I wish Anya could have seen this, maybe that would have been an answer to her stupid question... 


	3. Chapter Three

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Thank you so much for the nice feedback so far - it's exactly what I need ;-) So don't stop...  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Anya and Willow have a talk (takes place before Willow's dream, in case you're wondering).  
  
***  
  
"How much did you love her?"  
  
I still love her, Willow thought. How could Anya be so... ignorant? She felt the rage building inside her, but tried to calm down. "Why do you keep asking this? Don't you know how hard this is for me? Even without you asking these - things? And - I mean, it's not that I did love her, you know?"  
  
"What? You mean you didn't...oh. Listen, I'm really sorry, Willow, I didn't mean to... but it's important. I - I mean she... I liked her a lot, you know?"  
  
"That's the difference between you and me - I still love her. I remember her. You and the others - you just live your lives as if nothing had happened and as if she never even existed. I will always love her. I cannot not love her. She's - I mean she was..."  
  
"What? What was she?" Anya asked. "And what do you mean, we just live our lives? What are we supposed to do? And what do you do? I mean, making out with this...girl doesn't seem to me like you're still grieving?"  
  
"You don't understand. I don't understand it myself." Willow sat down on the bed. Our bed, she thought. Anya's right. How can I do this? "I really wish I knew what is going on. I-"  
  
"Do you love her? Kennedy, I mean?"  
  
"No! I mean...no, I guess I don't. I - I like her, she's cute and nice and all that, but - she isn't Tara. And she can never be. I know this sounds stupid, but - when Oz left me, I was sad. I felt as if I could never ever love again. But now - I know it. I just - Anya, I loved her so much. I could never have hurt her, even when she left me - not consciously, like I wanted to do with Oz. She made me feel special, and safe, and - I was so scared that she wouldn't love me without the magic, and now I know she would. She would always love me, even if I...I think she even loves me right now, after all I did. She left me because she loved me. And she came back. And when she - when she was taken from me, I felt as if-"  
  
"Your heart was ripped out?" Anya sat down next to Willow. She almost regretted that she had asked her this, but she didn't have another choice. Why was she always the one who looked bad?  
  
"No, more than that...Tara was - she is half of my soul, and all of my heart. She-"  
  
"What did you just say?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"This thing with the soul...she was..."  
  
"She is half of my soul and all of my heart." She knew it sounded strange - her insisting on the present tense...but that was how she felt, how she would always feel.  
  
"Half of your soul... are you sure? I mean, do you really feel like that or are you just saying this because it sounds nice?" Anya almost hated herself for asking this, but there was no other way.  
  
What was this all about? Willow thought angrily. Of course she meant it. "Of course I mean it! And I am sure. Do you know what she sang to me when Xander had summoned this demon? You make me complete. I made her complete, and she complemented me. We complemented each other, we-"  
  
"Alright, I get it", Anya interrupted her. "You were totally perfect together, I know. I'm sure it was a beautiful song. Now-"  
  
"Why do you always have to be like that? You don't really have any feelings, do you? You sure don't act like you do."  
  
"It's not my fault I have to do this. But the others don't know anything about the thing I want to talk to you about. And I can just go now, but we are probably going to die then. Just because you don't like talking to me. I guess you won't mind the additional blaming yourself." With that, Anya stood up and started to walk out of the room.  
  
"I- Listen Anya, I'm sorry, okay? Just tell me what this is all about, maybe we can - we can make everything right again."  
  
"Wll, I don't know if we'll be able to, but okay. I'll stay and I'll tell you. But don't interrupt me all the time, or insult me or -"  
  
"I'll be good. Totally good. And I will be silent. No talking. No."  
  
Anya looked at her, waiting for her to stop.  
  
"Oh. I'll start now. With the being silent I mean.."  
  
"Whatever. Willow, what do you know about soulmates?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Have you got any idea what soulmates are?"  
  
"Kindred spirits... souls or...lovers that are made for each other?" Willow made a guess.  
  
"Hm, not completely wrong. It's just - it's not that simple." Anya furrowed her brow, wondering how she could explain this. "When I was still a vengeance demon - for the first time, I mean - I met a lot of people who thought they had found there soulmate. That is, I met the women who had been left by the men who they thought were their soulmates. But the thing is, there are only very few true soulmates." She looked at Willow who seemed confused. "But I read-"  
  
"I guess you read that every soul has already made a choice about his or her partner before it becomes human. And that's true - but these are not soulmates. Not what I mean, anyway. Before life, each soul is in a sort of...I don't know how to describe it, because I've never been there and I only heard rumours, but it's probably like a huge partyroom or something like that where souls can meet each other and fall in love. Then, when they have become human and meet again, there may be what is called "recognition of souls". The only problem is, it is very hard to recognize the soul you already met. I don't know why, that's just how it is. But what is important is this: these souls or people are not destined to be together. The Powers that Be usually don't mess with love, they are only concerned with life and death. Love is just plain free will and good luck and unfair and-"  
  
"Ok, I get that. But why do you want to talk to me about that? Are you still mad at Xander? Is it because of his date?" Willow knew this couldn't be the reason, but she had to stop Anya before she went on and on about how Xander had treated her badly and how it served him right this other woman had been a demon...yada yada yada. She also knew Anya was right if she said so, but then again, she understood Xander and it wasn't his fault he always picked demon-women and - great, now she was doing the ranting inside her head. Or maybe this was Anya's idea of solace- maybe she thought telling her that Tara and she had not been soulmates made things easier...  
  
"No, why do you think Xander has got anything to do with it? I'm talking about you and Tara, eventually...just - one thing after the other." Anya shot Willow a disapproving look. "Right, I told you that usually The Powers that Be don't have anything to do with love, right? But it seems - after all I've heard- that they can be pretty romantic sometimes."  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"There are some people who actually are destined to be together. Once in a while, they... connect a soulpair,so they will recognize each other in life. It's a bit like this thing with the coin in the cake - or was it pudding? Anyway, who cares? Each soul gets one half of the coin - though there is no coin, but you know what I mean - and when they meet in their human form, they are attracted to each other like - magnets."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So what?"  
  
"What so what?"  
  
"What so what so what?"  
  
"What do you want to tell me, Anya? I mean, it's a nice, romantic little story, but does it have an ending or something?"  
  
"I'm sorry, I don't know more about it. It's just- true soulmates never have any need for vengeance - they love each other and that's it, usually. I guess. I mean it's not I've ever met a pair before-"  
  
"Before?"  
  
"You and Tara."  
  
***  
  
At that point, they were inturrupted by Kennedy. They both looked at her, annoyed.  
  
"What?" Kennedy asked. "Aren't you hungry? There's dinner downstairs. Or do you want to have some upstairs, Willow? Dinner for two?" She smiled at her flirtatiously. But Willow didn't really notice - didn't really care.  
  
"Right. I mean, no - I mean, we'll both come down, won't we, Anya?"  
  
Anya grinned. "Sure, let's go. We can talk later."  
  
"So dinner it is", Willow said, feeling relieved. She did not want to spend some time alone with Kennedy. Not after all she just heard. She really had to think about it first. 


	4. Chapter Four

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Thank you so much for the nice feedback so far - it's exactly what I need ;-) So don't stop...  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: After Willow's dream, Anya and Willow meet in the kitchen.  
  
***  
  
There had been no chance for Willow to talk to Anya alone later that evening. So when she went to bed, Willow was pretty... well, confused, or rather not. For her, it wasn't a surprise that Tara and she were soulmates. What confused her was that this was supposed to be something really special... they had be- they were special, sure, but - selected by the Powers, however randomly... that was something... that allowed her to hope.  
  
She hadn't talked much to Kennedy as well - she couldn't. Her... relationship to her troubled her, she didn't know what to think. Was she being mean? Was she just using her? Or was Kennedy just using her. If, for what? She secretly hoped that Kennedy wasn't in love with her, because - there was no way she could fall in love with her. Smoochies or not. This whole thing... it was a flirt mostly, wasn't it? Something like a holiday romance, nice and fluffy and easily to forget afterwards... that didn't sound too nice. But surely, after all this was over - Kennedy would go back home, wherever it was. And she would stay here and that would be the end of it...  
  
With all the confusion and troubling, Willow wasn't really surprised about the dream. It was probably because the conversation with Anya had made her remember things and so her subconsciousness... ho was she fooling? There was no need of remembering. It was probably because of this soulmate thing she had her dream. She wondered if Hnonice, and the dream was actually a kind of message... from the Powers? That they really were soulmates? Or maybe her subconsciousness was remembering a former life... if they were soulmates, they surely had met before there reincarnation... if there was such a thing. But why had Tara - DreamTara been killed in exactly the same way as her Tara? That couldn't be real, this was her own memory messing things up...  
  
She sighed and started to get up. She needed something to drink, and some air. All this thinking would get her a headache.  
  
"Whatcha up to?" Kennedy asked sleepily. Once more, Willow regretted she had to share her room with her. Who did she think she was? Her mother?  
  
"I'm getting myself something to drink. I'll be back in a minute. Go back to sleep."  
  
"I'll wait and then we can snuggle if you want to?"  
  
Images rushed before Willow's eyes, of Tara-snuggles. She couldn't do this, she just -  
  
"I'll be right back." With that, she opened the door and left the room. Escaped, that was more like it. Great, now she was fleeing from her own room. How had she got there?  
  
***  
  
Down in the kitchen, she met Anya. "Whatcha doing down here?" she asked her.  
  
"Couldn't sleep."  
  
"Why are you staying here anyway?"  
  
"Aren't we all staying here right now? Isn't it much safer?"  
  
"You're probably right. I just - I couldn't sleep as well. I had this - this dream about Tara and me - though it wasn't really us..."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, I was watching us - them. And they were wearing strange clothes, and they were in love and it was all so beautiful and then there was this poem and it ended with love after death, and then - she died again. She died again, and I couldn't do anything, I just stood there and the other me shot the murderer and couldn't bring her back, no one can and-"  
  
"Willow..."  
  
Willow stopped, realizing she didn't make any sense. Nothing did. "What does this mean, Anya? They were wearing really oldfashioned clothes - was this us in a former life? Are we reincarnated? Then why didn't I have this dream before?"  
  
"There is no such thing as reincarnation."  
  
"There isn't? But I thought - then why these strange clothes? And how come some people remember their former lives?"  
  
"You believe this?"  
  
"Well, yes... I mean, there are vampires, demons, Powers, witches... then why shouldn't there be reincarnation?" Willow went to the fridge, she really needed something to drink. Water is good, she decided. "Want some too?"  
  
"No thanks. Already had some. There is no reincarnation because it doesn't make any sense, does it? Don't you think that one life is enough? The Powers don't believe in reward and punishment... in another life, anyway. Would you really like to live as a shrimp because of what you did? I think this idea really is scary - I wonder what I would be after -"  
  
"But what's with this soulmate thing? Isn't it a waste if they are together just once?"  
  
"Do you think your time with her was a waste?"  
  
Willow had been walking to the backdoor, needing some air. When Anya looked at her, she stopped, realizing what her question implicated. "No! No, of course not... I mean- I didn't think I guess."  
  
"I guess you're right. What's out there?"  
  
Willow was now standing at the door, looking outside. She loved the feeling of the cold air on her skin. "Nothing, I just needed the air... I got a headache or something."  
  
"Oh. So what about your dream now?"  
  
"What about it?"  
  
"What does it mean?"  
  
"I have no idea, that was what I was asking you. I don't get it - why were they wearing these clothes? You would think we were wearing our usual clothes if I was dreaming about us, wouldn't you? And what's with the poem?"  
  
"I don't think the poem is important. But I think that your dream wasn't just a dream - it was a message."  
  
"Oh really - what a suprise. What does my subconsciousness want to tell me, Ms Freud?"  
  
"Not your subconsciousness. I guess it was a message from the Powers."  
  
"Why would you think that?" Willow really didn't understand Anya. Probably nobody did, but this was making less and less sense. She told her so.  
  
"Well, I think it's significant that they were wearing these ancient clothes."  
  
"Oldfashioned, not ancient."  
  
"Whatever. But I guess it means that these two people weren't really Tara and you. Maybe they are another pair of soulmates, and something will happen to you and the Powers sent you the message like Xander's ex, because you were soulmates as well."  
  
"I don't know - I mean how are we supposed to know who they are if they looked like Tara and myself in my dream? And the events in the dream... I mean, how she died - it was almost exactly like Tara died. It probably just was my subconsciousness, reacting to our talk this evening."  
  
"Maybe it is. But don't you think we should tell the others?"  
  
"No!" Willow shut the door again, she was gettting cold. "No, what use could that be? They would just think I was losing it - I mean, it's almost a year ago now. I should get over it, really."  
  
"You know yourself you don't believe any of this. How could you just forget it? It's not that you just lost... your fish or something You lost the love of your live - she was shot before your eyes and you couldn't do anthing. No one here thinks you should simply get over it. And for the losing it...it's not that you didn't lose it before... so far we managed, somehow. But I don't think you're losing it right now anyway, so be happy."  
  
"Gee, thanks for your support, Anya. But what use is it if I tell the others about my dreams? I'm not the Slayer, they aren't really important. Let's - let's just forget it, right?" Willow looked at Anya, almost begging her to stop this. And for once, Anya seemed to get it.  
  
"Alright. I won't tell anyone. But you have a dream again, you tell at least me. Or else I will the others."  
  
"How will you know I had a dream if I don't tell you?"  
  
"Don't worry, I will." Anya had no idea how she would know, but there was no need telling Willow. She had a feeling this was important. But she didn't want to press her... much. "So we just forget it for now and go back to bed?"  
  
"I guess that's a good idea," Willow answered, hoping Kennedy was already asleep again.  
  
"So back to bed it is. Goodnight Willow." Anya left the kitchen.  
  
"'Night." Willow was reluctant to go back to her room, but she couldn't stay here all night. So she went back upstairs.  
  
***  
  
She was lucky for once - Kennedy was soundly asleep. As she lay down and struggled with her sleeping-bag she wondered if Anya was right - could her dream really be a message from the Powers? She dismissed that thought, not wanting to think about it right now. Willow closed her eyes, remembering how live had been when she wasn't sleeping on the floor-when she was sleeping next door, in bed, with Tara. With a slight smile on her face, she fell asleep. 


	5. Chapter Five

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. The lyrics are from the song "Head over feet" by Alanis Morissette.  
  
Feedback: Thank you so much for the nice feedback so far - it's exactly what I need ;-) So don't stop...  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Another dream. I hope this isn't too confusing...  
  
***  
  
When she woke up, she was scared. As in very scared. What did this dream mean?  
  
She had been standing in her room, or in something that felt exactly like her room. It was dark, only dimly lit by a few candles. She saw herself, putting on some oldfashioned trousers, a shirt and then tying back her hair. All the time she heard a voice, the voice that would always comfort her..  
  
"I had no choice but to hear you  
  
You stated your case time and again  
  
I thought about it..."  
  
At these words, her DreamSelf's face lit up, and suddenly they were in some kind of ballroom. There was music, there were people who seemed oddly faceless, and there was - she. The love of her life. She smiled, and so did her DreamSelf. She was so beautiful... the long hair, the dress that made her eyes shine even more... Her DreamSelf aproached her lover and obviously asked her to dance...and dancing was what they did...  
  
"You treat me like I'm a princess  
  
I'm not used to liking that  
  
You ask how my day was..."  
  
She was watching them dance. Her DreamSelf had her face buried in her lover's neck, and she was holding her tightly. It seemed so - normal, but she knew everything about them was special. Everything about herself and - had been special. They looked so at ease and very much in love. She wondered why nobody else noticed. To her, it appeared that they were almost glowing, and it was as if they would be floating off the ground any minute. But how would anybody else know? None of them had ever loved anyone as completely as she had... as the two of them did.  
  
Then they were back in her room, or rather in their room. She could feel the essence of both of them, and there was something about it that made her feel the way she always had when they had been together. Her DreamSelf's lover was looking at her intently, smiling her sweet, reassuring smile. No one could smile like that, she decided.  
  
"You already won me over in spite of me  
  
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet..."  
  
She catched her breath as they both started to undress each other. She was amazed at how beautiful it looked... every movement was one of love and utter devotion. Every kiss was - it nearly broke her heart. She didn't know if she could watch them - although it was herself in a way, it felt oddly voyeuristic... she was relieved when all of a sudden they were lying in bed together, naked, her DreamSelf holding her lover.  
  
"Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are  
  
I couldn't help it  
  
It's all your fault..."  
  
She remembered how long it had taken for them to get together... she had been patient, waiting for her, willing to be just a friend if that was what she wanted. Her room had become their room - they had fashioned it together, as their relationship grew. It was what helped them both to get through the days - this place where there was comfort, and security, and trust. Love. She saw her lover caressing her DreamSelf.  
  
"Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole  
  
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for  
  
That's not lip service..."  
  
Her DreamSelf smiled. She felt a bit selfconscious, watching herself like that. She felt like an intruder, although she knew it was a dream and she couldn't help being here... and a part of her didn't want to leave. Ever. This was the first time in months she could see her lover again... not that she hadn't memorized every part, every movement, every kiss...  
  
"You are the bearer of unconditional things  
  
You held your breath and the door for me  
  
Thanks for your patience...  
  
You're the best listener that I've ever met  
  
You're my best friend  
  
Best friend with benefits  
  
What took me so long..."  
  
She had the impression that this had been the first time for the both of them. Her lover seemed amazed at the beauty of everything... she leaned down to kiss her DreamSelf and smiled, this knowing smile that always made her catch her breath. That smile that indicated that she exactly knew what to do, how to make her happy - in any possible way.  
  
"I've never felt this healthy before  
  
I've never wanted something rational..."  
  
They seemed to be lost in each other. She knew what it was like, how it felt to be in this other world, where there was only love and beauty. Where things were so much brighter. Where she had seen the sun for the first time in her life.  
  
"I am aware now  
  
I am aware now..."  
  
Suddenly there was some noise outside. Footsteps could be heard, and then someone was knocking on the door.  
  
"Open the door, you bitch, I know you're in there. I won't let this happen, you know? I'll kill you, I'll kill you both..."  
  
The banging stopped, it seemed as if the man who had been knocking had left...to get some help, maybe.  
  
She noticed how scared her DreamSelf looked, she seemed to know what this was all about. They got out of the bed, quickly grabbing their clothes, searching for a way to escape.  
  
Then her DreamSelf spoke for the very first time. "Listen, love, you have to go, I'll stall. It's ok, I won't let anything happen to me. Just... just run, right? Everything will be alright." She put on her resolve face, not giving her lover a chance to protest.  
  
"But-"  
  
"Leave, I'll follow soon. You don't have to worry, nothing will happen to me... just... just run when I tell you, right?"  
  
They kissed, held on to each other, not wanting to let go. But they were interrupted when the banging started again. Actually, it wasn't banging...it was more like someone was trying to break the door...  
  
"Are you ready?" her DreamSelf asked.  
  
Her lover nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. It didn't work this time, though - they were both too scared.  
  
"I love you. Now..."  
  
She felt how fear was filling her as well...she knew how this was going to end... she knew all this... it just... it hadn't been her lover who had to -  
  
"RUN!"  
  
With that, her DreamSelf opened the door, and the man who had been trying to force it open, stumbled inside. Her lover sneaked by beside him and evidently ran down the stairs. She couldn't move, and neither could her DreamSelf.  
  
"Now, bitch, I guess you could call that caught in the act... you'll regret that, and your loverbitch as well."  
  
Transfixed, she had to watch as he grabbed her DreamSelf and threw her across the room. She hit her head hard on the floor and didn't move. The man bowed over her to check if she was unconscious. When he was right above her, her DreamSelf grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down. There was a struggle, and she tried to escape. Finally, she was free, and stumbled towards the door. "NO, YOU WON'T!!!"  
  
She couldn't believe it. What this what it had been like? She knew what was happening, but she desperately wanted to stop this. She wanted to wake up.  
  
Realizing her DreamSelf was about to escape, the man took his gun that had fallen on the floor and shot at her.  
  
And suddenly she wasn't alone anymore. There was her lover, wearing a white shirt, looking shocked. The shirt was sprinkled with blood, and there was some on her face as well. But something seemed - wrong... it was as if she didn't belong here as well...  
  
There were footsteps on the stairs again, and there was her lover, holding a gun. She didn't understand... why were there two of them? She noticed the cold look in her lover's eyes as she pointed her gun at her DreamSelf's murderer. She shot him without hesitation. Then she let go of the gun, it fell on the floor. Her lover knelt down besider her DreamSelf, embracing her.  
  
"Tara? Come, on baby. Get up. Please. Tara... No... no... no..."  
  
She wanted to go to her, to show her she wasn't dead, that she was right here. Once again, she looked at the other one, who was still standing there with the blood sprinkled shirt. She seemed so lost and helpless...  
  
Then suddenly there was her DreamSelf's voice:  
  
"and, if God choose,  
  
I shall but love thee better after death."  
  
***  
  
So what was this supposed to mean? Why had she watched herself die in that dream? And why had there been two Willows? She noticed she had been crying in her sleep... was still crying. She felt so alone. The darkness wasn't comforting anymore and neither was daylight. Everything scared her. Life scared her. Tara wanted to die. 


	6. Chapter Six

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Thank you so much for the nice feedback so far - it's exactly what I need ;-) So don't stop...  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: After Tara's dream. I guess you were wondering what this is all about? Maybe you'll find the beginning of an explanation in here ;-)  
  
Auther's note: I'm sorry it took a little longer for me to post this part... although I got holidays at the moment, there is a lot to do, so I didn't have enough time for writing... hopefully, things will slow down the next couple of days and you won't have to wait as long for the next update as you had for this one :0) So, here we go...  
  
***  
  
When Tara got up the next morning, the sun was shining, and there was the sound of something that sounded as if the birds were actually back. Spring, she thought. Wasn't it beautiful? Sure it was, but she didn't see it, feel it. She remembered the dream she had last night. She really needed to talk to someone about it.  
  
She first went to the bathroom, washed her face, brushed her hair. She actually did mind how she looked again. The first few months, she only went to the bathroom when one of the others told her to. She smiled sadly. They had been very patient, had looked after her. What she was most grateful for was the fact that they had organized the funderal and selected the coffin and - Don't, she told herself. Don't think about it now. The last two months had been better - she could get up without feeling immediate need to cry. Then it was all about getting through the day.  
  
Sometimes she was amazed at herself that she managed, but it was just - there were things to do. She still attended classes at the university - she had missed them a couple of weeks, but her teachers had been very sympathetic after her friends had talked to them. Now she usually sat there, listening but not comprehending, just to do them all a favour.  
  
She knew life had to go on, and it did. Before her last exams, they had helped her cram all the bits of knowlegde into her head she needed, and somehow it had worked. Somehow, that was the keyword of her life right now. She sighed. Get a grip, she thought. How is this supposed to help, thinking how miserable your life is? Sure, your girlfriend getting murdered isn't something you adjust to very easily, but it can't be the end of your life, can it?  
  
Tara went downstairs into the kitchen. As it was Sunday and pretty early, she expected it to be empty, but it wasn't. "Hey Tara, how are you today?" Anya greeted her, smiling.  
  
"Okay, thanks." She didn't look at her, hiding behind her hair, not wanting to show her she had cried.  
  
"Did you sleep well?"  
  
"No, actually- c-can we talk about something?" Tara asked her, noticing the pleading sound of her voice.  
  
"Sure we can. Want some coffee along with the talk?"  
  
"Yes, that would be great." She couldn't believe how caring they all were. They hadn't been her friends in the first place - she only got to know them because of -  
  
"Willow." At the sound of her name, Tara started. "Has it got something to do with her?" Anya asked.  
  
"Yes." She was almost ashamed to admit it, she felt so - pathetic. But she had to tell someone. And Anya - Anya was alright. She was a lot like her, or - okay, to be honest, she wasn't at all like her, they just had something in common. They had both been introduced to the core group of friends - Buffy, Willow, and Xander - because of their girl- or boyfriend and so they could relate, because they both had felt a bit left out sometimes. And so they had started to hang out sometimes, alone - they had been to the movies, to the Bronze, the Espresso Pump... to all of Sunnydale's hotspots. So now Anya was the closest she got to a best friend. So tell her already, she thought.  
  
"I - I had this dream. And I don't know what to make of it."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I saw what looked like - W-Willow and I were there, in these odd clothes. They were pretty, the clothes, I mean, like those in the Jane Austen movies... and Willow of course...she was... we - they were dancing, and kissing and m-making love... And suddenly -" she stopped, feeling unable to say it.  
  
"Tara, it's okay, it was just a dream, right? Tell me about it. Please." Anya had walked over to Tara, coffee in her hand. She put it down in front of Tara and now awkwardly patted her back. She really liked her, but before she had come to Sunnydale, she'd been much of a loner, and she wasn't used to have friends yet. Sometimes she really didn't know what to do, but she tried her best. And this time, it seemed to have worked.  
  
"Sure, it was just a dream... but do you think it's a good sign if you - if you die in that dream?" She looked at Anya, who seemed shocked. "It was so odd, the first part of the dream... the dancing and so on... this was new. But - then there was this man... he looked like S-Steven... he came through the door. But this time, he shot me. And Willow - there were two of her, suddenly. And I - I was dead. Anya, I was dead." She couldn't help it - she started to cry.  
  
"Hey... come here. Come here, Sweetie." Anya hugged her, trying to comfort her. "I'm sure it doesn't mean anything bad. You're not dying. How could you?"  
  
Tara freed herself from the embrace. "Then it means something bad. I would love to die. Maybe I could be with her then."  
  
"Don't say something like that! You can't mean what you say."  
  
"Why? Why not? Why should I like to live? I lost her, Anya. Sometimes I feel as if I can't even breathe. Sometimes, when I'm sitting in class, listening to some clever theory, my mind wanders, and for a second I forget what happened. Then I think how she and I will lie in the sun later, how we will laugh and talk and kiss and- and then- then I remember. And I have to go to the bathroom, and I'm sick and I cry - and I don't get any of it. Why is she gone? What did we do to deserve it? Why do I have to stay here, alone? And why do I have this dream? Why?" Her voice had got louder and louder during her speech, and after the last word, she turned and started to walk out of the kitchen. "I'm sorry Anya, I can't do this. It- it hurts so much."  
  
"I'm sure it does. And I'm so sorry for you. But life doesn't work like that - you have - you have to get over it somehow." Anya hated herself for having to say this. But it couldn't go on like that - Tara had to do something, or it would destroy her. "We all loved her, she was our friend as well. I know what she meant to you, but - Tara, I always thought you were the stronger one - and I still believe it. I know that she was the first who really loved you, but we do, too - not in the non-platonic, lesbian way, but you know what I mean. I so hate to sound cheesy, but - we can't lose you as well. You're like a mother to Dawnie, and Buffy and Xander and I - we're your friends. If we could take away your pain, we would. But we can't. And to see you like that - you can't imagine how this feels for us."  
  
"I don't know how. I can't f-forget it. I can't get over it. I tried, but - let's not do this now, please? Let's - let's try to figure out what the dream means instead." Tara came back into the kitchen and picked up her cup. "Let's sit down?"  
  
"Okay, let's go to the living room." Anya sighed, but she knew she couldn't really do anything. They sat down on the couch and were silent. Then Anya spoke up. "Perhaps you should tell me the dream in more detail. I mean, I think I got the gist of it so far, but-"  
  
"You're right. I'll - I'll skip the first part however, I don't think it's that important. It was just beautiful..." Tara smiled sadly, but continued talking. "They were lying in bed, when suddenly there were footsteps, and someone was knocking on the door. They got out of the bed and I - the DreamMe - told Willow to leave, to run away... it was like-"  
  
"On the day when Steven shot Willow." Anya concluded softly.  
  
"Yes... and it was him, in the dream... when he opened the door, Willow rushed outside, and he hit me, and there was a struggle... I managed to get free and started to run away, but he - he shot me. And-"  
  
"What kind of gun was it?"  
  
"What?" Tara was confused.  
  
"Did you see the gun properly? I mean, was it as oldfashioned as the clothes, or did it look like the real gun? This could be important."  
  
"Oh... I think it w-wasn't oldfashioned... no, it wasn't. You're right, it looked like the one Steven -"  
  
"And what happened next? Earlier you said something about two Willows?"  
  
"Yes, it was - when my DreamSelf was shot, suddenly there was Willow standing opposite her... and there was b-blood all over her shirt and her face and - I can't really explain why, but it seemed as if she didn't belong to the dream. And then there was DreamWillow again... she had a g- gun, I think it wasn't oldfashioned either, but I'm not sure, and she - the look in her eyes, it was - I was almost scared. She was so full of hatred, and she - she shot him without hesitation. Then she went over to my - my b- body... and..."  
  
"It's okay, Tara - I think that's enough..." Anya was shocked. She didn't want to imagine how it felt to see oneself die in one's dream.  
  
"You think so? Then tell me, what does it mean?" she sounded desparate. "Why did I die, and why were there two Willows?"  
  
"I - I don't know. Who am I? Miss Freud? Maybe you should tell Buffy, didn't she have some psychology classes when she was still at the university?"  
  
"What do you want to tell Buffy?" Dawn had come downstairs and had overheard what Anya had said.  
  
"N-nothing, Dawnie. Good morning... do I get a hug?" Tara didn't want her to know she had dreamed about her own death.  
  
"Sure you do - a special Sunday morning hug!" Dawn smiled and went over to Tara and embraced her. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
"Actually, Tara had a nightmare. And we don't know what it means. Maybe your sister can help us."  
  
"Anya!" Tara glared at her. Didn't she realize she didn't want Dawn to know...?  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn asked. "How could she help you?"  
  
"Well, she is a counsellor at your school, isn't she? And she had this psychology class... don't you learn something about dream analysis there?"  
  
"What did you dream, Tara? Was it bad?" Dawn knelt down before Tara, taking her hands in her own.  
  
"I don't know, Dawn, I -"  
  
"Tell me about it, please." She looked at Anya, knowing that Tara wouldn't say anything.  
  
"Her dream was about the day Willow was murdered, it seems. Only it was a bit different - it wasn't her who died, but Tara. And there were two Willows, and one of them murdered Steven in return." Anya happily obliged. She did not want to be the only one who had to help, as she had no idea how to do it.  
  
"Tara - is it true? You saw yourself die?" Dawn looked at her, worried. She hoped this wouldn't undo all the cheer up work they had done the last months. When Willow had been shot by Steven - when he had shot her, Tara had been - there wasn't a word for it. Steven was a guy from the university, someone Willow didn't even know that well; but he claimed that he had been in love with her... he had called Willow "a tease", whatever that meant. He had told the police that originally he had wanted to shoot Tara, and after she had heard that, she blamed herself for Willow's death even more than she already had. Dawn had the suspicion he only told them so because he wanted to make Tara suffer even more. He really hated her. How could anyone hate Tara? she wondered. There wasn't anybody in his world who was as loveable as she was. After their Mom had died, Tara and Willow had moved in with them, run the household, helped them to live.  
  
She remembered how Tara always had been there for her. She desperately wanted to help her as she had helped her, but she - she couldn't even get through to her, it seemed. On some days, Tara seemed almost okay, but she knew she wasn't - she was only pretending for their sake. It was already hard enough for her, and now this - this dream. Whoever is responsible for this, Dawn decided, I hate him.  
  
"Dawnie, it's - it's o-okay. I - it was just a dream, let's forget it." Tara didn't want to upset Dawn, she felt it was enough that she herself was.  
  
"Stop playing the martyr, you don't have to protect us. I'm sure this dream means something, and I think we should try and find out. I'll tell the others as soon as they get up. And don't try to persuade me to do otherwise - I won't." With that, Anya left the living room, fearing she wouldn't be able to resist Tara's pleading looks after all. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Continues where the last part stopped. I know it's all confusing, and you have to wait for the explanation a little longer (I know I'm being mean, but hey - that's the way I am *lol*)...  
  
Author's note: Something I should've done before - I wanna thank my lovely beta-reader and friend Jessica, for reading my stories and telling me how great I am ;-) I also wanna thank her for enduring my rantings about Buffy in general and Willow and Tara in particular. Love ya! (But not in the grey way, sorry ;-) )  
  
***  
  
Tara and Dawn stayed in the living room together, occasionally chatting about school and the boys Dawn found cute. The rest of the time they just sat there in silence, waiting for Xander, Buffy and William to get up. William, or Spike, as he liked to call himself now, was Buffy's boyfriend. To Dawn it seemed that it had taken ages for them to finally get together - it all had something to do with Buffy's ex boyfriends and Buffy being Buffy. Dawn quite liked William - he was the first of Buffy's boyfriends who didn't treat her like a child. Buffy had met him when she was still at the university - he was an exchange student from England and they had had some classes together.  
  
William wasn't much at the university nowadays - like Xander, he was a carpenter. Or like Jesus, he sometimes joked. When he did so, one of them always reminded him that it wasn't Jesus, but Joseph who had been the carpenter, and his reply always was "Like father, like son". Thinking about it, Dawn didn't find it particular funny, but it had become some kind of a family joke for them.  
  
Family. That was what they were. After her mom's death, they all had become very close. First, only Xander and Anya had been working, but as the hospital bills arrived and they needed more and more money, Buffy and William had quit university and searched for real jobs. Tara and Willow had wanted to quit as well, but the others wouldn't let them, reasoning that none of them actually liked studying, but as the two of them did, they might as well continue. Dawn remembered that night. She thought that that was probably the night they all realized they had become family.  
  
So it really had hurt all of them when Willow was murdered. Someone had been ripped from their middle, and everyone had gone crazy. Dawn recalled how she had been sitting in her room, not wanting or being able to talk. Buffy and Anya had to use all their strength to stop Xander and William from some Mafialike vengeance trip. And Tara - Tara just lay in her bed, crying. When she got up, it never was for long. She also spent much time in the bathroom, being sick. Tara hadn't been to Willow's funeral - she just didn't have the strength. So far, she hadn't even been to Willow's grave.  
  
Somehow Dawn understood her. The funeral had been so much harder than her mother's had, with the people whispering behind their backs about how sooner or later something like that had two happen... how the lesbians deserved no less... how the other one had gone over the edge, was totally crazy. They had been murdering Willow all over again. They all had been glad Tara had stayed at home. And then they all focused on helping her to cope with her grief. By doing so, they all learned to cope - only Tara didn't seem to be able to. But they were patient, and during the last months, there had been some progress. She had been to the university regularly, and they never had to persuade her to go. She even had cooked for them a couple of times - that had been the first time in months Dawn had eaten something that tasted good and wasn't take away food - the others weren't really good cooks, and although Anya had brought dozens of books from her bookshop which where supposed to change even the worst cook in a grande chef, this never worked. So Tarafood had been very much appreciated in any possible way.  
  
But now, after that dream - Dawn really hoped it didn't change things for the worse. She tried to make Tara forget it, or at least help her not to think about it by chatting about all the unimportant facts of her life... she knew Tara was only listening to do her a favour, but in her opinion this was better than nothing.  
  
At that moment, they heard some noises upstairs. It seemed as if the others were finally getting up. Dawn noticed that Tara suddenly looked extra distressed... she probably was afraid that the others would freak because of her dream. "It's okay, I don't think - I mean, you don't have to worry." Dawn tried to sound reassuring.  
  
"Thanks, Dawnie, it's - I don't mind. I just - I would like to know what it m-means, you know? It's not merely that I died, it's - there were two Willows, and one seemed to be - I don't know, less dreamlike than the other did. And this is what m-makes me wonder. If this dream means more than "You're still morning your girlfriend's death and you have suicidal thoughts". I mean, it's not as if I need a dream to tell me that anyway." Tara glanced quickly at Dawn, realizing what she had just said, and then hid her face behind her hair.  
  
"So this is it? You - you wanna kill yourself?" Suddenly, Dawn was angry. "You wanna die? And you're afraid the others will figure it out and - when do you wanna do it? Is there anything I can do?"  
  
Tara had never heard Dawn sound that sarcastic. And she realized she had hurt her. "Dawnie, look - it's not as if I will do anything, I just - I think about it sometimes. Most of the time. Oh God, I shouldn't be telling you this, you-"  
  
"Why not? Why can't you tell me? There is no need to protect me, I'm old enough to know and talk about these things. Do you think I don't understand it? I do. I guess I would feel the same way if I was you. But we need you here, Tara. We need you, I need you. I mean, you don't want me to live on take away food for the rest of my life, do you?" She tried to sound lightly this time, but it so didn't work. She sounded scared, and she was. She couldn't lose Tara as well.  
  
Buffy, Xander and William chose that moment to come downstairs. "Good morning", Buffy cheered, relishing in the fact that it was spring outside. She loved spring... lots of time to spend outside with her boyfriend... smoochies in the sun... she smiled dreamily. Then she noticed the look on Tara's face. "Oh God, what is it? Did something happen?"  
  
"I think you all should go to the kitchen, Anya - she has to tell you something." Tara lowered her head. She desperately wanted to hide, didn't want them to know. But she also knew Anya was right they had to find out what her dream meant, and she was glad she didn't have to tell them about it.  
  
They all went into the kitchen - Buffy, Xander, William and Dawn -, leaving Tara alone. She didn't mind, it gave her time to get herself together again. She listened to them, absent mindly, only hearing the sound of their voices, not comprehending anything. She was still wondering about the other Willow - the more she thought about it, she was convinced that this was the most important thing about her dream. Because it felt important. Deep down she knew what she was hoping it meant, but she wasn't ready to admit it to herself yet. She couldn't allow herself to hope right now - if she did and she was wrong, she -  
  
"Hey Tara", Xander greeted her. He and the others obviously had finished talking and now joined her in the living room. "Anya told us about your dream. How do you feel?"  
  
"I'm okay," Tara looked up to him and smiled slightly. "Really, I'm okay, you don't have to worry about me. The dream -it's just that it - unsettled me a bit, but n-now I'm alright."  
  
"Are you sure?" Buffy asked with a worried expression. "I mean, being murdered isn't really something I would like to dream about."  
  
"Neither would I like it, but it happened, but now it's ok. I don't think it's that - important that I was killed in this dream. That isn't what I think the dream is about - that I'm being killed, I mean. I- I just thought about it one more time, and what I figured out is-" Tara stopped. She didn't know if she wanted the others to know. She decided she didn't. "I don't know, I can't explain it. But, I mean, I was watching myself die, that mean the same as dying, you know? Maybe- maybe we could ask someone who knows about this kind of stuff. A psychologist or something?"  
  
"Well, I guess that's not a bad idea," William said. "Hell, I don't know anything about dreams really, and if we're honest, neither knows anyone else of us. And how do we know for sure this means anything at all? Perhaps it's just- a dream?"  
  
"I don't know, I mean, sure, you could be right. But-" Anya hesitated and glanced at Tara. "I have this feeling that we - that it does mean something. And I believe so has Tara. Am I right?"  
  
"You're right." Tara answered, lost in thoughts. She couldn't tell them, but she could at least let them know that - "I have a similar feeling. I can't describe it, but I think this wasn't just a dream. But I don't know what to make of it yet."  
  
"Let's have a look on the internet", Dawn suggested. "I'll search for someone here in Sunnydale who might be able to help us." With that, she went and fetched her - Willow's former - laptop.  
  
While Dawn logged on to the internet, Tara went to the kitchen. She hadn't had breakfast yet, and she was hungry. She noticed that she had noticed that - it was as if- it was the first time she felt the need to eat something without having been asked or anything. This is good, she decided. She wondered if she should make pancakes, but she dismissed that thought - she wasn't ready for that yet. Willow had loved her pancakes - she had made them extra special for her. She made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead and went back to the living room.  
  
There, everyone had re-grouped - William was sitting in the chair, Buffy on his lap and the two of them were totally - Tara could see they were very much in love. Again she noticed that this made her really happy for once; usually she had felt a short pang - half grief, half jealousy - at that thought. Anya and Xander were sitting on the couch now, Anya leaning against her fiancé. Dawn was sitting on the floor, the laptop on the coffetable and as Tara entered the room, she looked up. "Look at this, I think I found something."  
  
Tara went over to her, looking over her shoulder. "'The esoteric bookshop'?" Dawnie, what -"  
  
"I thought that maybe they really can help you, better than some psychologist or analytic. You know, they could probably hypnotize you, or give you some herbs and they can help you see the hidden message..."  
  
"Hypnosis? Herbs? Hidden message? You don't believe in this kind of stuff, do you?" Her older sister sounded a bit worried. "And by the way, some psychoanalytics use hypnosis as well."  
  
"I know, but I really do think they should be our first choice. One reason being that we wouldn't have to pay for advice, we can just go there, pretending to look for something... aren't psychiatrics awfully expensive? And who knows, maybe these people aren't totally crazy, maybe there is such a thing as magic... well, okay, there probably isn't, but maybe these can help us. We should at least try-" Dawn was interrupted by Anya  
  
"But, this is a bookshop, isn't it? How do we know they know anything about herbs and stuff? I sell books about... a lot of things really, and I have know idea how to sail a ship or climb the Himalaya."  
  
"Sure, but I think Dawn has a point," Xander said. "These esoteric guys usually know about these things. I've seen it on TV, you know? What's the name of the owner? Lady Starlight or something?"  
  
"Rupert Giles." Dawn said dryly.  
  
"Oh. Well, who knows what he does for fun?"  
  
"Whatever, Xander." Dawn sounded a bit impatient. "Like I said, we should at least try. And I - I got the impression we are looking for a hidden message rather than a hidden meaning; and I think these people might be able to deal with messages of a possible supernatural kind. Or am I wrong?" Dawn turned to Tara.  
  
"I- no, you're right, I guess. We - I can at least try. I'll go there tomorrow first thing in the morning. Will you write down the address for me, please?" Tara asked. "But I won't bring any herbs for you," she added as an afterthought.  
  
"Hey, I didn't say-" Dawn stopped protesting when she realized what just had happened. Tara had teased her. She couldn't remember ever being so happy about being mocked at. It had been ages since- she hugged her happily. I'll never complain about dreams again, if they can do something like this, she thought.  
  
Tara herself had noticed it as well. What was happening? She really had to be careful, but- what was she thinking? Didn't she - she saw how happy Dawn was now she behaved in a way very close to normal; something she hadn't been able to do for quite some time. And what was more important - this was the first time she had really felt like making fun... So whatever that dream meant, whatever it would bring, it had already changed things for the better. Tara smiled.  
  
*** 


	8. Chapter Eight

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Back in "our" Sunnydale, there is a research session going on.  
  
Author's note: Be patient... there will be an explanation. I promise :0)  
  
***  
  
The next couple of days, Willow found Anya extremely annoying. She was always around her, wearing what Willow guessed should be a kind of threatening but at the same time confidence inspiring expression. And she had the feeling she had told Andrew to watch her as well - Andrew, of all people! It was - she was angry, of course, and Kennedy didn't make things easier. She had noticed Anya's increased attention, and she asked Willow if she knew what this was all about.  
  
"I have no idea, maybe she is angry at me or she still blames me for bringing Buffy back and the First into reach of power. I mean, you know Anya, at least a bit, you know she is a bit - odd." Willow didn't want to tell Kennedy about her dream - she just couldn't confide in her. They were living in her room together, but that wasn't the room Tara and she had had; neither materially or, well, spiritually. When she was with Kennedy, Willow always felt the urge to hide, to - lie even. She knew Kennedy didn't understand the magic - and she had the feeling she didn't understand what she had had - and would always have - with Tara.  
  
She still wasn't sure why Kennedy was so attracted to her. Sometimes she had the suspicion it was all about power - her girlfr- Kennedy, she corrected herself - Kennedy often talked about how powerful Willow was and that she should use her magic and that maybe they could find a way... She didn't seem to comprehend how dangerous magic could be, how it could consume you - Tara had known that, and - Willow couldn't imagine how much strength it had taken her to leave her back then. She pushed the thought aside - they had other things to worry about. She would get back to that later, just before she was falling asleep. It was strange - the first months after Tara had been murdered, she couldn't think of her without feeling sick and sad and lost, but now - it was as if - if she thought of Tara now, she didn't think of her death first, but of the happiness they had shared.  
  
Hey, didn't you want to think of other things? she reprimanded herself. At the moment she was sitting in the living room with the others, doing research. She was looking for a spell with which she could locate the mysterious third one that was mentioned in the prophecy Anya had found. They all agreed that this was a reference to a third Slayer, that must have been called after Buffy had died the second time. Giles had found that odd - he told them that he had thought that Buffy had been of no importance to the line of Slayers after her first death.  
  
Anya disagreed with him. "The oracle told us that the powers protecting the Slayers were confused and weak since Buffy was brought back from the dead. Couldn't it be that they were already confused when she was brought back for the first time? But then it didn't matter that much, or nobody noticed, because there were "only" two Slayers?"  
  
"Maybe", Giles answered. "But I don't know, maybe this prophecy is just - a trick, an attempt of the First to mislead us."  
  
"Well, that would be good, wouldn't it?" Kennedy interrupted him. "I mean, there is no chance of the fourth one ever coming back, so-"  
  
"How do you know that?" Willow couldn't stop herself from asking. She wished she hadn't though - the others looked at her with an expression of pity mixed with bewilderment.  
  
"Willow-" Buffy started, but Willow wouldn't let her tell her that she was being - yeah, what? Stupid? Naive? "No, it's okay. Forget it, I mean, sometimes..." she was searching for an excuse, "sometimes I - I forget. I'm sorry. Forget what I just said." She didn't really know why she had asked that question, but she had been wondering about that ever since Anya had found that prophecy - no, that wasn't true. She had been wondering how to bring Tara back ever since her lover was murdered. But wherever she looked, whomever she asked - and she had asked all the witches of the coven -, no one could help her. There was no possibility. And although she knew that, she couldn't bring herself to really accept it.  
  
She didn't dare to look at Kennedy, but she had noticed her expression. She looked angry, and at the same time as if she was thinking that Willow had totally lost it. And wasn't she right? What was she thinking? There was no possibilty, that meant there was no hope of ever stopping the First and that meant that in the end she would be responsible for the end of the world after all... just as she was beginning to get lost in blaming herself, Anya spoke up.  
  
"I agree with Willow." The others, who had started reading again, looked at her in amazement. Willow herself was confused. "I mean, I agree with her when she says that we don't know there is no way to bring Tara back."  
  
"Anya!" Xander said angrily. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"We have to accept it, we can not decide about life and death. I know Willow asked the witches of the coven, and I did some research myself-" Giles took off his glasses and started wiping them nervously. All eyes were on Anya right now, no one wanted to look at Willow who was staring down at her book, trying not to listen. "There really is no way we can bring her back."  
  
"Maybe - maybe not - her," Anya suggested. "Or, what I guess would be better, mayber not us."  
  
"Huh?" Buffy was confused.  
  
"She means that we don't have to bring her back in the sense of her being able to live long." Everybody turned their heads when Andrew was speaking. "We - we talked about it, and maybe - maybe it would be enough if - if her remains are physically present..."  
  
"You mean-?" Giles asked, sounding shocked.  
  
"What does he mean?" Kennedy questioned. Dawn turned to her, her face wearing a strange expression. "I guess he means we could - we could raise her as a - a zombie or something." Her voice sounded hollow. "Then we could control her while doing the speel and afterwards send her back to..." she stopped, not feeling able to continue.  
  
"That's not a bad idea, is it?" Kennedy interrupted the silence that had followed Dawn's explanation.  
  
"NO!" Willow shouted. She couldn't stand it. What on earth were they thinking? Raising Tara as a zombie? And - the others at least seemed to realize that was not an option, but - "No, you won't. You just - you can't do that to her. You - hell, you can't do that to ME." She looked at Kennedy.  
  
"Why not?" Kennedy sounded almost as angry as Willow. "Maybe then you would stop - stop cherishing her as you do. You are still living in the past Willow - you have to accept she will never come back! She - is - dead. And you don't seem to realize that. I mean, listen to yourself, you are still thinking that some day - poof! she'll be standing here and everything will be the same as it ever was and you will live happily ever after." She was shouting now, but there were tears in her eyes.  
  
Buffy was almost feeling sorry for her - she could imagine that Kennedy wasn't happy about Willow's holding back. But Willow was her best friend - and she could understand her even better. Tara had been the love of her life, and there was no way she would be able to stand it to see her as a zombie or something. But then again - "Willow, I understand," Buffy said, interrupting Kennedy's outbreak. "But - we have to at least check if there is - if that solution might possibly work. I'm not saying we should do this, I'm just suggesting we-"  
  
"What you are suggesting is to murder Tara all over again." Dawn couldn't believe what her older sister had just said. "Buffy, we can't do this, Willow won't be able to see her like that - I wouldn't be able to -"  
  
"If this is the only way to stop the First, we will do it. I - I do care about your feelings, and about Willow's and about Tara's memory, but if there is no other solution, we have to do it. And we will." Buffy had her "I am in charge" voice again - Willow didn't care.  
  
"No, we won't. I won't. I - if you do this, I won't take part in the spell. You'll have to kill me and raise me as a zombie before I will do this. I'd rather see the world end -"  
  
"We all know you do." Kennedy was well beyond caring about Willow's feelings. She felt hurt and - rejected, and she wasn't really able to handle that. "You're all 'I am so sad and hurt and can't stand it, so let the world go down.' You really are a strong woman."  
  
"You have no idea what this is all about, so SHUT UP!" Buffy saw with shock that suddenly Willow's eyes were going black and that she was about to perform a spell. So she stepped between them, not wanting to let the situation get out of control.  
  
"Hey guys, that's enough. Willow, you - just stop it, right? We won't do anything before we haven't double-checked and-"  
  
"You may double-check as much as you want, but I won't take part in a spell that involves a zombie!"  
  
"You will if I tell you." Now Buffy was angry as well. "You know what sacrifices I made in order to save the world, so-"  
  
"Sometimes I really wish you hadn't. I certainly didn't tell you to, did I ?"  
  
"Willow, this is madness. You know you don't mean any of this. Do I have to fight you again?" So much for not letting the situation get out of control, she thought.  
  
"Why not? It isn't as if I had to fear I'm going to lose, is it?" Willow's face was wearing a strange expression, her eyes weren't black but her gaze was cold.  
  
"Will you all just STOP?" Anya had enough of it. "This is pointless, so shut up, both of you. If we want to save the world, maybe we should try and not waste our strength with fighting each other. Willow, you know Tara wouldn't have wanted you to let the world end just to spare your feelings. I know she also wouldn't have wanted to be brought back as a zombie, but we're in the kind of situation where you have to set priorities."  
  
"And although we all -" Xander interrupted himself while glancing at Kennedy - "well, most of us can understand that your priority is and probably will always be Tara, ours is saving the world."  
  
Willow looked at him, realizing what just had happened. "Oh my god, Buffy, I'm - I'm sorry. I - this totally got out of control. I shouldn't have-"  
  
"It's okay." Buffy was relieved when she noticed Willow's truly apologetic look. "I - we all know that no one better messes with you gir- with Tara." She forced herself to smile. "No, let's get back to business, right? Without the threats and black eyes of any kind? We - I promise we won't bring Tara back as a zombie. Not before we haven't double-checked everything- don't interrupt me again. If there is any other solution, we will do it the other way. I promise. Right?"  
  
Willow still knew she wouldn't be able to do a spell involving a zombie, but she nodded slightly.  
  
"Good," Giles said. "if this is settled, we really should get on with research. But one more thing - Anya, you said something about maybe it needn't be us who bring Tara back? And I just want to remind you that we don't know if there is any need -" Buffy raised her eyebrows at him - "any need of the world saving kind to bring Tara back. We shouldn't forget that before we start arguing."  
  
"Well, sure, you could be right." Anya was wearing a thoughtful expression now. Maybe she should tell the others about Willow's dream and the soulmate thing now. "I just - I believe this prophecy is authentic. What I meant with the 'it needn't be us' thing is just - perhaps the Powers that Be-"  
  
Willow interrupted her before she could finish her sentence. She knew what Anya was going to get at, and she didn't want the others and especially Kennedy to know about her dream, not after what had happened just now. And anyway, it looked as if -"  
  
"I found something!"  
  
"What?" Anya was irritated. Buffy turned to Willow. "What did you find?"  
  
"I think I found a way to trace the three - well, the one lost slayer mostly, because we know where you are and where Faith is - or should be."  
  
"Really?" Giled went over to her and looked over her shoulder. "Hm, this might work... yes... do you have all the necessary ingredients?"  
  
"Yes, I'll - I'll be right back."  
  
No one said anything while Willow was upstairs, collecting the stuff she needed for performing the spell. When she came back, they made room for her on the floor, helped her set up the candles and prepare everything.  
  
"It's not that difficult really, it's just a variation of a simple finding spell. But I need something that is connected to the person we want to find."  
  
"What would that be?" Kennedy was still around. She had thought of leaving, but was too curious to actually go.  
  
"Slayer's blood, I guess," Buffy answered. "Why does it always have to be blood..." she sighed. But she took the knife Willow handed her and cut herself. "Here you are, Slayer's blood, right from the well."  
  
"Thank you." Willow caught a few drops in a vial and added to the herbs she had set aside in a small bowl. She stirred the ingredients and then grabbed a handful of them. In front of her were a couple of maps, one of each of the continents. They hoped they would be able to find her. If it didn't work, that is, if they couldn't locate her, they just had to try some other maps that were more specific.  
  
Willow now stretched her arm and opened her hand over the maps, sprinkling the mixture over all of them. "Reveal."  
  
First, nothing happened. But then, there was a twinkling light in the air, one, then two, and at last three.  
  
"So there really are three of them," Andrew whispered.  
  
"Shh!" Dawn glared at him.  
  
The three lights started moving, one after the other. The first made its way to the map of America, finally settling where Sunnydale probably was. The second light settled just next to it, on the spot that said "Los Angeles." The third light, however, didn't seem to want to settle down. It swirled around in the air, moving above the map of America as well. Just as it seemed it was slowing down, it floated above the Sunnydale light, before -  
  
"It vanished!" 


	9. Chapter Nine

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Continues where the last part stopped. And Willow and Kennedy are having a conversation.  
  
***  
  
"Why did that happen?" Buffy asked Willow.  
  
"I dunno. It's - I mean, you all saw the lights. There were three of them, right?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, three fairy lights. But why did one of them disappear?" Buffy took another look atthe map. The one in Sunnydale was still there, as was the one in L.A. Oddly enough, that one seemed to be moving. But although she noticed it, she didn't realize what that implicated. She was still wondering why the third twinkie had vanished.  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" That was Andrew. "I mean, what's kind of a cliffhanger is that suposed to be? It vanished. Of course it did. Don't you think if there was another living Slayer, we would have heard of her?"  
  
"So, you greatest of all geeks, share oh your wisdom with us," Xander told him.  
  
"Hey, no mocking of the one who knows something," Andrew protested.  
  
"That's enough of that, thank you. We don't need Andrew to figure it out. He's right, it's fairly obvious," Giles said. "There evidently has been a third Slayer, and she even seems to be in Sunnydale or at least on her way to us, but she is probably dead by now."  
  
"But why didn't we notice - I mean, we didn't even hear of her watcher, did we?" Buffy asked. "And when she got killed - why wasn't another third one called afterwards?"  
  
"I guess the answer to that question simply is that the powers protecting the Slayers must have been completely confused by then. And who knows, it was probably the First or rather the Bringers who killed her."  
  
"You mean, she hasn't been dead for long?" Willow wanted to know.  
  
"I don't know, but there are definetely a couple of things that aren't clear yet. First of all we must assume that this third Slayer has been called after Buffy died the second time. By then, the Watcher's Council still existed, but it doesn't seem as if anyone has been informed. I wonder if this girl even had a watcher. And if she even knew she was the Chosen One."  
  
"The Chosen Three, if at all," Andrew murmured.  
  
Dawn grinned. He really was funny, and she didn't find him as annoying as she had at the beginning. "So, we have what, zero? One puzzle solved, but loads to go? I mean, sure, we know now that there actually are or were three Slayers, but does this mean the prophecy is authentic? And...I really hate to bring this up again...if it is authentic, what are we going to do then?" Dawn looked at Willow.  
  
"I suggest we take one step at a time. Maybe - maybe we can find out who this third Slayer was? Like, name, where she came from, what she did? Do you think there is any possibility to get that information, Willow?"  
  
"I don't know, Buffy. A spell to find the body, maybe, so we have something someone can identify? I think I know one."  
  
"Yeah, that's a good idea. And-" something was bothering her, but Buffy couldn't really put a finger on it.  
  
"What?" Willow asked.  
  
"Nothing. I - there was something I was thinking about, but - I guess it slipped my mind. So, work your mojo, so I can do something."  
  
"I know you hate feeling - well, inactive," Willow smiled at her best friend, hoping she wasn't too angry at her. She started to collect the maps in order to replace them with a detailed one of Sunnydale, but then she noticed something. By then, the other had left the living room in order to hunt for some food - the fridge always was kind of empty, since the Summer's house had become girl's camp central.  
  
"This is strange," Willow murmured.  
  
"What is?" Buffy, who had been leaving for the kitchen as well, turned around.  
  
"The second light, I mean, the Faith light - it's moving. It could be I missed something, but isn't she supposed to be in jail?" Willow looked worried.  
  
"That's it, that's what I couldn't think of a minute ago. I noticed it as well. But - I don't know, it could be that she got out - legally I mean."  
  
"That's just great. It's not that we haven't got enough problems yet, is it? I mean, the First, ubervamps, spells we can't perform - no, we need a homicidal psychopath Slayer as well. Otherwise it just wouldn't be fun."  
  
"Maybe Faith could help us."  
  
"Buffy, have you lost your mind? The last time Faith was here she made you switch your body and almost got you killed!"  
  
"Angel said she had changed, that she was sorry and-"  
  
"Yeah, let's have someone around who could turn against us any time."  
  
"We already have. And I don't mean Spike." With a cold glance at her friend, Buffy left the room to look for Giles. He needed to know about Faith.  
  
***  
  
Willow went upstairs to her room, in order to perform the second spell. She didn't wanted to do it in the living room, she desperately wanted to be alone. Was Buffy right? Was she a threat? She definetely had been only an hour or so ago. But she - she had been so angry. It always felt the same - the anger. And she only felt it when - it was connected to Tara, or rather - her own need to protect Tara. It was ironic, really. Tara was the last person on earth who would want her to act that way, and she - she didn't seem to be able to control herself.  
  
She knew that she had been in danger of really attacking Buffy; and she knew Buffy knew that too. But the mere thought of having to see Tara as a zombie...it made her feel sick. And it had hurt her even more when Kennedy had been in favour of that plan. What was her deal? Well, a part of her could understand her, her jealousy. She wasn't in love with her, though? She had the feeling that for Kennedy, everything that had to do with Tara was something she couldn't understand and therefore had no control over.  
  
Deep down, Willow knew she was trying to persuade herself that Kennedy couldn't love her. She knew she cared for her, and she feared that the potential was in love with her. She - she just couldn't - she could never allow herself to love again. She knew she sounded pathetic, and that was exactly why didn't want to admit this to herself. It wasn't just that Tara was her soulmate - that they were real soulmates, she thought, recalling her conversation with Anya. She knew she couldn't handle loss once again. She was scared, very scared. And she had to tell Kennedy so. Whatever they had - she couldn't go on with it, or everything would end up in desaster.  
  
But right now, she had to concentrate on working her mojo, as Buffy had put it. She had to talk with her as well - about the whole Faith thing. Why was Buffy so forgiving, she wondered. And so overprotective concerning Faith? Try to figure that out later, she told herself. Now - the spell. She quickly located the spell she needed in one of her books, got the necessary ingredients and set up the candles. After she had performed the spell, she watched the map of Sunnydale in front of her. A long while, nothing happened, but then there was some sparkling above -  
  
"The school? What a surprise..." Great, now you start talking to yourself? Whatever, she had to tell the others. When she put out the candles and turned to leave the room, Kennedy was standing at the door.  
  
"Hey." Willow smiled tentatively.  
  
"Hey." Kennedy didn't.  
  
"I think I found her, the third Slayer, the dead one? She seems to be at the High School."  
  
"Oh." She was still standing her, her eyes on Willow.  
  
"What is it?" Willow wanted to know, or rather, not wanting to know as she really needed to tell Buffy about-  
  
"We need to talk, don't you think so?"  
  
"Kennedy, I don't have time for 'the talk' right now - we don't have time for these kind of things."  
  
"You sound just like Giles." Her voice was rather cold, but at the same time it was as if she had to force herself to talk like that.  
  
"Yeah? Well, so I do. Whatever. I really need to tell Buffy about-"  
  
"I can't do this anymore."  
  
Willow, who had tried to get past Kennedy, stopped just in front of her.  
  
"Can't do what?" She knew of course, but this was the way it was always done, wasn't it?  
  
"Us. Whatever that is. We - I can't do it anymore. Can you?"  
  
"I -" Willow wasn't sure what to say. She decided to be honest. "Actually, I was thinking the same thing a couple of minutes ago. But you have to understand, it isn't you it's-"  
  
"Tara." Kennedy had decided to be cruel.  
  
"No - what does she have to do with us? It's me."  
  
"It isn't you. It is her, her memory. She's the reason you're holding back. Sometimes I wish she would just have left you and not have died. Then you wouldn't act the way you do."  
  
"Kennedy-"  
  
"No, it's my turn now. I know she was the love of you life, but don't you think it is time to get over it? So she's dead - well, if she really was that nice a person, I'm sure she would want you to fall in love again, wouldn't she?" She said the last part in a mocking tone, not concealing her intention to hurt Willow.  
  
"Maybe. But maybe I don't want to get over it. Maybe it's none of your business. Maybe I could fall in love again, just not with YOU." Willow was almost shouting now, but she didn't care if anybody else was listening. "Or maybe it's as I said - this isn't about you, or Tara - it's about me. I'm selfish, I know - I just don't want to lose the one I love again. It happened too often, and everytime I lost myself as well. I don't want that to happen again. If that means to be alone for the rest of my life, I don't care. In fact, I couldn't care less, it's fine by me."  
  
Kennedy was silent.  
  
"Don't you have another hurting statement to make? Wanna tell me once more to GET OVER IT? Believe me, I tried. But none of you seems to understand. Not even Buffy had what I and Tara had. We were soulmates, real soulmates. Just go and ask Anya. I haven't got a heart anymore, she's got it. All I have is hers, and I'm not going to give it away. It's the only thing left of her. So-"  
  
"So what?" Kennedy asked. "Wanna stay friends?"  
  
"Actually, no. Not after what you just said. But as we have to work together, I guess we should try." Willow was more quiet now. "Let's just - I mean, we both know it's over now. And we're adults. And-"  
  
"And you didn't love me anyhow, so it doesn't hurt as much, does it? Right, so let's be friends. I hope you don't mind if I don't hug you?"  
  
"Kennedy, what did you expect me to do?"  
  
"Maybe I expected you to tell me we are alright, to tell me you lo-"  
  
"Would you have believed me?"  
  
"No. But it would have been nice to hear it anyway."  
  
"I'm sorry, Kennedy, I-"  
  
"I'm sure you are. Let's just - go and tell Buffy what you wanted to tell her. I'll move down to the others. Want another playmate up here?" she couldn't stop from asking.  
  
But Willow had already left the room, so she didn't know if she heard it. Kennedy started gathering her stuff together. She couldn't help crying, and she hated herself for it. Hey, there are a bunch of pretty girls down there. The thought didn't really cheer her up. So it was over. At least it had been her who did the leaving bit - that was something. At that thought, she picked up a shirt from the floor. It belonged to Willow, but she put into in her bag. She had always liked souveniers.  
  
*** 


	10. Chapter Ten

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: A shortish scene with Buffy and Spike mostly.  
  
Author's note: This story is getting more complex every minute... I originally intended to be a Willow and Tara story mostly, but as you can see it's becoming more than that.. that's fine by me, and I hope it's okay for you as well... but I promise that I haven't forgotten them (as if I could...)  
  
***  
  
When Buffy had heard Willow and Kennedy fighting again, she went down to the basement to talk to Spike. She did that a lot lately. Somehow she needed Spike's company. She couldn't explain it, but she hardly ever thought about his attempt to rape her. She knew he actually had changed, it wasn't just the soul. And she had started to realize something. It scared her a lot, though, and so she was now being denial-gal. Whatever, she thought. I've got other things to worry about. And I'm not the only one. She sighed slightly.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hello, luv. What's the matter up there? 'S Red having trouble with the SIT?"  
  
"'Trouble' doesn't seem to fit here. It seems they are breaking up right now."  
  
"Oh. That didn't last long, did it?"  
  
"I didn't think it would," Buffy answered. "But I hoped so. Willow seemed almost cheerful sometimes."  
  
"Come on, you believed her?" Spike was surprised.  
  
"What do you mean, 'believed her'?"  
  
"You didn't see through it, then. You said it yourself - she seemed almost cheerful."  
  
"You mean she wasn't?" Great, Buffy thought. That was so typical. With all the apocalyptic stuff going on and the SITs being around, she hadn't even noticed her best friend's problems. I'm really the perfect best friend. No wonder she tried to kill me.  
  
"What is it?" Spike asked.  
  
"Nothing. It's - it's just, sometimes I wish I was a - a normal girl, with normal problems. I thought I was past this line of thinking, but it looks as if I never can get past it. I should have the time to be there for my best friends, and for my sister."  
  
"No one expects that from you, Buffy. We all know you have other things to worry about." Spike tried to comfort her.  
  
Exactly what I think. "Oh, they do expect that from me. They would never say so - you do as well. And - all of you, you have every right to. But sometimes - it's all so much to handle, I just can't-can't do it all." She sat down on his bed and buried her head in her hands.  
  
Spike sat down beside her. "It's okay, pet. We-"  
  
"No, it's not. Nothing here is okay. There are dozens of - little girls around here, a supernerd who somehow tries to fit in, an ex-demon who doesn't seem to be anything except creating more problems - by trying to be helpful, I know, but still - a witch who is a ticking bomb sometimes, and Giles who - I mean he isn't as helpful as he once was, is he? And then there is the First. And I can't fight it, effectively. And now - just another thing to add on the "problems" list - there is Faith. A Faith of the "no longer in jail" kind. Isn't that totally not okay?" She looked at him.  
  
Spike had noticed that he wasn't on the problems list. That certainly had to be good, hadn't it? Or maybe she just forgot. "Well, there certainly are some problems, but - you have been there before, haven't you? And it has been worse."  
  
"Has it? I don't know. And even if it has, that doesn't make this mess any better or easier."  
  
"I guess it doesn't. So we have to - you said it, I heard you - we have to take one step at a time. I'm sure Red already tried to find out where the remains of the third Slayer are. That is something, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, if she found something." Buffy sounded pretty pessimistic, and she felt it.  
  
"I did."  
  
Buffy and Spike were startled, they hadn't noticed that the fighting upstairs had stopped and that Willow had come down to join them.  
  
"Hey Red," Spike greeted her.  
  
She ignored him, there was no time for - whatever. "Buffy, I found her - the body, I mean. It's - it's at the High School."  
  
"Well, who would've guessed?" Buffy stood up. "So, let's go then - play 'find the body'."  
  
"You're the boss, Slayer." Spike grinned, remaining sitting on the bed. "But maybe we could wait until it is dark, so you don't have to fight side by side with a big pile of dust."  
  
"I guess we could do that." Buffy smiled at him amd then turned to her best friend. "Will, are you okay? I - we heard some of what was going on and-"  
  
"It's - it's okay. We - she or I - I don't know, but we broke up. Not really a surprise, is it?"  
  
"You don't sound too sad", Buffy conceded.  
  
"I am not. And I guess I should be sad because of that. Or at least feel ashamed of myself. I mean, I totally used her, trying to handle my pain - oh - I..." Willow trailed off, realizing what she just had said, and to whom.  
  
"I get it," Buffy said.  
  
"I don't know if you can. I'm not ashamed - in fact, I'm mad at her, for everything she said about Tara... I know I wasn't the bestest girlfriend, but - I didn't even feel as if I was, you know? A girlfriend, I mean. But, please, let's not talk about this now." She smiled slightly at Buffy. "I appreciate you being in best friend mode, but we all need you in Slayer mode right now. And I - I don't wanna talk about it really."  
  
"Okay, If you say so...you know you can always talk to me though, right?"  
  
"Sure. I know. Don't worry. I - I'll be upstairs, right?" Willow left, leaving Buffy and Spike to themselves again.  
  
"That wasn't that bad," Spike said.  
  
"What? I totally messed up, didn't you see it?"  
  
"Not the messing up, no. She didn't want to be consoled, what she wanted was to be alone, and that she is now, luv. You shouldn't worry about that - she's a grown up girl, our Witch."  
  
"But - wasn't she pretending to be alright now again?"  
  
"If you ask me - I don't think so, at least not as much as usual. I have the feeling she is rather happy about their break up."  
  
"I don't know really." Buffy started pacing. "I can't think about this right now. At least we have something to go now, with Willow having found the third one's body."  
  
"Yeah. You're all aggressive lately, don't you think?" Spike asked her. He didn't really know what to make of her recently.  
  
"Aggressive? Me? No, I'm no - well, maybe I am eager to fight, but that's not a bad thing, is it? It's so strange, though - there is all this pressure and - even a little anger inside me, and my usual relief strategy is beating up vampires and demons, but there don't seem to be as many areound as there were."  
  
"Oh, they're still around. They just don't want to be in anyone's way right now. I talked to Clem, and he agreed that they are all being very careful."  
  
"They are not happy about the First?"  
  
"Look, I've told you before, haven't I? 'We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood.' Most of us don't want this world to end, Buffy - it's fine by us. So, no, most of them aren't happy about the First. But that's not really what you're thinking about."  
  
"What?" Buffy was startled, she had only been listening with one ear.  
  
"See what I mean? You're distracted. Because of what? It's not the Witch and her little playmate, is it?"  
  
"No, it's not." She said down next to him again. "It's Faith. It looks as if she isn't in jail any longer, and I don't know if she's okay."  
  
"Okay as in ?"  
  
"Okay as in "not wanting to kill us all". If that happens - I don't know what to do. It would be too much. And I hope she isn't angry at me, and I hope I am not angry at her."  
  
"You don't know?"  
  
"No. I haven't seen her for what - three years now. But I thought about her. I even felt I should visit her at some points. I didn't. And you don't know how bad I feel about it."  
  
"I think you should stop punishing yourself. I know this is what you can do best, but that's nothing to be proud of, pet. You will see how you'll both react when she comes here - if she comes here." Spike looked at Buffy. He hated it when she was doing this - blaming herself, hating herself. He knew where this could lead, and he - he never wanted to go there again.  
  
"I'll try." She smiled at him. "Thank you for listening to me."  
  
"That's what I do best, isn't it?"  
  
"Actually it's not." She blushed. Why did she just say that?  
  
Spike smirked in reaction.  
  
"Ahm, but - I mean, even - even if Faith should come here, that wouldn't be bad, unless she is bad, of course. We can use a second Slayer around with all the trouble to come."  
  
"I guess you're right, luv." He didn't say more, wanting to tease her. He knew this was making her feel uncomfortable, and he enjoyed it. A bit.  
  
"Look, it's getting dark outside. I'll just - I'll get some of the others. Wanna come along?" Buffy gladly stood up and started walking up the stairs.  
  
"I thought that was why we were waiting anyway." Spike followed her upstairs. "Let's go then."  
  
*** 


	11. Chapter Eleven

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Lots of things happening in here, can't tell you about the best parts (as they wouldn't be that good without the 'surprise effect' ^_^). But they are looking for the body. Actually, maybe Willow should have come along, as it's usually her who...but no, it's better that way ;0)  
  
***  
  
Buffy, Spike, Xander, Anya, Dawn and Andrew and the SITs were at the High School now, forming little searching parties. Willow had stayed at the Summer's house, looking for another locating spell that might help them find the third Slayer's body more easily.  
  
"Right, Kennedy, you and the other potentials, you'll look upstairs. Search the classrooms, the closets... all there is. Xander, Anya, Andrew...Dawn, you'll look here...the same applies for you. Spike and I will search for her in the basement," Buffy told them.  
  
"Don't you think more of us should be looking in the basement?" Xander asked.  
  
"No, I don't. Otherwise I would have suggested it. Now let's go. Every group got a cellphone? If it doesn't work in case of emergency, do it the old-fashioned way."  
  
"What would that be?" Rhonda asked Dawn.  
  
"Shriek, or scream. Just be loud," she answered.  
  
"Okay, enough talking. See you all later." Buffy turned, grabbed Spike and went with him to the staircase that led down to the basement. "You've been there for weeks, Spike, so I guess you know your way down there. Or - can you smell anything suspicious?"  
  
"Suspicious as in smokeable stuff, or suspicious as in dead Slayer stuff?"  
  
"The latter." She smiled. She had always liked to patrol with him. Well, okay, that wasn't right...but - she liked patrolling with him now. It was different than with Riley - or even Angel. Angel had been all broody, most of the time at least, and Riley - she sighed. He always wanted to play the hero. Spike seemed to have accepted that she - as the Slayer - was the stronger one of them. She had to admit that it had taken him some time to accept that though. Well, but now - it was fun to do the patrol search group thing with him. And she didn't have too much of that at the moment.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Huh?" Buffy had been walking behind Spike, lost in her thoughts. "Nothing, I was just... thinking."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"So, any lead?"  
  
"None that I can see or smell. But there is still a lot of basement left."  
  
"I hope we can find her. I so need something to do."  
  
"What do we do when we find her?"  
  
"We try to identify her, and find out what she was up to. Why?"  
  
"That's exactly what I've been thinking. Why? I mean, what use is knowing who the dead Slayer was?" Spike sounded a bit irritated.  
  
"Well, it would proof that the prophecy Anya found is authentic. And that would be helpful, don't you think?" Buffy tried not only to persuade him, but herself as well. They didn't have too much to go on at the moment, and she was feeling a bit frustrated. She didn't need someone to - explicate her fears. Okay, maybe she needed it, but she didn't want it.  
  
"I guess it would," he answered. "Are you really planning to resurrect Goldiewitch then?"  
  
"I don't know. I know I definetely don't want to, but if that is that's our only chance...don't you think Tara would have wanted us to do that?"  
  
"Probably. But wasn't she against everything disturbing the natural balance?"  
  
"This would help us reestablish the balance, Spike. At least I hope so. No, I don't want to do the zombie voodoo thing. But if I have to do it, I will."  
  
"I don't think Red will put up with that." He didn't sound convinced.  
  
Buffy wasn't either. "She will, in the end. I'm sure. But there might be another solution, one we haven't thought of yet. Anya started to say something about the Powers that Be, right before Willow found that spell. Could you remind me to ask her about it when this is over?"  
  
"I'll try." Spike smiled - he liked being asked little favours like that. It was as if Buffy was letting him more and more become a part of her life, a part that really mattered to her, that wasn't just physical. He enjoyed that, and it gave him a reason to hope. Maybe...  
  
Right then, Buffy's cellphone started ringing.  
  
"Willow, hey, did you - what? Who's there?" Spike watched Buffy. She seemed shocked. "What happened to Willow? Oh. I see. I - I guess it's okay then.... We? We're at the High School right now. I and all the others. Yes, we'll be back soon. Do you think you can handle her? Okay. See ya." She put down the phone and looked at him.  
  
"What's up, Buffy?" Spike asked her.  
  
"It's-"  
  
***  
  
"Faith."  
  
"What?" Anya asked.  
  
"The other light...the one in L.A. It was moving, didn't you notice?"  
  
"No, Harris, I didn't. I was busy watching the mysterious third fairy thing. But it's not really a surprise you're thinking about her."  
  
"What are you - listen, An, you know you're being stupid, don't you? I wasn't thinking about her, well I was, but not in the sense you suggest. If Faith is out of jail, and if she hasn't changed, then we have a problem. As in 'we have a huge problem'."  
  
"But Angel told Buffy she really had changed. And I think we should believe him," Dawn said.  
  
"Yeah, Angel..."  
  
"Look, Xander, we all know you don't like him, but that's no reason to think Faith is still bad."  
  
"Ahm...question : who's Faith?" Andrew wanted to know.  
  
"Weren't you a part of the Evil Trio? And you don't know about Faith?" Xander sounded unbelieving.  
  
"Well, we had other things to think about than to do research on people we never heard of," he tried to defend himself.  
  
"Jonathan didn't know about Faith?" Dawn asked.  
  
"If he did, he never told us. Who is she? I heard her name a couple of times during the last days, but-"  
  
"She's another Slayer. I mean, the other one we actually know of. She was the one who was called after Kendra was killed by Drusilla. And Kendra had been called after Buffy was dead for a few seconds because the Master had tried to drown her." Dawn told him.  
  
"And I brought her back," Xander said proudly.  
  
"Yeah, but it didn't last long, did it?" Anya sounded bored. He had told her about that a lot. She could understand it, in a way, but that didn't mean that she wasn't bored by it.  
  
"And Faith was bad?" Andrew wanted to know. He started to understand now, but wanted to be sure. He desperately wanted to belong to the Scooby Gang, and for that he had to know what was going on.  
  
"Yeah, she accidentally killed a man and then... she teamed up with the Mayor and in the end she tried to kill Angel and Buffy. The last time she was here, she switched her body and Buffy's. Buffy was almost killed. Then she went off to L.A. and then she went to jail, voluntarily, I think. And now we don't know if she really has changed. If not, we have one more problem to add on our list." Dawn sighed.  
  
"She switched bodies? That sounds cool... I mean, only technically. And I guess it wasn't nice for Buffy."  
  
"She almost got killed by some guys responsible for the wetworks of the Watcher's Council."  
  
"And Buffy didn't kill her?" Andrew looked at Dawn.  
  
"Buffy never kills humans, you should know that." Her voice sounded defensive.  
  
"So Slayers are humans? Just with superpowers? But how do they get them? And why are some chosen and some not?"  
  
"Will you shut up?" Xander hated this kind of talk. It reminded him that he didn't have any special powers. But at least Andrew didn't seem to have any as well, although he had told them he was able to raise demons.  
  
"I think I found something." Anya was standing in front of an unused classroom. The door was locked, but she was peering through the window and she had noticed something that looked like a human body hanging from the ceiling.  
  
Xander and Andrew threw themselves against the door. It took them some time, but finally they were able to open it.  
  
"It seems as if that's our girl," Xander said. He really hated what he was doing. And that he wasn't really feeling anything. Sure, he was sad, a bit at least. But he wasn't shocked anymore.  
  
Andrew however was. He looked at the third Slayer with a mixture of fascination and horror. It was similar to when Warren had killed his girlfriend. A part of him had been horrified at the thought that his firend had just killed someone. But another part couldn't help feeling all powerful at the knowledge that a human being could actually kill another one, that everyone had some power over other people's lives. Now it was a different feeling - his fascination was mostly due to the fact that it seemed totally unreal, this dead girl hanging from the ceiling. It was just like in the movies. He turned around, almost expecting a camera follwing his moves. But then again, why would they be filming him. They'd probably rather focus on the important people, like Xander, Buffy and-  
  
***  
  
Willow was sitting in the living room, leafing through the spellboks. She wasn't really looking for another locating spell - she was searching for some spells that might enable the others to reanimate Tara's body. She had already found four, and had put a magical mantle over them so the others wouldn't be able to read them. She knew that that wouldn't stop them in the end - Giles probably knew one by heart - but she wasn't going to let them do it with her - or even Tara's - spellbooks.  
  
She sighed. She was rather relieved that whatever she had had with Kennedy was over now. But now - she missed Tara more than she had during the last months. It had begun to get better, not just because of Kennedy...no all she wanted was Tara. She wanted her to sit next to her, doing research with her...she wanted to snuggle with her, to kiss her... she closed her eyes.  
  
She must have fallen asleep, because she was lying on the couch when there was a knock on the door. Willow was startled. Whoever was outside seemed quite anxious to get in, as the knocking continued. It sounded pretty impatient.  
  
"I'm coming, just a sec!" Willow shouted, getting up. She walked to the door and opened it without stopping to look who was standing outside.  
  
It was someone she had never seen before... a boy, a boy who probably liked to be called a young man. He was a bit taller than she was and had longish brown hair. And there was something strangely familiar about him. She had the feeling she somehow should know him. But she totally didn't.  
  
"Can I help you?" Willow asked him.  
  
"Is Buffy Summers here?" He started to walk past her, into the house.  
  
"Hey, not so fast." Willow stopped him. "Who are you?"  
  
"Connor. Where is she?"  
  
"She's not here. But she'll be back soon. But when I asked who you were I didn't just want to know your name. What do you want from her?" She was a bit afraid. He seemed to be quite strong, and although she probably was at an advantage as he wouldn't know that she was a witch, she was very reluctant to use her powers, even to defend herself.  
  
"I'll rather tell her myself, thank you. So, can I come in?"  
  
Willow was just about to say yes, when she thought better. She just stepped aside. If Connor - if that was even his real name - if this guy was a vampire he wouldn't be able to come in. But he obviously wasn't, he followed her into the house without any problem. But who was he? He took a look around and then went into the living room. He picked up one of her spell books.  
  
"So you're a witch?" So much for the surprise effect. "You must be Willow then."  
  
Now this was getting creepy. How did he know her name?  
  
"Who are you? How do you know my name?" Willow realized she sounded pretty scared. She felt the fear mix with the anger that seemed to be always inside her...this definetely wasn't good.  
  
"Angel told me." Connor didn't look at her, he had sat down on the couch and was leafing through the spellbook. "There seems to be nothing useful in here. Whatever, that's not what we came for anyway."  
  
"What did you come f- wait a minute, we? Who's we? And how do you know Angel? Is he here as well?" She was confused now.  
  
"Angel's my father. And we are-"  
  
"Connor and I." The voice came from behind Willow. She froze. She knew this voice, knew it too well. She was so scared she didn't even wonder about what Connor had just told her.  
  
"Hey Red. How you're doing?"  
  
Willow turned around. Faith was standing at the door, leaning against it, as she always did. She hadn't changed a bit, at least not from the outside. She was wearing one of these shirts, just a little too tight, and leather pants and a jacket.  
  
"Faith."  
  
"You remember me? That's good. Listen- " Faith moved towards her. Willow started to back away. "I'm not going to hurt you. Or anyone else." She put her hands in the air, a defensive gesture. "I'm sorry, I guess I should've called, but there wasn't really time to and-"  
  
Willow stopped walking away from her. Faith sounded different, and she didn't have the impression she was just pretending. She remembered the Slayer was a pretty bad liar.  
  
"So what do you want? And what does he want?" She asked her, pointing at Connor.  
  
"I'm here to help. Cordelia had a vision that told her that I would be more useful here. And Connor just accompanied." She lowered her voice. "He told me he wanted to see I was safe, but actually I think he just wants to meet B. As she was his Father's great love and all. And he has a way with - well, he slept with Cordy, it seems."  
  
Willow was confused. First of all, she had finally understood that Connor was supposed to be Angel's son. But why did it matter that Cordelia had slept with hi - "Oh. You mean - Angel and Cordelia are" Now she really was shocked. Cordelia, of all people. Well, she certainly had been attracted to him from the beginning, but Angel? She shook her head. But there was something else. "How can he - sorry." She realized she was being rude. She turned to Connor. "How can you be Angel's son? I would've thought vampires aren't able to have children...as they're dead. Or undead. Who's the mother, anyway? And how come you're so grown up?"  
  
"My mother was Darla. She's dead. And I've grown up in another dimension." Connor looked at her for a second, then turned his attention back to the books.  
  
"Well, you're as talkative as you're father," she murmured.  
  
"And he has his hearing," Faith told her.  
  
"Oh." Willow smiled apologetically.  
  
"So - how are you? And how's your - she is your girlfriend now, right? When I met the both of the Bronze, she seemed to be head over feet in love with you. What was her name? You know, I have this thing with names...are you alright?"  
  
As Faith had started talking about Tara, Willow felt the grief stir inside her...the grief and the anger. The anger that Faith had just walked in in here and asked her about Tara...something the others never did...they almost never mentioned her...except for talking about zombies...Faith, of all people. Suddenly she realized there was something else inside her...not just the anger, but...it was something evil. It seemed as if the First was taking advantage of her anger...  
  
"Faith -" Willow started breathing heavily. "You -" As she felt the power surging inside her, she knew she had to do something. She felt the urge to kill... "Faith, you have to knock me out, and call Buffy. The First - you remember the shapeshifting thing, when there was snow...?"  
  
Faith was watching her, worried. She didn't know what to do, and when Willow's eyes went black, she was freaked. What was happening here? "Red, what's up? What do you want me to do?"  
  
Willow gritted her teeth. "Just knock me out before something bad happens." Then she got lost.  
  
Faith couldn't move. She just stood there, watching Willow who started muttering something that sounded like a spell. She couldn't possibly attack-  
  
Connor had done the job for her. He had grabbed one of the heavier spellbooks and knocked her out. "I thought she was one of the good guys," he said.  
  
"She is... I don't think that was her. Did you see her eyes? They were all black..." Faith shuddered. Willow. She had always thought of her as weak... not a coward, but weak, as she wasn't useful for anything except for doing research...it seemed as if she had been wrong though. She wondered what had happened here while she had been in jail. She obviously had missed a lot.  
  
She grabbed the phone, hoping Buffy's cellphone number was written down somewhere or even saved in the phone itself. She found the number and called her. She noticed she had butterflies in her stomach. Of the 'I am totally scared' kind. But now wasn't the time to think about that.  
  
"Hey B. It's not Willow - it's me. Faith... Willow's - we had to knock her out. She - her eyes went all balck and she told me to do it- she said something about the First. Where are you? Oh. The last time I saw it it was completely destroyed. Could you perhaps hurry up a bit? I don't know what to do if she's all Evil Witch of the - Yes, I guess. If she wakes up, we'll just put her back to sleep. Right. See ya."  
  
She put the phone down and looked at Connor. "Let's make it more comfortable for here." Together, they carried her to the couch. Faith sat down beside her, book in her hand. "I'll take the first watch," she said to Connor. He nodded but sat down on the floor. "Might as well have another look through the books while we're waiting. There might be something useful about the Beast somewhere." 


	12. Chapter Twelve

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. As I was asked in how far the events on 'Angel' influence this story (I'm trying to avoide spoilers here *lol*) - when I started to write Chapter 11 and this one, I hadn't seen either "Calvary" or "Salvage", I had just heard that Faith was going to come back. And as I think she's a great and interesting character, I included her. As for the rest of the 'Angel' storyline - I don't think I'll really include anything except for the Connor thing, of course, and the Angel - Cordy thing.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an hommage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0) Just one thing in return to what 'BBCharpker78' wrote (though I doubt she's still reading that story: I don't think Willow and Xander are soulmates. They are 'just' best friends, great best friends, but nothing more. Just think about the way Willow and Tara met in Hush. If that wasn't a recognition of souls, I don't know what it was. And I have many more good arguments to prove my point, but there's not enough space here, so if you wanna know them, just email me :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Tara goes to see Giles (sorry, Aussie... you have to be patient ;- ) )  
  
***  
  
The next day was as sunny as the day before. Tara got up almost happily - she was looking forward to her visit to the esoteric bookshop. She didn't know much about these kinds of things - witchcraft and stuff, but she somehow was fascinated by it. Come to think of it, she always had been. But her father had been very religious and he would have killed her if he had known she was interested in witchcraft. So she only had read a couple of books about it when she was a child, at the library; and when she had left home for college, there had been so many other things to think about... Willow for example.  
  
It still hurt to think about her, Tara noticed. It always would, as long as she was - as long as they weren't together. But somehow - there was something about the dream she had had that seemed to allow her to hope. She didn't know exactly what it was, maybe the other Willow, maybe the intensity of the love she had felt in the dream and every day she was with Willow. A love like that couldn't just be - sure, it wasn't wasted, not one day she had spent with her had been wasted, but why could anyone, God or - whoever was responsible for this world - how could they let them be apart when they so obviously belonged together?  
  
She didn't know the answer - not yet. She went to the bathroom, got dressed and then went dowon to grab some breakfast. She was all alone - the others had already left for work or school. Willow and she had often taken advantage of these mornings...stayed in bed really long... Tara smiled dreamily. How was this possible? For months all she could think about that her lover was dead - gone...but now - this morning she had the feeling that she just had to go back upstairs and there she would be waiting for her. It was as if something forced her to be optimistic...she hadn't been for so long she almost didn't know how.  
  
After she had eaten some cereal, she grabbed an apple and then went outside, deciding to walk to the shop. It wasn't that far, and she didn't have much of a choice anyway. She could've used the bike, but she didn't like that that much. And it wasn't as if she didn't have the time to walk. So she let herself warm by the sun, breathed the air that smelled already like spring. Oh my, Tara thought, you're sounding like a character in a kitschy book. But that was just what she felt like...all she needed was a kind of romantic dress and ...well, a nice romantic setting wouldn't have hurt as well.  
  
She imagined Willow walking beside her... through the park, perhaps, the birds singing...she almost felt like singing herself. She had always been very self-conscious about her voice, but Willow had loved to listen to her. So sometimes she had sung to her. First it were only songs she knew from her childhood, but one day she had felt this song inside her...it had felt almost magical. And from then on, she had only sung this song. They had both loved it.  
  
Tara had now arrived at the Mall. She looked at the paper Dawn had written the address on. It wasn't far from here... she took a look around, and then she spotted it. "The Esoteric Bookshop". It was quite small, at least from the outside. Before she entered it, she first peered through the shop window. The shop seemed to be empty except for a man behind the counter. That had to be the owner, she decided. What was his name again? Robert- no, Rupert Giles. Okay, here we go, she thought, and opened the door.  
  
"Hello," she called. Not too loud though, as he wasn't that far away from her. He seemed quite startled. He was wearing glasses, but now he took them off and started cleaning them. "Oh..hello. How can I help you?" He sounded British, and he was rather cute, Tara had to admit. He also had a earring in his left ear, and that although he seemed to be well beyond forty. All in all she had the impression he was a bit odd, and she immediately liked him. And she felt she could trust him and tell him about her dream.  
  
"Yes, I was wondering... I had a s-strange dream the other night, and I was wondering if you c-could help me to figure out what it means?" she asked him.  
  
"A dream? I'm sure we can find the right book for you." He left his place behind the counter and started to make his way to some of the books.  
  
"N-no, actually I was hoping that perhaps you could? H-help me, I mean." Tara hated her stuttering, but she couldn't help it. She was too nervous.  
  
"Well, maybe I - I know a bit about these kind of things. However, you must realize that I am no qualified expert. Perhaps you should rather think of approaching a psychologist or -"  
  
"No! I mean, no, I don't think a psychologist would really be able to help me. I think - I think the dream w-was more than just a message from my subc- conscious." She looked at him, hoping he would understand.  
  
And he apparently did. He put on his glasses again and looked at her with newly awakened interest. "You mean, a message from another spiritual plane?"  
  
"I don't know where this message could come from. That's what I was hoping y-you could help me find out."  
  
"Well, we can at least try. But I have to tell you, I can't promise anything."  
  
"That's all right, really. I'm glad for anything that might - what are you doing?"  
  
He was walking towards the door and put the "Closed" sign into the window. "Beg your pardon?" He turned around.  
  
"I - you don't have to close the shop, I could come back later, when it's closed." Tara didn't want to cause any inconvenience.  
  
"The shop's closed now." He smiled at her in what seemed to be almost a fatherly way. "Would you care for a cup of tea?"  
  
"Yes, that would be great, thank you." She smiled back, feeling far less nervous than before.  
  
"Let's sit down here." He pointed to a corner where there were some chairs that really looked comfortable and then went to get the tea.  
  
"Thank you," she said when he came back, carrying two cups. "I haven't even introduced myself - I'm Tara Maclay."  
  
"Rupert Giles. Glad to meet you, Miss Maclay. So - where do you want to start?"  
  
"I guess I should first tell you something about myself, as I am sure the dream has something to do with what happened during the last year." She glanced at him, he nodded encouragingly. "I'm a university student and I live together with a couple of friends. Until last May, my lover was living with us as well. Willow was - I loved her very much." She looked at him again, wanting to see his reaction. He didn't seem freaked or anything, just a bit surprised maybe.  
  
"Why doesn't she live together with you anymore?"  
  
"She is dead." Tara still hated saying these words. She had only actually said them five times or so, but - she felt terrible saying it. Somehow it made it more real. She knew she was being stupid again.  
  
"I'm sorry." His voice was full of sympathy. "It's - it must have been very hard. How did she die?"  
  
"She was killed. Murdered." She swallowed. "A - a guy we both didn't really know shot her. It seems he w-was obsessed with her, and c-couldn't bear to - he - originally he wanted to shoot me, at least that is what he told the police afterwards." She was silent.  
  
"So - your dream - it had to do with your girlfriend's death?" he asked.  
  
"I guess it did - although - I died in the dream," Tara said. Suddenly feeling shy, she hid her face behind her hair. Long hair really was useful sometimes.  
  
"Did you die yourself or did you watch yourself die?" Giles sounded as if that wasn't more unusual than dreaming about...demons or men with cheese or something.  
  
"I guess I should tell you what happened from the beginning. Of the d- dream, I mean." She smiled nervously. "I felt as if I was in a - a movie or something, watching it and being watched at the same time. But I was comfortable - I was in this room that reminded me of my room - no, that's not quite true. It reminded me of the room Willow and I had had. And then I saw m-myself, dressed like a man, but the clothes, they were - they were oldfashioned, like in those they are wearing in these J-Jane Austen movies?" She stopped to drink some of the tea he had made for her. It tasted good.  
  
"So what happened next?"  
  
"I - the both of me- we were in this kind of ballroom, and there was Willow as well, dressed in one of these oldfashioned - 'gowns', that's what they're called I think. They were dancing and then they were back in the room, m-making love," she blushed slightly, "and then it suddenly was like the day she was shot - someone who sounded like Stephen, that was her murderer's name, someone was banging on the door and they jumped out of the bed and my DreamSelf told Willow to r-run when she opened the door and she ran and then -" She had to stop. Tears were streaming down her face. Giles handed her a handkerchief.  
  
"I am sure this is hard. But please, try to go on," he said in a gentle voice.  
  
"Then my DreamSelf was shot. And then something weird happened...there was another Willow in the room.." she trailed off.  
  
"How did you know she was different?" he asked.  
  
"I don't really know, I felt it? And she was wearing different clothes than the other one had - she - her white shirt, it was full of m-my blood, and - she seemed different, somehow as if she didn't belong to the dream. I don't know how to explain... and then the other Willow came back, and there were two of them, and two of me, but we didn't interact. Willow, the one with the gown, she shot my murderer and then she embraced my b-body and...Oh!" She sat up straight and wiped the tears from her eyes, remembering something she had almost forgotten.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I forgot to tell you something...the whole time, during the whole dream I mean, I heard Willow's voice saying something that sounded like a poem or the lyrics of a song. And then, after my DreamSelf was dead, I heard my own voice. It said "and, if God choose,I shall but love thee better after death." And then I woke up."  
  
"The 'Sonnets from the Portuguese'", Giles said.  
  
Tara just looked at him, failing to understand.  
  
"The poem, it's from a collection of love poems by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, called 'Sonnets from the Portuguese'. Does that remind you of something?"  
  
"That I should've paid more attention during my English lessons? No, I don't think I've ever heard it before." She sounded a bit apologetically.  
  
"Never mind. Then we can exclude the possibility that you heard it because you remembered it from somewhere." He took off his glasses again, a thoughtful expression on his face.  
  
"What does that mean?" she asked.  
  
"Well, it could mean that the words itself are important. But I don't know for sure. Let me just..." He stood up and left her sitting there, disappearing into what seemed to be his office. When he hadn't come back after half an hour, Tara got a bit worried.  
  
"Er, Mr Giles?" she called.  
  
Nothing. She tried again. "Mr Giles?"  
  
He poked his head out of his office. "Oh, I'm sorry. Could you wait a minute or something? I think I found something useful."  
  
"Can I help you somehow?"  
  
"No, just wait some more, I'll - just - this passage..." his voice trailed off and he returned to his books. Tara smiled and made herself comfortable. He really was nice.  
  
She was leafing through a book about witchcraft that had been lying on a table next to the chairs when he came back. The book was really good, it seemed different to the ones Anya had at her bookshop. It wasn't so much about the 'herstory of witchcraft' and women's empowerment - it seemed as if this was a real spellbook... but it didn't seem to be a beginner's book.  
  
"You are a witch?" Giles sounded surprised.  
  
She looked up. "Oh, no, I'm not, I'm just - it was lying here and I was just curious..."  
  
"Hm. Did you understand any of it?" He seemed to be excited somehow, and Tara didn't understand it.  
  
"Sure, I mean, I read some of the spells and stuff, but they seem to be pretty difficult. I mean, not that I'm an expert, I just have this feeling...what is it?" She was confused. He now had a very odd look in his eyes.  
  
"Nothing, it's merely - interesting that you are - er - interested in witchcraft, that's all. But now to the reason you came here..."  
  
"Yes?" she asked expectantly.  
  
"I think I found something that could help explain your dream. But first I have to ask you something...."  
  
She waited.  
  
"How much did you love her?" 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an hommage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Tara and Buffy have a talk about what Tara learned from Giles. Contains the first part of the beginning of an explanation *lol*  
  
***  
  
Buffy was home early that day. She couldn't wait to see if Tara had found out anything. She smiled. Yesterday had been the best day ever since Willow had been... Tara had seemed relaxed, almost happy. They had gone out for a picknick together, the whole ot of them. It had been totally beautiful. None of them really understood why Tara suddenly was so much happier, though. To dream that you die - how could that make you happy? She had talked to William about that (She couldn't bring herself to call him Spike - she didn't get it why he wanted to be called that way, it seemed to have got something to do with his work), and had expressed her worries that Tara might have suicidal thoughts. He had laughed at that.  
  
"C'mon, you really think she hasn't had them before? All the months she's spent in bed, crying and suffering? I honestly don't think you have to worry about her commiting suicide now." He leaned towards her to kiss her.  
  
"But why was she so - why did she behave so differently today?" Buffy needed to understand.  
  
"Didn't she say it had something to do with the second Willow? I don't know luv, I don't think you should worry about it right now. I know a way to make you stop thinking about it though..."  
  
Buffy smiled at the memory of how exactly he had managed that. She was so in love with him now... it had taken ages until she had allowed herself to. She had been so afraid, after the experiences she had made with her other two boyfriends. Her heart had been broken twice, and she hadn't know if she was able to survive it a third time. But William - he hadn't given up. When he had moved in with them - to help them - he had acted just as a friend, and he had always been there for her. And now it was perfect. She knew this wasn't how it would go on, she knew they would fight sometimes, but she also was determined to make it last.  
  
At that moment, the door opened. Tara had returned from the bookshop. Buffy practically jumped up and ran to greet her. "Hey," she said casually, trying (and failing) to hide her curiosity. Tara couldn't help smiling. Buffy was just great.  
  
"Hey," she said. "No work this afternoon?"  
  
"No, ahm, I was - tired, yes, tired, and I had... a headache."  
  
"Oh, shouldn't you lie down then?" Tara asked her, trying to sound serious.  
  
"No! It's better already, I'm fine... How are you?"  
  
"Fine, thank you." She grinned almost mischievously. "I'm pretty hungry."  
  
"Want some cookies? I made some." Buffy said eagerly.  
  
"You made cookies? When?" She started to like this...although Buffy wasn't the greatest of all cooks, her cookies were yummy.  
  
"Just now. To - to get rid of my headache." Now Buffy started grinning too. This was ridiculous...but fun.  
  
"Oh I see. Then I want some anti-headache cookies."  
  
"You can have them all - but please tell me: how did it go?"  
  
"Ha, I won!" Tara smiled. "You asked!"  
  
"Yes, you won, take all my cookies, but please..." Buffy pouted.  
  
"Okay, I'll tell you."  
  
"It's good news, isn't it? You're all cheery."  
  
"I don't know yet...but I think it's good. It's very odd."  
  
"So what happened? Right from the beginning."  
  
"Well, I went to the shop, where I met Mr Giles - he's very nice, English, and a bit peculiar. But in a good way. I told him about - about what happened last year, and about the dream of course. Then he disappeared into his office for an hour or so. When he came back, he asked he a rather odd question." Tara stopped, remembering how shocked she had been. No one had ever asked her that, there had been no need to.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"What did he ask you?"  
  
"Oh, he - he asked me how much I loved her."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"That's what I thought as well. And I guess I got a little angry. But then - I just told him. It must have sounded a bit too cheesy, but - he asked. After that, he went back into his office, but only for a minute this time. He showed me a book, here, he allowed me to borrow it."  
  
"'Myths'," Buffy read out the title. "What's in there?"  
  
"Myths," Tara answered. "More or less."  
  
"My, and isn't that an original title." She opened the book and started leafing through it. "Vampires, demons, Slayers...there doesn't seem to be a particular order, does it? What's that...'Into each generation a Slayer is born, one girl in all the world, a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness.' Interesting. And although this certainly makes a nice reading before bedtime, how does this concern you? There weren't any Slayers in your dream, were there?"  
  
Tara laughed. "No, there weren't. Let me see..." She took the book from Buffy, turned a couple of pages and then handed it back to her. "Here, read this."  
  
"'True soulmates'. Well, this is more to my liking... all romantic and lovey... 'True soulmates are rarely to be found.' Why's that? Why is it that there are Slayers and demons in each generation, but true soulmates are rare? Seems quite unfair to me... 'The Powers do not usually interfere with love. Love is something best left alone. However, sometimes a soulpair is connected so that they may recognize each other when they meet in life.' Huh?"  
  
"It's - well, the premise so to speak is that before we live, our souls are in a - well, he said 'salon', but also that he didn't know what it's like. Anyway, before we live, our souls are able to meet each other. But that doesn't mean that we recognize the souls we met as soon as we live... I know it's confusing, and I didn't quite understand it. What I understand is this: The Powers that Be seem to be the - well, I get the feeling it's something like a politically correct term for God. But they seem to be nicer. And don't seem to have as much power as God's supposed to have."  
  
"Skip the theology lesson, please." Buffy interrupted her.  
  
"What? Oh, sorry.. where was I? The souls. Right, it seems as if sometimes the Powers can be pretty romantic. For no apparent reason, they connect ,so they will recognize each other in life. It's a bit like this thing with the coin in the cake - or was it pudding? Personally, I haven't ever heard of either the pudding or the cake, but that's how Mr Giles explained it. Maybe it's an English thing. Back to the eample.... each soul gets one half of the 'coin', and when they meet in their human form, they are attracted to each other like - magnets."  
  
"I see. Or well, I don't, but let's just pretend I do. No - what does this all mean?"  
  
"Mr Giles believes - and I - I want to agree with him - that Willow and I are such true soulmates." Tara said hesitatingly.  
  
"Oh. You mean you're like - destined to be together?" Tara nodded. "Wow, that's - that's Wow. Don't you think so? I mean, you are really special, not that I didn't know it, but now it's kinda - official. Do you know what I mean?"  
  
"Sure I do. But - Buffy, the thing is - we were kinda special. Willow is dead," Tara reminded her.  
  
" She is, I know that. But I also know you - you wouldn't be so cheerful if that was all. Or would you?"  
  
"No, you're right. There is another thing. But it's just - it sounds totally fantastic."  
  
"What is it? Tell me. I wanna know. I like fantastic. See? Like the book with the Slayer."  
  
Tara smiled. "Okay, I'll tell you what Mr Giles told me. He said - the first thing he said was that the book you like so much doesn't belong to this world."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"That's about what I said, too. He said that our world was just one of many, that there were billions of another ones, just as real as ours. Some very similar to this, some totally different. But no world - or dimension, as he called it - was exactly the same, for if it were, it wouldn't be another world. I think he wanted to explain all this by taking examples from quantum theory, but I could stop him before it got serious. And according to him, this book obviously belonged to another dimension. A dimension were there are witches, vampires, demons and Slayers. And loads of other stuff he didn't want to tell me about."  
  
"So - how come this book got here? When it originally belongs to this other world?" Buffy asked. She had to admit she was a bit confused, and she didn't really believe what Tara was telling her. Different dimensions...that sounded almost too fantastic. No. It definetely sounded too fantastic.  
  
"There seem to be some who are able to travel between the different dimensions. And there are spells to cross dimensions. And-"  
  
"Wait," Buffy interjected, thinking she had realized something. "Does that mean you can't be soulmates after all? Because what's true in another dimension doesn't need to be true in this?"  
  
"No, the soulmate thing seems to be cross-dimensional. Actually, we are coming closer to the reason why I was so cheerful." Tara looked intently at Buffy. "I know this all sounds totally fantastic, and I'm not sure if I can believe it myself, but what I know is that I desperately want to believe it. Because..." she trailed off.  
  
"Because?" Buffy waited for her friend to finish the sentence.  
  
"Because there seems to be a chance for me to see Willow again."  
  
*** 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an hommage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Tara and Buffy *still* have a talk about what Tara learned from Giles. Finally - most of the mystery resolved (?)  
  
Author's Note: I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this update.... it's just....it was my birthday, and I got lots of Buffystuff to distract me *lol*...but here we go.... :-)  
  
***  
  
Buffy was speechless. She had seen something like that coming, of course, but she couldn't understand how Tara could actually believe it. She evidently seemed to. "Tara-"  
  
"I know what you wanna say - don't. Let me explain what Mr Giles told me. Please. I know you must be thinking I'm nuts-"  
  
"I don't think you're nuts, Tara. But - please be careful. It's just - if you set your hopes too high - it's dangerous." She sounded worried.  
  
"I know, don't worry about me. It - everything makes sense the way he explained it. Just, let me explain." She waited, and when Buffy nodded, she continued. "The book - no wait, I have to start with the dream - or do I have to start with the book? I'll take the book. As I already told you, it's from another dimension. This dimension seems to be very similar to ours. It seems as if Mr Giles has done a lot research on it. He is an expert of the occult and apparently knows a lot about these things. The book here is not the only one from this other dimension. About two years ago, some of his books got lost when there was this - thunderstorm. Do you remember that May? But although some got lost, he suddenly found some he had never seen before. He showed them to me - a couple of volumes, diaries - a watcher's diary."  
  
"What's a watcher?"  
  
"He seems to be something like teacher or a mentor of the Slayer you read about. And it's really - it's so odd and creepy, but..."  
  
"What? What's creepy?" Buffy wanted to know.  
  
"I read a couple of passages in that diary, and - we're in there. Well, not we really - but ourselves in that other dimension. There is a Buffy Summers in that other dimension, Dawn, Xander, Anya, Willow...and a Tara Maclay."  
  
Buffy just stared at her, unbelieving. "And you bought that? I mean, you realize he just made that stuff up, don't you?"  
  
"He didn't," Tara answered firmly. "And if you had seen him, you wouldn't think that. Really. And - what's in that book - he couldn't just have made that up."  
  
"What's in it, then? I mean, not that I'm believing or even starting to believe any of this so far, but..."  
  
"Well, Mr Giles is in that book, too. In fact, he's the one who wrote it."  
  
"Ha! Didn't I just tell you he -"  
  
Tara interrupted her. "No, not he - the Rupert Giles in the other dimension."  
  
"Oh, of course," Buffy muttered.  
  
"This - the other Rupert Giles is a watcher, it seems, I mean, it's his diary, and it's a watcher's diary and so - he's - actually, he's your watcher."  
  
"My watcher?"  
  
"This is so complicated... he is the other Buffy's watcher."  
  
"Wait a minute - does that mean that the other me - the other Buffy Summers - is the Slayer?"  
  
"Exactly. And from what he read and told me, Dawn isn't really your sister in that dimension, well she is, but she's also a mystical being called the key created out of an energy ball or something because you have to protect her. We both didn't really understand that. And it seems Anya is an ex demon who helps Mr Giles with his shop."  
  
"He has a shop there, too?" This was totally crazy.  
  
"Yes, a shop called 'The Magic Box'."  
  
"So there are witches in that dimension as well?"  
  
"It even seems as if Willow and I are witches."  
  
"What about Xander? And William?"  
  
"Ahm, Xander seems to be nothing special. And William..." Tara hesitated.  
  
"What is he? Is he dead there? Then I don't like it very mu-"  
  
"Well, that wasn't too bad a guess... but he's not dead, but - kinda undead?"  
  
"Undead?"  
  
"He's a v-vampire."  
  
Buffy laughed out loud. "Sure he is. You must be joking. How can a Slayer be in love with a vampire? That's ridiculous."  
  
"You think so? I thought it was rather poetic. In a maudlin sort of way."  
  
"Maudlin? Why are you talking like that?"  
  
"Okay, this line wasn't my idea. Mr Giles said it."  
  
"So this other Buffy really is in love with the other William?"  
  
""Uhm, no, not - really. In fact, they seem to be enemies. And he really is called Spike there. But I think he is in love with you. Or was, cause that's almost two years ago now. A lot of things might've happened since then. But there was another vampire you actually were in love with."  
  
"Oh my god, this other girl seems to have a worst taste in men than I have." Buffy sighed. "What's his name?"  
  
"Angel, I think. But I don't know that much about him, only that you - the other you - aren't or weren't together with him anymore. Whatever, what is important is - hey!" Tara shouted.  
  
Buffy was startled. She had been muttering 'Angel' and 'Spike' while she was thinking about this other dimension. The Slayer, huh? She smiled proudly. I'm a superhero, and if it is just in another world...that was when Tara demanded her attention. "Sorry, I - I was just thinking...what were you talking about?"  
  
"I was saying that what is important is that in Mr Giles opinion, one of this two worlds is newer than the other one. He found that out with the help of one the spellbooks from the other dimension. He doesn't know which, but it seems that one of them was created only a few months ago."  
  
"How is that possible?"  
  
"He doesn't know that as well, but after today, he said he had a suspicion. It has got something to do with me and Willow, it seems - because... guess when the second dimension was created?"  
  
"On May 7?" Buffy asked.  
  
"On the day Willow was killed." Tara nodded. "And he told me the date before I did. I mean, sure, he may have read it in the papers, but I - I believe him."  
  
"So - you're saying that one of these worlds was created because Willow was shot? Why? People are killed every day, and that doesn't mean another dimension is created, does it?"  
  
"No, it doesn't. Here the soulmate thing comes in. Mind you, neither Mr Giles nor I know anything for certain, but what we think happened is this: Either in this world, or in the other, Willow and I had found each other. When one of us was killed, the Powers decided to give us another chance and created a second world."  
  
"How is that a second chance? I mean, do you think that in that other world you are living together happily ever after?"  
  
"No, what we think is that in that other world, I got killed. So to get back together, one of us has to cross dimensions."  
  
"And nothing's as easy as that! Tara, do you realize how crazy all of this sounds?" Buffy was getting angry. Who was this lunatic, and how could he do something like this? Tara was all hopeful and cheery, and that was all for nothing. Tomorrow, when she would understand that this was nuts, she would have a breakdown again. And they would be back at the beginning. She cursed this guy.  
  
"I know how it sounds, but it has to be the truth. If you accept certain - possibilities - it doesn't sound too crazy," she defended her theory. "I guess you think I only believe it because it allows me to hope, but that's not the whole truth. That way, everything makes sense - the dream, my fascination with magic... the book."  
  
"There are other explanations that would make just as much sense as yours."  
  
"Maybe. But that is the right one! Try - at least try to believe it."  
  
"I can't. There are so many things that are unexplained - I mean, doesn't it have to be that other world that has been created last May? How could we remember anything that happened before May 7? And then again, how is it possible the books came to our world two years ago, when the other world didn't even exist back then?" Buffy sounded almost desperate. She had to convince Tara that this was useless, stupid, before she set her hopes too high.  
  
"You're right...the thing with the book doesn't make sense...not if we suppose our world was the first one. So - the other one was there first, and ours was created when I got killed. Of course our memories were all manipulated, so we could live a normal life." Tara smiled, glad that Buffy had solved a part of the riddle.  
  
But she didn't seem too happy she had done so. "Of course, that's how it must've been. You know that you are saying we all haven't existed until last May."  
  
"We have, Buffy, don't you get it? Just - just not in this form. And that doesn't make any of this world less real. It's as real as the other one, because we feel it is."  
  
"I don't know, Tara, I don't believe it. What does that mean for us?"  
  
"I have no idea, all I know is that I should call Mr Giles and tell him what we just found out. This could be important." Tara smiled at her and left the room.  
  
Buffy sighed. That was just great, another problem to add on the list. It had been all too good - the beautiful day yesterday, Tara being all cheerful...she was afraid of what would happen when her friend realized that all this talking about other dimensions was just - nuts. Or was it? What if that really was true? It seemed so unlikely she couldn't believe anyone could just make it up. Okay, Buffy, just try to believe it, only for a couple of minutes. Just pretend you do believe it.  
  
So, Willow and Tara were soulmates, that was an easy thing to believe. There were some higher beings who seemed to be in charge of the universe, called The Powers that be. They had created the soulmates. Something had happened to one of them, they were separated - one of them was killed. Because the Powers were romantics, they created another world were the one that had been killed still lived. In the case of Willow and Tara, this was their own world. No, she couldn't bring herself to believe that. Something seemed to be missing here. The Powers couldn't just have created another world because they were romantics. Buffy knew there was something else - something they didn't know of yet...  
  
She realized she was almost starting to believe it. And she knew Tara was right - just because she knew that this world wasn't as old as she herself was, what mattered was what she felt. And she felt at home here. Okay, so what next? If all of this was true - something she somehow still doubted - what were they supposed to do next? Maybe that Mr Giles would be able to help them.  
  
Tara returned to the living room. "I told him, and he was quite excited. He said he was going to look something up, and that he would call back."  
  
"That's great." She looked at her. "Tara, listen - even if all of this is true - what are we supposed to do now? What do you want to do?" Buffy knew the answer already, of course, but she wanted to hear it.  
  
"I want to get to Willow. We have - I have to figure out how to do it, and if I have, I'll go to her. I can't live knowing she is out there something, alone. We complement each other, you know?"  
  
Buffy didn't answer. Instead, she went over to Tara and embraced her. The two of them didn't say anything for a while. The Buffy spoke up.  
  
"I can't say I totally believe you. But maybe it's true, and I think we should find out as much as possible. If it's true, we will find a way for you to get to Willow, I promise." They both knew that by saying that, Buffy also had acknowledged that their own world was the one that had been created - and that Tara would have to leave somehow. The two women smiled at each other. Suddenly, they heard people outside - the others were coming back from work.  
  
"Buffy, could you -?" Tara asked her.  
  
She nodded. She would tell the others. That way she could try to bring some order to her thought. "I will, don't worry. Why don't you go upstairs and rest a bit? You look pretty tired."  
  
"I am. All this new information and walking around...it has exhausted me."  
  
"So try and get some sleep, will you?"  
  
Tara only hugged her in return. "Thanks," she whispered.  
  
*** 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an hommage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Back to our own Sunnydale again :-)  
  
***  
  
Right after Anya had found the body, Xander called Buffy and the Potentials. They were now all standing in the classroom, watching as Buffy was looking for anything that could help them identify the Slayer. The Potentials were whispering to each other, only Kennedy was silent. Anya had sat down on a table, Dawn beside her. Andrew and Xander were standing next to them. Only Spike was helping Buffy.  
  
"I think I found something," he said finally. While Buffy had looked through the dead girls jacket, he had searched her pants. Now he was holding up a driver's licence. "Julie Shaw. Born on April 19 1982. Anyone ever seen her? Was she at you school?" Spike glanced quickly at Dawn, who shook her head. Buffy took a look at the driver's licence. "Here it says she's from Seattle. We'll give that to Willow, maybe she can find out more." Xander noticed that when she mentioned Willow's name, her face took on an odd expression, but he didn't want to say anything in front of the SITs. He had a bad feeling, though.  
  
"Okay, everybody...we have to do something with the body." Buffy said.  
  
"Why don't we just call the police and let them deal with it?" Vy asked. "That way, her family will at least know -"  
  
"But what about the driver's licence?" Kennedy disagreed with her.  
  
"We could make a copy, I mean, we're at a school, and Buffy works here - that should be possible."  
  
"Still-"  
  
"No, Vy's right. I'll go and make a copy, you can already leave the building. Wait for me outside. Xander, could you call the police?" He nodded. Buffy went to her office, then returned to the third Slayer's - Julie's - body and put the license into her jacket. Then she joined the others and they started to walk home. On their way they heard the sound of police cars. When they were almost back at the Summer's house, Buffy stopped them. "Everybody, wait a second. I have to tell you something. We - someone paid us - or rather Willow - an unexpected visit tonight. You might have heard of her already. It's the only other Slayer left now - her name is Faith."  
  
"What?" Xander was shocked. "Faith? What does she want?"  
  
"I don't know yet. But it seems something has happened to Willow while was there - from what Faith told me, the First tried to use her to kill Faith or something."  
  
"Sure...and so Faith attacked her in self defense, as always." He sounded angry.  
  
"Xander, stop it. We don't know what has happened, and as soon Willow is alright again, she can tell us her side of the story. But I don't think it will be much different. I just wanted to let you know we have another guest right now." With that, Buffy turned, walked up to the door and opened it. "Faith?" She called. "We're back."  
  
Faith, who had been sitting next to Willow on the couch, got up. She had no idea what to do now, what to say. She motioned to Connor to stay where he was - she was sure her sudden appearance was enough to confuse Buffy. She made a few tentative steps in direction of the door.  
  
By then, the other Slayer had already entered the house. When she saw Faith, she felt all kinds of feelings stir up inside her - anger, fear, anxiety, relief - love. She almost hated herself for it. But she had always loved her like one loved a sister - a sister who had done very bad things, of course, but a sister. She had no idea what to say to her, so she decided to take the challenge step by step.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
"Hey B. Did you find what you were looking for?"  
  
"What? Oh, yes, we did. It was the third Slayer."  
  
Faith was confused. A third Slayer? "How's that possible?" At that moment, the others came through the door. "Is it her?" She asked, pointing at Kennedy.  
  
"No, that's a Potential. The third Slayer's dead." Buffy realized she was going to have to do a lot of explaining. Then she saw - "Willow! Will she be alright?"  
  
Faith was confused, but decided to wait with her questions a little longer. "Uhm, I guess so. Connor hit her with one of the books to knock her out, but as soon as she wakes up, she'll be alright, I'm sure."  
  
"Connor? Who's that?" Buffy turned around, and for the first time, she noticed Connor. Somehow she immediately knew who he was - it was the way he looked at her, his eyes - she felt it. "How-"  
  
"I'm Angel's -" Connor started, but Buffy interrupted him.  
  
"I know," she said softly. "How's that possible - who's your mother?"  
  
Before he could say anything, Faith spoke up. She knew that this was going to be hard for Buffy, and although she herself certainly wasn't known for being tactful - well, Connor wouldn't make things any better. And she felt that she could at least try. "B ? I think we need to talk. A lot. Do you wanna wait until she wakes up or-?"  
  
"No, I guess we should do it now." Buffy didn't take her eyes off Connor. The others were now all standing in the living room, watching either Willow or Faith or Connor. The Potentials seemed particularly impressed with Angel's son, and they were all giggly. "Dawn, Xander - look after Willow, right? Tell me as soon as she wakes up." With that she turned to Faith and the two Slayers left the room.  
  
***  
  
Buffy and Faith went downstairs to the basement - Buffy somehow wasn't ready to let Faith into her room again. The other Slayer could understand that completely. Buffy sat down on Spike's makeshift bed.  
  
"Who lives down here?" Faith asked.  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Spike? You mean William the Bloody? What's he doing here? Is he helping you now he got his chip?"  
  
"You know about the chip?" Buffy was surprised.  
  
"Yeah, he told me when - that is, he - I - when I was in your-"  
  
"Oh."  
  
Faith didn't really know what to say, so she decided to wait for Buffy to continue the conversation. She still didn't know what Buffy felt now that she had seen her again. There were so many things to talk about. And yet - she wasn't even sure if she deserved to know what had been going on in B's life.  
  
"Spike - he's got a soul now," the other Slayer interrupted her thoughts.  
  
"What? How- was he cursed as well?"  
  
"No, he went to a demon somewhere in Africa to get it."  
  
"Why would he do that?"  
  
"Because he's got a cr- because he loves me." Buffy looked at the floor. It still sounded odd - admitting that Spike actually felt something for her. But now - she began to get the feeling that it sounded odd not because it was Spike who was in love - but because he was in love with her. She couldn't believe anyone would want to fall in love with her, especially as he had seen both her boyfriends and how she had driven them both away - come to think about it, Spike was the one who had been around the longest.  
  
"Spike's - you want me to believe that Spike's actually in love with you? How did that happen?" Faith seemed amused.  
  
"You can't believe someone would fall in love with me?" Buffy asked before she could stop herself. Why did I have to say that?  
  
"No! You know that's just - well, you know you're being stupid. But Spike? I mean - I guess he was in love with you before he got that soul?"  
  
"Yeah. I don't know how it happened. He suddenly claimed that he was in love with me and I was totally disgusted."  
  
"Why? I mean, he's sexy, isn't he?"  
  
"Oh yes." Buffy smiled dreamily. "He certainly is. And when I came back from - when Willow brought me back from the dead, he was the only one who could make me feel something."  
  
"What do you mean, feel? You can't - you wanna tell me you slept with him?"  
  
"There wasn't much sleeping." Buffy blushed. Faith started to laugh.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Everything. You know, after Wesley got me out of prison, he told me about Connor. And I was like - Angel having a son - it can't get much weirder. Then I learned about the Angel - Connor - Cordy triangle and I thought ok, that's it. And now you are saying you had sex with Spike. I just - it's hilarious. Like in one of these soaps. I guess I fit in nicely, though - the good gal turned bad turned good again returns from jail." Faith smiled, but she seemed kind of sad. Buffy however had other things to think about.  
  
"What's the Angel - Connor - Cordy triangle?" she wanted to know.  
  
Oh great, Faith thought. "Er...the Angel - don't you wanna know something about Connor, where he came from, et cetera?" she tried to change the topic; at least a bit.  
  
"Sure," Buffy said slowly. "Tell me."  
  
"Well, it seems that Angel and Darla slept together and she sorta got pregnant -"  
  
"Darla? I thought she was-"  
  
"Yeah, but she was resurrected. Don't ask me how. Then she was pregnant, their child appeared to be human and was going to be delivered with a soul - but she couldn't actually give birth because she was kinda dead or undead, so she dusted herself. Then the little baby boy got kidnaped by one of his daddy's enemies, he took him into this helldimension were time goes by a lot faster than here, it seems, for when he returned, he was eighteen or something. Though I'm not sure if he doesn't just say so because of -" Faith managed to stop herself before bringing up the Cordy thing again.  
  
Buffy hadn't forgotten about that, though. "Because of what? And what about the triangle?"  
  
Faith sighed. "Alright, but don't kill the messenger. Connor kinda fell in love with Cordy, and she slept with him although Cordelia - it seems she is or was at least in love with Angel...and Angel was pretty mad when he found out that they had slept together, because he is in love with..." she trailed off, not wanting to actually say the words.  
  
"Cordelia?" Buffy sounded shocked. "Angel's in love with -? No, you must be kidding me."  
  
"I'm not. Sorry. I hope you're not too... upset?"  
  
"Upset? No, I don't think I am. I'm just - suprised, that's all. I mean - that's a lot to take in." Buffy felt very upset, though - she just couldn't admit it to Faith. Angel and Cordelia? That was just - ridiculous. She knew she was being silly - she had been together with Riley much earlier after her breakup with Angel; and Angel probably hadn't slept with Cordelia. Or maybe he had - and that he hadn't lost his soul meant that - stop it! She told herself. What was she thinking about? This was stupid. Angel and she hadn't been together for - more than three years now. And it was over. So - no biggie. Still, Cordy? She pushed all the thoughts about them together away. "Sorry. What did you just say?" she asked Faith.  
  
"Nothing important," the other Slayer replied. "I just said it was understandable. I mean, I was totally shocked, and it's not as if I have the past with Angel that you have."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. But - let's just forget it. Tell me again - what happened to Willow exactly?"  
  
"Red? That's what I wanted to ask you about. It was weird - I mean, after she recovered from the surprise... cause seeing me, you know? We were just - just talking."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About - I explained the thing with Connor, and then - back when we - or rather I - when I switched - when I was you? I met Red and her girlfriend, the blonde one? I just - I wanted to show her I had changed, you know? I wanted her to see I remembered stuff. And so I asked her how she was, if she was her girlfriend now, cause, I don't know if they're together now, but - I'm sorry B but she seemed to be even more in love with Willow than you and Angel were. What's with the strange look?" Faith started to really wonder. What had happened? What was wrong with that gal?  
  
"You asked her about Tara?" Buffy began to understand.  
  
"Tara! Yes, that's her name, I forgot. I have this thing with names."  
  
"Faith... Tara is - she's dead."  
  
"What? What do you mean? How- Oh my god. Great. I'm - I just messed things up, as always. I'm sorry, B, I didn't mean to-"  
  
"I know. It's - Tara was shot last May. And Willow - she took it kinda - badly. She went all black magic and stuff - tried to bring on the end of the world..."  
  
"Red? You're kidding." Faith couldn't believe it. Willow - evil?  
  
"I'm not. She killed Tara's murderer and then - things somehow got outta control. Xander could stop her though. And now - well, she's using again but it's pretty dangerous. Once, the First got-"  
  
"The First!" Faith interrupted her. "She was talking about it - she told me to knock her out. I couldn't do it, though - Connor did it."  
  
"It seems as if the First tried to gain control over her again." Buffy sighed. "Let's just hope she'll be alright when she wakes up."  
  
"What's with the First? Wasn't it that thing that pretended to be Giles's ex once?"  
  
"Yeah, but it's a bit more complicated. Let me give you an update..."  
  
*** 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an hommage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: I can't stop to thank you all for the nice feedback I get - I'm so glad you like this story. And I'm glad I started writing it. So let me say it once more, with feeling: THANKS!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: This is mostly just talk again. But the next part will be a bit less filler like like this one, I promise.  
  
Author's note: As you guys have had to wait quite long for Chapter Fourteen, I decided you deserve a real treat for the rest of this week: check for updates tomorrow and on Saturday as well...I promise you there'll be new chapters up. Maybe (if I'm not too lazy) you'll get Chapter Nineteen on Sunday as well :-)  
  
***  
  
While Buffy and Faith were talking downstairs in the basement, the others were all standing in the livig room, curiously eyeing Connor. Anya was the first to speak up.  
  
"So - who exactly are you?"  
  
"Connor."  
  
"Yeah, we kinda got that - but what are you doing here?" Xander questioned him.  
  
"Reading." He pointed at the book in his lap.  
  
"Look, I don't know about you, but this isn't really funny anymore. Are you going to tell us who you are or -"  
  
"He's Angel's son." Willow answered, having finally woken up.  
  
"Willow!" Xander quickly walked over to her. "Are you alright?"  
  
"My head - it feels big. Is it big?"  
  
"No, it's head si - what did you just say? This - Connor is Angel's son?"  
  
"Yes. Faith told me." Willow started to get up from the couch. "Ouch! It's - sure, it's strange, but - his mother is Darla-"  
  
"Darla? I thought she was dead!" Xander got even more confused.  
  
"No, I knew about that," Spike said. "She has been resurrected. Dru told me some time ago."  
  
"But - I mean - then Angel must have - I mean - and - huh?"  
  
"Angle must have had sex. It can't have been that good, because otherwise Angelus would have been on the loose. I thought she was a prostitute when she was human - guess she had a bad day," Anya wondered.  
  
"She was a prostitute?" Now Connor sounded interested.  
  
"She didn't tell you?" Anya smiled at him. "Poor neglected child - teenage child. How come you're so - big?"  
  
"My mother is dead."  
  
"Again," Xander muttered.  
  
"And I was raised in a helldimension. And I'm not a child." He looked at Anya, defiantly.  
  
"Sure. You're quite the man. So Faith's your girlfriend?" she asked him.  
  
"Actually, it seems Cordy-" Willow started, stopping in the middle of the sentence, realizing that this probably was something Xander didn't need to know. But he understood.  
  
"Cordy? You are Cordy's boyfriend?" Xander looked at him in horror.  
  
"What does it mean to you?"  
  
"Nothing, except...oh my god, this really is turning into a soap opera, isn't it? Or maybe it's a dream, one I really want to end now!" He sat down on the couch. "This isn't a dream, is it?"  
  
"I guess not. I'm sorry." Willow smiled at him, almost apologetically.  
  
"It's not your fault. Does - does Buffy know?" he asked.  
  
"It looked like it, didn't it?" Kennedy said. "I mean, she told him she knew... it seemed as if she felt it or something. I'm sure Faith is telling her everything right now."  
  
"Hopefully not everything. She doesn't need to know about Cordy and Ange-" Willow muttered, again forgetting Xander.  
  
"Cordy and Angel?" Now Xander was completely horrified. "What's up there in LA? Has evrybody gone crazy? Angel is having sex - oh god, did he have sex with Cordy? He didn't did he?" He turned to Connor.  
  
"I don't hope so. What do you care about Cordelia?" Connor looked confused.  
  
"She's his ex girlfriend," Anya answered.  
  
"You mean him?"  
  
"What do you mean, you mean me?" Xander sounded a bit hurt.  
  
"Guys, it's enough," Willow interrupted them. "There is no need to - there is no time for this. Besides, it makes my head hurt. So, did you find her? The third Slayer?"  
  
"There is a third one?" Connor asked. "I thought it was the Chosen One."  
  
"You know what? Why don't you and the girls go to the kitchen - I'm sure you're hungry, aren'tcha?" Willow smiled at him. "Dawn, could you?"  
  
"Sure. This way." She went over to the kitchen, joined by the potentials. Connor had started to protest, but when he saw Willow's look and Dawn he decided not to. "So, where will I sleep tonight?" he asked.  
  
"You could sleep in my room," Dawn offered.  
  
"You think you're sister would be fine with that?"  
  
"I-" By then they had arrived in the kitchen, and the others couldn't here them anymore.  
  
"So -" Willow spoke up. "What did you find out?"  
  
"We found the third one -" Xander started.  
  
"I did," Anya chimed in.  
  
"Anya found the third one. She was hanging from the ceiling of an unused classroom. We - or Buffy has a copy of her driver's licence. You think that'll help you find out something?"  
  
"I guess that should work. So she's definetely dead, is she?"  
  
"She is." Xander sighed. "And now Faith is back, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, she is."  
  
"What happened, Willow? Did she attack you?"  
  
"No, Connor did."  
  
"Connor! Why -"  
  
"Xander - I told them to. It - it was pretty odd - or rather - I don't know. Faith and Connor - they got me really confused and a bit upset and then Faith started to talk about Tara - in a nice way - and upset became angry as in 'very angry' and suddenly I lost control - the First was inside me. I think it wanted me to attack - to kill Faith. But Connor luckily knocked me out in time."  
  
"Do you think she'll stay?" Andrew asked. "I mean, it's not that we couldn't use another superhero around here... maybe we could ask Angel to come over as well."  
  
"I'm sure they have things to take care of as well," Willow said.  
  
"They have." Everybody turned around. Faith was standing at the door, Buffy behind her. "So I guess you have to put up with me. Hey everybody." She smiled slightly. Xander, Anya and Spike murmured a welcome, but Andrew walked up to her and offered her his hand. "Hi Faith."  
  
She looked at his hand for a moment, then took it. "Hi-?"  
  
"Andrew. I'm Andrew." He smiled eagerly.  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"He's our hostage turned cook. We don't know exactly what he's there for, but - the house is crowded anyway, so one person more or less doesn't matter," Buffy answered. "Speaking of cook - are you hungry?"  
  
"No, thanks - I'm mostly tired. Do you think I could sleep somewhere? Do you have a spare blanket?"  
  
"Sure, I'll get one. Um, what about Connor? Will he be staying here for long?"  
  
"I guess not. Maybe till tomorrow. He really should get back to the others, they need his strength."  
  
"You can never have enough superheroes, can you?" Buffy grinned and started walking in the direction of the kitchen.  
  
"Wait, Connor's a superhero?" Xander called after her, sounding frustrated.  
  
"He sorta is."  
  
"This is so unfair. Why don't I have special powers? Everybody else has, even demon spawn boy," he grumbled.  
  
"Maybe we can find a spider to bite you," Andrew offered. Xander just looked at him. "I think maybe we should all go to sleep," he suggested.  
  
"I'm fine with that," Willow smiled at him. "Don't be grumpy, Xander- remember, you saved the world last summer."  
  
"I sure did." He smiled back at her. "Good night then."  
  
"Good night."  
  
*** 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. The song is by Melanie Doane and called "I can't take my eyes off you" - I guess you all know it ;-) And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an hommage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: I can't stop to thank you all for the nice feedback I get - I'm so glad you like this story. And I'm glad I started writing it. So let me say it once more, with feeling: THANKS!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: A dream again...as you might have guessed reading the Disclaimer... I only have songs or poems in the dreams, don't I? Well, my bad ;-) But - it's different this time (a bit).  
  
***  
  
She was standing in a dimly lit room, watching someone - a man? - dressing in front of a mirror. As it was pretty dark she couldn't quite see who it was, but the clothes looked a bit odd. Or oldfashioned. She turned around - and wasn't really surprised that suddenly she was in another dark room, watching someone else dress in odd looking clothes. And again she couldn't see who it was.  
  
"Hey B." Now she was a bit startled. "Faith? What-?"  
  
"I think we're in a kinda dream. In somebody else's, I mean. Or is it your dream?" The other Slayer was standing at her side.  
  
"I don't think so. But how-"  
  
At that moment, someone started to speak. Buffy instantly recognized the voice.  
  
"So dear to me  
  
Always keep me company  
  
Who needs to go outside..."  
  
"Tara?" She couldn't believe it.  
  
"What? Red's girlfriend? You dream about Red's girlfriend? Does she know about this?"  
  
"I'm - we're not dreaming about Tara, we're just hearing her voice. Which is creepy enough,"Buffy muttered. "Where do you think we are?"  
  
"I don't know. But - Buffy, I think - I think we're not the only ones watching." Faith pointed to Buffy's side and then to hers. They definitely weren't alone.  
  
"Willow? Tara?" Now she started to get freaked. This wasn't just creepy, that was -  
  
"They don't seem to hear us. Or see us. Or each other," Faith said. And it looked she was right. Willow and Tara were watching something. Suddenly Buffy noticed the scenery had changed.  
  
"Look! It's - we seem to be in a kind of ballroom now. And there -"  
  
"There's Red again. So - you got the hots on her? I mean, to have her in your dream twice...as in two at the same time..."  
  
"Faith, I don't -" She turned to the other Slayer, who was grinning mischievously.  
  
"I know. Just like to tease you, B. I know all you care about is vampires."  
  
Buffy just sighed and turned back to watch the Willow on the dancefloor. She was dancing with some blonde guy, which was odd... she hadn't seen Willow dance with a guy for ages. Which wasn't that odd, with Willow being gay and all, she thought. Then there was a voice again, but this time it was -  
  
"Red?"  
  
"I will be your silent bride  
  
I can't take my eyes off you..."  
  
"Is this a duet or what?" Faith was a bit confused as there suddenly was Tara speaking again.  
  
"I can't take my eyes off you..."  
  
"Who is that guy?" Buffy asked.  
  
"What guy?"  
  
"They guy Willow's dancing with."  
  
The other Slayer laughed. "What?"  
  
"Don't you see it, B.? That isn't a guy - that's her sweetheart."  
  
"You mean-?"  
  
"I mean. You haven't really - you have. You thought Tara was a guy. Just - I mean, just look at her. No man's got hips like her." Faith smiled dreamily.  
  
"I'm sorry. All the other women are wearing dresses, and Tara is not, so I thought- hey, we are we now? And what exactly do they think they are doing?" She watching them undress each other, then turned around, embarrassed. "Ew!"  
  
"What?" Faith had been following each of their moves. She almost couldn't take her eyes off them, but turned to Buffy and saw Willow and Tara again.  
  
"They - they are watching themselves...you know...don't you think it's odd?"  
  
"Well, maybe they think it's kinky?" Faith offered and turned back. She was sorry to see they seemed to have missed the best part. Now they were lying on the bed, naked, holding each other, looking into each other's eyes.  
  
"Nothing ever needs to be said  
  
You send your message  
  
right into my head  
  
You fill me up when I'm alone  
  
So soothing is your monotone  
  
I can't take my eyes off you  
  
I can't take my eyes off you..."  
  
Now their voices were mingled, mixed together. Faith had to swallow hard. The way they said them...so full of love, so gently...she'd never heard anything like it, not even the night she had slept with Riley...  
  
Buffy was watching the other pair of them. They were standing there like she and Faith were, watching themselves transfixedly. They both seemed lost, and somehow in their own worlds...then she heard Willow's voice again.  
  
"So maybe you're not as real  
  
as the others  
  
But I choose you over all my past lovers..."  
  
She turned back to the DreamCouple. She watched Willow lean over to kiss her lover. She looked so happy, so - satisfied and at ease with herself. She was amazed at how much in love they were. She had never experienced anything like it. It almost broke her heart, knowing that such a pair of lovers couldn't be together anymore. Besides, she found they both were really beautiful, lying there...at that moment, Tara spoke up again. Or - well, it wasn't really them saying it, she just heard there voices. But it was a dream after all.  
  
"For they have come and they have gone  
  
but I can always turn you on  
  
I can't take my eyes off you..."  
  
"The two of them really are in their own world, aren't they?" Faith whispered.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"It's - it's beautiful."  
  
"It is."  
  
"I can't take my eyes off you  
  
I can't take my eyes off you..."  
  
Now they were speaking together again. It was as if time had stopped. For the first time in months, Buffy stopped worrying. It comforted her completely to see the two of them together. She realized she was crying now, but she didn't care. Faith was feeling roughly the same as the other Slayer - she just was able to stop herself from crying. For some time they all were just standing there, lost in the moment.  
  
Then there was noise outside - footsteps, then some major banging on the door. "Open the door, you bitch, I know you're in there. I won't let this happen, you know? I'll kill you, I'll kill you both..."  
  
"What is this?" Faith turned to Buffy.  
  
"I don't know...but it doesn't seem to be good."  
  
The banging stopped, and the lovers had gotten out of bed, both looking scared. They were obviously searching for a way to escape. There wasn't any. Buffy felt helpless - she wanted to help them so badly, but there was no way she would be able to interfere. She really hated dreams - nightmares. Suddenly, Tara spoke up.  
  
"Listen, love, you have to go, I'll stall. It's ok, I won't let anything happen to me. Just...just run, right? Everything will be alright." Buffy smiled slightly when she saw she had put on her resolve face. Willow didn't seem to have a choice here.  
  
"But-"  
  
"Leave, I'll follow soon. You don't have to worry, nothing will happen to me...just...just run when I tell you, right?"  
  
The two of the kissed, holding on to each other... Faith wished she could do something. She had a really bad feeling about this. And although this was just a dream, it was - it felt important. It mattered to her. Now the banging started again...it wasn't banging, though - someones was trying to break the door.  
  
"Are you ready?" Tara asked.  
  
Willow nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. Tara looked at her lover intently.  
  
"I love you. Now..." Faith and Buffy both watched Tara open the door, shouting "RUN!" Willow did just that, sneaking by the guy who came stumbling through it. Tara though was just standing there, not being able to move.  
  
"Now, bitch, I guess you could call that caught in the act... you'll regret that, and your loverbitch as well." The two Slayers noticed he was carrying a gun. That definitely wasn't good. He grabbed Tara and threw her across the room. She hit her head hard on the floor and didn't move. The man bowed over her to check if she was unconscious. When he was right above her, Tara grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down. There was a struggle, and she tried to escape. Finally, she was free, and stumbled towards the door. "NO, YOU WON'T!!!"  
  
As she was about to escape, the man took his gun and shot her.  
  
It was odd, really - suddenly everything seemed extra surreal. They didn't really hear the shot, all they noticed was the other Willow, wearing a white shirt, now sprinkled with blood.  
  
"She doesn't belong to that dream..." Buffy said.  
  
"I guess she doesn't. But, Buffy, we have to do something."  
  
"We can't. It's a dream." She was watching helplessly as her best friend just stood there.  
  
"Actually, that isn't true." 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: I can't stop to thank you all for the nice feedback I get - I'm so glad you like this story. And I'm glad I started writing it. So let me say it once more, with feeling: THANKS!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: This is what happened before the dream in our alternate universe.  
  
Author's note: I'm sorry, I know I didn't keep my promise...the "there will be an update on Saturday" one, I mean....but you know, I went out with some friends and then there is this whole daylight saving thing...and now it's 4:15 am on Sunday... well, but - insted of just one update, you'll get two - the Saturday and the Sunday one. Have fun ;-)  
  
***  
  
When Tara woke up, it was already dark outside. She was surprised she had been able to sleep, but then again she really had been tired. She got out of bed and went into the bathroom. She hadn't dreamed anything...but she remembered everything she had talked about with Mr Giles and Buffy. She looked at herself in the mirror, smiling. She would find a way, and she would be together with Willow again.  
  
She went downstairs to see what the others were up to. Tara wondered whether Buffy had told them already, and whether they thought she had completely lost their mind. When she was half way down the staircase, she stopped, listening.  
  
"So - you're saying none of this is real?" That was Xander.  
  
"No!" Buffy sounded a bit exasperated. "Our world - dimension is just as real as the other. It just isn't as old. Listen, I know this sounds weird, but - I think we should try to believe it. We don't have any proof that the theory is false."  
  
"But there isn't much evidence saying it's right either, is there?" William wanted to know. "I mean, except for the dream."  
  
"What about the books?" Dawn suggested.  
  
"They could be fake," William replied.  
  
"Yeah, but why in the world would this Mr Giles fake them? How would he know Tara would come to him because of the dream she had? That doesn't make much sense, does it?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No, I guess it doesn't. Alright, let's just - assume it's right...what do we do now? And...did you say you were a superhero in that world?" William sounded impressed.  
  
"Yeah...I'm the Chosen One there."  
  
"You're my Chosen One here," he answered, pulling her towards her to kiss her.  
  
"Oh my god, how cheesy is that?" Anya said. The she noticed Tara. "Hey, look who's up! How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine, thank you," Tara replied, smiling. She joined others and sat down on the couch next to Dawn. "So - what do you think?"  
  
"You mean, apart from 'this sounds as if both you and Buffy and that Mr Giles have gone completely mad'?" Xander asked.  
  
"Xander!"  
  
"What?" He looked at his fiancée who had scolded him. "That's what you are thinking as we, isn't it?"  
  
"Well, maybe it is...but I'm with Buffy here...we maybe should try to believe it. I mean, what harm can it do?"  
  
"Okay, let's pretend this world didn't exist before the 7th of May 2002 - let's pretend there are other dimensions, and one where Tara's soulamte is waiting for her. What do we do now?"  
  
"We don't know," Buffy said. "But someone's coming over who might."  
  
At that moment, someone knocked on the door. "I'm coming!" Buffy called, leaving Williams lap. "Hi, Mr Giles, I'm Buffy Summers. I'm glad you could come."  
  
"Hello Miss Summers. Thanks for having me."  
  
"Come and join us - Tara you know already - these are William, my boyfriend...Anya and Xander...and Dawn, my sister."  
  
"I'm delighted to meet you," he said, smiling and nodding at them.  
  
"Hi Mr Giles," was all the others replied.  
  
"So..." Tara started, "Did you find anything?"  
  
"Actually, no...not much. The problem is - I only have the few books I have and there isn't much in there. But I have an idea how we might be able to find out some more."  
  
"You have?" Dawn asked. "What is it?"  
  
"Well, if we assume there is this other world or dimension - we should be able to contact it somehow. I guess - as theirs is a world familiar with the supernatural - they have much more information available than we have. Maybe they might even know a way for Tara here to cross dimensions."  
  
"Whoa, not so fast here," Xander interrupted him. "Even if all of this is true - and I'm not saying I believe any of it - I don't think we should rush with the 'cross dimensions' thing. And - how do we know it's Tara who has to the crossing anyway? I mean, why doesn't Willow just come over? I would like to see her again as well."  
  
"Xander has a point," Anya said. "We can't know who has to cross, can we?"  
  
"I don't know. It's just - if we assume this world was the one created to enable Tara to cross over some day? But then, that argument would work for the Willow side as well..." Giles stopped to think for a moment. "However, I think we shouldn't bother with that question now. We have to take one step after the other. So I suggest - let's find out what we can."  
  
"How?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Oh, that's easy. From what I have read about Slayers, they seem to be very sensitive concerning dreams. And there are some spells how to contact them via dreams. We should be able to reach at least one of them."  
  
"One of them?" Buffy asked, sounding surprised. "I thought there was just one Slayer...she being the Chosen One and all of that..."  
  
"You are right, but as this one Slayer - your counterpart, so to speak - has apparently died once for a couple of seconds, but has been brought back to life by CPR, another one has been activated...so now there are two. Anyway, as I said, we should be able to contact them."  
  
"How do we do it?" Tara wanted to know.  
  
"It's quite easy, actually. There is a potion I already mixed and a short incantation one has to say...then all you have to do is to go to sleep. And you have to concentrate a bit," Giles said.  
  
"A potion?" William asked. "What's in it?"  
  
"Some herbs...nothing to worry about...do you want to see the recipe? It's in here." He handed him the book he had been carrying. "I understand you all are concerned - this must have been a shock to all of you - and I gather you probably don't trust me at all - but I assure you, I don't want to harm anybody. I just want to help."  
  
"What's in it for you?" Xander questioned him.  
  
"In it?" Giles didn't seem to understand.  
  
"Yeah, why do you help us? Do you want money, or - I don't know. What do you want?"  
  
"All I want is to help you - and the Powers that Be. I have this feeling that what we do - or rather those in that other dimension do things that matter to the existence of the universe. And I think that we are here for a reason as well. Ever since I discovered these books, I've been thinking of contacting all of you, but I decided to wait and see if one of you will come to me. This dimension wasn't just created to help two soulmates to get back together again - the Powers may be romantics, but there's a limit to everything. I don't know why all this is happening, but I think there is a bigger picture and we are missing it. I know it's not easy for you to trust me - but I know a way how I might convince you that not all I'm saying is the product of utter lunacy."  
  
"What do you mean?" Dawn asked.  
  
Giles got a couple of books out of his briefcase. "Here - these are the Watcher's Diaries."  
  
"You know we know you could've faked them."  
  
"I know. But I don't think you suggest I could have faked this." He pulled out a last book - it was the one about witchcraft Tara had been reading while he was in his office. "Tara, would you be so kind to read the first page to us." He handed her the book.  
  
"Of course," she replied and started to read. "'The Laws of Witchcraft. 1. Do what you will as long as it harms none; 2. Do what you will as long as you don't interfere with anyone else's free will; 3. That which you send out returns to you threefold.'"  
  
"You're making this up," Xander said. He was standing next to her, looking at the book.  
  
"What? I'm not - can't you read it?"  
  
"Tara - the pages are empty." He took the book from her. "See? There's nothing in it." He showed it to the others.  
  
"That's not quite right," Giles told them. "It says in the diaries that this is a book only witches can read. And as it always says that Tara in that other dimension is a very powerful witch, I guess it might proove that I'm not making this up."  
  
"You mean, Tara is a witch here as well? How is that possible? Doesn't that mean I should be a Slayer, too?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I'm not sure how all of this works. I assume that either Tara has kept her power because this world was created in order to enable her to get back to the one she came from and her powers are needed there or it's just that you," he gestured at Buffy, "don't have any special powers unless you are called."  
  
"So - you're saying - I'm a witch?" Tara sounded surprised.  
  
"And a very powerful one."  
  
"Wow." She was impressed. "So - let's do it - the spell - the one to contact the Slayers with."  
  
"Alright then... I think it will be best if you lie down for the procedure..as you will fall asleep during it. You will be in a dream as well - so it even might be you redream the dream you told me about."  
  
"That's okay." Tara smiled. "Dawnie, if you get off the couch I could lie down here...or should I get up to my room?"  
  
"I think it'll be fine here," Giles assured her. "So - after you drink this, say 'I call you, Chosen One. Heed my call. Heed my call. Heed my call'. Then just lie down and think of what you are going to tell them - or her."  
  
"Okay. Anything else I have to do? How much time do I have?"  
  
"I don't know exactly. One hour maybe? I have never done anything like this before." Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them.  
  
"I'm sure it'll all work out fine," Tara assured him and the others. "I'll be back soon." She smiled at them, then took a sip of the potion and repeated the incantation. "I call you, Chosen One. Heed my call. Heed my call. Heed my call." The next second, she was lying flat on her back on the couch. Then she fell asleep. She didn't even have the time to 'concentrate'. 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: I can't stop to thank you all for the nice feedback I get - I'm so glad you like this story. And I'm glad I started writing it. So let me say it once more, with feeling: THANKS!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The dream - continued....  
  
***  
  
The two Slayers both turned around in shock. Now they were facing the other Tara. "What?" they asked in unison.  
  
"I- I mean - it is a dream, but I think you can do something." Tara smiled at them tentatively. "Hi. I'm Tara. Are you the other Slayer?" she asked, looking at Faith.  
  
"Yes... I'm Faith."  
  
"Hi Faith," Tara said.  
  
"Um, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but this is kinda creepy...being in this dream...watching you and your double...and Red and her double...and now you talking to us...you being dead and all," Faith said. "And by the way, I know you already. I met you in Buffy's body at the Bronze."  
  
"Sorry?" Tara looked confused. "I don't - oh. Um - anyway, I know this must seem strange to you, but I think you have had some other strange experiences already, so...let me explain. I think I have to hurry a bit, I don't know exactly how much time I have."  
  
Buffy had just been standing there, watching Tara. Now she couldn't help herself any longer - she went over to her friend and hugged her. "Tara. It's so good to see you - even just in a dream."  
  
"Hey Buffy. I'm glad to meet you - the other you."  
  
"Huh?" Buffy freed herself from the embrace. "The other me? There is another me?"  
  
"I told you I was going to explain." Tara smiled. "I'm - I'm not the Tara you know. I'm from another dimension. And in this other dimension there is a Buffy as well. Probably a Faith as well," she turned to the other Slayer, "but I don't know her," she said apologetically.  
  
"Never mind." Faith replied. "Other dimensions, huh? Had something like that before, hadn't we?"  
  
"You have experience in this? Then you might be able to help me!" Tara seemed excited.  
  
"In this world...is there a Willow as well?" Buffy asked.  
  
"There was - she got killed. And - this is why I am here now. It seems as if the Powers that Be - they seem to want to give us a second shot, Willow and me, that is. I had this dream you were just in, and I saw two Willows, like you did, but I don't think she saw me. I went to this esoteric bookshop guy, Mr Giles and-"  
  
"Giles owns an esoteric bookshop? Cute." Buffy grinned.  
  
"Well," Tara continued, "he told me all this strange stuff.. I always thought it belonged to fantasy books and fairy tales and horror movies...he told me about different dimensions, vampires, Slayers, demons, witches...about all the stuff you must know pretty well. And he told me there might be a chance to cross dimensions...so I could get back to Willow."  
  
"So why don't you just do it?" Faith wanted to know.  
  
"I would - if I knew how. That's the problem - we don't have any idea how to do it. All we have are a couple of diaries by your Giles we guess...and we thought... if we could contact someone of you...you might perhaps be able to help us...I mean, you must have books on this?"  
  
"I think we might - but why us? Why didn't you contact Willow?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Um... it seemed as if you Slayers are pretty sensitive concerning dreams...and then..." Tara stopped.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I don't know - but I wasn't really sure if Willow - your Willow would want me to come - I mean, she didn't see me, did she? And if-"  
  
"She totally would want to see you again," Buffy said. "If there is one thing I am positive about it's that. If you can get to here, do - it would mean the world to her - you are the world to her. Besides, it looks as if we need you to stop the Apocalypse."  
  
"You need me?" Tara sounded a bit unbelieving. "Well, okay, do you think you can find a way for me to cross dimensions?"  
  
"We'll see what we can do." Buffy smiled reassuringly. "How - how can we get back to you? I guess we can't just write an email."  
  
"I guess you can't. I'll - I'll try to contact you again in - how much time do you need?"  
  
"I don't know, three days? I think we should be able to find something by then."  
  
"In three days then...Buffy?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Is - is she alright? Willow, I mean?"  
  
"Yes, she is. She misses you a lot, though."  
  
"I miss her, too. I - did she kill anybody?"  
  
"Why do you think that?" Buffy asked, not really wanting to answer that question. She shouldn't be the one to tell her about Evil Willow.  
  
"I don't know, it's just that - in the dream, after I - my DreamSelf - was shot, she killed my murderer."  
  
"You watched yourself getting killed in your dream?" Faith asked, trying to change he topic at least a bit. She sensed that Buffy didn't really want to answer that question about Willow. "That must've been - harsh."  
  
"I don't know, it wasn't that bad - oh." Tara looked down at herself. "I think it's time for me to wake up." She suddenly got dimmer....or see through-y...it was pretty strange, Buffy looked. A bit like a Fata Morgana or something.  
  
"So...see you in three days?" Faith said, trying to sound as if this all was a run of the mill experience for her...meeting a dead person in a dream, and having an appointment with her.  
  
"Yes - see you in three days." Tara smiled at them while dissolving further. "Tell Willow I love her." The last thing they saw was her smile.  
  
"That was odd," Buffy said.  
  
"Yeah, a bit like the Cheshire Cat." Faith grinned. "So what are we gonna do now?"  
  
"I think we should wake up." 


	20. Chapter Twenty

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please! Tell me what you like, what you don't like, what I could do / should do...  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: After the last dream - back in our Sunnydale.  
  
Author's note: Something I forgot to do the last time - I have to thank Ellen for the whole "dream communication" idea. She suggested it, and, well, I did what she told me (well, almost *lol*) So, thanks a lot!  
  
***  
  
The first thing Buffy did the next morning was looking for Faith. She obviously had to talk to her about the dream - and about what to do next. She found her in the kitchen, together with Dawn, Connor -and Willow. She wondered what Willow would say if they told her that they had spoken to Tara - a Tara from another dimension, sure, but one who seemed to love Willow and wanted to get back to her, after all. 'Tell Willow I love her', that's what Tara had asked them to do. But Buffy realized she couldn't. She couldn't tell her best friend there might be a slight chance to bring back the love of her life - and the one person who might help them defeat the First - and - what if it wouldn't work? She knew Willow would be devasted, more than ever. Hope could be a bad thing really. Especially if the things you wished for didn't come true.  
  
So when she joined the others in the kitchen, she looked at the others, trying to find out whether Faith had already said something. As Willow seemed pretty normal and not overly cheery, she concluded that Faith had decided for her to break the news. Except she wouldn't. First she needed to talk to Giles, who had come back with yet another Potential. He had gotten the phone call yesterday, just before they left for their search trip at the High School. "Good morning everybody."  
  
"Buffy!" Faith, who had been standing with the back to her, turned around. "How - how are you?"  
  
"I'm fine, thanks. I - I kinda need to talk to you alone for a second. Is that alright?"  
  
"Sure, I'll - Connor here just wanted to leave. I'll wait until I'm sure he actually does so."  
  
Willow grinned. "It's okay Faith, you can go and talk with Buffy. I'll see to it the two of them don't - y'know." With that, she looked at Connor and Dawn, whop both cringed but didn't say a thing.  
  
"Whoa, is there anything I should worry about?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No, there isn't," Faith said, pulling her after her out of the kitchen. "Bye Connor, see ya!" When they were standing in the hallway, she stopped. "Don't worry, we were just joking... I think. I mean, soon he's going to be in LA again anyway. And as soon he's under Cordy's thrall again..."  
  
"Thrall? There is thrall?" Buffy sounded shocked again.  
  
"I don't know. Don't like to think about the two of them. To be honest, I think it's somewhat icky. I mean, she's his mother in a way."  
  
"Stop it, please," Buffy begged her. "Now, we have to talk. About what happened last night. You remember, right?"  
  
"You mean the dream? Sure I do. What, you think I'd forget that?"  
  
"No, but I thought maybe it was just me having the dream after all," Buffy said. "Let's - let's go upstairs to my room. We should be alone there." The two Slayers did just that. After Faith had closed the door behind her, she looked at Buffy.  
  
"So, what is it you want to talk about?"  
  
"I - you didn't tell Willow, did you?"  
  
"After what happened the last time I mentioned her girlfriend? Not really. I thought I'd leave that job to you. Why are you asking?"  
  
"I don't think we should tell her right now."  
  
"But - Tara - she asked us to tell her - and to find out - how are we supposed to-"  
  
"I know," Buffy interrupted. "But just - I mean, what if that was the First, trying to hurt us? Or what if it was really her but it doesn't work? If we tell her and it doesn't work, it'll - it'll kill her. Or at least hurt her. I don't want that right now. And as for the research part, I think we can just ask Giles. I'm sure he can help us."  
  
"I guess you're right. I don't know. Do you really think it was the First?"  
  
"No." Buffy smiled. "It just - the First is - it's too evil to be able to show us what we saw. I mean, you saw them as well...making love - that was too good to be evil. And the way she talked to us - no, I'm sure it was her. Now we have to find a way to bring her to our dimension."  
  
"So - let's talk to Giles. Is he back yet?"  
  
"I think so. He's probably asleep, or down in the living room. Let's wait until Willow's at the university, okay?"  
  
Faith just smiled in agreement and sat down on Buffy's bed. "Waiting's just fine."  
  
***  
  
As soon as Buffy and Faith heard Willow shut the door behind her, they got down to the living room. "Giles, we need to talk to you," Buffy started. Then she noticed the look on his face and realized that he probably didn't even know that Faith was here. "Don't worry, Faith is here to help."  
  
"Is she? How come she isn't in jail any longer?"  
  
Buffy didn't know the answer to this one. In fact, she never had thought of the question herself. "Um..."  
  
"I escaped. Wesley came and he told me they needed me and - I escaped. But I didn't hurt anyone, on my escape, I mean. And -" Faith saw their worried expressions. "Don't - I mean, I'll go back after all this is finished."  
  
"No, you won't." Buffy looked at her. "You know yourself that you'll be very much in trouble if you return. And you are needed, just like Wesley said. Not just now, but you'll always be. You're a Slayer. Even after all you've done - you've changed, haven't you? I - I can feel it. And see it. You couldn't attack Willow last night."  
  
"You're right. But don't you think they'll be looking for me all over the country?"  
  
"Somehow I don't. We've got friends in high places, remember?" Buffy grinned. "Now, back to why we needed to talk to you, Giles."  
  
"Yes?" He still eyed Faith suspiciously, as if he was waiting for her to jump at him and-  
  
"Giles, cut it out. Won't you trust me?" Now Buffy sounded impatient. "It's okay, really." She turned to look around her. "Where are the potentials?"  
  
"Out in the garden, training."  
  
"Good. Cause we need to talk to you in a private sort of way."  
  
"What is it then?"  
  
"Last night, B and I both had the same dream," Faith answered.  
  
Now his interest war perked. "The same dream? What happened? Was it something about the First?"  
  
"No, we don't think so. Well, I guess you could say so though, very loosely connected." Buffy looked thoughtful. "We both dreamed about Willow and Tara."  
  
Now he looked confused. "Willow and - Why?"  
  
"That's what we were thinking, too. At first. When we were just watching them. It was totally weird - there were four of them, that is, two Willows and two Taras. It seems as if they both had the dream we had as well - Tara at least had it."  
  
"But Buffy - Tara is-"  
  
"That's not completely right," Faith interrupted him. "She - well, after we watched the two of them the Dream two of them, that is - dance, and - well, you know - we watched Tara being shot and then - the other Tara, who so far had just been watching, suddenly turned to us and talked to us."  
  
"Talked-?"  
  
"Yeah. She told us that she was from another dimension. One, where there also is a Giles, and a Buffy - and where Willow was shot. She told us that the other Giles had somehow gotten some books - some of your Watcher's diaries. And so they have found out about us and tried to contact us."  
  
"My diaries? So that's where they are... I've been looking for them since the day you - when the key-"  
  
"I thought so. The thing is, Tara wants to cross dimensions. She wants to go back to Willow, but she doesn't know how. They haven't got any books about that, it seems. So - she said she wanted to contact us again in three days, and we promised her we would find something. We can do that, right?" Buffy looked at Giles.  
  
"Well, most of my books - I don't know, I will have to do some research...have you talked to Willow yet?"  
  
"No, we thought - what if it doesn't work? She will be devasted if she first - you know?"  
  
"Well, I guess you're right. But I don't know íf I'll be able to - without any help, I mean."  
  
Faith had an idea. "Maybe - this annoying girl could help you. Didn't you tell me she was a vengeance demon for a thousand years? I bet she came around a lot."  
  
"Anya? That's right - I bet she could help us."  
  
"Help you do what?" Anya had just come through the door.  
  
"Help us bring Tara back." Buffy decided they could tell her. Otherwise she wouldn't help them anyway. "A Tara of the non-zombie variety."  
  
"How?"  
  
"That's what you have to find out for us." Buffy smiled at her and Giles. "Giles, you tell what this is about, right? I have to go to school now." With that, she turned around and left. Faith followed her. Anya was now looking expectantly at Giles. "So?"  
  
*** 


	21. Chapter Twenty One

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: I can't stop to thank you all for the nice feedback I get - I'm so glad you like this story. And I'm glad I started writing it. So let me say it once more, with feeling: THANKS!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Again, after the dream...lots of talking...  
  
***  
  
When Buffy came back home from work today, she met Willow at the front door. In fact, she had the feeling her best friend had been waiting there for her. "Hey Buffy," she greeted her.  
  
"Hey! How are you? How's your head?"  
  
"I'm fine, and so's my head." She smiled. "And what about you? How - how are things with Faith?"  
  
"With Faith?" Buffy sighed slightly. "Actually - I don't know. Surprisingly good, I guess. I mean, when - after you did your spell, and it looked as if she wasn't in jail any longer, I was kinda scared or - I didn't know how to react really. But now that she's here, and after we had this dr-" she managed to stop in time, "this talk - I know she's changed. It's - you know, after all she's a Slayer. And I don't mean that's good for me to know in a fight. It feels good to know she's here. I know we can trust her. Are you afraid or something?"  
  
"Afraid? No, I'm sure - I think we can trust her. I just wanted to know how you feel about her being here and all." Willow sounded a bit - funny.  
  
"Oh." Buffy believed she understood. "Are you jealous? Because you needn't."  
  
"I'm not - okay, maybe I am jealous. But it's not what you think."  
  
"What do you mean?" It seemed as if she had been wrong.  
  
"It's not that I'm jealous of Faith. I'm long past that." Willow smiled at her best friend. "It's the Slayer - Slayer thing. Your - I don't know, your connection. I never knew what it was like to know someone who shares something like that. Not when Faith was here for the first time. But now..." she trailed off.  
  
"Tara," Buffy said quietly.  
  
"Sometimes I feel so lost. It was - we always knew how to find each other. And when things like yesterday happen I - it's worse. I miss her so much, I don't think you-"  
  
"Probably not." She knew she was saying the truth - that was something no one else could really understand. She desperately wanted to tell her about the dream, about Tara. But she knew she couldn't let Willow be hurt even more, so she did the next best thing - she hugged her. "I promise, it will get better. I don't know when, but it will. We'll all be alright."  
  
At that moment, they heard people fighting in the house. They looked at each other, sighed and as Buffy opened the door, Willow said, "I just hope it'll all be over soon. I don't think I can stand this chaos any longer."  
  
***  
  
It was just one more fight about the bathroom. Buffy couldn't believe it. "I don't understand you, girls. How old are you? If you have to fight, can't you choose something more - important to fight about?" She sounded exhausted, and she was. "Now, let's just - forget it, right? Where's Giles?"  
  
"He and Anya left to get some more books," Faith answered her. She had come to join them all when she had heard Buffy had come back. "Anya said, she had an idea how-" she interrupted herself, remembering none of the others was supposed to know.  
  
Willow looked at her curiously. "An idea how?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing," Faith told her. "It's - nothing, except..." she searched for something to say that actually made sense. And she found it. "Don't you think that another Slayer will have been chosen now that other one is dead?"  
  
Buffy frowned. She hadn't thought about that. "You're right. Willow, could you do another spell to check-"  
  
"Sure," Willow said. "But - don't you think it should be one of the potentials? Shouldn't we know by now? How do we know, anyhow? Without the council, I mean?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't even know if there aren't more potentials. Perhaps there are some more, and we just haven't found them yet."  
  
"More?" her best friend sounded horrified at that thought. And why wouldn't she be?  
  
"I told you, I don't know. And - with that imbalance of power - I think it might be that there won't be a third Slayer anymore. I mean, as the powers protecting the Slayers are all weak and confused. Just do your spell, okay? Do you need any help?"  
  
"No help. Just some blood."  
  
"Oh, sure. Call me if you need me, right?" Willow just nodded and went to her room. Buffy herself went to her own and sat down on the bed. Faith followed her. "They are making me crazy. I think they might be able to destroy the First simply by annoying it to death or something."  
  
Faith grinned. "Yeah, that may be a possibility we haven't thought of yet."  
  
"So, Anya and Giles have an idea?" Buffy asked her.  
  
"It looked like it. Anya said she just needed to make sure. And she seemed pretty happy about the whole thing. She told us Willow -" Faith looked up and saw Willow standing in the door. "Willow."  
  
"What about me?" she sounded suspicious.  
  
"Nothing," Buffy said. "I figure you need my blood?" She went to her and took the small knife Willow was holding.  
  
"Yeah," she said thoughtfully. "Put it in here. What did Anya tell you?" If she had told them about her dream she...  
  
"Um...she told me about what happened last summer. As I didn't know. About the black eyes and stuff." Please, let me get away with that, Faith thought.  
  
And it seemed as if Willow was buying it. "Oh. I - I understand. I'll be back in my room if you need me." With that, she turned around and left them alone again.  
  
Buffy sighed with relief, but stood up to close the door. "So, what did she tell you?"  
  
"She said that Willow had that dream as well - the 'main dream', so to speak. So I guess the other Willow was her. But I'm not sure. And as she didn't tell Anya about a second Tara, it looks as if she didn't see her."  
  
Buffy didn't say anything. "What is it, B?"  
  
"Why did she tell Anya? About the dream, I mean?" she sounded a bit hurt.  
  
"You jealous? Don't be. I think Anya met her in the kitchen one night, just after she had the dream... I figure she even would have told... Andrew or someone, had he been the first person she met then. And Anya also said that she thought Willow and Tara were soulmates - that she had suspected there could be a possibility like this...to bring her back." Faith stopped.  
  
"Soulmates, huh?" Buffy said.  
  
Then the two of them just sat there, remembering the dream. When there was a knock at the door, they both were startled. It was Willow.  
  
"Buffy, I checked. And - so far it seems you were right. I couldn't find a third Slayer. So it looks like you're the only ones left." She smiled. "Oh, and I checked the dead one as well - with the computer I mean - and I didn't find anything special or - surprising. She - she was quite a good student, but it seems she didn't go to college or did anything, that is, after she finished High School. That would be after you -"  
  
"After she was called," Buffy finished the sentence. "Thanks, Will."  
  
"That's what I'm here for." She looked at Buffy and Faith, and then said, "I'll be in my room...have to do some reading."  
  
"Okay. We'll be downstairs." Buffy quickly glanced at Faith, who nodded in agreement. They were both hungry, and they would be able to talk to Anya and Giles as soon as they came back.  
  
***  
  
Downstairs, Buffy left Faith alone in the kitchen. She needed to talk to Spike, tell him what happened, what maybe would happen. Faith wondered what the whole thing between Buffy and Spike was. She still wasn't really sure she could believe it. She never would have, if Buffy hadn't told her herself. She just couldn't imagine her with him. Buffy having sex - as in not-making-love...it was a creepy thought. That meant that Buffy was more like her than she thought, well, okay, that wasn't true. She always had known they were more alike than Buffy liked to think.  
  
But the sex thing had been then - now it was different. She had the feeling Buffy knew it herself, but didn't dare to acknowledge it - she really cared about Spike. And the reason she was telling him about the dream right now - well, it was obvious. At least to Faith. She trusted him, and what was it they always said? Trust led to love and love let to making it.  
  
Faith knew she was being silly. But when was the last time she had been thinking thoughts like that - silly thoughts about her friends? Never, she had decided. Hell, she had never had any friends. But now - it really looked as if Buffy would give her a second chance...and even Red didn't ssem as hostile a she once had. She smiled, almost happily. And when she realized that, she knew they would be able to fight the First and survive it. It was as simple as that - if she could be happy in this situation - if she could be happy at all - evrything seemed possible. And now that they seemed to have a real chance of bringing Tara back...  
  
Tara. She remembered how mean she had been to her when they had met at the Bronze. Why had she? Okay, stupid question, next question, she told herself. She had seen how much in love they were, and being herself, she had been jealous. What she had seen as well was how much at ease Willow was then. And then the dream...  
  
Faith was interrupted in her thoughts when suddenly the back door opened and Anya and Giles entered. "I don't know what it is with me - why do you always have to threaten them, why can't I be the reward for the telling?" Judging from Giles's expression, she had repeated many variations on that theme on their way back, so Faith decided to relieve him. "Did you find anything useful?" she asked.  
  
"Yes," Giles shot her a grateful glance. "Yes, I believe we did."  
  
"Actually, I found it, but you don't hear me complaining," Anya said.  
  
"I wish we wouldn't hear you," Giles murmured.  
  
Anya ignored him. "Where's Buffy?" she asked.  
  
"Down in the basement, with Spike," Faith told her. "He - she wanted to tell him about all of this."  
  
"You think they'll mind if we interrupted?" Anya didn't wait for an answer, but walked quickly towards the basement access and down the stairs. Giles and Faith followed her after exchanging slightly exasperated looks.  
  
"Did you find something?" Buffy stood up from the bed she had been sitting on with Spike, as they joined them.  
  
"Yes, we did. And it doesn't even sound too difficult." Anya smiled. "I'm glad it isn't, I would like to have her back."  
  
After Giles and Anya had told them about the ritual, Buffy asked, "That's it? No major mojo?"  
  
"No, at least that's what Anya's demon friend told us." Giles waited for a moment. "And I think he's right. I've heard about this before, I even heard about several successful crossings."  
  
"So all we have to do is wait now, right?" Faith wanted to know.  
  
"Yeah - wait for our dreams to come. Oh, and we might go out for patrolling and slaying. If you like?"  
  
"Sounds great," Faith grinned.  
  
"So off, slaying we go."  
  
*** 


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: I can't stop to thank you all for the nice feedback I get - I'm so glad you like this story. And I'm glad I started writing it. So let me say it once more, with feeling: THANKS!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: We're with Tara now...  
  
***  
  
When Tara woke up again, she was pretty confused for a moment. The others were all hovering around her. "Did it work? What happened? Are you okay?" It was all kind of blurry; she wasn't even able to distinguish their voices. Then she heard Buffy. "Guys, let's - let's back off a little. It's not - I think we have the time to give Tara a little more time to wake up - and maybe breathe?" Funny, Tara thought - she sounds just like the other one. At that thought she had to smile.  
  
"I'm okay, don't worry." She rubbed her eyes and sat up. "How long was I asleep?"  
  
"Maybe an hour or so," Dawn answered. She sat down next to Tara on the couch. "So...what was it like? Did it work? Did you meet Bu- the Slayers?"  
  
"Yes, I did." Tara smiled again.  
  
"So - tell us about it," Anya demanded.  
  
"Guys," Buffy said again. But she sounded pretty curious herself.  
  
"It's alright, I can talk. I was - I was just asleep. And I had that dream again, the one about Willow and me. And I think that Buffy and Faith had it as well."  
  
"Who's Faith?" William wanted to know. "The other Slayer?"  
  
"Yeah. The other Slayer." Now Tara had a strange look on her face, Buffy thought. "What it about her?" she asked her friend.  
  
"Nothing. Except..." Tara trailed off, blushing.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, she was pretty...hot." Tara hid her face behind her hair. "But she seemed kinda not interested in me. I mean with Buffy being there and all." She paused quickly to take a breath, as she had said the last part really fast, and then continued, not wanting to give the others a chance to say anything. She was a bit embarassed. "And we talked, I mean, I told them about our world and stuff and they believed me and they promised me to look for a spell or something."  
  
The other didn't say anything for a moment. Tara was relieved, it seemed no one had noticed her earlier comment about Faith. But then they started talking all at once. "When are they going to tell you? What about Willow? I she alright? What did they tell you about the books? Will they bring books? Does Buffy look exactly the same? Faith is gay?"  
  
She didn't really know which question to answer first, but she knew which to ignore. So she started with an easy one. "Mr Giles, how are they supposed to bring books in a dream? And - um, we agreed to meet again in three days. I don't know much about Willow, though - we didn't really have much time to talk - but they told me she misses me too." She was silent. So were the others.  
  
Dawn touched her arm. "But - you talked to them, and they are going to find a solution, aren't they? And then you and Willow are going to be back toge- " Suddenly Dawn realized what that meant. She just looked at Tara with an expression of anger and sorrow and understanding.  
  
None of the others knew what to say. They didn't even dare look at each other. Then Tara spoke up again. "W-well, they seemed both pretty positive about it - about the spell or something. They said they were 'experienced'. And - oh!" She remembered something Buffy had said.  
  
"What is it? Giles asked.  
  
"Buffy - she said that they needed me in order to prevent the Apocalypse." Tara looked at him, confused.  
  
"Of course!" Giles started pacing about the room.  
  
"Of course - what exactly?" Xander asked.  
  
"Now it really starts to make any sense." Giles glanced at them and saw that they didn't agree so far. "Well, I was wondering about the real reasons our dimension was created. The whole soulmate thing - it is very romantic, and true, but to be honest, in my eyes it didn't justify all this - effort."  
  
Tara looked a bit hurt, but she began to understand what he meant. The others, however, didn't. "What do you mean?" Buffy questioned him.  
  
"What I want to say is that the Powers that Be probably connected Tara and Willow for a reason. They knew that they were going to play a larger role in saving the world, so... and then something went wrong - Tara was killed before she could fulfill her part of the prophesy and so-"  
  
"Wait, now there's a prophesy?" Xander sounded pretty unbelieving.  
  
"I presume there is. Well, as I said, because Tara was killed in that other dimension before she could fulfill her part of the prophesy, the Powers created our world in order to guarantee the prevention of the Apocalypse."  
  
"So the soulmate - eternal love thing is just a bonus?" Anya asked.  
  
"You could say so, yes." Giles put off his glasses and started to clean them.  
  
"So - these powers..." William started.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"They aren't all powerful like God Almighty, are they? Because - they could've just - resurrected Tara or something. Why create this other dimension if there is an easier way?"  
  
"Maybe there wasn't." Giles paused. "We don't know what happened after Tara was killed. Maybe the events after that - the consequences were also somehow important. Everything happens for a reason, I guess."  
  
"I don't know about that." Buffy sounded doubtful. "But - this is all just speculation and doesn't really help us at all. I think we should do something else-" the others looked at her expectantly. "Have dinner or something? Mr Giles, do you wanna stay for dinner as well?"  
  
"I - er - thank you, yes." He smiled at her.  
  
"I'm going to cook," Tara offered. Her friends accepted gladly. While she was preparing dinner, Tara was still thinking about what the DreamBuffy had told her - and what she hadn't. She realized she hadn't answered her question as to whether Willow had killed anybody. She sighed. There was nothing she could do about it now anyway. So she pushed all the thoughts about the dream away and tried to enjoy the evening.  
  
***  
  
Three days later, they met again in the living room, ready to repeat the ritual.  
  
"You know, I would like to meet them as well," Buffy said. "I really wonder what I'm like - the Slayer, I mean. Don't you think I could go this time?"  
  
"No," Giles answered. "I think it's confusing enough for them to talk to a dead person. I don't presume they would like to have a talk with their own personal doppelgänger."  
  
Buffy pouted. But he was probably right. "Tara, you nervous?" she asked.  
  
"A bit," her friend replied. "I - I really hope they found something that could help me - us, I mean." She stopped herself. Buffy looked at her. "No, you're probably right." She seemed sad. "It's mainly for you, not for us. We are all aware that, if it works, you are going to have to leave us."  
  
"Maybe-"  
  
"There is no maybe," Tara was interrupted by Dawn. "But it's okay. At the end of the day, we want you to be happy. And to save the world. If that means we have to do without your pancakes - I guess we'll managed." She tried to smile. "So, off you go now. And send them our love."  
  
"Don't talk as if I'm not going to return," Tara said. "Because I will."  
  
"Hopefully with the ritual. Or the spell." Giles smiled at her. "Now, you remember how to-?"  
  
"Yes," Tara nodded. She lay down on the couch and then repeated the incantation, hoping it would work again. "I call you, Chosen One. Heed my call. Heed my call. Heed my call." She fell asleep as quickly as the last time. 


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Faith, Buffy and Tara are having a conversation.  
  
***  
  
"You think that'll work for a second time?" Faith asked Buffy while preparing to go to sleep. They had just returned from patrol. They had spent the last three evenings with slaying vampires. The First was oddly quiet right now, but they didn't really mind. And slaying put their mind off the dream.  
  
Before they had left that evening, Anya and Giles once again told them the details about the ritual. They had them repeat it several times - up to the point when Buffy told them thast soon she would grow pages and become the same textbook with arms Giles was. He had just glared at her, and left them alone.  
  
Now they were both pretty nervous. Buffy had decided that Faith would sleep in her room that night, so they would be able to talk about the dream afterwards. And she wasn't sure she would be able to sleep without someone to talk to. "I'm far too itchy right now," she told the other Slayer. "It's always the same, when you try to fall asleep you never do."  
  
They both lay down on the bed, waiting for each other to fall asleep. "Faith?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Are you tired yet?"  
  
"How am I supposed to get tired if you're asking me that question every ten seconds?"  
  
"I thought that maybe it would make you relax. Or me. Like counting sheep, you know?"  
  
Faith just sighed and turned around, so that now her back was facing Buffy. She closed her eyes. That was so unfair - they really needed to fall asleep. "This isn't going to work," she said, sitting up again.  
  
Buffy didn't reply. She had sat up as well and was looking at something in front of her. Faith followed her gaze.  
  
"I think it worked after all."  
  
***  
  
"Whoa," Buffy said. "When did we fall asleep?"  
  
"Does it matter?" Faith asked, her gaze still fixed on Tara, who was standing at the window, looking at them, smiling.  
  
"I guess it doesn't." Buffy muttered.  
  
"Hi," Tara greeted them. "How are you?"  
  
"Fine," Faith was quick to reply. "We're fi - we're alright. And you?"  
  
"I'm fine as well, thank you." Tara paused, not sure what to say next. She didn't want to seem too eager for the spell. Buffy sensed that and relieved her. "We found something that might be able to help you. Or, Giles and Anya did, but we - helped. Kinda."  
  
"You found something?" Tara's expression brightened up. "That's - that's great. I mean - that's..." she didn't know what to say.  
  
"Yeah, and it doesn't even sound too difficult," Faith told her. She was really happy it had worked - the dream meeting thing...and that they had found something to bring Tara back. Apart from the fact that they needed her help saving the world, she - somehow she really liked her. "We wrote it down, but then Giles reminded us that we wouldn't be able to bring our notes, so - he made us learn it by heart. B., that was you're cue." Wow, Tara's smile was cute, Faith noticed.  
  
"Okay, wait a second...I got it - I really don't think - I won't repeat what he told me to, that's far too - Gilesy. Anya put it nicely, though: all you have to do is to put yourself in a kind of trance and enter the spirit world. That sounds more complicated than it is: your Giles should know how to do it, if not, it should be in the diaries. You only need a couple of herbs. But what is important is: your anchor - it mustn't be one of your friends. Your anchor has to be Willow."  
  
"I - I don't think I understand," Tara said.  
  
"It's like that: usually, if you enter the spirit world, you need an anchor so you don't get lost. Meaning, you can't go back to your world. But now you don't want to go back to that real world - you want to go to Willow, right?" Faith looked at Tara, who simply nodded. "Good. So - before you do the trance thing, you have to think of her - built the connection. You have to make her your anchor. That really seems to be the most difficult part, as you usually do that by a quasi-physical connection."  
  
"But," Buffy interjected, "as you are soulmates, that should be possible, so don't worry."  
  
"That's it?" Tara asked them.  
  
"Well...at least that is what Anya and Giles found out. The thing is, no one really knows what happens in the spirit world. There -" Buffy stopped. She didn't want to scare Tara off - they all needed her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"There - Anya told us that there is probably going to be a challenge or something," Faith answered. "But we don't know what kind of a challenge. And I don't think you should worry, really," she added quickly. "Because...there have been some other crosses, so it's possible - that means it can't be too hard. You really should try."  
  
"I will." Tara walked to the window and looked out. "What - what happened here? It feels so - odd. Uncomfortable." She turned around and looked at Buffy.  
  
"Um...you - the other you - you were shot in here." She had the feeling she needed to comfort Tara, but she didn't know how.  
  
"Oh." She was silent. Buffy and Faith waited. "How - how did it happen?"  
  
"Are you sure you know how to do the crossing? Or do you want us to explain it again?" Buffy really didn't want to talk about this.  
  
"I think I know all I need to do the ritual and stuff, don't worry. Now - please tell me what happened? I - I have the feeling I really need to know." Tara joined them and sat down on the bed. "Please."  
  
"Okay - the thing is - I don't know exactly how - what happened." She paused for a second, then she continued. "There was this guy - Warren - he was a part of the trio, three guys who had teamed up to play the Big Bad. I kinda intervened, and then... the next day, Xander and I were down here in the garden, talking. You and Willow were up here, celebrating your being back together, I guess. Then-"  
  
Tara interrupted her. "Being back together? Does that mean we weren't together for some time?"  
  
"Yes," Buffy answered.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Um, listen, Tara, I - don't you think this is something Willow should be telling you?"  
  
Tara didn't reply. Buffy decided to simply go on with the story. "Suddenly, Warren came running into the garden, carrying a gun. He shot me and then, as he was leaving, he continued firing his weapon, and somehow - I don't really know how, probably you were standing at the window - you were hit by the bullet. You must have been dead immediately. Willow - I'm sure she tried everything she could, but - and then..." she couldn't tell her. She was afraid that Tara wouldn't want to come back if she knew about Willow's black magic trip. She couldn't - she wouldn't risk that.  
  
"What happened next? And what happened to you?"  
  
"Willow saved my life." She glanced at Tara, who noticed the look in her eyes.  
  
"There is something you aren't telling me, Buffy."  
  
"You're right. But I can't."  
  
Tara nodded. "I understand. But thank you for what you did tell me."  
  
"You're welcome," Buffy smiled at her friend. She noticed she was becoming transparent again. "It seems our time is over again."  
  
"I guess you're right." Tara smiled back at her, and then at Faith. "Thank you very much."  
  
"We hope to see you again soon, when we're out of bed," Faith said.  
  
"I hope so, too." With that, Tara disappeared again.  
  
Faith turned to Buffy. "You know, I still don't feel as if we're asleep."  
  
"I know what you mean." Buffy lay down again and closed her eyes. "See you in the morning."  
  
The other Slayer did the same, yawning. "I really don't get it. But at least we met Tara."  
  
*** 


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: We're with Tara again...  
  
***  
  
This time, Tara woke up all of a sudden. She sat up, looking alarmed for moment. When she realized where she was, she sighed with relief. It seemed that after she had talked to Buffy and Faith, she had continued dreaming...but they had been dreams of the nightmare variety. "Hey," she said. The others had obviously learned their lesson - now only Buffy was with her. "Where is everybody?" she asked them.  
  
"In the kitchen mostly," Buffy answered. "Except for Dawn, she's in bed already. It's 2 a.m. already." That meant she had been asleep for 6 hours or so.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry it took me so long," Tara apologized.  
  
"You don't have to be sorry. Just tell us if it was worth waiting. Did they find anything?" Buffy sounded curious. And she was.  
  
"Yes, they did." As she said it, she suddenly realized what that meant. She would get back to Willow! And - and she would have to leave her friends behind. She made a quick decision. "Buffy, do you think - shouldn't we wake up Dawn? I want her to know as well."  
  
"Don't you think that can wait until tomorrow?"  
  
"I don't know how much time we have. And I don't want her to feel left out. Please, Buffy?"  
  
"Sure, I'll get her. And the others." With that, Buffy left Tara to get the others. Tara sighed - this was going to be hard. When she had been talking to Buffy and Faith, she had been more focused on finding out about Willow than on what the ritual implicated for her life here. And she didn't know whether her friends would still live after she was gone.  
  
***  
  
Ten minutes later, everybody was assembled in the living room, looking expectantly at Tara. When she didn't say anything, Anya spoke up. "So...they found something? You wanna tell us about it?"  
  
"Sure," Tara answered, smiling slightly. "They told me how to get back to Willow."  
  
No one said anything. So she continued, "it doesn't seem to difficult. They said I had to put myself in a kind of a trance and enter the spirit world. Do you know how to do that, Mr. Giles?"  
  
"Er, yes, I think I read about it in the diaries," he replied.  
  
"Good. The main point is that I am not supposed to have an anchor here."  
  
"What do you mean?" Xander asked.  
  
"I mean that - well, an anchor is someone or something that connects you to your world, so you don't get lost in the spirit world. At least that is how I understood it. Is that right?" She turned to Giles.  
  
"Yes, absolutely. So, do you suggest that you have to leave for the spirit world without an anchor? You know what that means, don't you?"  
  
"Yes I do," Tara said, only to be interrupted by Buffy. "But we don't. What does it mean?"  
  
"It means that Tara will have to cut every link to this world and that she won't be able to return once she enters the spirit world," Giles said. That was what Buffy had feared. "But doesn't that mean Tara will be lost there? Or is this spirit world the place to be for you?"  
  
"No, it's not. They told me that my anchor will be Willow. Or my love for her. Our connection. That way I will find their world."  
  
They were all silent again.  
  
"So, that's it? No - no real mojo or something? If it's so easy, why doesn't everybody do it?" William wanted to know finally.  
  
"It isn't easy. I think if you haven't got a connection in the other world, you can't do it. Besides, they told me there was probably going to be a challenge or something." Tara lowered her head, she didn't really want to think about it. Or talk about it.  
  
"A challenge? That sounds dangerous." But Buffy said it somewhat half- heartedly, she knew there was nothing that would hold her friend back.  
  
"When are you going to do that?" Dawn spoke up for the first time.  
  
Tara had dreaded that question. But she knew the answer. "As soon as possible, Dawnie. I - I have to. I think they need me. To help saving the world, you know?" She tried to smile, but failed miserably.  
  
"We need you, too." Dawn said accusingly.  
  
"Dawn," Her sister interrupted her. "It's not just that and you know it."  
  
"I know but I don't understand. Or, I do understand but I don't want to. I don't want this to happen. I don't want you to leave, Tara." She turned to her, tears in her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry, Dawnie, I have to." Tara reached out for her and caressed her cheek. "I'll - please don't be sad. I'll -"  
  
"What? Dawn answered. "Think of me? Maybe we won't be here anymore as soon as you leave. I mean, we have been created because of you, so there's no use for us as soon you're gone."  
  
"I don't think you're right," Giles told her. "Of course we don't know exactly what will happen to us after Tara will have left, but it seems highly improbable we will just cease to be. It's only a matter of costs."  
  
The others looked at him, not understanding a thing.  
  
"I - I think it would take much more energy to destroy this world again than just leave it as it is. What harm does it do anyway?"  
  
"Let's hope you're right," William said.  
  
"So - when do you think we can do it?" Tara asked Giles.  
  
Are you so anxious to get away from us? Dawn wanted to scream, but didn't. She knew this was what Tara had to do. And this was the only way for her to be happy - with Willow. So she had to be brave. She looked at the others. They were just as sad as she was, it seemed, but as she did, they simply accepted it as something Tara had to do.  
  
"Um, tomorrow, I guess. I will have to look up what we need exactly, but if I remember correctly, it was nothing extraordinary. Nothing we shouldn't be able to get in so short an amount of time."  
  
"So tomorrow it is, then," Tara said. "I - let's have a really fancy dinner tomorrow, alright? I'll cook and stuff." She looked at the others pleadingly, hoping they would understand what she had to do.  
  
"That's a great idea," Buffy agreed with her. She hugged her friend, then, taking a look at her watch, she said, "I think we should all go to bed now. There's nothing we can do today, is there?"  
  
"No, I guess not," Giles answered. "So I'll see you all tomorrow?"  
  
"Yes," Tara replied. "Just - just come over as soon as you have everything."  
  
"Good night, then."  
  
"Good night."  
  
***  
  
After Giles had left, the others all went to sleep. Tara was lying awake in her bed, when suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Come in," she said. It was Dawn.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey Dawnie."  
  
"Is it okay if I stay with you tonight?"  
  
"Of course it is!" Tara moved so that Dawn could lie down next to her.  
  
"I just - I'm going to miss you. So I thought I would get myself some extra quality Tara time," Dawn told her.  
  
"I'm going to miss you, too." Tara started playing with Dawn's hair affectionately. "But - you understand why I have to do this, right?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"If there was another way, I-"  
  
There is, Dawn thought. You could try and live without her. She stayed silent.  
  
"I love you, Dawnie."  
  
She didn't reply.  
  
Assuming Dawn had fallen asleep, Tara settled down beside her. She couldn't help crying anymore - she was afraid, and she didn't want to leave her friends. But she would never let them see her fear - now this was what she had to do. By now, her focus really was on having to save the world. As Buffy had seemed really reluctant to tell her about Willow, she got the feeling there was something wrong with her. But maybe she shouldn't think like that - maybe Buffy was telling the truth, maybe it was just something Willow had to tell her in person - like...she sighed. She didn't have any idea what that could be. So once again, she decided to push these nasty thoughts aside. It'll be okay, she told herself. Somehow, everything is going to be alright.  
  
*** 


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The morning after...  
  
Author's note: Just so you know: I'll be visting my parents over the next week. That means, I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update... I'll try, but I can't promise anything (it all depends on my brother - if he will let me work on his PC or not...). But rest assured, I'll be back on the 15th April...  
  
***  
  
When Faith woke up the next morning, Buffy was still asleep. So she got up as quietly as possibly and then went downstairs to get some breakfast. The potentials were all still asleep, and so seemed the others. So Faith was a bit surprised to find Willow in the kitchen.  
  
"Red!"  
  
"You know that's not my name, don't you?" Willow didn't sound too angry though, she smiled at her almost cheerfully. "Good morning."  
  
"Good morning," Faith replied. "Willow," she added as afterthought.  
  
Willow just grinned in return. "So, did you sleep well? And how was patrol last night?"  
  
Does she know? Faith wondered. "Um, patrol was alright. We slayed a few vamps - there weren't too many of them."  
  
"Yeah, it's really quiet right now. Hardly any vampires, no übervamps...and the First hasn't showed up for a while now, I mean, except for the whole posession attempt. That's a bad sign, I guess." She walked over to the fridge to get some milk for her cereals. She offered Faith some as well.  
  
"Yes, thanks," the Slayer answered. "So, why are you so cheerful then?"  
  
"You know - it's odd, but I have no idea, really. Just the feeling that something - good is going to happen. And the sun is shining, which is always nice."  
  
They ate their breakfast in silence, only sometimes smiling at each other. When they were finished, Faith remembered something. "Willow, listen, I'm - I'm really sorry about the other night. I didn't mean to upset you or anything, I just didn't know Tara was-"  
  
"I know. It's okay. I mean, how should you have known?"  
  
"Yeah, but - I also kinda wanted to apologize for what I said to her. That's why I asked about her as well. I was pretty mean back then."  
  
They were interrupted as some of the potentials came streaming into the kitchen.  
  
"I still can't believe how many of them there are," Faith said. Willow just rolled her eyes in agreement as they both fled.  
  
***  
  
That evening Buffy scheduled an extended Scooby meeting. That meant she, Spike, Faith, Giles, Willow, Xander, Dawn, Anya and Andrew all met in the basement.  
  
"It's been pretty quiet out there for the past few weeks," Buffy told them. "Just the occasional vampire. And the First has been all no-show as well."  
  
"So what does this mean?" Andrew asked.  
  
"I wish I knew," Buffy sighed and started pacing around. "I feel kind of restless really, but there seems to be nothing we can do except waiting for -" she stopped herself in time.  
  
"Waiting for what?" Dawn wanted to know.  
  
"For the First making it's move," Faith told her.  
  
"Exactly," Buffy continued. "It's making me really itchy, but there seems to be nothing we can do really."  
  
"I think there is something we can do," Anya said.  
  
"What do you mean?" Please don't say anything about Tara, Buffy thought. That was another reason why she was itchy - she was living in the constant fear one of the others might accidentally tell Willow about Tara. Which was funny, really, because it always seemed to be herself who was about to slip.  
  
"Well, I think we should do some more research about that prophecy I found. I mean, we have the prophecy, alright, but there probably is a spell or something that tells us how to destroy the First."  
  
"But didn't it say we need Tara for that?" Xander interrupted her.  
  
"Well, yes, but I think Anya has got a point. I think we all agree we shouldn't start the zombie debate again," Giles shot Willow a quick glance, "but maybe we can even find a way to do the spell without Tara."  
  
"You're right," Buffy said. "But perhaps you should first try to find the spell at all. If there is one."  
  
"Well, we have Anya's books," Giles replied. "And we can try and ask around some more."  
  
"Yeah, and Connor promised to ask Wesley if he knows anything about it," Willow said. "I asked him to."  
  
"Good. That really sounds - promising." Buffy sighed. "I'm sorry , I don't know what's up with me. I didn't sleep too well last night, and somehow - I guess we should call it a day. Or night. Maybe - Spike, Faith and I can go for patrol again. I really need to do something. And you - you can do research, if you want. It doesn't seem too urgent, so - take your time." Buffy smiled at them. "Or is there anything else?"  
  
As no one had to anything, Buffy went upstairs, Faith and Spike following her.  
  
"What's up with Buffy?" Xander asked. "Is it just lack of sleep, or is there something she doesn't want us to know?"  
  
"I - I'm sure she doesn't keep any secrets from us. Why would she?" Giles answered him. "Anya, where did you put the books?"  
  
***  
  
At the cemetery, they started looking for vampires. As all seemed pretty quiet, Faith asked, "When do you think she'll do it?"  
  
"Huh?" Buffy had been lost in her own thoughts, not really listening.  
  
"When do you think she - Tara'll do the ritual?"  
  
"Oh. I don't know. Why?"  
  
"I was just wondering. I mean, although it is quiet now, it is urgent for her to come here, isn't it? I don't think she'll just come here and everything is going to be alright. Don't you think it was a bit unfair that you didn't tell her about Willow?"  
  
"Faith, I couldn't." Buffy sounded exhausted. That was exactly what she had been wondering about all day. She feared Tara would feel - well, betrayed. Lied to. And what if she came back but didn't want Willow anymore? The more she thought about it, the more scared she got. "I - I really couldn't. What if she -"  
  
"If she said she didn't want to come after all? I get your point, but that doesn't make it any better, does it? In fact, it makes it worse."  
  
Spike, who had been silent up to then, agreed with Faith. "She's right. What if she's here and doesn't like it - or feels left out or something. She's stuck here then, isn't she?"  
  
"I guess. But don't you think I'm worried about that too? I - we need her to destroy the First. And about the rest - I don't know. I just hope eveything is going to work out somehow. They are soulmates, after all. She - she just has to forgive her." Buffy sounded as if she was on the verge of tears, Spike noticed.  
  
"Hey, what's the matter, love?" he asked her.  
  
"Nothing. I'm really just exhausted. I need to go to bed, I think."  
  
"So why don't you do it?" Faith said. The both of you can go home - I think I'll manage on my own."  
  
"I can stay too, if you want," Spike offered.  
  
"No, I'm alright on my own, really. You should..." Faith looked at Buffy.  
  
"Right. Shall we go then?"  
  
Buffy nodded and smiled at Faith. "Thank you."  
  
"It's okay, really. I'll stay in another night."  
  
"See you tomorrow then." With that, they left. Faith sat down on one of the stone coffin things and waited.  
  
***  
  
On their way back, Buffy didn't really say anything. Spike was silent as well - she obviously needed time to think, and he didn't want to disturb her.  
  
"Do you think she is going to hate me?" Buffy asked him when they were almost home.  
  
"Why would she?"  
  
"Because I lied to her. Or, well, I didn't lie, but I didn't tell her everything."  
  
"I don't know. But what I do know is that Tara loves her. So I don't think you should worry."  
  
"But sometimes it isn't about love." She looked at him.  
  
"It'll be alright, I'm sure," he said, trying to sound confident.  
  
They were standing at the front door now, not really wanting to go in. They were just standing there, looking at each other.  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"I promise."  
  
Spike suddenly leaned over to kiss her. She didn't back away. It was an almost chaste kiss, he just wanted to reassure her, make her feel everything was going to be fine. When they parted again, Buffy smiled at him. "Thank you."  
  
He didn't reply immediately, but instead opened the door for her. "You're welcome."  
  
*** 


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The morning after...part two, other world ^_^  
  
***  
  
When Tara opened her eyes the next morning, Dawn obviously had already left for school. She got up and went to the bathroom. As she looked into the mirror, she realized that this probably her last day around here. Trying not to think about it, she got dressed and then went downstairs for breakfast. She decided she would go shopping after she had eaten something - she planned to make dinner that evening extra special.  
  
When she entered the kitchen, the first thing she saw were the flowers standing on the table. Next to them, was a plate full of breakfast stuff - a bowl with cereals, a bottle of milk and some juice were there as well. Tara smiled. Then she noticed the card leaning against the vase. She recognized Dawn's handwriting. "Dito."  
  
***  
  
Buffy was at school, thinking constantly about Tara. I should've taken the day off, she told herself. This was the last time Tara would be there. But she knew it was better that way - Tara didn't need her hovering about her. She was probably nervous enough without her. At one a.m., however, Buffy couldn't stand it any longer - she had to go to Tara. She couldn't sit around here waiting for students with problems, when her friend was sitting at home, waiting for her turn to leave their world... so she told the principal there was a 'personal emergency' at home and left.  
  
Tara had already done the shopping and was busy preparing everything when Buffy arrived. "Hey," she greeted her, smiling.  
  
"Hi,"Buffy replied. "What's with the flowers?"  
  
"They're from Dawn. She made me breakfast."  
  
"That's nice. I never get breakfast. Why don't I?" Buffy pouted.  
  
"Hey, you'll get dinner later, so I don't wanna hear any complaints." She grinned.  
  
"I'm not complaining." After Tara glanced at her, she conceded, "Okay, maybe a little. But it's a good kind of complaing."  
  
"A good kind?"  
  
"Yeah, it's called constructive critisism."  
  
"Well, maybe you should tell Dawn rather than me. She made the breakfast. And-" Tara stopped. There was no need for this.  
  
Buffy walked over to her and gave her a hug. They stayed in the embrace for a while, neither really wanting to let go. They were both trying hard not to cry. After some time, they parted, ot saying anything for a while. Then Tara asked, "Are you mad at me?"  
  
"What? No, why would I?"  
  
"Because I'm leaving you. You could say I'm a coward - just because I don't have the courage to live without her, I run away."  
  
"You are not running away. They need you to save the world, remember? And even if you weren't - you aren't a cowards. You're one of the bravest, strongest women I know. I don't know how we are going to do without you."  
  
"I'm sure you will be fine. It's not as if I have been doing that much useful lately."  
  
"Don't say that, you know it's not true. It's - I totally understand that you're doing what you're doing. And if you won't, I'll make you. You don't need to have a bad conscience," Buffy told her friend.  
  
Tara looked at her. "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Tara continued chopping the vegetables. "Can I help you?" Buffy offered.  
  
"Sure." The two women smiled at each other. Tara handed her a knife. They worked in silence for a while. When they were almost finished, Buffy asked, without looking up, "What will happen to you?"  
  
"What do you mean?" She didn't look up either.  
  
"What will happen to the you - here?"  
  
Tara understood. "I'm not sure, but - if my spirit leaves for this other world, I guess my body will be left behind. And without my - my essence, it will be..." she couldn't bring up t he courage to say it.  
  
"Dead," Buffy finished the sentence for her. There was a long pause until she continued, "Do you have - any wishes - like, for the funeral?" This was so hard, Buffy thought - but she had to know this.  
  
"Um, n-no, not really, Just - try to - I want me to be n-next to..."  
  
"Willow. Sure. We'll do that." Buffy realized Tara was really upset now. "It's - forget I said anything, we'll manage. You have enough to worry about already."  
  
"Just make it like Willow's. From what Dawn told me, it must have been -" 'Good' didn't seem to be the right expression here, Tara thought.  
  
"Okay." Buffy was glad she was done with the vegetables - a unique chance to change the topic. "Look, I'm finished, what shall I do now?"  
  
***  
  
One by one, the others arrived from school or work. When Giles came, he was carrying a large bag.  
  
"I guess that means you got everything, huh?" Dawn, who had opened the door for him, asked.  
  
"Yes," was all he could say in return. This was all very exciting for him, but he was aware that for Dawn and her family of friends it meant they would suffer a great loss tonight.  
  
"I see." She smiled at him as if to say he didn't have to worry about it. "So - you don't think you need someone to help in your shop, do you? Because if you do, you can always ask me for help. I really need the money."  
  
"Oh. Well, I'll think about it, thank you." They walked over to the dining room and joined the others at the table. Only Tara and Buffy were missing. A few minutes later, Buffy anounced that dinner was ready.  
  
During dinner, everybody tried to appear cheerful. It wasn't until dessert that the mood changed - Tara had made pancakes, she wanted tocheer Dawn up a bit. It didn't seem to have worked, though - suddenly, there were tears on her cheeks.  
  
"Dawnie, what is it?" Tara asked, immediately hating herself for that stupid question. Dawn didn't reply, but instead got up and left the dining room. Tara followed her. "I'm sorry, it was a - a stupid question and a v- very bad idea to make the pancakes. Please, don't be mad at me."  
  
Dawn had gone to the living room and sat down on the couch. She didn't look at Tara.  
  
"Please, Dawn - I-"  
  
"I'm not mad at you," she suddenly said. "I'm just - it's so sad, you know?" She shot Tara a quick glance, then looked away again. Her friend said down next to her and put her arm around her shoulder, drawing her towards her into an embrace. "I know. I know." Now Tara started to cry as well, and so they just sat there, crying on each others shoulders.  
  
The others were still sitting in the dining room, not sure what to do. "Shouldn't we...go to them?" Anya asked.  
  
"I think it's best if we leave them alone for some more minutes," Buffy suggested.  
  
"Fine by me," Xander answered, who was obviously enjoying the pancakes.  
  
Finally, Buffy got up. "Let's - you know, let's..."  
  
"Get it over with," William finished the sentence for her. He stopped her before she could leave the room and forced her gently to face him. "It's going to be okay, you know that?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know that, that's the problem," Buffy replied. "I don't want her to go." He put his arms around her and pulled her towards him.  
  
"I know. No one here wants that. But she wants it, and she needs to go." He kissed her, first on her brow, then on her mouth. "I love you," he whispered.  
  
She only smiled at him in answer, but that was all the reply he needed. "So let's go, alright?"  
  
"Alright," Buffy said.  
  
When the others joined them, Tara and Dawn reluctantly let go of each other. "So..." Tara started, not really knowing what to say.  
  
"I have already prepared everything," Giles told her. "There isn't much left to do."  
  
"How does it work?" Anya wanted to know. Giled opened his bag and pulled out a couple of candles, some incense and a bowl.  
  
"Tara will have to form a circle with the candles and then she will have to light them and the incense. The all she has to sit down and to put herself into trance."  
  
"Well, that sounds easy," Xander said. "How is she going to do that?"  
  
"Er, I found this incantation in the diaries. It should help her do it. She just has to try to leave her consciousness behind. It's like meditating. Do you think you'll be able to do it?" he asked, handing her a slip of paper with the incantation on it.  
  
"Sure," Tara answered. She looked at the piece of paper. "'The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me.' That's - beautiful."  
  
"Well, yes, if you say so." Giles seemed nervous. "It - I have to remember you, it is also important you focus on your love on Willow. You have to be aware that if - if it is not strong enough to pull you into her world, you will be lost in the nether realms."  
  
"I know. I - it's strong enough." For the first time this day, Tara was confident the whole thing would work.  
  
"Good. I suggest we all leave her alone for this - she will have to concentrate, and there mustn't be any interruption. And - I think you should make it a large circle - I guess you will pass out when your spirit leaves your body."  
  
"What will happen to her, after the ritual is done?," Xander wanted to know.  
  
Before Giles could answer, Buffy said, "I already talked to Tara about that. I know what I'll have to do."  
  
"Good," Giles said again. Nobody said anything for the next couple of minutes - they were all just standing there, not knowing what to do. Finally, Tara got up. "I think we have to..." Now, everybody started talking at once. "Sure, let's say goodbye. Now. It's - sorry."  
  
Tara walked over to Xander and gave him a hug. "Goodbye."  
  
"Goodbye. Take care, will you? And good luck."  
  
"Thank you." She smiled at him fondly.  
  
She said goodbye to William and Anya before she got to Giles. "Thank you very much for your help," she told him.  
  
"You are - you're very welcome. Goodbye, and good luck."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
Now came the hardest part. Dawn just threw her arms around her. "I'll miss you so much."  
  
"I'll miss you, too. I - I put the recipe - for the pancakes - it's on your bed."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Tara kissed her on the cheek. "Goodbye Dawn. I love you." Dawn just smiled at her, sadly but understanding, and then left with the others. They had decided they would best go to the Mall or something so they couldn't disturb Tara. Now only Buffy was still with her.  
  
"Good luck with saving the world," she told her.  
  
"Thank you. I'll - I'll do my best." Tara smiled at her, trying to hide her fears.  
  
"And - and I wish you all the happiness in the world - you and Willow, I mean." Tara was glad she hadn't told her about her worries.  
  
Buffy hugged her. "I kinda love you, you know?" she whispered in her ear.  
  
"I know. And - and I love you, too. Take care."  
  
The two women looked at each other. Then Buffy smiled and simply said, "Goodbye." With that, she left Tara standing alone in the living room. She had to fight back her tears - there was no time for crying now. She had to do the ritual.  
  
She did what Giles had told her - she set up the candles and lit them, as well as the incense. Then she sat down in the middle of the circle, checking if she could lie down without setting herself on fire. It was dark now in the living room - except for the candles of course. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate. She liked the smell of the incense. She breathed in and out slowly for some time. Then Tara started the incantation.  
  
"The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me." When she had begun, her voice had been pretty loud, but as she repeated saying it, her voice became no more than a whisper. "The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows..."  
  
Tara suddenly had to breathe in sharply as she felt the energy surge through her. Her breathing became more laboured and she couldn't remember the incantation any longer, she wasn't able to concentrate. But it didn't seem as if that was necessary anymore. The only thing she could think about was Willow, her beautiful Willow.  
  
Tara gasped as she passed out. Then she was gone.  
  
*** 


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol* And: I started writing this part BEFORE I watched "Inside Out". You'll see why this is important...  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes, please - I really appreciate it!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The challenge.  
  
Author's note: This was rather hard to write... it would have been so much easier to make a video clip out if this...however, that wasn't an option, so... I'd say more than 50 percent of this chapter consist of quotes from the show, namely from the follwing episodes: "The Harvest" (written by Joss Whedon), "Restless" (written by Joss Whedon), "Becoming" (written by Joss Whedon), "Goodbye, Iwoa" (written by Marti Noxon), "Family" (written by Joss Whedon), "Tough Love" (written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner), "All the way" (written by Stephen S. DeKnight), "Tabula Rasa" (written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner), "Villains" (written by Marti Noxon) and "Grave" (written by David Fury). I don't want to harm anyone's copyright - I just needed to do this. And I found the transcripts on www.buffyworld.com. Now, I hope you enjoy!  
  
***  
  
When she opened her eyes, she was lying on a bed in a room that felt very familiar. It was almost dark in it - the only light came from the christmas lights on the walls. It was very beautiful, and Tara immediately felt at home. When she sat up, however, she was startled to find a very odd looking man standing in front of the door. He was really big, and bronze-coloured, red-eyed, and he had horns... Tara decided this probably wasn't a man at all, but a demon. Strangely enough she wasn't afraid.  
  
"Who are you?" she asked him calmly.  
  
"Oh, you're awake, that's great." The demon smiled at her. "I'm Skip. I work for the Powers that Be."  
  
"Hi Skip. I'm Tara," she smiled back at him.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Where am I? This is not - I mean, this is not where I wanted to wake up, is it?"  
  
"You're not in your lover's world, if that's what you mean," he answered. "But haven't you forgotten something?"  
  
She was confused. Then she remembered. "The challenge!"  
  
"Exactly - that's why you are here with me."  
  
"I won't have to fight you, will I? Because I don't think I'd have a chance. Besides, I don't think I'd want to."  
  
"Your challenge isn't physical. Some might even say it isn't a challenge at all. But then, they don't know a thing, so..."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I am sure you will agree if I say you have to know about the world you are going to go to." He waited for her to nodd before he continued. "I will show you everything there is to know. I must warn you this isn't going to be easy for you. If you can't take it anymore, just say - say anything. The actual challenge is that you aren't allowed to speak during the show."  
  
"A bit like Orpheus then? Okay, he wasn't told to be silent, but..."  
  
"I get it. You're not wrong - it's a bit like Orpheus. Except you should try and do better than he did, if you want to go back to your soulmate."  
  
"I'll try my best," Tara smiled. "What does it mean - 'everything there is to know' ? Is it like, knowing who's president and stuff?"  
  
"Unfortunately, the political circumstances in your two worlds don't differ much. No, what we are going to show you is how it all began - the world, your life, the lives of the people that matter to you. And what happened after you left there."  
  
"I see." So I'm not going to learn that from Willow after all, she thought. I wish Buffy would've told me. Now Tara was a little afraid - she wasn't sure what she would see. And if wanted to see it. But she knew she had to, if she wanted to see Willow again. And if she wanted to save the world. So... "Okay. Do I have to anything except sit, and watch, and be silent? How do I know it's over?"  
  
"You will know, don't worry about that. Now, are you sure you want to take the challenge?"  
  
"I am," she answered confidently.  
  
"You are very brave," was the last thing she heard him say. Then everything was dark.  
  
***  
  
It was a very menacing kind of darkness, not comforting as the one in the room. There was noise, a distant grumbling, like a thunderstorm. And there was evil. For seconds, Tara wasn't able to breathe as she felt it surge through every part of her body. And then there was a voice... she knew it, but she didn't know where from... "This world is older than any of you know, and contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons, demons walked the Earth, made it their home, their Hell." She saw them, the demons. She saw evil. And she didn't say a thing.  
  
"In time, they lost their purchase to this reality, and the way was made for mortal animals. For Man." Now the scenery changed completely... she saw a farm, there were horses, cats, dogs... it was all blurry. She didn't really know where she was, until she saw - "Dad?" she heard herself say. But it wasn't her own voice, there was another Tara talking to him. She was younger, and looked vulnerable. She was holding a book in her hands. He took it from her and glanced at it. "Magic," he said, with contempt in his voice. When he slapped her, she could feel it. Tears formed in her eyes. Pain.  
  
Then there was sadness. She saw her mother lying in her bed, dying. And she heard her brother, "She was evil. You are evil. We can help you control it." She felt the tears running down her cheeks as she watched herself sitting at her mothers grave, lonely.  
  
Suddenly, she was somewhere else again, in a desert. She saw Buffy, herself and a black woman. "The Slayer," Buffy said. "The First," the other Tara added. "In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer." Finally Tara recognized Giles's voice. She was now standing in Buffy's bedroom, watching her sleep. She turned around only to find herself at what looked like Sunnydale High School. There were Buffy, Xander and Willow, walking down the hall, laughing happily. Another guy and a girl joined them, the girl giving Xander a kiss. The guy put his arm around Willow, who beamed at him.  
  
Tara felt sick. Why did she have to watch this? She closed her eyes. "Close your eyes," she heard someone say. She did just the opposite and saw a blonde women, dressed in clothes that seemed to be from around the middle of the eighteenth century. She was facing a good looking man, who seemed to be drunk. When the woman changed into what seemed to be a demon, Tara had to stop herself from uttering a small cry. "What remains of the Old Ones are vestiges: certain magics, certain creatures...The books tell that the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed - infected - by the demon's soul. He bit another and another...and so they walk the Earth, feeding. Killing some, mixing their bloos with others to make more of their kind."  
  
Tara watched the blond woman to do just that. The next thing she saw was Buffy again, kissing the man the other woman - vampire- had just turned. Angel, she surmised. "As long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer." Now everything got blurry again, as she watched Buffy fight - vampires, demons, Angel, Faith... Tara was surprised at seeing that. And then - she only got a short glimpse of her, but it was a woman who looked like Willow. Only - she had black hair and seemed to be - why was she fighting Buffy?  
  
Then there was the Willow she knew again - still together with that guy. Only he was locked in a cage. Tara gasped when he changed into a werewolf. How? What? Then she saw what seemed like thousands of images of them happily together - kissing, holding hands, smiling at each other - and making love. She desperately wanted to look away, but somehow she couldn't. She had to watch her girlfriend having sex with a man. But she still didn't say a thing, although she could've screamed. It hurt so much...Then she heard the worst thing possible. It was just a whisper..."I love you, Oz."  
  
A change of scenery again. Tara was relieved. Willow was now standing in front of a door, when it opened, she was happy to see herself. Now this is better, she thought. "Howdy," Willow greeted her. "I just got your message a minute ago. I was in class. But I was about to call you," she heard herself reply.  
  
Willow smiled at her. "I had so much fun the other night, those spells..."  
  
"Yeah, that was nice..."  
  
"I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything," Willow told her anxiously. "I mean , I really like just talking and hanging out with you and stuff.  
  
"I know that. But you wanna do a spell," she replied knowingly.  
  
"Yeah..." Tara only giggled in return. "But only because it's really important. There's this..."  
  
"No you don't have to explain, I don't mind really," she was obviously eager to reassure Willow. "I've been uh thinking about that last spell we did... all day."  
  
"You have?"  
  
"Mmhh," she smiled at Willow, who seemed pleased. "Well this one should be really fun too. We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy in the area. It shouldn't be too tricky."  
  
Tara noticed she didn't seem too happy with that idea. "The goddess Thespia. Are you sure we're ready for that?"  
  
"You and me! This is beneath us."  
  
"Okay, if you say so..." Tara wondered what this was all about. She had the feeling she was keeping secrets from Willow. Why? What secret? The next thing she saw was a square of twine with the points held down by four different colored crystals. She heard herself ask, "So the square is Sunnydale?"  
  
"Right it's like a map," Willow explained. "We both take different parts of the potion and when we do the incantation we both blow it onto the square at the exact same time."  
  
"But how does it work?" She noticed she was looking really worried now.  
  
"Well that's the cool part. When the potion mixes and Thespia is called it creates this mist over the parts where the demons are. I-It even makes different colours for different breeds."  
  
"Wow," she replied, smiling at Willow, who smiled back at her. "You ready?" she asked her. She just nodded. Willow poured some green powder into Tara's hand from a grey stone mortar, then some white powder into her own hand from a green mortar.  
  
"Let's do it," Willow told her. They both closed her eyes. Tara listened to herself start the incantation. "Thespia, we walk in shadow, walk in blindness. You are the protector of the night."  
  
"Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you, open a window to the world of the underbeing," Willow continued. Tara watched as Willow blew her part of the potion off her hand. She was shocked to see that she didn't do it but instead dumped the potion under her bed. Why was she doing this?  
  
Suddenly, she saw her father again. He was standing in her room, his arms folded. He was staring at her things. "The door wasn't locked. I was a little early." He continued to look around. "I suppose you... wanted me to see all these... toys. You don't even try to hide it any more. I'd hoped maybe you'd gotten over the whole witchcraft thing. That if we let you go, you'd... get it out of your system. Then they told me to look for you in...that store." He sounded disgusted.  
  
"I didn't - I, I didn't kn-know that you were coming," she heard herself say.  
  
"Of course we came," her Dad replied. "We haven't heard from you in months. Your birthday's getting closer and closer. You know what that means."  
  
No I don't, Tara thought. What was going on here? She noticed she really looked upset now. "I don't think it's... it, it won't mean that-"  
  
"You're turning twenty," he interrupted her. It's the same age your mother was when she... Do your friends even know?"  
  
"Y-yes." She had always known she was a bad liar. And her father knew that as well.  
  
"Are you lying to me?" She only looked down on the floor. "Tara, you're coming home with us. You know it's the only way.  
  
"Home?" Now she sounded scared.  
  
"You can't control what's going to happen. You have evil inside of you and it will come out. And letting yourself work all this magic is only going to make it worse. Where do you think that power comes from?"  
  
"It... it doesn't feel evil ... sir."  
  
"Evil never does. I don't feel much like eating right now. I'll give you some time, but we need to be gone by morning." He walked towards the door. "Your family loves you, Tara, no matter what. How do you think your friends are going to feel when they see your true face?"  
  
The next thing she saw was herself, obviously performing a spell. Then she saw her friends, fighting invisible demons, until she came running in, lifting the spell again. Obviously she - she was a demon, or she thought she was, and she had tried to hide that from her friends. And from Willow. She saw their faces, they looked hurt, or even disgusted. Tara wasn't sure what to think. She heard a voice...William's. "She's not a demon." But all she could see, hear was Willow, asking her "I, I trusted you more than anyone in my life. Was all that just a lie?"  
  
Another change of scenery. They were in her room again. She was looking at Willow, telling her almost angrily, "Not everything is about your friends and stuff." She saw how hurt her lover looked. Then they were sitting on a bed that was standing in another room - Willow's? They were facing each other, and things were obviously wrong between them. She heard herself say, "I, I didn't mean to-"  
  
Willow tried to laugh, but failed miserably, "No, I just... I... I know I can't know what you went through. But I just... It's no big."  
  
"I made you mad," she stated.  
  
"No," Willow replied. "No."  
  
"All I meant was-" Tara watched herself trying to make things better, but instead making them worse.  
  
"No, it's okay. This whole Buffy thing, let's just forget it." Willow seemed exhausted.  
  
"No, please. I mean, I mean, tell me if I said something wrong, otherwise I know I'll say it again. Probably often and in public."  
  
"No, I was snippy gal. It's just... I know I can't... on some level..." Willow sighed. "It's like my opinion isn't worth anything because I haven't been through... I didn't lose my mom, so I don't know."  
  
"Well ... I-I'm not the expert. I mean, I've only lost the one." That hurt. She saw Willow giving her a sympathetic smile. She herself was looking anxious. "Do ... I act like ... the big knowledge woman?", she asked, uncertain what to do or say.  
  
"No," Willow answered weakly.  
  
"Is that no spelled Y-E-S?"  
  
"S-O-R-T of. I mean, I just feel like the-the junior partner. You've been doing everything longer than me. You've been out longer... you've been practicing witchcraft way longer."  
  
"Oh, but you're way beyond me there! In just a few- I mean... it frightens me how powerful you're getting." Great Tara, she said to herself. That's really great.  
  
"That's a weird word," Willow told her, frowning.  
  
Now probably everything was too late. She tried to save it, but... "'Getting'?"  
  
"It frightens you? I frighten you?" Willow was obviously upset.  
  
"That is so not what I meant. I meant i-impresses - impressive." She got up from the bed, looking upset as well.  
  
"Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is. D-don't you trust me?"  
  
That was an easy one, Tara thought. Still... "With my life."  
  
"That's not what I mean."  
  
"Can't we just go to the fair?"  
  
"I don't feel real multicultural right now." Willow stood up. "Wh ... what is it about me that you don't trust?"  
  
"It's not that. I worry, sometimes. You're, you're changing so much, so fast. I don't know where you're heading." Not making things any better. She was absolutely horrified at this scene, she wished she could make it stop. She wished she could tell them to, but she kept silent. She knew she had to.  
  
"Where I'm heading?"  
  
"I'm saying everything wrong."  
  
"No, I think you're being pretty clear. This isn't about the witchcraft. It's about the other changes in my life."  
  
"I trust you. I just... I don't know where I'm gonna fit in... in your life when..."  
  
"When ... I change back? Yeah, this is a college thing, just a, a little experimentation before I get over the thrill and head back to boys' town."  
  
She hated this. There was a pause, then Willow asked, "You think that?"  
  
"Should I?" Tara closed her eyes, dreading the answer. She didn't get it. When she opened her eyes again, she was in the middle of another fight. "Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just ... sit back and keep my mouth shut?"  
  
She shuddered at Willow's reply. "Well, that'd be a good start." Then - again, different place, different fight. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know you used that spell on me," she heard herself ask.  
  
"Tara, I'm sorry, I-"  
  
"Don't! Just ... don't." She shook her head. "There's nothing you can say."  
  
"Tara, I didn't mean to-"  
  
"To what? Violate my mind like that? How could you, Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me?" Who was Glory, she wondered? Her ex- girlfriend? Probably not. She was confused, and it - it made her feel sick watching herself and her lover like that. This was even worse than seeing her with that guy... Oz.  
  
"Violate you? I ... I-I didn't ... mean anything like that, I-I, I just wanted us not to fight any more. I love you."  
  
"If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear."  
  
"But I-I just wanted to make things better. Better for us."  
  
"But you don't get to decide what is better for us, Will. We're in a relationship, we are supposed to decide together."  
  
"Okay. I'm ... I realize I, I did it wrong."  
  
"I don't think this is gonna work," she said, tearfully. So this is how they - how we broke up. Tara bit her lip. She was crying, again. This time because she was afraid. Afraid of what would happen.  
  
"Hey. It is, i-it's working. Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magic, I-I don't, I... let me prove it to you, okay? I, I will go a month without doing any magic. I won't do a single spell. I swear."  
  
"Go a week, and then we'll see," she didn't sound convinced. Willow realized that as well, but didn't say anything. She heard herself continue, "I don't know, I just ... think we both need some ... I don't know, space. Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this."  
  
"Are you saying you're gonna leave me?"  
  
I guess I am, Tara thought. She was grateful when the scene changed yet again. Now Willow was standing before her grave, alone. The next second, however, she was in Buffy's old room, which seemed now to be hers, making out with some dark haired girl. Sure. Why - why should she have waited for her to come back? Why - she probably hadn't even tried anything. And she was supposed to be the witch... why didn't she look for ways to bring her back, or to get to her? What - she wondered what Willow had done when she had been killed. Probably gone out to meet some other girl, she thought. She realized she was being childish, but she couldn't help it. This was getting worse and -  
  
Worse, she was about to think, when she watched herself getting shot. It was exactly how Buffy had told her. Tara watched intently when Willow ran over to her, held her, shook her, begging, "Oh god, oh no. Please, please, come on...." She started crying. "Come on, Tara! Please, come on, baby..." Suddenly Tara noticed Willow's eyes going black. Then they were in a shop. Anya was standing at the counter. Willow asked her, "Where do you keep the black arts books?"  
  
"Something terrible has happened, I know. But you don't have to do-"  
  
"I need power," Willow interrupted her.  
  
Coming up from behind the counter, Anya told her "Not with those books. I can't let you. Willow!" Tara watched Willow put up a hand, purple bolts of light shooting over to Anya who suddenly couldn't move anymore. At a gesture of Willow, books began to fly onto the table, landing heaped all over the it. The last book landed opened to a middle page. Willow lifted her hands and put them on the open pages. Her hands sank into the book as if melding with it.  
  
Tara was amazed and horrified to see what happened next. The words of the book started to move off the pages and up Willow's arms, curling and scrolling up under her sleeves. They were also coming up her chest, and moving up her shoulders to her face. Willow lifted her head and her eyes were black again. The words moved on to the top of her head and into her hair, turning her hair black. Tara was shocked to see her lover liked that. Why did that happen? That obviously was the women she had seen Buffy fight before. Then she heard Giles's voice again, and then Anya's. "She's going to finish it."  
  
"Finish what?"  
  
"The world."  
  
Then everything went black. This time, she couldn't help herself.  
  
"NO!"  
  
*** 


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The challenge continued...  
  
Author's note: As this one is pretty short, and the next as well, I thought I'd make it two updates today... you guys always deserve a treat :-)  
  
*** I blew it, she thought to herself. I endured all of this, just to completely blow it in the end. Congratulations, Tara. It was still dark around her, but little by little it got lighter. "Close your eyes," she heard someone say. Was that Skip? "Okay, now you can open them." She looked around her. They were in the same room they had been in earlier, the one with the christmas lights. She was lying on the bed however. She didn't really know if she wanted to sit up. After all, she had failed. She wondered what was going to happen to her now. Would she just die? Or would she be punished? Skip - if it was Skip who was in the room with her - didn't say anything. She realized she would have to move.  
  
Finally she couldn't stand it anymore and sat up. Yeah, it was Skip. He was sitting on a chair next to the door now, smiling friendly. "Congratulations, Tara."  
  
"For what?" she asked. "I failed, didn't I?"  
  
"No, you didn't. The - demonstration was already over when you -" he didn't know how to put it.  
  
"Screamed," Tara finished the sentence for him.  
  
"Well, yes. Anyway, you passed."  
  
She didn't what to feel now. She passed - now what? After everything she had seen, she wasn't sure if she wanted to go anymore. It looked as if she would have to fight Willow - Willow who hadn't really been happy with her, it seemed. She decided to ask Skip. "Is - ur, Buffy said something that I would have to help save the world. Will I - will I have to stop Willow?"  
  
"I'm sorry - I cannot tell you that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I'm not allowed to tell you anything regarding what you saw. The challenge isn't over yet, you know."  
  
"But you just said it-" Tara was confused.  
  
"I said, the demonstration was over. Not the challenge."  
  
"There's a difference? I thought the demonstration was the challenge?"  
  
"Not quite." He smiled at her again.  
  
She waited for him to continue. As he didn't say anything, she asked him, "So what is going to happen now? How do I finish it?"  
  
He looked away. "No, I don't have to fight you after all, do I? Because I already explained to you I-"  
  
"You don't have to fight me. It's not as easy as that."  
  
Well, that didn't sound too good. "What is it then?" she was starting to get a bit impatient.  
  
"I am going to ask you something now. I don't want you to answer right away - I'll leave you for an hour afterwards. Only then you have to make your choice. Alright?"  
  
Tara nodded.  
  
"Okay...now here it comes: Are you still sure you want to cross over? No, don't answer right away," he told her as he saw her open her mouth. "I want you really to be sure. If you go there, there's no way back - you can't just leave then. Not until it's all over, that is. Then everybody leaves. But you are to be there to prevent just that. Anyway, what I'm saying really is that if you go, you go there until you die. And I can't promise you that you'll be happy."  
  
"W-What if I - what if I say no?" she asked.  
  
"Then you'll die. You can't return to your old world, you have no anchor there."  
  
"I see. So it's due or die, is it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay. Um, so, I'll think about it now, right?"  
  
"Yes. I'll be back in an hour. If you choose to make your decision sooner, just call me."  
  
She only smiled at him in return. He opened the door and was about to leave, when he turned around again. "You are very brave," he told her once more. She looked away and heard the door close.  
  
Tara sighed and got off the bed. She walked about the room for a while, trying not to think for a moment. That was impossible, however... all the images kept floating by... she wasn't able to push them back. Now she had to make a choice.  
  
It wasn't as easy as it had been anymore. At the beginning it had seemed all she had to do was go to that other world and she would live together with Willow happily other. Then they told her she had to help stop the Apocalypse, and now this seemed to entail stopping Willow... maybe even killing Willow. At that thought she felt sick. She remembered watching Buffy fight Angel. I could never do that, she told herself. Never. I - what is this supposed to be? Why - why in the world would the Powers that Be separate Willow and me only to reunite us again to separate us again?  
  
There were several answers to that question, she realized. One was that the demonstration was just a trick, that none of it had ever really happened. She couldn't believe that, however. It had all seemed too real. And that would explain why Buffy hadn't want to tell her about Willow... and why Willow hadn't - Tara remembered she had told Buffy to tell Willow she loved her... and there had obviously been no answer from Willow - maybe because she had become all apocalyptic. Or maybe - a thought even more horrible - maybe she didn't love her anymore. Maybe she was in love with this dark haired girl. Maybe she had already forgotten-  
  
No, now she was being stupid. She remembered what Buffy had said at their first meeting - Willow wanted her to come back. And - and Buffy wanted her to come back, needed her. And Faith as well. She tried to forget the thought about possibly having to kill Willow. She wouldn't have to do that, she hoped.  
  
So what was she to do? It would be so much easier just to choose death - although she had no idea what it would be like, she was positive it would be a lot more peaceful than crossing over. But peaceful didn't mean better, she decided. And Skip was right - she was brave, and strong... what had her Mom always told her? "You've got a world of strength in your heart." So the decision wasn't that hard.  
  
"Skip," she called.  
  
She blinked, and there he was, standing in front of the door. "You already made your choice?" he asked her.  
  
"I did." He nodded.  
  
"Do you want to cross over?" There was a pause.  
  
"Yes."  
  
He smiled, obviously pleased. "Wonderful. Now you really passed the challenge. Congratulations." With that, he stretched out his hand. Tara took is, and they shook hands. "It was an honour meeting you, Tara."  
  
She blushed at hearing that. "Thank you. I-Is there anything else I need to know?"  
  
"No, nothing you won't pick up along the way. I'm confident you'll be doing fine."  
  
"So - what do I do now?"  
  
"You? You don't have to do that much. I'll just open that door, and you walk through it. No fighting." He grinned.  
  
"No fighting - that's really good." She stood there, waiting for him to step aside.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry." He took a few steps back and opened the door for her. "Good luck." Outside it was dark. But she wasn't afraid.  
  
"Goodbye, Skip," Tara smiled at him. Then she crossed the doorstep and shut the door behind her.  
  
*** 


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: A little filler that may seem a bit unimportant...but I think it was necessary.  
  
***  
  
When Kennedy got up that day, the others were still asleep. She yawned and went upstairs to the bathroom. Her back was aching. Sometimes she wondered why they all had to live together. Or why they couldn't sleep in a bed in turn. This whole sleeping on the floor thing won't improve our morale, she thought. She washed her face, brushed her teeth and got ready for the day. Another day of training and sitting around and boring ourselves to death. Buffy and the others seemed to get more and more annoyed with them and had started to avoid them. So they had to entertain themselves most of the time.  
  
Kennedy really didn't like talking about boys, so she spent most of her time down in the basement. But it was her telly day today, so that was something... after they had quarrelled one time too often about who was allowed to decide what to watch, they had set up a list. And today was her turn... actually, she didn't know what she wanted to watch yet, but she could decide later, she though.  
  
She went down again to make herself some breakfast. Buffy and Dawn had gotten up by now - they were already in the kitchen.  
  
"Good morning," she greeted them.  
  
"Morning," was all they answered. Buffy looked a bit confused today - she and Spike had returned soon after they had left last night, and they hadn't talked much. Kennedy had watched them come in and had noticed the strange looks they had exchange.... maybe they were going to get together after all.  
  
It seemed as Dawn and Buffy chose to ignore her. She didn't mind, really. No, that wasn't true - she did mind. But it wasn't as if there was anything she could do about it. After Willow and she broke up, there apparently was no need to be friendly to her anymore. The problem was that not only Willow's friends seemed to think so, but the other potentials as well.  
  
Kennedy poured herself some cereals into a bowl and then added some milk. Seeing the sun was shining already, she decided to eat her breakfast outside. On her way out, she grabbed an apple as well.  
  
***  
  
When she returned from breakfast, Buffy and Dawn had already left. And so, it seemed, had Willow - Kennedy noticed one of her books lying next to the sink. She was painfully aware that the others had left through the back door. As if I have some kind of disease, she thought bitterly. She picked up Willow's book and leafed through it. "Ancient spells and prophecies". Not the kind of book she preferred. She sighed. She had no idea what to do with herself.  
  
She took a look at her watch. 10 a.m. already, and most of the others seemed still to be asleep. She went over to the living room, only to realize they weren't. There seemed to be a major research session going on she hadn't noticed. "Can I help?" she asked. Anya looked up from her book. "No, we're alright here. But you can help Andrew with the shopping later," she offered.  
  
"Um, no thanks. I'm not really good at doing the shopping," Kennedy answered.  
  
"Go training then," Anya suggested.  
  
And that was what she did. One hour later or so, however, she had enough of it. And Spike as well. She wanted to do something useful - and if that meant going shopping with Andrew, going shopping with Andrew it was. Just when she had arrived in the kitchen, there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," she called. When she glanced into the living room, she noticed that nobody else was there anyway, so...  
  
She opened the door, only to find a blond young women standing there. "Hi, can I help you?"  
  
The woman obviously seemed startled and surprised. "Um, is - is Buffy home?"  
  
"No, I'm sorry, she's at school, I think." Kennedy eyed the woman curiously. She was rather pretty - however she didn't look like... "Are you a potential?" she asked her.  
  
"A what?" It seemed she wasn't. "Um, nothing, forget it." Kennedy smiled at her. "Can I tell Buffy something? Or do you want to wait for her?"  
  
"No, thank you," the woman shook her head. After a moment she asked, "Is W- Willow at home or does she have classes right now?"  
  
So the woman knew Willow. Probably some old high school friend of them or so. "Yes, I mean, she's at the university. Do you know each other?"  
  
She blushed. "Y-yes, you could say so. Um, I - I guess I'll stop by again later, okay?"  
  
"Sure. But - you can stay, if you like? I could make ourselves some coffee," Kennedy offered. She really was pretty, and the first person she had somehow talked to in some days... but the blonde blushed even more and shook her head again. "N-no thanks. 'Bye." She looked at her from behind her hair, smiled quickly at her and left.  
  
Wow, Kennedy thought, that was some smile! Even she hadn't wanted to stay, it seemed as if she would be back... she grinned at that.  
  
She turned around only to find Faith standing on the staircase. "Hi," she said.  
  
"Hi. Who was that?" the Slayer asked her.  
  
"I don't know. Some woman who wanted to talk to Buffy and Willow. She said she'd come back later."  
  
"Oh," Faith replied, looking thoughtful. Kennedy shrugged and went into the living room. Now that the others were gone, the TV was all hers... this didn't seem too bad a day. She sat down on the couch and made herself comfortable.  
  
*** 


	30. Chapter Thirty

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The morning after the challenge...now you wouldn't have guessed but we're getting closer to...well, you know...  
  
Author's note: Sorry to say that, but it looks as if you'll have to wait for an update till at least Wednesday... I try my best, but - well, I'll be back home by Tuesday, so...  
  
***  
  
Tara opened her eyes. I'm starting to get tired of that, she thought to herself. She tried to remember where she was, or where she could be at least. She was lying on a bed right now. She sat up and looked around her. It was a room she had never seen before, and probably never would again. It was definitely a boy's room - what with all the sport's stuff and the posters and his set of personal hygiene stuff. What am I doing in here? she wondered.  
  
She decided to leave the room, hoping no one would notice her. She was now standing in a hall. Tara turned around and took a look at the door. It seemed as if these were the college dorm rooms. But why had she woken up in that boy's - of course, she thought. This was probably my room right before I died, and so the Powers decided to let me start here. Skip could have told me that, though. She went down the corridor until she arrived at the staircase. This looked vaguely familiar to her. Come to think about it, there wasn't anything vague about its familiarity - this was where Willow and she had met for the first time. Or rather, where they had talked to each other for the first time - Tara had seen her before that day, but had never dared to talk to her. But then... suddenly she remembered what Skip had shown her. She had to find out what had happened to Willow. Now.  
  
But where was she to go? She decided to go to the Summers' house - she figured that if Stevenson Hall looked the same, so would probably the rest of Sunnydale. Well, more or less, she thought. Probably apart from the occasional magic shop or vampire lair. So she left the building and walked across the campus.  
  
It really looked pretty much like the one in her old world. She couldn't help looking for Willow as she made her way to the Summers' house - not knowing exactly if she wanted to find her or not. She decided she wanted to talk to Buffy first - she needed to find out what was going on. Although - it didn't look like the world was on the verge of distraction by the Bad Witch of the - she couldn't remember, was it South or North? Or West? It had been a long time since she had read "The Wizard of Oz", and anyway - this wasn't a fairytale creature she was talking about - this was Willow. Her lover, her soulmate... Tara sighed. This probably was going to be hard.  
  
Finally she reached Buffy's house, who had been her home for the last two years. Except it hadn't - her living in another dimension. She was standing at the front door now, not sure what to do. She glanced at her watch. Ten minutes past twelve... there probably wouldn't be anybody home anyway. She was kind of glad about that idea. Still, she decided to knock. After all, she hadn't cross dimensions only to get overwhelmed by fear at the sight of Buffy's front door.  
  
After she knocked, she heard an unfamiliar voice call, "I'll get it!" Then the door opened to reveal a young woman with dark hair she had never seen before. Had she been wrong? Wasn't this Buffy's house after all? She was so startled she didn't even know what to say.  
  
"Hi, can I help you?", the woman asked her.  
  
"Um, is - is Buffy home?" Tara queried, not really knowing what to say else. Well, you could've asked whether she lives her, she told herself, when her thoughts were interrupted.  
  
"No, I'm sorry, she's at school, I think." Tara sighed, relieved. At least she had found her house. That was a good starting point. She noticed the stranger was eyeing her curiously. Is she checking me out? she wondered.  
  
"Are you a potential?" she asked her.  
  
Tara was confused. "A what?" A potential what? Girlfriend? This was an odd world indeed...  
  
"Um, nothing, forget it. Can I tell Buffy something? Or do you want to wait for her?"  
  
Tara shook her head. "No, thank you." It - she couldn't wait for Buffy what if Willow came home first... Willow! She thought that maybe she could find out if she was alright. "Is W-Willow at home or does she have classes right now?" She congratulated herself for being that clever... because if Willow still had classes, she couldn't be on the 'I'm going to destroy the world' wagon...  
  
"Yes." Tara was shocked. Willow was here? The other woman continued. "I mean, she's at the university. Do you know each other?"  
  
Tara couldn't help blushing. Why was that? "Y-yes, you could say so." Great stutter, she thought. "Um, I - I guess I'll stop by again later, okay?"  
  
"Sure. But - you can stay, if you like? I could make ourselves some coffee." She was flirting with her! She so wasn't used to that... she blushed even more and shook her head again. She had to get out of here - now. Or she would only embarass herself some more. "N-no thanks. 'Bye." Tara smiled at the other woman, turned around and left quickly. Who was that? Suddenly a terrible thought hid her... she remembered having seen Willow making out with a dark haired woman... maybe that was her... but if she was with Willow, why had she been flirting with her? She couldn't imagine anyone would rather be with her than with Willow and anyway... she decided not to think about it right now. Life in denial land was so much sweeter.  
  
But what was she to do now? Her first thought was going back to Stevenson Hall... she couldn't explain it, but something drew her towards that place. So back to Stevenson Hall she went. On her way she thought some more about what to do next. Maybe she should call Buffy later. Yeah, that was a good idea. But what if Buffy didn't answer the phone, what if Dawn did? She wasn't sure if Buffy had told the others about her. Well, judging from the strange woman'sreaction, she probably hadn't...and if she called and Dawn answered the phone... she knew Dawn would instantly recognize her voice. Maybe she should call Buffy at school... or wait in front of her house until she went out alone.  
  
Tara sighed. She was such a coward. But she was afraid of how the others would react... and she wasn't sure if they would be the same as her friends in Sunnydale. Of course they are not the same, she told herself. With all the demons and vampires and stuff - such experiences probably couldn't but change you. And wasn't William - Spike - a vampire in this world? If that wasn't different, she didn't know what was. But then again... the Buffy in her dream had been very Buffylike... maybe the best thing right now would be to stop worrying. Everything was going to be alright, and - she just had to follow her instinct.  
  
When she arrived at Stevenson Hall, she went to the student lounge and sat down, not really knowing what to do. But she somehow had the feeling she should be there, so... it looked as if classes were over right now, as people were streaming in and out. She smiled as she remembered how she had met Willow right here... they had accidentaly bumped into each other, and all of Tara's books had fallen on the ground. When Willow reached out to help her gathering them, their hands touched, and Tara's whole world had changed... probably so had Willow's. They had looked in each other's eyes, not really able to move. It wasn't until someone else bumped into them that they got up and had sat down together. They had talked for what had seemed like ages - about their classes, teachers, friends, favourite books... at some point they realized it was already dark outside... they had obviously completely lost track of time.  
  
After that, they had met every day... talking, reading together, doing homework, watching TV... doing everything together. When two days later, Tara wasn't able to see her one day, Willow had called her in the middle of the night. "I kinda miss you," she had told her. She couldn't believe it. Why would anyone miss her? When she had asked Willow for her reason, she had been silent for a moment. "I'll come over to tell you, okay?"  
  
The next twenty minutes of waiting or so had been both sweet and terrible. She wasn't sure what Willow was going to tell her, but it had to be something good, otherwise she wouldn't come to visit her now. That was what she had been telling herself. She still couldn't really believe it when Willow knocked at her door. "You still wanna know why I missed you?" Willow had asked her, smiling. She only had been able to nodd. "Close the door. It's a secret, you know? And I want you to be the first to know it."  
  
"Okay." Tara still remembered how the butterflies in her stomach had had a hell of a party.  
  
"It's pretty easy really - I missed you because I couldn't see you smiling. I couldn't hear your voice. I couldn't talk to you, laugh with you. I couldn't tell you what I did today."  
  
"You c-can tell me now," Tara had offered her.  
  
She got another smile in return. "I have been thinking about you all day. Every single second. You are the most wonderful person I've ever met."  
  
She had only blushed in reply to that. "Want me to translate that?" Willow had asked, grinning.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm in love with you, Tara Maclay."  
  
It had been the most amazing evening of her life - only to be topped by every other day with Willow. Sure, they too had quarrelled sometimes, she admitted to herself, recalling the fights she had witnessed in Skip's little demonstration. And suddenly she realized something - every moment she had seen between Willow and her had been a downpoint of their relationship - lying, fighting, breaking up - that couldn't have been everything. She knew that hadn't been everything.  
  
She looked up. And her whole world changed again.  
  
*** 


	31. Chapter Thirty One

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The morning after the challenge... the last step...I promise you only have to wait until tomorrow.  
  
*** Willow yawned. She took a look at her alarm clock and decided it was probably time to get up. The research session last evening had been a rather short one - they had mostly discussed where they wanted look. In the end, Willow had had another question however. "What about the third Slayer?" she asked the others.  
  
"What do you mean?" Anya looked confused.  
  
"I mean, I checked her background and stuff... and there was nothing special about her, apart from her being a Slayer. And now she's dead, and it looks as if there won't be a third Slayer anymore... which is good, in the sense of balance, but - that's it? If there is nothing more to it, it seems a bit lame, doesn't it? Why is she included in the prophecy? And why did she come to Sunnydale?" Willow stopped, a bit embarrassed of her speech. She had sounded a bit too...well, hysterical. And there really wasn't any need for that.  
  
The others were silent for a moment. Then Giles replied, "I - I guess her watcher..."  
  
"What watcher? Is he here in Sunnydale? I don't think so, or he would've contacted us by now. I guess he is dead - maybe he was killed back in Seattle, maybe here as well. But you're probably right - I guess it was him who told her to go to Sunnydale. What other reason could she have had?"  
  
"About the prophecy," Andrew started suddenly. Everybody looked at him, surprised. "Um, it wasn't wrong, was it? It's still true - at some point of time there were three where two should not have been. And now the third one's dead, and there doesn't seem to be another third one... maybe that was the beginning of reestablishing the balance."  
  
"You're right," Giles agreed. "Although the initiative came from the wrong side, of course. But I - I think we really should focus on the spell..."  
  
"So you don't think the spell - if there is one - will include the third Slayer as well? Because if it does, we have two problems... two people who won't be able to take part," Xander said.  
  
Willow noticed the odd expression on Giles face as he answered, "Ur, yes, of course. But - but I really suggest we should try to find the spell before we all get consumed by our worries. And I guess we might do that tomorrow. Anya, you said you knew where to get some more books?"  
  
"Yes, maybe. I'll look for them tomorrow." She smiled at him.  
  
With that, the session had been declared closed, and everyone had gone to bed. Only a short time afterwards, however, Willow had heard Buffy come home, which had been odd, as she hadn't been out for patrol long. Well, she'd ask her later if something was wrong, she decided. She got up, went to the bathroom and got dressed. Downstairs, in the kitchen, she met Buffy and Dawn. "Good morning," she greeted them.  
  
"Morning," they said in chorus.  
  
"Kennedy's having breakfast outside," Dawn added.  
  
"So?" Willow looked at her expectantly.  
  
"I just thought - maybe you would want to avoid her."  
  
Willow smiled. "Thanks, Dawnie. Yeah, maybe you're right. I guess I'll do that. But I wanted to ask you something - I mean, I get why I act weird around Kennedy - but why do you? And Xander, and Giles, and - well, just about everybody?"  
  
Buffy didn't say anything. Dawn, however, replied, "Because we don't like her. I mean, I don't like the Potentials at all really. And Buffy has been avoiding them as well." That was true, Willow thought. "The problem is, he Potentials don't like her either - she has acted rather, um, superior to them when she was - I mean when you..."  
  
Willow nodded. "I get it." That was Kennedy's problem then. She made herself a sandwich; then she said to Buffy, "You were home early yesterday. Was there something wrong?"  
  
"Wrong?" Buffy seemed startled. What was up with her? "No, I was just - just really tired. And Faith offered she would do the slaying alone, so..."  
  
"You took a night off. That's good." She smiled at her best friend. "Oh," she said as she looked at the clock. "I gotta go if I don't wanna miss class."  
  
Buffy followed her gaze. "So do we. Dawn, are you ready?"  
  
"Sure." Dawn grabbed her bag, Willow her books and the three women left through the back door.  
  
***  
  
Although she had at the university in time, Willow had still the feeling she had missed class. She hadn't been able to concentrate at all. She couldn't help it, her thoughts just kept wandering around aimlessly. But she had to sit through yet another, she remembered, sighing. What was wrong today? After her last class was over, she took a walk across the campus. She didn't really know where she went, but wasn't surprised to find herself standing in front of Stevenson Hall.  
  
Sometimes, when she needed to focus more, or just needed time to think, she went there. It was a place definitely connected to Tara, but it didn't depress her like some other places did. That was probably mostly due to the many people there - she had never been there when she was alone, and she didn't want to. She had enough depressing places already.  
  
As Willow opened the door and entered the student lounge, she remembered how she and Tara had talked there for the first time... they had met before at the Wicca group, of course, and when they had run from the gentlemen, but that morning had been the first time they could really just talk together - without being surrounded by wanna-blessed-bes or being in mortal danger. She recalled how confused she had been... when Tara had taken her hand in that laundry room, they both instantly felt their connection... it had been immensly powerful. Willow never had experienced something like that, neither before she had met Tara, nor after she had been...  
  
You wanted to stay away from depressing places, she told herself. She was still standing at the door, remembering how they had met in the student lounge the next morning. She had been kind of nervous, what with the butterflies in her stomach - she had had no idea how to react to that. As soon as she had seen Tara coming towards her, however, everything was fine. She had immediately felt at ease with her, something that was also completely new to her.  
  
They had joked about the other members of the Wicca group and then had talked about magic. She recalled Tara had told her she was powerful even then... she hadn't been really able to believe her at that time. As it turned out, she had been right. Willow sighed. Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... that was an easy one. When Tara had told her she thought she was special and how she had looked at her then - she had felt so for the very first time. Special. Wonderful. Only Tara had ever managed to make her feel this way. It was as if she had known her completely, right from the beginning.  
  
Willow smiled and started to make her way across the hall to some of the chairs. She came to a sudden halt though, when she saw who was sitting there. Her heart skipped a beat. How? was all she could think. Then - it's a ghost, no - the First - it's - it can't be.... she had the feeling her head was spinning. Focus, she told herself. If it's the First, you really need to focus. She closed her eyes.  
  
When she opened it again, she knew this was for real. This wasn't the First, or a ghost or a demon. She found herself looking into Tara's eyes, and suddenly everything was right again. She didn't care about how it was possible, what had happened. Her soulmate had returned to her and - why was she still just standing there? 


	32. Chapter Thirty Two

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: I'm looking forward to your feedback to this one...don't really know what to think of it myself, so...tell me if you like it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: This contains: lots of bliss and angst... and most importantly the reunion of our beloved soulmates...YES!!! You read correctly. Finally...but it isn't over yet.  
  
***  
  
Willow, Tara thought. Willow. As she was looking into her eyes, everything she had been thinking, worrying about dissolved. She slowly got up and was startled when suddenly Willow was standing right in front of her.  
  
"How did you do that?" she asked.  
  
Willow smiled shyly. "Magic."  
  
Tara didn't know what to say or do. She just kept standing there, looking into Willow's eyes. She felt as if she had finally arrived. As if she was home. She made a small step towards her, crossing the small distance that still lay between them. She reached out her hand and caressed her lover's cheek, putting a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Your hair," she began. "It's... long."  
  
"Yours looks almost the same," Willow replied, mirrowing her actions. She gasped when she actually touched Tara for the first time in what had seemed an eternity.  
  
"Is that... good or bad?" Tara asked, tentatively.  
  
"It's perfect." Willow smiled. It still makes my knees go all weak, Tara thought. The two lovers didn't move and just kept looking at each other as if for the first time. They were completely lost in their own world.  
  
Then Willow looked down. "Don't," Tara told her, putting her hand under Willow's chin and thus lifting her face. "What is it?" she asked gently. "It's nothing... I just... I can't believe your real. You are real, aren't you?"  
  
"I am."  
  
Willow now had tears in her eyes. "I missed you so much." With that, she put her arms around Tara and pulled her into a close embrace. "I lost you," she murmured. "I thought I would always find you, but I couldn't." Tara didn't reply. Instead, she put her arms around Willow's waist and drew her even closer. It felt so good to be with her again. She tenderly carressed Willow's back, needing to feel her lover. Willow responded with playing gently with her hair. They stayed like this for some time, trying to believe that this was actually happening. Then, as if with one mind, they let go of each other.  
  
Willow looked down at the floor again. She felt so - terribly shy. "Perhaps we should go somewhere more... private... or quiet," she suggested. Tara simply nodded. "Let's go and sit outside somewhere," Willow said. "It's - it's really warm and... I missed sitting in the sun with you."  
  
"Okay," Tara agreed and took Willow's hand. "You choose the location," she explained. Willow smiled and lead her out of Stevenson Hall and finally to a sunny spot. "Is that alright?" she asked Tara anxiously. Her lover just sat down and motioned for her to join her. Willow did just that, but as she wasn't sure where to sit exactly, she chose a place opposite Tara.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked as she saw her pout. "Don't you think that's too far away from me?" Tara complained playfully, nevertheless blushing at her boldness. She had never been good at flirting. But she needed to be close to her lover - they had been apart long enough. "Oh." Willow blushed as well. "I didn't know if you wanted me to-" suddenly she felt embarrassed for her insecurity.  
  
"Of course I want you to," Tara told her. "Why did you think - did I do something wrong?" Maybe she had been too shy - or maybe Willow wasn't glad to see her - no, that was a stupid idea. Willow probably just was confused, and who wouldn't be if her dead lover was just standing in front of her, very not-dead? She possibly was wondering what was going on, and how that was possible, and thus simply didn't know to react. So, Tara surmised, she was would have to take the initiative now.  
  
"No!" Willow exclaimed, quickly moving closer to Tara. She was now sitting right next to her, not knowing if that was right or... "You didn't do anything... I was just... I'm not sure what... what is going on." "I know," Tara replied. She realized just sitting here wasn't that good if she wanted them to be close to each other... so she decided to start taking the initiative. "Willow," she said softly.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Tara looked at her lover, then at her lap. "Do you want to...?" she started. Willow's heart skipped a beat - that was exactly what she wanted. She was grateful Tara was being all control gal here... she lay down and put her head in Tara's lap, sighing with relief. This was right where she belonged.  
  
Tara smiled at Willow's reaction. She started playing with her lover's hair, once again amazed how long it was. This was only a little thing that had change, but... she also noticed other differences - how shy she was with her...she almost seemed afraid. And she felt the power surrounding her - something she had never had in her own - in the other world. She realized she had to tell Willow what was going on - it was obvious to her that Buffy and Faith hadn't told her about their dreams.  
  
At that moment, Willow looked up at her. It was as if she had heard her thoughts. "Tell me a story," she asked her. Tara knew exactly what she wanted.  
  
"Once upon a time, there was a... um... princess. She was very beautiful... she had the most wonderful red hair, and the greenest eyes and... um...she had friends, who loved her very much, and she wasn't only a princess - she was also a powerful witch."  
  
"Did she have a broomstick?" Willow wanted to know.  
  
"No, no broomstick. She was afraid to fly."  
  
"Oh. Was she happy?"  
  
"I think she was. Though not completely happy," Tara added.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"She wasn't in love."  
  
"That's a sad story. Why wasn't she in love?"  
  
"You have to be patient, sweetie. Because one day, she met this other witch."  
  
"What was she like?"  
  
"Um, this other witch? She had blond hair, and blue eyes and -"  
  
"The most beautiful blue eyes," Willow interjected.  
  
"Okay. And she was very shy, and she stuttered when she was nervous." Tara paused for a moment.  
  
"Did she fall in love with the princess?"  
  
"Yes, she did. And the princess fell in love with her. Now both were perfectly happy together. It turned out they were soulmates, you know - the Powers that Be had connected their souls so they would recognizes each other. And they only felt complete when they were together."  
  
"Did they live happily ever after?" Willow asked her.  
  
"Unfortunately, no. Because one day, there came this... there was a bad man. He wanted to kill the princess' best friend, but instead he killed her lover."  
  
"I don't think I like this story."  
  
"It's not over yet. Because the Powers that Be didn't want to separate the two lovers for all eternity, they send the witch to another world. It was very similar to the one she came from, only she didn't remember she was a witch anymore. She also had no other memories of this other world, where she had been in love with the princess."  
  
"That must have been very sad for her then."  
  
"It was - but not because she didn't remember the other world. It was sad because the Powers had the princess get killed in that world."  
  
"There was a princess as well? Was she just like the other princess?"  
  
"I'm not sure yet. But it looks as if they were very much alike, yes. After she got killed, the witch was very sad. Her friends tried everything to make her happy, but they couldn't. She couldn't forget her princess."  
  
"I - the princess in the other world couldn't forget the witch as well," Willow told her.  
  
Tara smiled. "I know. Then, one day, the witch had this dream about her princess. After the dream, she went to a wise man to ask him if he knew what it meant. The wise man told her about this other world, where there were witches, vampires, demons, vampire slayers...and her princess. So the witch contacted the slayers in their dreams, with the help of the wise man."  
  
"You talked to Buffy and Faith?" Willow interrupted her. At Tara's look, she apologized. "I'm sorry. I'll let you tell the story now."  
  
"Thank you. The Slayers told her how to go back to their world, so that the witch could be with her princess again."  
  
"How-" Willow started.  
  
"The witch travelled into the spirit world, leaving her other world and her friends behind. She didn't have an anchor their - the only connection she had to the world outside the spirit world was her love for Will - the princess."  
  
Willow giggled at her slip.  
  
"The witch had to face a challenge, which she passed. Then-"  
  
"What kind of challenge was it?" Willow wanted to know, looking up anxiously at her lover.  
  
"It - the Powers showed her everything that she didn't know about the world she was going to."  
  
"Everything?" Now Willow was wearing a worried expression.  
  
"I - I don't know," Tara confessed. "I - I think they only showed her things that made her sad - that would make her change her mind."  
  
"What things?"  
  
"Her princess happily in love with a werewolf... her princess kissing another girl... they showed her how the princess fought with the witch... and then they showed her something that almost made her change her mind. They showed her her princess with black hair and black eyes, trying to destroy the world." 


	33. Chapter Thirty Three

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: This continues right where we left them (there is a them again..yay!) the last time.  
  
Author's note: I'm really sorry - I know it's been ages since the last time. But what can I say - uni has started again and it seems I haven't done that much since except sleeping and reading and occasionaly eating ;-) But tomorrow's a public holiday - I'll chain myself to my keyboard and try to do my best :-)  
  
***  
  
Willow had to swallow hard. She was afraid now. "Wh- why did that almost change her mind?"  
  
"Because the witch was afraid she was going to have to kill her princess," Tara told her. "And she knew she would never be able to do that. She was scared of what was going to happen when she returned to that other world."  
  
"Did - did the witch still love her princess? Because the princess will always love her witch." Willow asked timidly.  
  
"And the witch will always love her princess." They stayed silent for some time, Willow lying with her head in Tara's lap, her eyes closed, Tara still playing tenderly with her hair. Then Willow wanted to know, "What happened next?"  
  
"The witch passed the challenge and returned to her princess' world. She first went to the house where the Slayer lived, but neither she nor her princess were at home."  
  
"Who told her so?"  
  
"A dark haired girl. She was very friendly. In fact, she tried to flirt with the witch," Tara said, blushing slightly. At that, Willow opened her eyes, shocked. "What?"  
  
"But the witch didn't stay there-," she continued hastily, "she went to the place where it all began - where she had first talked to her princess. She sat there for a while, thinking about her. And suddenly, there she was, facing her, more beautiful than ever. The witch had never been that happy before."  
  
"Neither had the princess," Willow added.  
  
"They embraced, and the witch felt as if she had finally come home. For the first time in months, she forgot all her worries. Everything was right again. Then the two lovers went for a walk, and sat down in the sun, and the witch told her princess how she had been able to return to her." Tara finished.  
  
"How does the story end?" Willow wasn't satisfied yet. "Did they live happily ever after now?"  
  
"I don't know," Tara replied softly. "I don't know the end of the story yet."  
  
"What do you think will happen?"  
  
"What I think... I think they will sit together some longer, before returning to the Slayer's house. They probably will have to get to know each other again, because although they're the same in a way, they aren't."  
  
"Will there be..." Willow didn't know how to ask, but she had to know, so she overcame her shyness. "Will there be snuggles... and smoochies?"  
  
Tara couldn't help grinning. That was the Willow she knew. "Vixen," was all she answered, before continuing, "there might be. I don't know when exactly though."  
  
Willow sighed a sigh of relief. "So everything will be like it was before?"  
  
"Better," Tara told her. "It will be better."  
  
They were silent once more, simply enjoying the sun and their closeness for some time. There was no need to say anything, until Tara suddenly spoke up. "You know, I found you."  
  
illow understood. "We always know how to find each other," she answered.  
  
The two lovers smiled at each other knowingly. Then Tara shivered. "What is it?" Willow asked. "Are you cold?"  
  
"A bit," Tara confessed. "But mostly - I'm tired."  
  
"Of course you are!" Willow exclaimed. She looked at her watch. "It's late already... the others will probably worry about me. Or maybe they won't, seeing as Buffy knows about you." She got up, helping Tara on her feet as well.  
  
"I'm not sure she does," Tara told her. "I mean, of course she knows that I - I wanted to come here, but she doesn't know that I am here already. I wonder why she didn't tell you."  
  
"I guess she was afraid that - she probably wasn't sure if it would work. And so I guess she was just worried I wouldn't be able to deal with it if I thought it would but in the end it didn't, you know?" They started to walk home, hand in hand.  
  
"Yes, you're probably right. And as that girl didn't seem to know who I was... What?" Tara asked, noticing the strange look on her face.  
  
"That girl... I think it was Kennedy." Now Willow blushed.  
  
"So?" Tara didn't understand.  
  
"Kennedy and I - we were - sort of -" Willow really didn't know how to say it. "We were kinda - together." She hoped Tara wouldn't be mad now.  
  
"Oh," was all she replied. "Oh, so she was the dark haired girl I saw you kiss in that challenge. I thought so, but I wasn't sure - and - are you still?"  
  
"No! No, we haven't been for some time. We - I don't know, I -"  
  
"Why did you break up?" Tara wanted to know. She didn't sound mad or anything, just curious.  
  
"I - I wasn't in love with her. I mean, I liked her, kinda, but I didn't love her. I think I only was together with her because she... it somehow comforted me." She shot Tara a worried glance. As she didn't answer, Willow asked, "Are you mad now? Or hurt?"  
  
"Should I be?"  
  
"No! Please don't. I mean, I - I - all I could think about was you. I loved you, you know. The princess will always love her witch, remember? I - I still love you." At that, Tara stopped. Willow looked down, somehow afraid of her lover's reply.  
  
"I love you, too, Willow. The witch will always love her princess." She reached out her hand, caressing Willow's cheek. Then she brought her face closer to Willow's. She could now feel her lover's breath on her skin. They were just about to kiss, when suddenly someone bumped into them. "Sorry," he apologized. "Andrew!" Willow said, sounding frustrated. Why now?  
  
"Who's that?" Tara and Andrew asked at the same time. Then Andrew recognized her. "Aren't you? But you're - I mean, you were? Wasn't she?" he wanted to know, confused.  
  
"It's a long story," Willow smiled. "But yes - I mean - Andrew, this is Tara," she introduced them. "And Tara, this is Andrew."  
  
"Hi," Tara smiled at him.  
  
"Hi," replied.  
  
"Is he a friend of Buffy's?" she asked.  
  
"Well, that's kinda a long story as well," Willow said apologetically. "I'll fill you in later, okay?"  
  
"Okay," Tara agreed.  
  
Andrew was still standing there, looking confused. "What are you doing here anyway?" Willow questioned him. "Aren't you supposed to do research?"  
  
"I was," he defended himself. He showed them the book he was carrying. "Giles told me to get that for him."  
  
"Oh," Willow replied. "You know what? You - could you hurry home and tell Buffy about Tara? She'll explain how this was possible. She knows. We'll follow - just - we'll be home about five minutes after you, okay?"  
  
"Right." Andrew smiled at them once again. Before he left, he turned around and told Tara, "It's - it was great to meet you."  
  
"Thanks, me too." Then he was gone. "Who was that?" she asked Willow.  
  
"He - he was part of the Evil Trio. I think he kinda was in love with Warren - or with Jonathon. I'm not sure about it. But he's positively gay, for all I know."  
  
"Warren? Wasn't he the guy that shot me?" Tara interrupted her.  
  
"Yes, he was." Willow was silent.  
  
"What happened to him?"  
  
"I - I killed him." She didn't look at Tara, who simply replied, "Oh."  
  
"Andrew - well, it seems the First - the First Evil, the big bad this year, you're going to hear more about that - well, the First kinda controlled him so he went to the High School and killed Jonathan to open the seal."  
  
"The seal? Wait, he killed him? Why isn't he in jail?"  
  
"It's - it's not that easy. It's all very complicated. It's just - he's on our side now, and he is helping us in order to redeem himself. He isn't evil, really. He's - he can be a litte annoying sometimes, but he's okay."  
  
"I get it. Or I don't, but that's probably because I'm not really used to all of this." Tara was confused. And she didn't know what to think now she knew Willow actually killed somebody. Sure, it was her murderer, but that didn't make it right.  
  
"You will get used to it," Willow promised her. "Just - take your time. I bet it's very confusing. I mean, I know it is. I mean, I had to get used to it as well." She was getting nervous. She wasn't sure how Tara would deal with her being a killer. Her murderer's killer, sure, but still...  
  
They were standing in front of the Summers' house now. "You think we should wait some more?" Tara asked her.  
  
"I don't -" Willow started, when suddenly the front door opened, and Dawn came running towards them. Or towards Tara, rather. She threw her arms around her.  
  
"You're back!"  
  
*** 


	34. Chapter Thirty Four

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Buffy, Faith and the others find out that Tara's back.  
  
***  
  
Buffy closed the door behind her and leaned against it, exhausted. It had been a hard day again - the students were becoming more aggressive every day. She knew it was the First. They really had to do something about it. She sighed and then went upstairs to her room to change. After she had gone to the bathroom, she almost walked into Faith, who obviously had been waiting for her.  
  
"Hey Faith," she greeted her.  
  
"Hi B. I need to talk to you. Alone."  
  
Buffy took a look around. It seemed as if nobody else was there. They still went back into her room and closed the door behind them. "So, what's up? Go ahead."  
  
Faith didn't look at her. Instead, she walked to the window and looked out. Then she went to sit on the bed. Just as Buffy was getting impatient, the other Slayer spoke up. "I think Tara's here."  
  
Buffy's heart skipped a beat. She wasn't sure if she had heard correctly, but what could she have gotten wrong? "What?" She sat down next to Faith.  
  
"I think Tara's here."  
  
"In our house? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Where is she? I-"  
  
"Not in your house. I think she's here as in 'in our world' here." Faith looked at her. "I mean, I'm not totally sure, but-"  
  
"How - I mean why do you think so?"  
  
"Kennedy - when I woke up this morning, there was someone at the door, and Kennedy answered it. When I went down, the other person had already left. I asked her about it, and she told me it was some woman who wanted to talk to you and Red."  
  
"So? That could have been anyone," Buffy said, wondering if that was true.  
  
"I thought so, too. But then I asked her what this woman looked like. Blond, blue eyes, nice smile..."  
  
Buffy nodded. She didn't know what to say. Maybe it was Tara. "Maybe it's her," she told Faith. "And - did Kennedy say anything else? Why didn't she know her?"  
  
"Um, I guess it's because there are no photos of Tara in the house? I mean, I didn't see one."  
  
Faith got no reply. She's right, Buffy thought. Why don't we have any photos of her? It's as if she never even existed. Then she remembered. "Willow!" she said.  
  
"What is it?" Faith was confused.  
  
"We - I mean, I thought it would be better if Willow wasn't reminded of her so much. I've got photos of Tara, and so does Dawn, but we decided to - not display them so much, you know?" The other Slayer nodded. "And now - oh god, Willow - we have to tell her. Tara doesn't know she doesn't know..." Buffy jumped off the bed and started walking towards the door. Faith followed her and grabbed her arm, stopping her.  
  
"Cool down, B - nothing's gonna hapen. It's all going to be alright. Kennedy told me Tara said she wanted to come back later. And I'm sure she's going to do just that. And if Willow's back by then - well, we'll be able to tell her then. I'm sure she'll be so happy about her lover's return, she won't be angry or anything."  
  
"Angry? You think she'll be angry?" Now Buffy sounded worried.  
  
"Well, not telling her that the love of her live might be coming back is what I would call a big deal. I guess I would be angry about it. But as I said, she probably won't be. So don't worry."  
  
Buffy didn't really seem convinced. "B - I guess it'll be the best if we tell the others about Tara - I mean everybody. Because they are really going to be surprised-"  
  
At that moment they heard the door closing. They looked at each other in a mixture of alarm and joy and rushed out of Buffy's room and down the stairs. However, there was no one there. They went into the living room, where Anya, Dawn and Giles were pouring over some books. "Hey," Buffy greeted them. "Who was at the door?"  
  
"What? Uh, sorry?" Giles looked up, looking a bit bewildered. "Oh. That was Andrew. I told him to get a book for me."  
  
"You think it's a good idea to let him go out wandering on his own?" Faith wanted to know. "Isn't he supposed to be a hostage after all?"  
  
"Well, he's been rather helpful," Giles answered. "And where would he go to, anyway? I'm sure he knows this is where he is safe."  
  
"So did you find anything?" Buffy asked. "About the prophecy, I mean?"  
  
"We think there is going to be something useful in the books Andrew is getting. And we think that - well..." Anya trailed off.  
  
"What?" Faith sounded a bit impatient. They really should be telling them about Tara now. If she got here before they had explained to the others, things would probably get complicated. Maybe Red would even think they had done the zombie thing and try kill Tara - Faith stopped at that thought, horrified. She wouldn't let it come that far, she decided, trying not to wonder why she was that worried about Tara.  
  
Anya finally chose to continue. "We think that the only way to reestablish the balance...it's pretty obvious. The four will return the power...that probably means that in the end there is going to be just one slayer again."  
  
Buffy and Faith didn't say anything, but they were thinking the same thoughts. Finally Faith spoke up. "Does that mean one of us has to die in order to defeat the First?  
  
"The First cannot really be defeated," Giles replied. "And we don't know if you - any of you," he corrected himself, "has to die."  
  
"I don't think so," Anya told them. "If one of you dies, there is most probably going to be yet another one. We are trying to find a spell or something. Just give us some time. We were hoping Willow was going to help us with that. Where is she anyway?" she wondered.  
  
Buffy finally remembered why they had come down. "Um, listen...we have to tell you something... everybody...where are the others?"  
  
"In the basement, I guess," Dawn answered. "I'll get them," she offered.  
  
"Thanks," Buffy replied.  
  
Five minutes later, everybody was in the living room. "Well, Willow and Andrew aren't here, but I guess it's okay if we fill them in later," Faith told Buffy, who simply nodded.  
  
"Okay, Faith and I - we need to tell you something. It's good news, we think - although it may seem a little strange." Some of the potentials looked worried - stranger than vampires and demons?  
  
"You probably all have heard of the prophecy Anya found - the one about the Four, that only they can get rid of the First."  
  
"The Four would be Anya, Xander, Willow and her dead girlfriend?" Vy said.  
  
"Yes. So far the problem has been that Tara is dead." Buffy stopped, not knowing how to explain them what happened.  
  
"What do you mean?" Dawn sounded scared. "You are not talking about that zombie thing again, are you? For if you are-"  
  
"No," Faith interrupted her. "No zombie. But it seems as if Tara has come back."  
  
At this, everybody started talking. "What? How? What do you mean?"  
  
Buffy tried to silence them. "Hey! HEY! It's enough!" She paused, then continued. "It's a bit complicated, but the gist of the whole story is that there is this other dimension where there is this other Tara and this other Tara has contacted us - Faith and me - and possibly has crossed over to our dimension."  
  
"Which means there is a good chance to survive this battle against the First," Faith added, trying to sound cheerful.  
  
"Why didn't you tell us?" Dawn asked, looking hurt.  
  
"We - we weren't sure if it would work and we didn't want you to get your hopes up."  
  
"So - is she here now?" Kennedy asked.  
  
Buffy was just about to answer her, when the door opened and Andrew stormed into the living room. "You won't believe who I just met!"  
  
"Willow's dead girlfriend?" Rhonda offered.  
  
"How do you know that?" Andrew looked at her, confused.  
  
"Buffy just told us. She's from another dimension," Vy said.  
  
"Another dimension? That's cool." Andrew turned to Buffy. "Willow told me to-"  
  
"Willow was with her?" Buffy interrupted him.  
  
"Yes," Andrew answered. "Is that bad?"  
  
"No," Faith replied. "What did she tell you?"  
  
"Oh, she just asked me to tell Buffy Tara was with her. They are on their way here now." Andrew still seemed confused, but decided not to go on asking now, as the others didn't look too wise either.  
  
Dawn went over to the window, looking outside. She didn't know what to think. Tara was coming back...another Tara. Or was she the same? For the first time in months she allowed herself to remember her....really remember. Would she still buy her milkshakes? She couldn't wait to go shopping with her again. Was she still a witch? Did she still love Willow? Did she even know her? There were more and more questions coming up, and she didn't have the questions. She wanted to ask Buffy, when suddenly she froze. She saw them walking towards the house - hand in hand. All questions disappearing, Dawn rushed over to the door, opening it and ran outside, calling "You're back!"  
  
"Looks as if they're here already," Faith said dryly.  
  
*** 


	35. Chapter Thirty Five

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Welcome back...  
  
***  
  
Tara gladly returned Dawn's hug, burying her face in her hair. "Hey Dawnie," she said.  
  
Dawn didn't reply. She was happier than she had ever been, holding on to Tara as if she feared she would be gone if she let go. She was fighting back her tears, not being very successful. She closed her eyes and got lost in their embrace. She realized how much she had missed her - the only person who had really understood her - tried to understand her.  
  
After watching them for a while, Willow got a bit uneasy. "Um, not that I want to interrupt - actually I want to..."  
  
Dawn finally let go of her friend, grinning at Tara, who smiled back at her in return. "No need to be jealous, Willow," Dawn told her. "I just - I can't believe you're here."  
  
"So you missed me?" Tara asked, mockingly.  
  
"Maybe." Dawn wiped away the tears that had somehow managed to escape. She turned around and saw Buffy, Anya, Faith, Giles and Xander standing at the door, the two men somehow shuffling their feet, not really knowing what to do.  
  
Anya did not have such problems, though. She went over to Tara and drew her into a quick embrace. "I am so glad you are here. You know me, right? Is there another me? I'm Anya," she offered, noticing the somewhat bewildered, but amused look on Tara's face.  
  
"Of course I know you - although I was positive you were - singular, you know?" She smiled at her. "It's good to see you - or should I say meet you?"  
  
They didn't have the time to sort this out, as Buffy had grown impatient by then and pushed Anya aside. Almost gently. She just looked at Tara for a moment. "Hey," she greeted her.  
  
"Hey," Tara replied.  
  
"So - everything went fine? With the challenge and all?" Buffy suddenly wasn't sure what to do after all. Before she could start shuffling her feet, however, Tara hugged her. Buffy remembered all the other times Tara had hugged her, and she felt a huge wave of comfort almost overwhelming her. Again, she knew everything was going to be alright. She let go of her, smiling happily. "I'm glad you're here."  
  
"So am I." Tara looked over Buffy's shoulder, noticing Faith. She also saw how nervous the other Slayer seemed, how she wasn't really looking at her. So Tara simply went over to her, offering her her hand. "Hi Faith," she said.  
  
Faith hesitated for a moment, then she took her hand. "Hi," she replied, not knowing what else to say. Instead she mimicked the guys and smiled briefly at Tara. She cursed herself for not being able to - to be nicer, because she really wanted to be. Tara was about the only person who didn't really know her yet and who might become something like a friend... which she really wanted her to become. There was something about her that gave her the feeling she could trust her completely. Something she hadn't experienced that often before. And yet here she was, wasting the opportunity...  
  
Tara looked a bit confused, but she smiled back at her. Then she let go of Faith's hand, finally turning to Giles and Xander to greet them as well. Willow joined her as she was then standing at the door.  
  
"Don't you want to get in?" she asked her lover.  
  
Tara turned to her, for a moment unable to move or speak. It was all so overwhelming...meeting those people who were so much like her friends, and yet so different...and Willow was with her. That thought scared and comforted her at the same time. She still hadn't worked out how to react to Willow's actions after she had been murdered. But she probably wasn't going to do that while standing at the Summers's door, so she might as well get in. She smiled at Willow and reached out for her hand. The comfort was definitely the dominant one of her feelings.  
  
***  
  
After she had greeted the remaining people who had stayed inside - Spike, Andrew and the potentials - Tara had no idea what to do next. She felt she really needed time to think, but she didn't want to leave the others - they were all so happy she was back. She had sat down on the couch, Willow beside her, Dawn at her feet. It felt so good to be with them - with Willow - but at the same time Tara had the feeling of not being able to breathe freely. They sat like this in silence for a while, until Tara couldn't bear it any longer. She didn't want to worry them though, so she turned to Willow.  
  
"Um, do you think I - I mean, I really would like to take a shower or something. Do you think - are there any clothes of me left? Or is there anything else I could wear?"  
  
"Sure, I mean, I kept some...there are a couple in my room...I couldn't...you know?" Willow blushed. Buffy and Dawn had given away most of the clothes they had found in her dorm room, but when she returned from England, Willow had been relieved when she found they had kept Tara's favourites.  
  
"I know. I kept some of you as well." Willow smiled at that, but at the same time she felt a sting in her heart. Tara's answer reminded her that although she was Tara in a way, she also was not...and that thought scared her somehow. What if the Willow Tara had loved had been - different than she was? Very different...that Willow probably hadn't been a junkie, hadn't been a - she stopped herself. You need to relax, she told herself. They would just have to get to know each other, and Tara had told her that the witch would always love her princess...that thought calmed her a bit. And just knowing that Tara was sitting next to her... somehow everything was going to be alright. She sighed.  
  
"What is it?" Tara asked.  
  
"Nothing," Willow replied quickly. "Um, shower...let's go upstairs, I'll get you your clothes." With that she stood up.  
  
Tara followed her. She could feel her lover's fear, her insecurity - or was it her own? She didn't care, instead she took Willow's hand as they went upstairs, trying to reassure her. She hated herself for not being able to act - normally...for not being able to just kiss her and tell her everything was okay and would be... she also hated herself for having felt a rush of relief when Andrew had interrupted them on the street. But she knew that if she was going to kiss Willow, it shouldn't be because she wanted to reassure her. She probably just needed some time... which wasn't really surprising, as she had just come her - returned? - from another dimension. She tried to push that thought away... it hurt to think of the others... but still she wondered what they were doing, feeling right now.  
  
Willow noticed Tara was lost in thought. She didn't interrupt her. Instead she gently squeezed her hand and then let go of it to get Tara's clothes.  
  
When she returned she was carrying a red tank top, a pair of pajama pants and some underwair. She was a bit embarrassed about the fact that she had kept the latter, but then again...she handed them to Tara. "I thought - if you are tired... I mean you told me beofre you were...if you want non - insleepable clothes, I -"  
  
"Thank you," Tara replied, touching Willow's hand for a second, who continued, "There are some towels in the bathroom. You can use any shampoo or soap you like...there's tons of it. A lot to choose from."  
  
Tara smiled. "I guess that's what happens when there's a house full of girls."  
  
"Exactly. Um, I'll be downstairs, right?" Willow had to fight her urge to ask her if she could join her... she knew that would just rush things, and anyway, Tara would probably tell her no, and she didn't know how she would be able to bear that. It was silly, but it was also so hard... she really didn't know where there were, what she was supposed or allowed to do... they really had to talk about this, but right now she would just let Tara take her shower.  
  
Tara simply nodded in return. She went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, leaning against it. She closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She knew how hard that must be for Willow - she knew what Willow had wanted to ask her. But she couldn't - she needed more time to adjust to all this. She suddenly felt more lost than she had back in her own - the other world, with Willow dead. Everything was so scary, but calming at the same time.  
  
She got undressed and then went into the shower. As she felt the hot water rush over her face, her body, she finally felt free to let go of her tears. She sobbed and sobbed and allowed herself to feel. At some point she sat down and leaned her head against her knees, holding herself. It was as if the water slowly washed all the fear away - suddenly she felt able to breathe again. She heard her mother, telling her "You have a world of strength in your heart", she remembered Skip telling her she was brave. She knew she was brave - she had come that far, she wouldn't let herself break down now, she decided.  
  
She tried to imagine what Willow was feeling right now - she probably was even more afraid than she herself was. She knew that she was the one to decide, not Willow. That was why her lover was feeling so insecure, so powerless... she realized she was again - still - thinking of Willow as her lover. So why couldn't she behave towards her, why couldn't she show her?  
  
She was still afraid - afraid what was going to happen if she let herself go again...and she knew a part of her also was afraid of Willow. She remembered the fight she had witnessed during her challenge... Willow obviously had used magic on her. And what about her killing that guy? She couldn't understand her - she couldn't imagine herself doing something like this. But what about Willow? Probably even she couldn't understand herself. And how should she? That was something completely unintelligible... she was sure Willow was just as scared as herself.  
  
She remembered the moment they had set eyes on each other that afternoon - how everything had felt wonderful.  
  
Suddenly Tara realized the water was cold. She must have been sitting in the shower for ages. She got up, stepped out of it and grabbed a towel. While she was drying herself, she made a decision. She would tell Willow about her confusion - about her fear. Nothing good could ever came out of it when they were hiding their feelings from each other from the very beginning. Because a beginning it was - and she just had to trust Willow, they had to trust each other.  
  
She got dressed and then blow dried her hair. Afterwards she brushed it, and then looked into the mirror. She looked just like she always did. That comforted her. She hesitated for a moment before leaving the bathroom, not being sure whether she should put on a blouse or something before going downstairs again or not. But when she opened the door, Willow was standing in the corridor, smiling shyly.  
  
"Um, the others - most of them - went to bed already, and the rest are out patrolling - hunting vampires and stuff, you know? So I thought - maybe you would like to go to bed as well, and I thought I would - you know - go to bed with y - mean, accompany you and..."  
  
Tara smiled at Willow's babbling. It was just too cute... Willow finally stopped and looked at her in reassurance. Seeing her smile, she felt relieved, and the two of them went to Willow's room. 


	36. Chapter Thirty Six

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: A bit of a filler... contains Willow angst and Buffy angst. Plus some further details about what's to come :-)  
  
***  
  
After Tara had entered the bathroom, Willow went downstairs. She was still worried, but now she needed to talk to Buffy. She knew Buffy had only had the best for her in mind, but she needed to know if there was anything else... any danger... Plus, she wanted to know who else had been part of the conspiracy. She suspected at least Giles, but Faith probably as well, as Tara had been speaking of Slayers. Willow sighed. She really hated to be out of the loop, especially if it concerned her soulmate. She understood Buffy's decision, but still...  
  
She found Buffy sitting in the living room together with Dawn, Giles, Anya, Xander, Andrew and Spike. The potentials were nowhere to be seen. "Where are the others?" she asked.  
  
Buffy turned to look at her. "They're out patrolling with Faith. Spike and I are going to join them later, but I thought you probably wanted to talk and I didn't want it to look as if I was bailing on you."  
  
"Buffy, look -"  
  
"No, Will - I - I'm really sorry I didn't tell you. I was just afraid that - what if it didn't work? You would've been devastated. I couldn't bear the thought -"  
  
"I know," Willow interrupted her. "I really know. And I'm not angry or anything. All I wanna know is - is there anything else I should know? About Tara or I don't know....about anything?"  
  
There was silcence for some time, until Anya spoke up. "Yes, well, it's nothing about Tara - I guess everything is going to be okay with her. But - we found the spell."  
  
"The one connected to the prophecy?" Willow asked. That sounded great - they were really getting somewhere, finally.  
  
"Yes," Giles replied. "It was in the book Andrew got for me today."  
  
"So why doesn't everybody look happy?"  
  
"It's not that easy...the spell," Anya told her. "First of all, it's about the timing - we did the resurrection spell on the 2nd of October... that was on a full moon. Now, it looks as if we need it to be full moon again..."  
  
"That's not until what? Like in two weeks?"  
  
"Exactly," Anya said. "But then...the waiting part isn't the only problem..." she trailed off.  
  
"What is it then?" Willow was getting worried, and impatience was coming along with that.  
  
"The prophecy," Buffy answered. "Remember? The Four will return the power - we already suspected that would mean there has to be just one Slayer, and the spell - well, it confirms it."  
  
"You mean there have been two Slayers before?" Willow asked. "Or - how else can there be a spell? And what does it mean, there has to be just one Slayer? Does that mean the imbalance has existed since you died the first time?"  
  
"Yes," Giles replied. "I guess it really set off everything. But only when there suddenly were three, the balance shifted completely. We don't know if there have ever been two Slayers - there certainly is no record of it, but probably this spell was created just in case."  
  
"And the return the power doesn't mean that one of them has to die," Anya continued. "It just means that one of them has to give up their powers."  
  
"Oh," Willow said. That was a major problem. She remembered the one time Buffy had thought she had lost her Slayer powers, and how helpless that had made her feel. She also knew that Faith defined herself pretty much only by being a Slayer - probably the best idea, as what else was there left for her? That definitely wasn't going to be an easy choice. "So, we have, like, two weeks to decide who is going to let go of her power and to prepare the rest of the spell? Is there much else to do?"  
  
"No, we don't need anything special. Just your usual herbs and stuff. Here, you can look at the spell if you want." Anya handed Willow the book. Willow read through it. "It doesn't sound too difficult."  
  
"That's because it's a natural fact that there is just one Slayer - it's like back then when there were to of me, remember?" Xander told her. "Things are meant to be that way, hence, no magical problems."  
  
"Well, that's something we can be happy about, isn't it?" Willow asked.  
  
"Well, yes," Giles answered. He still looked a bit worried, though. "I'll go and try to catch some sleep now." With that, he stood up. Andrew, Dawn, Anya and Xander did the same. "Good night," Buffy and Willow told them.  
  
"Don't you want to go up and see how Tara's doing?" Buffy asked her best friend. At that, Spike got up as well, realizing the two of them had to talk. He went into the kitchen, looking for some blood in the fridge.  
  
"I think she's still taking a shower." Willow looked at Buffy, still trying to hide her insecurity. She failed, though.  
  
"That's a long shower she's taking," Buffy said.  
  
"I guess she just needs some time to think about stuff."  
  
"Yes, she does. Willow, try to imagine how you would feel, suddenly being in a totally different world. I know how it feels. It isn't pretty."  
  
"But - but I'm there," Willow said, sounding hurt.  
  
"I know that and she knows that. And - I saw how happy she is to be with you. How at ease. But still, this isn't easy for her - our world, what's happening..." Buffy trailed off.  
  
"And what happened," Willow continued the sentence for her.  
  
"She just has to deal with everything before - you know. You can't expect everything to be alright the minute she's back. You have done things that are hard to accept."  
  
"Do you think too hard?"  
  
Instead of answering her right away, Buffy looked into the direction of the kitchen, where Spike had gone. The she replied, "I don't know. But if you love someone, even things like that - they don't seem to matter. I don't understand it, but - you know that crappy movie? There was this one line... something about love, and about being sorry, which I think is right. I liked it." She paused, trying to remember the name.  
  
"Love means never having to say you're sorry," Willow said.  
  
"Exactly!" Buffy cried out happily. "See? Everyone knows movies only tell the truth."  
  
"Buffy, you know that isn't right," Willow told her. "Everything. And even if it's true that love means never having to say you're sorry - this is different."  
  
"Is it? I don't know. Maybe you are right, but still - Tara loves you. And you're still you. But in a way - you just have to get to know each other again, or for the first time. You have to be patient. You can't expect everything to work out right from the start, things - life - love - it's complicated." Willow got the impression Buffy wasn't just talking about Tara and her.  
  
"Are you still talking about Tara and me?" Willow asked her.  
  
"Sure I am. What else should I be talking about?" Buffy asked back, defiantly.  
  
"I don't know... maybe about you and Spike?" Willow had never quite forgiven herself for not having noticed what had been going on between the two of them the last year, and she had been trying to be extra observant. There definitely was something - something like a secret, quiet understanding.  
  
Buffy didn't reply at first. Then she told her, "I'm not sure. Things have been changing lately... for the better... it really feels good having him around, you know? I - it - it comforts me."  
  
"Having Spike around comforts you?" Willow was surprised.  
  
"Yes." Buffy looked down at the floor. She found it pretty hard to talk about this, but she had to and she knew it. "It's so odd, and very different from what I had with Angel - and Riley... it's like... oh god, I can't explain it really." She paused.  
  
"But I think I know what you mean. He's like - more real than Riley or Angel. And - I dunno, not nicer in the sense of nicer, but...I mean, it looks as if you can talk with him and have sex with him - that's new..." Willow grinned. "But what about - about what happened last year?"  
  
"That's even worse - I hate myself for feeling like that, but I just - I forgive him. When he came back the first time, every time he touched me, it hurt. But now - I want him to touch me. And last night, you know, when I came back early - it was becasue I worried about you, and about Tara - and he kissed me. It was the first time he - we - kissed like that."  
  
"No wonder you're kind of upset," Willow concluded. She figured what Buffy meant was that he had kissed her not in a 'fit of passion' or anything, but with genuine love and care. She had noticed how he looked at her. It seemed that he didn't want her anymore - he just loved her. She thought about telling Buffy just that, when Spike returned to the living room.  
  
"I think we should join the others now, pet," he told Buffy.  
  
The Slayer got up. "You're right. Are you going to be okay, Will?"  
  
"Sure I am," Willow told her. "Why shouldn't I?"  
  
"Okay." Buffy smiled at her friend. "Tell Tara good night, will you?"  
  
"Sure." Willow smiled back at her. After the two of them had left, she went back upstairs. Judging from the sound coming from the bathroom, Tara was just blow drying her hair. She decided to wait for her in the corridor. She concluded that Buffy was right. She just had to be patient, they needed to get to know each other. But when Tara opened the door, somehow all of her sensible thoughts disappeared. For a moment, she just stared at her, amazed at how beautiful she looked. Then she smiled shyly.  
  
"Um, the others - most of them - went to bed already, and the rest are out patrolling - hunting vampires and stuff, you know? So I thought - maybe you would like to go to bed as well, and I thought I would - you know - go to bed with y - mean, accompany you and..." Oh god, why was she babbling again? She was saying stupid things that didn't make any sense... no wonder Tara was.... smiling affectionately at her? She almost sighed with relief.  
  
Then the two of them went to Willow's room and closed the door behind them. 


	37. Chapter Thirty Seven

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Not saying... you have to read to believe *lol*  
  
Author's note: I guess that is still PG -13 - I'm never really sure about those ratings. Maybe someone could tell me? I really hope you like this one - this was not easy to write. So tell me if you do, please! (and if you don't, and why ;-) )  
  
***  
  
Willow nervously leaned against the door. She wasn't sure what would happen next... where they were going to sleep. Tara put her used clothes onto a chair and then looked around the room. "That was Buffy's room, wasn't it?" she asked.  
  
"Yes. But when I came back - Buffy had moved into our room - I couldn't - I mean..." Willow stopped, unsure how to go on.  
  
"I get it." Tara looked at Willow, noticing how uneasy she seemed. "What is it?" she wanted to know.  
  
"Um, nothing," Willow replied quickly. When Tara looked at her again with a very sceptical expression, she confessed, "It's just - I'm not sure what to do next. I mean, I don't want to scare you off, do anything too rash, you know? I feel so... helpless. I'm afraid."  
  
"Of me?" Tara seemed worried now.  
  
"No! I could never be afraid of you." Willow went over to her bed and sat down. "I'm more afraid of myself... of what you might think of me. And I'm afraid I'm going to lose you - and you've just come back, and I can hardly bear that thought."  
  
Tara went over to Willow and knelt down in front of her. She took her lover's hands and kissed them. Willow watched in awe - she wasn't able to move, or speak. "Willow." Tara paused for a moment, only to once more press her lips on Willow's hands. "Willow." Now she simply took them into her own hands, caressing them.  
  
"I'm just as afraid as you are." She looked into her lover's eyes. "I don't know what is going to happen, I don't even really know what to think about the things you did. I'm - I guess a part of me is almost afraid of you." At that, Willow's face took on an alarmed expression. "But I know that I love you. I know that for the first time, since you - or I - were killed, I feel right. I'm here in this room, together with you, and I forget all my fear. I trust you completely, and I know that doesn't really fit with the fear, but I didn't say I understood myself. I just need you to know you're not going to lose me - not unless you want me to."  
  
Willow didn't need to reply, 'I'll never want that'. They both knew.  
  
"If I don't do some things or don't know some things, that doesn't mean I don't love you. It's - I'm not quite sure what to do myself. I - my plan was just to - to get to know you once more. My heart - there is this connection to you, stronger than ever, I know it is you, but there are so many things I don't know. About your past. About this Sunnydale, with the demons and all. About witchcraft. Do you think you could tell me?" Tara waited for her lover's reply, but all Willow could do was nod.  
  
"And as for tonight... I was thinking, maybe we could... you know, share your bed? I'm pretty tired, and I'm sure so are you, and sleeping in a bed is just much more comfortable...plus, I didn't cross dimensions just to be sleeping alone again at the end of the day." She could see Willow was happy about that - her eyes told her everything. It was as if they were sending off golden sparkles...the sight filled Tara with warmth.  
  
"You are so beautiful." Tara's voice was cracking. Suddenly she found herself almost unable to speak as she looked at her lover. "I - when I was getting dressed I thought about what I was going to tell you - I had this great speech - but now when I look at you all I can think is how much I want to kiss you." She blushed slightly at having said this. This whole taking the initiative certainly required her to be bold.  
  
Willow's heart skipped a beat at hearing this. She had to fight back her tears. Tara let go of Willow's hands and cupped her face instead. She gently caressed her cheek, bringing their faces closer together. She could feel Willow's breath on her face. Tara shivered at the experience.  
  
Finally, their lips touched. They both felt the spark when they met - it was a familiar sensation. For a moment, they just enjoyed the soft feeling of the other's lips on their own, but then their kiss deepened. Tara gently captured Willow's upper lip with her own and then started sucking it gently, slowly running her tongue over it, teasing her. Willow couldn't repress a moan at that. She suddenly needed to be closer to her, so she slightly leaned against Tara and then slipped onto her lap and wrapped her legs around her hips.  
  
Tara gasped at Willow's actions. But she held her close against her, running her hands up and down Willow's back. Now Willow mirrored Tara's previous actions, running her tongue over Tara's lip, savouring the sensation. Tara moaned, opening her mouth slightly so Willow could enter it with her tongue. As their tongues met, Tara hardened her grip, pressing Willow even more against her. Willow buried her hands in Tara's hair, pulling her towards her.  
  
They got lost in each other - all that mattered was the other's touch, the other's kiss. They started exploring each other again - only to find that they still knew how to touch each other. Willow had at some point started crying silently, happily. When Tara tasted her lover's tear's, she wanted to break their kiss in alarm, but Willow wouldn't let her. She simply murmured, "I'm alright" against Tara's mouth, pulling her close. She finally let go of her hair, and caressed her back instead.  
  
When she reached the bottom of Tara's tank top, she couldn't resist, and slipped her hand underneath it. At the sensation of Willow's hand against her bare back, Tara sighed. She suddenly needed to feel Willow's hands on every part on her body... she could feel the energy surge through her, her excitement... she knew they wouldn't be able to stop when they let go now... but a part of her wasn't ready yet. She had missed this so much, but she wanted their first time...or what felt like their forst time to be perfect... which included it not being on the floor, in a hurry.  
  
So Tara gently took Willow's hands and removed them from her back. She broke their kiss as well, needing to explain. But Willow understood. "I'm sorry," she whispered.  
  
"No, you don't... it's just..." Tara searched for the right words. Willow smiled. "No, I understand. You're right. There is no need to rush things. I won't let anyone tear us apart again." She leaned her head against Tara's shoulder. "I love you," she whispered.  
  
Now Tara had to fight back the urge to cry. It was all too much for her... it was as if her heart would break at the sheer beauty and peace of it all. Willow felt her sobbing, and she moved to look at her lover. She lovingly kissed Tara's brow and then her eyes...she kissed her tears away before their lips met again. This time it was only a brief kiss. Willow caressed her, finally feeling bold again. She loved her, and Tara loved her. Everything was as it was supposed to be.  
  
They stayed in their embrace for some time, kissing each other again and again, caressing each other, savouring their touch. They were so lost in their own world, that when they heard the door shut downstairs, they were startled.  
  
"Looks as if patrol's over," Willow said.  
  
"Are there - is there anyone sleeping here in this room as well?" Tara asked.  
  
"Not tonight." Willow smiled. "They agreed to give us some quality time alone." She leaned over to steal a quick kiss.  
  
Tara couldn't help a grin. "Quality time, huh?" Then she yawned - she really was tired by then.  
  
Willow looked at her watch. "Oh - it's almost 2 a.m...."  
  
"We spent quite some quality time, didn't we?"  
  
"Yes, we did... was it a good quality or a bad?" Willow asked her teasingly.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Well, as qualities go, this one was...the best."  
  
Tara smiled. "I wonder what you're going to say tomorrow."  
  
"Do you have any special plans?" Willow asked curiously.  
  
"You'll see," Tara replied. Then she finally started to get up, or rather, she started to move, making Willow get up. They both almost instantly missed the contact and sighed simultaneously. At that, they grinned. "Oh my, we have it bad, haven't we?" Willow said.  
  
"Very bad," Tara agreed. "I'll go to the bathroom before it's be occupied for the rest of the night, okay?"  
  
"Don't leave until I'm there if you want me to sleep next to you tonight," Willow told her as Tara left the room. She smiled happily to herself, all her worries having disappeared. She changed into her pajamas and then went to the bathroom. When she arrived, Tara was just opening the door.  
  
"What a timing." Tara grinned.  
  
Willow deliberately squeezed by beside her, kissing her cheek. "See you in a minute," she whispered into her lover's ear.  
  
When she returned to her room, Tara was already lying in the bed, smiling as she entered. "I missed you," she told her.  
  
"Good," Willow replied smugly. She turned off the lights and then went to join Tara. All her nervousness had finally left her. She lay down next to Tara and snuggled against her, putting her hand around Tara's waist and her head against her shoulder.  
  
"Mmhh, that feels good," Tara murmured sleepily.  
  
"It feels right," Willow smiled. She closed her eyes and the two lovers fell asleep, holding each other close.  
  
*** 


	38. Chapter Thirty Eight

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Buffy and Spike talk.  
  
Author's note: If you are an ardent B/A shipper, chances are, you will not like this. I'm sorry, but I'm not (an ardent B/A shipper, that is).  
  
***  
  
When they had all returned from patrol, Buffy went down to the basement with Spike. That was pretty much the only place where there were no potentials, and with all that happened that day, Buffy needed to be alone. She needed herself and Spike to be alone together.  
  
Spike sat down on his bed. "Well, that was something. No vampire whatsoever. It seems even they are scared of what's to come."  
  
"Faith said they staked two," Buffy told him. "But she also said it looked like they were on their way out of here, so..."  
  
"'s not bad. That way we only have to worry about the First plus some possible ubervamps."  
  
"If you look at it that way, it doesn't cheer me up at all." Buffy smiled weakly.  
  
Spike looked at her. "What is it? You seemed so happy about Goldie's return today."  
  
"I still am. It's just - I'm so tired." She went to join him on the bed and sat down next to him. "And confused. And I don't know really what to do about any of it." She sighed.  
  
"Well, I heard sleeping was a way to get rid of feelings of tiredness. You can have my bed if you want. But seeing you have a much nicer one upstairs..."  
  
"Thank you," Buffy replied, smiling at him. A part of her wanted to ask him to hold her, make her feel safe... but she couldn't get the words out. "I don't know what's up with me. Why can't I just be happy?"  
  
Spike didn't answer. Instead he stood up from the bed and leaned against the staircase, watching Buffy. She missed him almost instantly, and cursed herself for it. He isn't even gone, she told herself. She looked down at the floor. "That's me, the Slayer. Whiny and depressed. And I thought I was over that phase."  
  
Spike couldn't help but smile. Neither could she. "What do you think I should do?" she suddenly asked him.  
  
He eyed her curiously, wondering for a moment what the hell she was talking about. Then he understood. "You said it yourself - you're the Slayer," he told her matter-of-factly.  
  
"And what about Faith? Isn't she the Slayer as well?" Buffy protested weakly. She wanted him so desperately to be right, to be providing her with an easy, the right answer.  
  
"You tell me." She should've known he wouldn't. And why should he?  
  
"This is your decision, luv. Yours and Faith. You should be talking to her right now."  
  
"I guess," she replied reluctantly. "But what am I to tell her? 'Hey Faith, listen, don't you want to give up your superpowers? Because I'd really like to keep mine.' She'll probably thinks I feel superior towards her."  
  
"And don't you?" he asked her.  
  
"No! No... do I? Do I act as if I feel superior?" When he didn't answer she sighed, exasperated. "Of course I do. No wonder she hates me. She and everybody else."  
  
She really hated he didn't protest. She knew why he was doing that, of course, but it annoyed her nonetheless. "Couldn't you tell me I'm wrong?" Spike didn't reply, all he did was look at her. Finally, she turned away. "You can't. But - it's not as if I think Faith hasn't earned her powers...although, if you look at it - no, forget I just said that. It's more that I'm afraid I'm not ready or able to live without mine. It happened before, you know?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"There once was this test...the Crucasomething. Giles gave me this injection that made me feel all helpless - I didn't have any strength at all. And my mom and I - we nearly got killed. But what's more important is that I couldn't - I couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't the Slayer anymore. I felt cheated."  
  
"You thought you weren't special anymore."  
  
"I don't know...yeah, I guess. And I couldn't - you know, I know what is lurking outside. And not being able to do anything - it felt horrible. I was just a girl."  
  
Spike shrugged. "Well, you're not a girl anymore."  
  
She glanced at him. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean that you're a woman now. You'll still be able to fight somehow. It's not your slayer powers that make you special."  
  
"Isn't it? I don't know." Buffy got up as well and started pacing. "I don't know. I'm just so scared." She sighed again. "I just wish someone else could make that decision for me."  
  
"No."  
  
"I didn't-"  
  
"But you wanted." He grinned knowingly at her. "So don't you try it. And don't pout."  
  
She glared at him and sat down again, somewhat grudgingly.  
  
"Listen, I'm not going to make this decision for you. I told you, this is something you need to discuss with Faith."  
  
"But I can't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I don't want - I don't want her to think I want to take that from her. It's who she is, Spike. Even more that I am." She looked at him. He didn't protest. But she could see there was something he was about to say - something she probably didn't want to hear. So she continued, "Part of me wants her to keep her powers. But another part of me -" she stopped, not sure what to say. Spike stayed silent as well.  
  
Suddenly, they heard the door to the basement close. Buffy jumped off the bed. "What was that?"  
  
"I dunno." Spike turned around. "There's nobody there. Probably was the wind or something."  
  
"Didn't we close that door?"  
  
"I went down first," he told her.  
  
Buffy didn't reply. She remained standing for a moment, listening intently. Nothing.  
  
She returned to Spike's bed. Buffy realized she didn't want to go up there - not now. She couldn't bear the thought of going back into her room, of maybe even having to talk to the girls... to Faith. She knew she was somehow being childish, but she didn't care. She couldn't care about that as well. She wondered whether he would ask her to stay if she told him she was going to sleep. But why would he, she thought. It wasn't as if she had given him much reason to ask her lately - or ever, that was. She silently cursed herself. So it was sleeping upstairs or asking him... hard decision, but wasn't she the vampire slayer? Didn't that mean she should be staying with the vampire? Could there ever be a lamer excuse?  
  
Whatever. Spike was still standing at the bottom of the staircase. She decided she would just ask him. What could go wrong? "You know...," she started.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Um, you - I mean, earlier you said I could - have your bed. Stay here, I mean. Do you think I really could do that?" When he didn't reply she added quickly, "We - I thought it would be nice to let have Will and Tara some time on their own... and now my room's full of the girls and- and I'm really tired..."  
  
"Sure." Yes! She thought. Then Spike turned to walk up the staircase. She frowned. "Where are you going?"  
  
"You wanna sleep in that?" He looked poignantly at her clothes.  
  
"Oh. No, I mean...are you getting-?"  
  
"Your pajamas," he finished.  
  
"That's sweet," she blurted out before she could restrain herself. Well, it was. "I mean...don't you have any pajamas? What are you usually wearing when you're sleep-" she stopped, blushing, as he just raised an eyebrow and smirked.  
  
"I'll be back in a minute," he told her.  
  
When he was gone, Buffy took off her shoes. Then she just sat there, wondering what exactly she was doing. She wasn't sure anymore if she hadn't made the scarier choice. But then she dismissed that thought - she needed his comfort right now, and she needed to get some sleep, which she wouldn't be able to upstairs. So...  
  
At that moment, Spike returned. She heard him close the door behind him. He came down the staircase and handed her her close before turning around for her to change. She did so quickly. She put her clothes on a table in the corner and then told him to turn around. He didn't say anything, but she could see he was happy. He started to take off his shoes but stopped suddenly, asking her, "Do you want to have the bed to yourself? I mean it's not that big and-"  
  
"No. I mean, please?" She looked at him, and he nodded slowly, gladly. Understanding.  
  
He went over to the bed and lay down, making room for Buffy. She joined him, taking his hand, making him spoon her. With his hands around her waist, she put her own on his. Almost absent mindedly, she started caressing them. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. For the first time in days, she felt completely relaxed. Spike listened to her breathing, to her heart beating as she drifted over to sleep.  
  
***  
  
Later that night, someone knocked softly at the Summers's door. When nobody answered, he quietly opened the door, entering the house. He went into the kitchen, when he suddenly picked up Buffy's scent. He smiled to himself, but then there was something else... another scent. He frowned, trying to pinpoint who it belonged to. When he remembered, he frowned even more. He followed it and opened the door to the basement. He started to walk down the stairs but halted abruptly when he saw Buffy peacefully sleeping in Spike's arms. Angel couldn't believe his eyes. 


	39. Chapter Thirty Nine

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The same night's events from Faith's perspective.  
  
***  
  
Faith enjoyed being out again - on patrol. She remembered telling Buffy once that slaying was what they were built for, and she couldn't help feeling that was true. For her, anyway. And some of the potentials - not all, though - seemed to feel similar. She watched them when they were fighting the two vamps - well, one vamp, the other one was hers. She felt the energy surge through her, the rush... all that mattered was the fight, knowing that she was going to win. When she staked him, she just stood there for a moment, breathing hard. Then she turned to the girls.  
  
They were doing pretty well, she thought. They already knew quite many moves and kicks... finally, Rhona and Vy were holding the vampire for Kennedy to stake him. "That went pretty well," the latter conceded.  
  
"Yep." Faith smiled at them. An non comittal smile, but a smile anyway. She could see they were hungry for her attention. Potentials or not, they still were young girls.  
  
They continued patrolling until quarter to two, and then returned to the Summers's house. Rhona and Vy were chattering most of the way back, only Kennedy was oddly silent. Faith watched her. She could see that slaying seemed to have similar effects on Kennedy as on herself. She made a quick metal note to ask Willow about it tomorrow, but she then dismissed that thought. Red most probably wouldn't want to talk about Kennedy right know... or even ever again. So she turned to Kennedy instead.  
  
"Been slaying a lot?"  
  
"What?" Kennedy seemed startled. "Uh, sorry, I was... thinking about...stuff. What did you just ask?"  
  
"I just wanted to know if you been slaying a lot already. You all did a great job."  
  
"Thanks." Kennedy smiled. "But we didn't do much - we went out a couple of times before, but most of the time we just watched and -"  
  
"Let me guess - B did the slaying."  
  
"Exactly. Not that it's wrong or anything - it's just..."  
  
"You didn't get much practice. I guess Buffy just didn't want any of you get hurt."  
  
"Yeah, probably. I just wonder sometimes - if she cares so much about us, why doesn't she care about us? I dunno - do you get it?"  
  
"What you mean? I think so. That's B - Miss Superresponsible. She's right, though - she's trying to protect in her own way."  
  
Kennedy didn't reply. Faith continued, "Why I was asking was... do you like it?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The Slaying. What does it do to you?"  
  
The potential paused for a moment. "Why do you want to know? You hardly talked to me before - like the others." She sounded pretty much pissed off, and who could blame her? Faith had noticed the lack of attention Kennedy got from the others.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm talking to you now. So here's your chance - wanna talk with me?"  
  
"Sorry. Sure."  
  
"No need to be sorry. I get why you're mad. But don't blame me - I'm not even the messenger."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Isn't there this... I dunno...saying about the messenger? Anyway, forget it. It's not my fault."  
  
"Sure." Kennedy seemed a bit confused.  
  
"So, about the slaying..." Faith started again.  
  
"What about the damn slaying? I do it, cause you and Buffy tell me to. Right?"  
  
"That's all there is to it for you?"  
  
"Yes! No. I don't know. What else should there be for me?!" Kennedy stopped and turned to face Faith.  
  
"Do you like it?"  
  
"Like it?"  
  
"Yeah, do you enjoy it. You don't seem scared or anything, like the others, you just do it."  
  
"Is that a good thing?"  
  
"You tell me. Reminds me of me. You're different than most of the others. Different than Buffy."  
  
"I'm sorry." Kennedy started to walk away, but Faith grabbed her arm.  
  
"No, you don't have to be. B's not perfect, you know. And there are many ways to be the Slayer. I think."  
  
"So I'm like you? Great. Does that mean I'm gonna end up in jail? If I'm not killed first, that is. That's something to look forward to."  
  
Faith shrugged. "Don't know. Guess it depends on what you make of it. I was just wondering maybe that's why the others don't like you."  
  
"Whatever. I thought you were the psycho slayer, not the psych 101."  
  
Faith grinned. "Yeah? See, we all are full of surprises. Hey, let's catch up with the others, ok?"  
  
They met with Buffy, Spike and the other potentials in front of the house. "Success?" Faith asked Buffy.  
  
"Not really. Couldn't say. There were no vampires."  
  
"We only got two. And they didn't look as if they were going to stay here for long."  
  
"You mean they're scared?"  
  
"Possible. Remember the first time the First was around? Didn't Willy tell you the vampires and demons were afraid of it?"  
  
"Yes," Buffy said slowly.  
  
"Anyway, Rhona, Vy and Kennedy here did a great job." Faith felt the need to tell Buffy.  
  
"Good." Buffy sounded a bit absent minded. Faith looked at Kennedy and shrugged. Kennedy grinned. Then everybody went into the house. Buffy followed Spike down to the basement.  
  
"The two of them hang a lot, don't they?" Faith asked Kennedy.  
  
"Yeah, but it's not like she loves him or anything." Vy and Rhona giggled at that. "So where are we going to sleep?"  
  
"In Buffy's room I think... she told me earlier she wanted Willow and Tara to be left alone tonight."  
  
Kennedy didn't reply. She looked a bit sour, though. Then she started followed the others upstairs. When Faith didn't follow, she turned around. "Aren't you coming?" she asked her.  
  
"I'll be with you guys in a sec. I just..." she didn't know really what to say.  
  
Kennedy nodded. "Good night," she told her.  
  
"Yeah," was all Faith replied. She went into the kitchen and then opened the door to the basement. She wondered whether she should just go down or - then she heard her name.  
  
"....Faith. You should be talking to her right now." That was Spike. So they were - what? Talking about her?  
  
"I guess," she heard Buffy reply. "But what am I to tell her? 'Hey Faith, listen, don't you want to give up your superpowers? Because I'd really like to keep mine.' She'll probably thinks I feel superior towards her." Well, I never! Faith thought, grinning grimly.  
  
"And don't you?"  
  
"No! No... do I? Do I act as if I feel superior?" There was a short pause, then a sigh. "Of course I do. No wonder she hates me. She and everybody else."  
  
Another pause. Looked as if Spike wasn't inclined to lie to her. "Couldn't you tell me I'm wrong? You can't. But - it's not as if I think Faith hasn't earned her powers... although, if you look at it - no, forget I just said that." What? "It's more that I'm afraid I'm not ready or able to live without mine. It happened before, you know?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"There once was this test...the Crucasomething. Giles gave me this injection that made me feel all helpless - I didn't have any strength at all. And my mom and I - we nearly got killed. But what's more important is that I couldn't - I couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't the Slayer anymore. I felt cheated." What? That was news to Faith.  
  
"You thought you weren't special anymore."  
  
"I don't know...yeah, I guess. And I couldn't - you know, I know what is lurking outside. And not being able to do anything - it felt horrible. I was just a girl."  
  
"Well, you're not a girl anymore."  
  
"What do you mean?" He doesn't mean anything, girlfriend...he just wants to get into your pants.  
  
"I mean that you're a woman now. You'll still be able to fight somehow. It's not your slayer powers that make you special." See?  
  
"Isn't it? I don't know." She heard Buffy get up and starting pacing. She closed the door a bit, not wanting the other Slayer to see her. "I don't know. I'm just so scared. I just wish someone else could make that decision for me."  
  
"No."  
  
"I didn't-"  
  
"But you wanted. So don't you try it. And don't pout."  
  
"Listen, I'm not going to make this decision for you. I told you, this is something you need to discuss with Faith." Really? But what if I don't want to, Faith thought.  
  
"But I can't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I don't want - I don't want her to think I want to take that from her. It's who she is, Spike. Even more that I am. Part of me wants her to keep her powers. But another part of me -"  
  
Having heard enough, Faith closed the door shut and went into the living room. So Buffy didn't want to give up her powers? Well, neither did she. Or did she? She sat down on the couch.  
  
She tried to remember what it was like not being the Slayer. She couldn't. Or couldn't bring herself to do it. She remembered the day she was called, though - how she had felt as if someone had handed her a key to a better life. Well, hadn't worked out as she had hoped. So was Buffy right? Was being the Slayer all there was to her?  
  
She couldn't help feeling hurt by that thought - although she had the suspicion Buffy was probably right. At least from her perspective - she only knew as the Slayer. But had she ever tried to get her to know as a person? Faith thought angrily. No, she hadn't. No one had ever tried to do that. Except maybe - suddenly she heard the door of the basement open. Damn it! They had probably heard her. She looked around for somewhere to hide. But oddly enough, whoever had come out had walked straight upstairs. Probably just Buffy going to bed, she conceded. So she best joined her, pretending she had had a quick smoke outside.  
  
But when she reached the top of the stairs, she didn't meet Buffy. It was Spike, carrying what suspiciously looked like... "B's pajamas?" she couldn't help asking.  
  
"Yeah, looks like it, doesn't it?" was all he replied before getting downstairs again.  
  
"Didn't even care to say goodnight," she said under her breath. "No manners whatsoever." She sighed. She should just go to sleep and save all thoughts for the morning. Spike was probably right - she really should talk to Buffy about the whole powers thiung. It was good to know that the other Slayer didn't want to do this anymore than she did. At last something else we got in common, she thought. Whatever. She went to Buffy's room, changed and then went looking for some place to sleep. Somehow Kennedy had managed to occupy the bed, and had obviously decided to share said bed with her. She really was desperate, wasn't she?  
  
"Thanks," she told her while crawling beneath the blankets.  
  
"You're welcome," Kennedy murmured sleepily.  
  
"Hope you're not a grabber," Faith muttered to herself. She listened to the other girls breathing. It was soothing somehow... she closed her eyes and soon fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
Some time later, however, she woke up, alerted. She had heard something downstairs... she quietly got up and opened the door. There were footsteps, and a door opening. Again the door to the basement. She sighed in relief. Probably just Spike again... she shut the door, climbed over the girls and went back to sleep. 


	40. Chapter Forty

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: R for this part at least, I guess...  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Some more W/T goodness :-)  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Willow was the first to wake up. It took her some time to process that this was really Tara who was holding her...there was no way she could mistke her scent, her touch... so it hadn't just been a dream. "Mmmh," she murmured, still sleepy. She turned to face her lover and just looked at her for some time. There was nothing as soothing as watching her sleep - she looked so much at ease, so peaceful. Willow reached for Tara's hair, gently running her fingers through it. She had missed it so much - all of this. She caressed Tara's cheek, then ran her thumb softly over her lover's lips. Unwittingly, Tara pressed her lips against it. Willow shivered at the sensation.  
  
She carefully leaned over to kiss her lover's brow, her temples... leaving a trail of butterfly kisses on Tara's skin. Willow kissed her cheek...then paused, unsure whether to wake her lover with a kiss. But Tara made the decision for her. She stirred and then smiled. "Willow." She opened her eyes and smiled even more when she found her lover hovering above her, not sure what to do. "Do I get a good morning kiss?" she asked flirtatously.  
  
"Want one?" Willow teased her, relieved she hadn't crossed any - boundaries. The last evening had already put her much more at ease, but she couldn't help fearing she would do something wrong. She wanted everything to be perfect. Now she also worried about worrying too much...she really was being stupid.  
  
As if she had read her thought, Tara grinned at her. Then she told her, "I want more than one. But it seems I already have to beg a lot for just one, so... I don't know if I'm up to more. Begging, I mean," she quickly added, seeing the look in Willow's eyes. Then she raised her head, bridging the remaining gap between her and her lover's lips.  
  
She simply let her lips linger on Willow's for a moment, savouring the sensation. Then she pulled back again with a smile on her face. "That was nice," she said.  
  
"Nice?" Willow wasn't in the mood for being teased. So she dismissed all troublesome thoughts and leaned over to kiss Tara. This time, she soon captured Tara's bottom lip with her own, gently sucking on it. If at all, she was going to be the one to tease... she ran her tongue over her lover's lip, smiling when that caused Tara to let a small moan escape. She felt Tara's own tongue begging for entrance at her lips and smiled. Instead of letting her enter, though, she let go of Tara's lip and placed a quick and firm kiss on her lips.  
  
"Hey," Tara protested.  
  
Willow grinned. "That one was nice as well." With that she freed her herself from her lover's arms, pretending to get up. Tara stopped her, however, by wrapping her arms firmly around her waist. At the feel of Tara's body pressed against her back, Willow gasped. Tara then buried her face in Willow's neck. Willow was sitting on the bed now, with Tara kneeling behind her. She took her lover's hands and locked them with her own, thus pulling her even closer to her. Tara started to kiss Willow's neck, occasionally running her tongue up and down on her lover's skin. Willow sighed, feeling the heat build inside her, the wetness between her legs increase. She felt Tara's nipples harden against her, felt her hands free themselves from her own...  
  
Tara slowly caressed Willow's tummy, enjoying both the sensation of it and the reaction she got from Willow. She lifted her head and whispered into her lover's ear, "'s that nice, too?" She kissed Willow's ear, running her tongue along it. Willow couldn't answer. All she could think about was how much she needed Tara to touch her. She put her arms up and behind her, trying to reach Tara, trying to put her arms around her neck. Thus the top of her pajamas slipped higher, and almost unwittingly Tara slipped her hands beneath it, touching Willow's skin.  
  
They both moaned at feeling that. Slowly, Tara let her hands wander, rediscovering her lover. She shivered at the feel of Willow's soft skin. She buried her face in Willow's hair, savouring her scent. She then leaned forward to kiss her once more, her neck, her cheek...  
  
Willow once again freed herself from her lover's embrace, but this time to turn around. Like the night before, she slipped onto Tara's lap, then taking her hands and guiding them back under her shirt, onto her skin. She was amazed at Tara's expression - it was an expression she knew so well, a mixture of love, devotion and desire. It had always almost shocked her to see that - she never was as beautiful as then. Tara looked at her, looked deeply into her eyes and then kissed her.  
  
This time, Willow didn't resist as Tara's tongue entered her mouth... she accepted glady, almost greedily. They breathlessly kissed each other while Tara ran her hands up Willow's bare back. Willow pressed her hips hard against Tara's, looking for some kind of release. In the back of her head she had the feeling this wasn't how it was supposed to be... it was too fast, too hasty... but she got distracted when suddenly she felt Tara's thumbs quickly, too quickly, at her breasts. Her eyes widened at the sensation, and she couldn't help moaning again. It was amazing how Tara - every touch was right, right were she needed it... Willow was starting to lose herself, letting go of her control, and she wasn't afraid.  
  
Tara realized what she was doing was contradicting her last night's behavior, but she didn't care. All she cared about was Willow, her beautiful Willow. She sighed when she let her thumbs brush over her lover's breasts. Everything was the way it was supposed to be.  
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Willow? Tara? Are you awake yet?"  
  
Willow and Tara quickly let go of each other. Willow climbed off Tara's laps, pulling her shirt down. "Um, Dawnie, is that you?" she called, flushed and frustrated. She couldn't help soundind a bit annoyed.  
  
"Yes. Can I come in?"  
  
Willow looked at her lover, who nodded. Tara was flushed as herself, but suddenly she couldn't help giggling.  
  
"What is it?" Willow whispered, before telling Dawn, "Sure, come in?"  
  
Tara just shook her head, still giggling.  
  
"What's so funny?" Dawn entered, joining them on the bed.  
  
"Nothing," Tara said, before bursting again with laughter.  
  
"Good morning, Dawnie," Willow told her. "Don't mind Tara - I guess it's the after effects. From the journey, you know?"  
  
"Yeah, I had quite a trip." Tara grinned wickedly at Willow.  
  
"I think there is something you're not telling me," Dawn said. "Never mind. I was thinking.... maybe you could make us all breakfast?" She looked at Tara.  
  
"Let me guess - with breakfast you mean pancakes?"  
  
Dawn smiled. "You think you could do that?"  
  
"I can't make pancakes," Tara told her earnestly. At that, both Dawn and Willow looked shocked.  
  
"I knew it!" Tara cried out in mock despair. "You just love me because of my pancakes."  
  
"That's not true," Dawn protested, hugging her.  
  
"Yeah, it's not true." Willow did the same, but she also quickly ran her tongue over Tara's ear, making her shiver. She sat down again, pleased with herself.  
  
"Okay, okay... I was just kidding." Tara grinned and freed herself from Dawn's embrace, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. Then she got up and looked around. "Willow, are there some more of my clothes, or -"  
  
"Sure," Willow told her. "They're - I put them in the drawer yesterday."  
  
Tara smiled gratefully at her and went to get herself some clothes. "I'll be back in a sec," she told them when she had found them, turning to leave for the bathroom.  
  
"Hey!" Willow protested. "Don't I get a goodbye kiss?"  
  
"You sure you deserve it?" Tara asked her teasingly.  
  
"I am very seldom naughty," Willow replied.  
  
"And once again I ask - you sure you deserve it?" Tara grinned and then went over to give her lover a quick kiss. "More when I get back," she whispered. Then she left and closed the door behind her.  
  
Willow just sat there, grinning.  
  
Dawn looked at her. "It's unbelievable."  
  
"What?" Willow was a bit startled.  
  
"That she's back. I mean - I never thought - I hoped, but..."  
  
"Yeah. It's - I can hardly believe it."  
  
"Is she - you know, different? Or is she..."  
  
"No. I don't - she doesn't feel different. She just doesn't know evrything yet."  
  
"But how can that be? How can she be still Tara if she isn't? It's not that I don't want her to be, I just wonder-"  
  
"I get it." Willow smiled at her. "I was wondering, too. Yesterday. But now - I can't explain it, but it's her. I just know, you know?"  
  
"If you know, then everything's alright," Dawn smiled back at her friend. "I mean, who else could know better?"  
  
"Exactly." Willow nodded decisively. "But you know what? We'll wait with our final judgment until she made us those pancakes - then we'll know."  
  
Dawn giggled. At that moment, Tara opened the door. "I'm back," she said. "What's so funny?"  
  
"It's the after effect of my journey," Dawn told her, still giggling.  
  
Tara raised an eyebrow. "I really hope it wasn't the same as mine." She grinned. "Okay, I'll be down making you happy. With pancakes, I mean," she added at Willow's look. "Wanna help?"  
  
"Sure, we'll just get dressed and stuff, okay?"  
  
"Right. I'll be downstairs." Tara left, blowing Willow a kiss. "There's more downstairs," she told her.  
  
"Guess I'll hurry, then." Willow grabbed some clothes and then went over to the bathroom. When she just had changed, there was a knock on the door. "Dawn, there is no need to hurry that-"  
  
"It's me."  
  
"Tara?" Willow went to open the door. "Did you miss me?" she asked, smiling. When she saw the look on Tara's face, her smile faded. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I don't know - there's a strange man in the kitchen, and he doesn't look too happy." 


	41. Chapter Forty One

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: R for this part at least, I guess...  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Pretty much a filler....lots of explanation of things you probably already know. But well...  
  
Author's note: Okay, one thing - I really wanted to write more today. But I can't. Three days left, and I can't concentrate on anything. Not even on writing something connected to Buffy (let alone concentrate on anything NOT conncected to Buffy). The waiting is killing me, and I'm sorry - maybe it'll be better tomorrow, but if it's not it might be some days until the next update - I'm just too tense, I guess. I don't know about you, but I both dread and wait impatiently for the end of it all. *Sigh* That's enough for my rant now. I promise, the ending of this story will come as well :-)  
  
***  
  
Tara immediately was angry at herself when she saw Willow's reaction. It wasn't as if this man had done anything... it wasn't even as if she had seen him properly. She had just walked down the stairs and had been about to enter the kitchen when she had noticed how dark it was in there. Then she had become aware of the man pacing about the room, muttering to himself. Her instant reaction had been to tell Willow - but now she cursed herself. Willow looked so worried - so sorry - and she hadn't done anything.  
  
"It's alright, Willow, really - he didn't do anything, I just saw him and I was confused, and I thought I would best tell you. I-I should probably have gotten Buffy, I mean she's the Slayer and you were in the bathroom..." she trailed off.  
  
"No!" Willow replied. "I mean you don't need to get Buffy. We - we'll check it out." She took Tara's hand and led her downstairs. "Did you notice anything particular?" she whispered.  
  
"Um, well, OI couldn't see him that well - it was pretty dark."  
  
"Dark?" Willow stopped.  
  
"Oh." Tara understood. "Do you think it's vampire?" Just as Willow was about to answer, it hit her. "Oh!" Of course - she had never seen him in real life, but she had seen him during the challenge...  
  
"What?" Willow was confused.  
  
"I think it's Angel." Now she didn't care to whisper anymore. Dawn, who had been on her way to the bathroom, heard them.  
  
"Angel? He's here?" She was standing at the top of the stairs.  
  
"I'm not sure, but I think so," Tara told her.  
  
"How do you know Angel?" Willow wanted to know.  
  
"I - um - I saw him during the challenge, and - yes, it's definetely him," she conceded as she saw Angel standing in the hall now. He had obviously heard them.  
  
"Hi Willow," he greeted them. "Dawn. And-"  
  
"Angel! You're - here..." Willow didn't really know what to think, or say. This was a bit too much that early. She noticed his questioning look concerning Tara, and understood. "Oh, um, that's Tara. My - my girlfriend."  
  
Now it was Angel's turn to be confused. "Tara? Connor told me she was - or wasn't she?"  
  
"I was," Tara replied. "But - it's pretty complicated.  
  
"She's from another dimension," Dawn offered. "Well, kinda. I'm not really clear about everything yet."  
  
"How does Connor know about Tara?" Willow wanted to know.  
  
"I told him." Dawn smiled a bit smugly.  
  
"What else-" Willow started, but she was interrupted. "How about we all get into the kitchen and I finally make thos pancakes?" Tara asked. "We can talk there - it's probably more - it's probably better."  
  
Willow only nodded. The four of them went to the kitchen and Tara started looking for the necessary ingredients. Dawn helped her. Willow and Angel however didn't do much except standing around, unsure what to say. Finally, Willow spoke up. "So...um...why're you here?"  
  
"Connor told me Buffy might use my help. He said something about the First... about a prophecy and your dead - or rather not-so-dead girlfriend. We don't talk that much."  
  
"What else did he tell you?" Tara watched Willow curiously. She seemed to be afraid of something... there obviously was something she didn't really get.  
  
"What else should he have told me?" Angel responded.  
  
"Okay, guys, what's up?" Tara asked, impatiently. "I honestly don't get it, but there is far too much tension in here."  
  
"Um, I'm not sure Angel knows much about...actually I don't think you do either..."  
  
"Huh?" Tara raised her eyebrows.  
  
"It's about Buffy... and Spike. It's all very complicated. Do you know?" she asked Angel.  
  
"All I know is that I came here tonight and I found Buffy sleeping with Spike." Angel started pacing.  
  
"What?" Dawn and Willow shouted simultaneously.  
  
"So?" Tara asked.  
  
"You mean sleeping together as in having sex?" Dawn wanted to know.  
  
"No, I mean sleeping together as sleeping together. In one bed. Arms wrapped around each other," Angel clarified.  
  
"That's a much stranger thought than them having sex," Dawn said. "I mean, I knew about that, but I kinda thought that was over."  
  
"Spike and Buffy were having sex?" Angel sounded and looked as if the world was collapsing about him. It wasn't a happy sight.  
  
"So?" Tara asked, again.  
  
"Baby, I think things with Buffy and Spike are really different in this world...hang on, what are they like in yours?" Willow turned to her girlfriend.  
  
"Um, they are a couple. Like Xander and Anya are. Aren't they here?"  
  
"Xander and Anya? No. Not anymore, that is," Dawn told her. "And Buffy and Spike? They never... I mean they were having sex, but I don't think you could call them a couple..." she trailed off.  
  
Willow waited a moment before adding, "Maybe you could now."  
  
"Wait, I'm still not grasping the concept of Buffy and Spike having sex. Please don't make me think about them being in a relationship," Angel pleaded.  
  
"Sure. Sorry."  
  
Tara decided it would be best if she asked Willow about the details later - Angel obviously was more concerned than she was. So she simply continued making breakfast and let the others have their talk.  
  
"How could any of this happen?" he finally asked.  
  
"The having sex thing or the rela- right, let's start at the sex thing...well Spike has been having this government chip implanted...by the Initiative, this government institution Riley - Buffy's ex - had been working on. This chip prevented him from hurting anybody. And then... he fell in love with Buffy, but she wouldn't have anything to do with him." Willow smiled encouragingly at Angel.  
  
"That finally makes sense," he said. "But the sex still doesn't."  
  
"Well, it had much to do with me tearing Buffy out of heaven after she had died," she told him. "Anyway, she needed to feel, so she... um.. had sex with him a lot for some time, and then she broke up with him and then Xander left Anya at the altar, and then Anya slept with Spike, and then Spike tried to rape Buffy and then he left to get a soul."  
  
None of the others said anything for a moment. Then Angel asked in a dangerous voice, "He tried to rape her?"  
  
"Um, yes, but - I think this really is Buffy's business." Willow cursed herself - how stupid could she be? She added quickly, "But he has a soul now. Like you." As if that was going to cheer him up.  
  
"Spike? A soul?" Angel couldn't help laughing. "Why would he-"  
  
"Because he loves her," Dawn interrupted him, sounding convinced.  
  
"How-"  
  
"We don't know. But - I think this really is something you should talk about with Buffy." Willow paused again. "Connor didn't even tell you he has a soul?"  
  
"As I said, we don't talk much." Angel looked around himself, suddenly feeling the need to sit down. He went over to the dining room and sat down at the table. "This is a lot to take in."  
  
"I guess it is." Willow joined him. "But - it's not as if - I mean you and Buffy aren't - and what about Cordy anyway?" she suddenly asked.  
  
"Cordy? What about - oh. I guess -"  
  
"Yep. Connor told us. We talked." Willow grinned. "It's okay, really. Even Buffy was alright with it... kinda. I mean, it's Cordy..."  
  
"She changed a lot," he defended himself.  
  
"So has Spike." Willow looked at him earnestly.  
  
"Do you think she..." he couldn't bring himself to ask.  
  
"-loves him? I don't know. I don't even know if she knows."  
  
They both just sat there for a moment. Then Tara came over and asked, "Um, Angel - do you - I mean, do you... eat? I don't really know anything about vampires, and-"  
  
"No, thank you." He smiled at her. Tara left again for the kitchen, but not before placing a quick kiss on her lover's cheek. He turned at Willow. "So - your girlfriend was sent to another dimension?"  
  
"Actually, it's a bit more complicated. It's more... it seems this other dimension was created for her. But all that matters is that she's back."  
  
"You're happy." It wasn't a question.  
  
"It seems odd, with the impending apocalypse around, doesn't it? But Tara - I cannot not be happy around her."  
  
Angel didn't reply.  
  
"Well, this was a confusing morning," Willow finally said, standing up. "Now I really need to get one of these pancakes." She grinned. Angel followed her into the kitchen. Tara had placed three plates onto the counter.  
  
"Ooh, funny shaped!" Willow exclaimed happily. She put her arms around Tara's waist and kissed her.  
  
"You like?" Tara turned around to face her.  
  
"Of course I like." Willow looked into her eyes and then couldn't restrain herself from kissing her. Dawn giggled.  
  
"Hey, what's so funny?" Willow asked her.  
  
"Nothing. It's just - it's so great to see you guys together." Dawn looked satisfied. She turned to Angel for support, who just nodded. Willow and Tara grinned.  
  
Then suddenly the door to the basement opened. Buffy was rubbing her eyes. "Good morning," she yawned. "What's so - Angel?"  
  
*** 


	42. Chapter Forty Two

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: R for this part at least, I guess...  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Buffy wakes up in Spike's arms.  
  
Author's note: Sorry it took me so long... but stuff happened... but don't worry, even if it might take a while, I am going to finish this fic. I promise.  
  
***  
  
When she heard muffled voices upstairs, Buffy woke up. She stirred slightly, her eyes still closed. She didn't want to wake up. She felt so much at peace... suddenly she realized where she was. In the basement. In Spike's arms. A part of her still was horrfied at that thought - that she could feel at peace in Spike's arms. But she didn't want to listen to that part anymore.  
  
She carefully turned around to face him. He was still asleep, a smile on his face. She had never seen him like that, not even when they- she pushed that thought aside. The things they did then - they didn't matter now. Except... she couldn't help wondering what it would be like now...with Spike having his soul and all. She knew he could be tender, remembered the night before Tara had come back... his kiss.  
  
Hesitantly, she reached out her hand, brushing her fingers gently over his face. Had she ever touched him like that? There weren't any bruises on his face now, no sign of what he had endured for her. Because of her.  
  
She wondered whether he was afraid sometimes. Of her. Of what she would do to him, whether she would have found yet another way to hurt him. To him it must look like she could be quite inventive. She wasn't proud of herself.  
  
They had never really talked about what had happened the year before. The sex, the violence, the rape... How could she even think about making love to him after what he had done?  
  
She remembered the talk she had had with Willow the night before. Had she really forgiven him? Looking at him, she realized she had. She really should tell him, she thought. Wasn't that what he had wanted... forgiveness? And love...  
  
Could she give him that? Would she ever be able to love him? She sighed. Why was that thought so - terrifying? She knew he loved her, and she knew she - somehow wanted to love him. But there was that part of her...that stupid part... that wondered what would happen if she did. Or rather, that pretended to know what he would do. Leave her.  
  
No, he wouldn't, would he? Not as long as he knew she wanted him to stay. But did he know tha? Suddenly she panicked. What if he thought she just needed him to fight the First? What if he would be off as soon they had defeated it?  
  
She wouldn't let that happen, she decided. Not again. Not after last night.  
  
Buffy moved slightly closer towards him, bringing her face closer to his. She would have felt his breath on her face if, well, if he had been breathing. But he felt hers....his eyes fluttered a little, then he opened them. He smiled at seeing her. She had to catch her breath. He seemed a bit surprised. "Buffy -?" The proximity of her confused her.  
  
She made a decision. Pushed back all of her doubts and fears. She looked into his eyes, smiling. Telling him what she could not, and he understood. He was still holding her, felt her heart beating, and it sounded different to him. Suddenly it began to beat faster, and he knew what was to come. He hoped, at least.  
  
Still looking intently at him, she kissed him. Softly. She only briefly brushed her lips against his, shuddering at the sensation. A last doubt, a last fear was still preventing her. Then she let go. He could feel it.  
  
So he quickly bridged the gab between them, pressing his lips on hers. She didn't resist, didn't back away as she had always done. She was completely there with him.  
  
And yet, as their kiss deepened, he suddenly pulled away. Buffy looked at him, confused. "What is it?" she asked, concerned.  
  
"Dunno." Silently he cursed himself. What was he doing? Still- "Something doesn't feel right," he told her.  
  
She hadn't expected that. "What?" She felt as if her doubts were laughing at her... could doubts laugh?  
  
"No, I didn't mean - it isn't you." As she looked down, he gently put his hand under her chin and made her lift her head, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Really."  
  
"What is it then?" Buffy frowned. She hadn't noticed anything strange - except...  
  
"I don't really know. It's - a feeling, a scent, something - familiar. A memory I somehow don't remember..."  
  
"I think I know what you mean," she answered, still confused. "It's - strange."  
  
"Yeah, it is." He looked at her, concerned. Somehow this made her all tingly inside. Much more than his predator look had. He made her feel so - precious. She couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Thanks," she whispered. He didn't really know what she was thanking him for, but as he liked it, he didn't ask and simply smiled back. In response she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.  
  
"I like this day already," he murmured.  
  
Now she grinned. "I guess I'll go upstairs, try investigate this strange feeling we're both having." She freed herself from his embrace and got out of the bed. She was a bit reluctant to leave... she hadn't told him how she felt yet. So when she was about to walk up the stairs, she turned to him and said, playfully, "Maybe it's just us being in love."  
  
Then she went upstairs. When she opened the door, she had to close her eyes, not immediately getting used to the light. She heard someone laugh. "Good morning," she yawned, rubbing her eyes. "What's so-" funny, she wanted to ask, but then she opened her eyes and saw - "Angel!?" 


	43. Chapter Forty Three

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Spike's reaction to Angel's presence.  
  
***  
  
Of course. Who else on this bloody earth could prevent him from kissing Buffy for real? It just had to be him. He almost couldn't believe it. What was he doing here - now? Spike felt anger surge through him - anger and fear. Fear of losing Buffy now - now that it seemed she had finally found him.  
  
He got up from the bed. Upstairs, there was silence. He figured that was probably good, unless it meant that Buffy and Angel were not so much talking as - no. He saw her still standing at the top of the stairs, grabbing the door for support. He pulled on his boots and then went upstairs to join her - them.  
  
He paused when he was standing behind Buffy, unsure what to do next. Red and her girlfriend were in the kitchen, as well as the little bit. And Angel, of course. Spike desperately started searching in his mind for something to say - for some nickname, some sarcastic remark for some way to ward off the hurt he was feeling. For some way to hide it. But all he could do was watch Angel look at Buffy. And her look at him.  
  
Spike waited for Buffy to turn towards him - to acknowledge that he was there. He wanted to grab her, remind her of him, of the moment they had shared only minutes ago. He wanted to kiss her right in front of Angel, show him that... what? He wanted, wanted - but he did nothing. He couldn't move, couldn't speak. He had never felt so helpless.  
  
Suddenly, his eyes met Tara's. She looked at him intently, as if searching for something. He wasn't sure if she had found it, but it was her who finally broke the silence. "Good morning, Will-" she corrected herself, "Spike." It was as if they were all waking up from a dream together. Buffy slowly turned to face him, but Spike somehow didn't - couldn't stay at her side anymore. He squeezed by beside her, without touching her. "Morning Glinda," he said, flashing Tara a weak grin. She smiled at him, not minding the nickname.  
  
"Her name is Tara, Spike," Willow said angrily. His grin widened, as well as Tara's smile. She leaned over and whispered something in her girlfriend's ear. Red didn't look too happy, though. "Protective, aren't you?" he asked teasingly, still avoiding to look at Buffy. Or acknowledge his grandsire. There he was, William the Bloody, acting just as - well, William the Bloody. Bad poet, that was. At that thought, he suddenly got angry again. Why were they able to get to him like that - to make him feel worthless, human in the worst sense. He didn't care anymore, didn't care about what Buffy would like him to do, what Angel expected. It wasn't as if any of them cared about him.  
  
"So, Peaches, when did you get here? Had a nice journey?" He looked directly into Angel's eyes. Angel didn't reply, but instead held the gaze. Spike noticed there was something odd in his look. Was that insecurity? He wondered. But how - why would Angel ever feel insecure when facing him? He almost snorted contemptuously.  
  
"Wow, isn't that a macho stare competition." That was Tara again, sounding amused. And - motherly somehow, Spike thought. Wow, she was only one day back and had already retrieved her role. He wondered whether that was a good thing. But now he had other things to worry about - he still was facing his grandsire, still trying to outstare him... wasn't Angel supposed to be all grown up? Buffy still hadn't said anything, hadn't moved... he suddenly worried she had become catatonic again and was almost tempted to turn around. Almost.  
  
Finally Angel sighed. "Thanks for the welcome, Spike," he said with an odd tone in his voice. The he softly added, "Hi Buffy." His gaze wandered over Spike's shoulder, probably meeting Buffy's. Spike turned around. Yes, there she was - again looking at Angel. But Spike noticed she didn't look too happy. "Why are you here?" she suddenly asked, not only surprising him, but Angel, the others and herself, it seemed, as well.  
  
There was a pause. Then Angel, looking a bit taken aback, replied, "Connor told me you might need some help."  
  
Buffy nodded. "I thought so."  
  
Spike saw Red and her girlfriend exchange looks before turning to leave, Dawn following them. There was silence again as none of them really knew what to say. Spike wasn't sure if he was even supposed to say anything. Then Angel turned to him.  
  
"So you have a soul now?"  
  
He figured Red had probably told him. Or his son. Pity. He really would have loved to see his face when he told him. Seemed he had missed that opportunity.  
  
Buffy answered for him. "Yes."  
  
Angel obviously didn't like that - he frowned slightly. "Are you- I mean - Willow... she told me you-" he stopped. Spike was delighted to see him feeling insecure. That had to be a first, he thought grimly. Then the other vampire continued. "I saw you last night."  
  
Oh.  
  
"Oh." Was all Buffy said.  
  
"So what?" Spike suddenly asked, defensively. "Did you think she would always be waiting for you, that she would never be able to l-" he stopped himself in time. This wasn't a good idea - saying stuff he wasn't at all sure of. And Angel would know that. He knew. He could see that from the look in his eyes. Slightly amused. He could feel the anger building up inside of him, anger at himself, at Angel, at Buffy who wasn't saying anything.... who wasn't saying he was right.  
  
"Spike-" she started. He looked at her, not able to conceal - he had never been good at that. "'s alright. I get it. You two probably need to do some - catching up. I'll be gone." He turned and was about to leave when Buffy stopped him.  
  
"Don't. Be angry. We - I think Angel and I really -"  
  
"Need to talk." He nodded. "Go on then, talk. But you don't want me hanging around."  
  
Buffy didn't reply. He glanced quickly at Angel who looked almost relieved. Well, he knew what to do about that. Buffy's eyes widened when she realized what he was about to do, but she didn't back away. Instead she looked as if she had to suppress a grin. That was all the encouragement he needed. Spike leaned over and kissed her briefly on her lips, adding, "I'll be downstairs, luv."  
  
Just before he went down the stairs he turned around and saw Angel's expression. Maybe the day was going to be good after all.  
  
He had felt her kiss him back.  
  
*** 


	44. Chapter Forty Four

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Buffy and Angel talk.  
  
***  
  
After Spike had left them, Buffy looked at the floor, not sure whether to look apologetically or smirk. It had been kind of funny, and she still wasn't sure how to feel about Angel and Cordelia. And she also wasn't sure whether she liked him being around now. It wasn't as if everything confusing enough already.  
  
"So," Angel finally said, breaking the silence. "Are you - alright?" He sounded a bit hesitant.  
  
"Why shouldn't I be?" Okay, that probably came over far too defensive. Whatever.  
  
"I - I didn't mean - but with all what's going on here-"  
  
Buffy sighed. "Look, Angel, we both know that you wanna talk about Spike. And me. Not about 'all what's going on here.'"  
  
Angel didn't reply. Instead he just looked down at the floor.  
  
"You said you saw us last night."  
  
"I did. And - well, I was surprised."  
  
"Connor didn't tell you anything?"  
  
"What should he have told me? That Spike's your boyfriend?"  
  
"He's not-" Buffy interrupted herself and then sighed again. "I don't know what we are, what he is."  
  
"He's a vampire," Angel muttered. Buffy glared at him. "Sorry."  
  
"It's - things between us have started to change since he - came back."  
  
"Since he has a soul?"  
  
"Yes. But it's not just that. It's -" Buffy walked out of the kitchen and sat down at the dinner table. Angel joined her. She looked at him, but didn't say anything for a moment. Then she continued. "He was the first who came back."  
  
She could see her understood her. Still, he protested. "I came back."  
  
"And Riley, yeah. But you didn't -" she turned away. "You didn't come back like he did."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You came back to help me, and then you left again. With Riley it was - not the same, but almost. He needed my help and then he left again. With his wife." She couldn't help grinning grimly. "You both - came back - I don't know how to explain it. Or to say it. I guess the gist of it is that he went away and he knew he was coming back. Which is something neither Riley nor you ever intended. He didn't bother to fight for our relationship and you - I dunno. Things with you are always so - different."  
  
He smiled. "I know."  
  
"I will always love you, Angel. But - I moved on... you moved on..."  
  
"Oh." He seemed a bit guilty. "Did-"  
  
"Yeah, I heard about you and Cordelia." Buffy couldn't help grinning. "Actually I don't know what is stranger - you being in love with Cordy or me being in lo - I mean..." she trailed off, her grin gone.  
  
"So you're in love with him?" he asked gently, obviously wanting to understand, ready to accept almost.  
  
For a moment she buried her face in her hands. Then she looked up again. "You know what? Yes, I think so. But he - I mean I - I've been - afraid."  
  
"To tell him?"  
  
"Yes. And to - you know, tell myself. I mean, as soon as I allowed myself to love someone, bad stuff started to happen."  
  
"So you're telling me no bad stuff happened between you and Spike?" Angel was half joking, half not.  
  
"Willow told you."  
  
"She did." He got up and started pacing. "Look, Buffy, I know - I don't - this is your business. And I know I'm not really the one to judge. But what he did to you -"  
  
"What he tried to do to me. He stopped. *He* stopped." Buffy sighed. "This doesn't make it any better. Not for me, not for him. It'S something - I don't know really how to deal with it. All I know that now - when I'm with him - I fell safe. And I -" she looked into his eyes. "I trust him."  
  
She could see this was hard for him. After a pause he sad, hesitantly, "Then you should tell him."  
  
She hadn't expected that. "What?"  
  
"You should tell him. I don't think you have. Really. And if you feel the way you told me, you should be telling him."  
  
"Wow. I mean - you're not angry?"  
  
"I was. And - okay, I'm jealous. But - as I told you, I saw you yesterday. Last night. When you were lying in his arms, when he was holding you. I saw you both, and you - you seemed happy and at peace. Anybody you can make you feel like that - I mean, I cannot really object to that. Even if it's Spike." Angel sat down next to Buffy again. They were both silent for a while.  
  
"Thank you," she finally said.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For - coming here, helping me - figuring things out I guess. Plus," she added in a lighter tone, "I guess we can use your strength. I mean with the First and the Bringers around and everything."  
  
"You're welcome. So - what about the First?"  
  
"Well, it looks as if we stand a fighting chance against it. The others have found the spell to - nah, I guess I should start with the problem - it's all my fault basically. The whole 'dying and coming back' stuff, y'know? That somehow affected the balance of good and evil, because suddenly there were two, then three, now two Slayers again. Don't ask," she told him, when he looked as if he was about to interrupt. "Anyway, now we have Faith and me, and the aim is to have just one Slayer in the end, really. And it's going to be done - it has to be done - by Anya, Xander, Willow and Tara."  
  
"Why them?" Angel wanted to know.  
  
"Well, they were the ones who brought me back from the dead and thus affected the balance. Plus, it's in the prophecy. At the beginning, when Anya found that prophecy, I mean, things looked pretty grim, with Tara being dead and all. But now that she's back, things are really looking up."  
  
"And not just in the fight against evil, it seems." Angel smiled. "Willow really seemed happy."  
  
"You say it. I mean, they are soulmates. They are simply destined to be together." Angel and Buffy simply looked at each other for some while, then Buffy remembered something. She looked at her watch. "Oh my, it's late... I gotta go to work."  
  
"You work?" He seemed surprised, then obviously realized that might appear rude. "I mean, of course you do. Where?"  
  
"At the school. Counselling." She stood up. "Where's Dawn?" she asked him.  
  
"I don't know. She went with Willow and Tara earlier."  
  
"Okay." Buffy turned and looked at him. "I'll go and try find out whether she's already at school or whether she's going to get detention from me. There's some blood in the fridge and... can I trust you and Spike not to fight each other to death?"  
  
Angel tried to look hurt at that. Buffy simply raised her eyebrows. "Okay then..." Just as she was about to leave, she went over to him and gave him a quick hug. "I'm really glad you're here," she whispered. 


	45. Chapter Forty Five

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Spike and Tara talk.  
  
Author's note: I know it's been ages since my last update, and I guess it'll take some time until the next as well - my cat gave birth to four kittens and the whole world (it seems) is coming to visit me - or them. I'll do my best though, I promise. Don't be mad... or sad :-)  
  
***  
  
Spike heard the front door open and close. Well, that probably wasn't Angel. Pity, really. He even would have taken a broom and taken care of the dust, he thought grimly. Upstairs, just when he left, things had been looking up... but he wasn't sure how they were now. Whether Buffy was already deeply in love with his grandsire again. Well, at least they were most probably not having crazy naked sex. That was something.  
  
He snorted and stood up from his bed. Who was he fooling? That was nothing. Just as he had the feeling he was breaking through her shell, as he had begun to hope she might actually love him, he had to come back. As always, taking his woman away. He started pacing. If he really was, what should he do? Fight? Well, turning her first and probably greatest love into a big pile of dust probably wouldn't make her happy, he conceded. And if he should be so unlucky to be dusted - well, that wasn't the aim of the game either.  
  
Great. He wondered what they were doing upstairs? He heard somebody pacing around upstairs... then some voices. Definitely not Buffy's though. Again, good or bad?  
  
Suddenly, the door to the basement opened. He turned around to see who it was.  
  
"Oh. You."  
  
"I'm sorry, am I interrupting your - pacing?" Tara smiled as she walked down the steps."  
  
"No, I just thought you were someone - different, you know?"  
  
"There aren't so many people left now," she told him. "I mean, apart from the dozens of girls in the backyard... Buffy and Dawn have left for school, Xander's at work, Willow has classes...the others are still doing research..."  
  
"Red really went to her classes today? Wouldn't have thought that. I mean with you being back and all."  
  
"You don't know her." Tara grinned, a twinkle in her eye.  
  
"I guess I don't. Not like you anyway." They shared a brief look of understaning. Sympathy. Then Spike asked, "Why research again? I thought they had everything figured out."  
  
"I don't know about that. I just heard Mr. Giles say something about cross referencing and..."  
  
"Yeah, I think that's his hobby," Spike said drily.  
  
"Probably very relaxing." She laughed almost quietly. He chuckled. Then he looked at her intently .  
  
"What is it?" she asked.  
  
"I dunno. You're -"  
  
"Different?" she continued as she didn't seem too sure how to continue. "Yeah, everybody seems to be thinking that."  
  
"That's because you are. I mean, not that I knew you that well, but you've been here what - twelve hours, and already I get the feeling I know you better than I did before. You're a bit -less shy, you're more there, y'know?"  
  
"I think I do. Willow and the others didn't tell me much, but everybody seems to be surprised when I - I dunno, say something - do something out of my own impulse. I guess I didn't do that before."  
  
"Not that much, you didn't. But it's good - that you're more - there."  
  
"You think so?" She didn't seem to be too sure of that.  
  
"You think Red won't love you anymore."  
  
Tara looked away and hid her face behind her hair. "That's more like the old you, you know," he commented.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hiding like that."  
  
"I thought you never noticed me."  
  
"Well, sometimes I did. Anyway, just so you know - she'll always love you. I may not know too much, but well - you two are practically made for each other."  
  
Tara sighed. "I don't know. Things are so much - they are different here."  
  
"What, you mean with the demons and the vampires and the impending apocalypse?" He grinned.  
  
"No, I mean - with the people. I can't believe Xander left Anya at the altar. They were - they are so happy and perfect together in my - the other world."  
  
"Are they married already?" Spike wanted to know.  
  
"What?" she seemed confused.  
  
"You know, did they do it? Tie the knot, go actually through with it?"  
  
"No, but-"  
  
"No but," he interrupted her. "They may have seemed happy, but maybe they have been having the same doubts the whel - I mean Xander here had. And Anya. You never know what other people really feel. And even if they were married - what matters is what people feel."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Granted, I may have skipped a few points just now," he smiled. "What I'm trying to say is that Red loves you. Will always love you. And if I'm not completely mistaken, you love her too."  
  
Tara didn't reply. "I'm not blind - the way you look at her - they way you just told me I didn't know her - the way there seems to be something missing when she's not around... I can see you feel it. I know how that feels." He paused, not sure how to continue. Tara looked at him.  
  
"You aren't different," she told him. Then she frowned. "Except for the - y'know - whole being a vampire... I mean, you're just as nice as you are - I mean as Will is - I..."  
  
"I get it." They didn't look at each other, for a moment lost in their own thoughts. Then Tara said, "Angel's still here."  
  
Spike laughed shortly. "I bet he is. Otherwise there wouldn't be too much left of him, I guess."  
  
"What - I mean - why..." she didn't seem to be sure how to ask.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why do you hate him?"  
  
"I don't hate him. I just - don't like him too much."  
  
"I could see that." Tara sounded amused. "Is it because he was Buffy's first boyfriend?"  
  
Spike glanced at her, confused. Then he realized. "You don't know, do you?"  
  
"Know what?" She seemed curious.  
  
"Things are a bit more complicated than that. Angel's my grandsire. You know what that means?"  
  
She shook her head. "Angel made the vampire - sired the vampire - who made me. But he was more like a father figure. In the worst sense. We - I can't remember a time he didn't - we didn't hate each other. We're too different, I guess. He never liked me. Still doesn't."  
  
"You wanted him to like you." It wasn't a question.  
  
"No! I wanted - I just wanted to be better - worse than him. In a way that's still the same, you know? Then he got his soul and went away and when we met again we were enemies of the mortal kind - and when he lost it again, he stole my girlfriend. And now-"  
  
"You're afraid he's doing that again."  
  
He laughed almost contemptously. "Buffy's not - I mean I bet she wouldn't liek to be called my girlfriend."  
  
"I'm not sure about that," Tara told him. Then she added, softly, "I'm not blind either."  
  
He nodded, slowly. Then he sighed. "Well, you said she left for work, then?"  
  
"Yes, and everyone except Angel and I are gone, more or less."  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Meaning?"  
  
"Meaning there's a perfect opportunity to talk to him. About stuff. He has a soul now, too. Hasn't he? Maybe that'll make things easier." He didn't seem to happy. "You don't have to be best friends, you know? But I think you should talk - reasonably. I guess if he wants to help he'll stick around for some time, and I'm sure Buffy won't be too happy if you two circle each other like... you know... two guys fighting for her. I wouldn't like that."  
  
He grinned. "I bet you wouldn't. But what if it were girls?"  
  
"Very funny. You know what I mean."  
  
"Yes. You're making too much sense, you know?"  
  
She smiled smugly. "Dito."  
  
"Where is he, then?"  
  
"Still in the kitchen, I think. It's still dark there. But I can send him down here if you want." She waited for him to answer.  
  
"No, I'll go upstairs. This feels too much like-"  
  
"Your territory? Right, on to neutre grounds then." She smiled encouragingly at him, leading the way up the staircase. "I'll be upstairs," she told the two vampires when she and Spike had entered the kitchen. "I'll try to find some more of my stuff... and I guess I should try and read some of the books about witchcraft."  
  
She didn't wait for them to reply, but simply left. Well then, a talk with the poofter it was. What a great day. 


	46. Chapter Forty Six

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Spike and Tara talk some more... and then finally something happens.  
  
***  
  
"Glinda?" Tara stirred slightly at the sound of Spike's voice. There was a knock on the door again... it took her a couple of seconds to realize that she must have fallen asleep somehow. She immediately sat up and called, "Come in!"  
  
He opened the door and smiled at the sight of her. She rubed her eyes and yawned. "I can't believe I actually slept some more," she then said, "I mean I think I have done nothing but sleeping and dreaming the last couple of days. What?" she asked when she saw his smirk.  
  
"Nothing. I just wondered whether you and Red... slept much last night?"  
  
Tara laughed. "Believe me, we did." Then she blushed slightly, remembering what they had done before....and after sleeping.  
  
"Told you," Spike said and walked over to the bed.  
  
"So - did you talk?" she wanted to know.  
  
"Yep. Talk." He sounded slightly amused.  
  
"He's still - I mean you didn't -"  
  
"Sure he is. Thanks for your faith in my fighting skills, though."  
  
She frowned, not really getting the point. Whatever. "So, what did you talk about?"  
  
"Well, first he told me he'd dust me if I hurt her. Then he asked how I got my soul back, why I got my soul back and then he told me again he'd dust me. He - that is we - agreed on a truce. No fighting. Good, eh?"  
  
"That's great. I mean - no fighting... Angel seems to be awfully protective of Buffy."  
  
"He is. Anyway, now everything is settled I just - wanted to thank you for - making me settle it."  
  
Tara smiled. "You're welcome." They both sat in silence for a moment, then Spike asked her, "So, did you do your assignments?"  
  
"What? Oh, you mean the books on witchcraft..." she glanced at a pile of books lying next to her on the bed. "Yes, I kinda... browsed through them." She paused. "It's odd - I can't believe I used to know - or someone - knew that stuff."  
  
"So you weren't a witch back in the old world?" Spike seemed surprised.  
  
"No, I mean - Mr Giles told me I was because I was able to read this book only witches can read - and I've always been interested - but it's not as if I did any spells - except for the ones we used to contact Buffy and Faith."  
  
"But they worked - so you're probably good at that kind of stuff."  
  
"I guess. I think I really should - Willow and I didn't talk too much about that."  
  
"Well, I guess Red'll teach you everything you need to know. For the spell, I mean. It's not as if you have to be a full time witch."  
  
"Do you ever call somebody by their real name?" Tara asked.  
  
He grinned. "Not tellin'."  
  
She rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. "I guess everything's going to turn out alright somehow," she finally said. "With the spell and all. I already read about it, and it doesn't seem too difficult. Comparatively speaking, I mean."  
  
"Except for the 'The Slayers have to decide who's going to lose her power' thing, you mean."  
  
Tara looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, Buffy - I mean, the Slayer," he corrected himself, seeing Tara's smile, "told me that only one of them could stay the Slayer. Because of the whole balance deal."  
  
"Sure, but I don't think it's up to Buffy - or Faith - to decide. I don't think there is any kind of decision. It's more like - I mean, I don't know how it works exactly. Who told you that Buffy and Faith had to - decide?"  
  
"Buffy, obviously. So - it just happens?"  
  
"I really don't know. I have never done it before, you know? But in the spell - there is no part where someone says 'I keep the power' or 'I give up the power' or something. Probably she-"  
  
"Misunderstood it. Needed to feel the responsiblity. Something to make her life a burden." He sounded frustrated.  
  
"Does she do that a lot?"  
  
Spike snorted. "You really want me to answer that?"  
  
"I guess it's not easy being the Chosen One. She - how long has she been the Slayer?"  
  
"Seven years at least. Why?"  
  
"Well, she had to carry all this responsibility for such a long time, she probably can't help making her life a burden anymore. It's the role she was offered, and she had to take it, I guess. She became the Slayer. And now-"  
  
"Now she's afraid she can't be Buffy anymore."  
  
"Probably. You see what-"  
  
"No, not probably. It's what she told me. She's afraid she's not - that there'll be nothing left if they take away her slayerness." He sighed.  
  
"And what did you say to that?" Tara asked him.  
  
"I told her she was wrong of course. And that she should talk to Faith. Share responsibility, y'know?"  
  
"That's good. And I think - I mean, I'm not going to tell her she doesn't have to make a decision. I think it's something she has to think about. And Faith. They're not exactly friends, are they?"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't know - I wasn't around much when - everything happened. But they have some kind of bad history, what with Faith trying to steal and kill her - Angel and stuff."  
  
"I can see that would make things difficult." Tara looked away suddenly. When he noticed he asked, "What's wrong?"  
  
"Noth-" she lifted her head and rolled her eyes, realizing how stupid that sounded. "No, it's something. There are so many things I don't know but I feel I should know. How can I even understand-"  
  
"You will. I mean, look at Andrew."  
  
"Huh?" Now she was confused.  
  
"He didn't know too much about - anything except his comics and stuff before he came - or was come here. But now he knows a bit. It's not that difficult, and you aren't exactly slow on the uptake. And Red - she'll help you, you know. And isn't it - dunno - exciting in a way?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean you get to know her all over again - a new beginning - and I think that's something you need after all that happ-" Spike stopped himself, not sure whether to continue. For a moment, none of them said anything, Tara being lost in her thoughts. After some minutes had past, Spike cleared his throat, a bit embarrassed. "I guess we've had enough of all that pep talk now, luv, don't you think?"  
  
Tara grinned. "It was much needed pep talk. But you're right. Thanks," she added softly. He didn't answer, instead he frowned.  
  
"What is it?" she wanted to know.  
  
"Shh," he told her, listening intently. "Someone's com-"  
  
They both heard the door bang open and Anya scream in panic, "Close the door! Close it! Where is everyone?!"  
  
Looking at each other in alarm, Tara and Spike both rushed out of the room, downstairs, where they found Anya leaning against the closed door, breathing hard, clutching something to her breast.  
  
"What's wrong, Anya?" Tara queried.  
  
Anya didn't reply. Obviously someone - Angel - had gone to get Faith, who had been training with the potentials, and Giles. "What's wrong?" they asked her simultaneously, both with a worried expression.  
  
"It's those guys, with the knives...they..." Giled grabbed Anya's arm and led her into the living room, making her sit on the couch. "The Bringers?" he offered. "They - attacked you?"  
  
"I was in that - the other shop to get the things we would need for the spell - better safe than sorry, you know - and suddenly they were there. One of the hit me," she explained, pointing to her face. "I ran."  
  
"Andrew," Giles called. He wouldn't have had to, Tara noticed, because Andrew was standing right there, looking anxious. "Get some -"  
  
"First aid stuff," Andrew completed the sentence and was gone to fetch it immediately. Giles stood up, looking even more worried than before.  
  
"This is bad, isn't it?" Faith asked.  
  
"We need to call Xander," Anya suddenly said. Tara saw the others frown, but suddenly she understood.  
  
"Willow." They all looked at her, and she blushed, not being able to help feeling insecure. "It's - Anya thinks they are attacking us - the people needed for the spell."  
  
"It probably found out," Spike murmured.  
  
"Yeah, it probably did." Faith looked at him, then at Tara. "I'll go and look for Willow, right? If someone could call Buffy - she's closer to Xander. She can get him." Spike was off to the phone. Faith turned to leave, but was stopped by Tara, who put a hand on her arm. "Thanks," she said.  
  
Faith seemed unsure what to say to that, so she just shrugged. "'s okay." But Tara could feel she was grateful somehow. The Slayer went to the door and then added, directed at Angel and Spike, "You guys keep 'em safe, alright? We'll be back soon. No one will get hurt."  
  
Tara heard the door close. She looked at Anya who was still sitting on the couch, nursing her bruise with the ice Andrew had got her. Tara sat down in front of her, taking her hand. "It'll be okay," she told her, trying to comfort her.  
  
Anya attempted a smile. "We would feel if something was wrong, wouldn't we?" she asked. "That's what you told me when these hell demons were destroying Sunnydale."  
  
"Was I right then?" Tara wanted to know.  
  
"You were."  
  
"See?" She leaned over to tuck a lock of stray hair behind Anya's ear. "Trust me. We'll be okay."  
  
*** 


	47. Chapter Forty Seven

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: After the attack of the Bringers.  
  
Author's note: I know, I know - my updates take too long. I'm really sorry, but there's a lot happenening in my life right now - plus I taught my first real lesson as an English teacher-in-training last Tuesday; about Willow and Tara ;-) But I won't forget this story, promise.  
  
***  
  
Willow and Xander weren't okay. Xander was badly bruised and his arm was bleeding where one Bringer had been able to wound him with his knife. Buffy had come just in time it seemed. They arrived only minutes before Faith and Willow returned. Willow didn't appear to be hurt physically, but she only glanced quickly at Tara to make sure that she was okay and then went upstairs immediately. Bewildered, Tara turned to Faith. "What-"  
  
"Magic," was all Faith replied. Tara understood. She considered following Willow upstairs, but then decided to give her a couple of minutes to process what just had happened. She listened as Faith told Buffy and the others the details about what had happened.  
  
"They were outside, in front of one of the buildings. Seems as if they don't care if they're seen."  
  
"Yeah, I mean Xander was attacked at the site as well." Buffy shot her friend a worried look. Anya and Andrew were both taking care of him. When Xander noticed her look, he grinned, signalling he would be alright.  
  
"What did they do? To Willow I mean?" Tara asked.  
  
Faith seemed uncomfortable. "Um, a better question would be what did Willow do to them. I don't know how she did it, but they were more or less flying through the air, away from her. And then..." she paused, obviously debating whether to continue or not. At Buffy's demanding look, she did. "Their knives came after them. And - well, let's put it that way, they're no danger anymore, and I didn't have to do a thing. Red was pretty shaken though - her eyes were all black, and she told me to piss off."  
  
Tara saw Buffy bite her lip, looking very unhappy now. "What happened next? You brought her home after all."  
  
"Yeah, she calmed down after a couple of minutes. She said she was sorry, and then she didn't say anything at all anymore. She's pretty freaked, I guess."  
  
"One month or so ago, the First possessed her or something, when she did a spell," Buffy said. "I don't really know what happened, but - well, black eyes are never good."  
  
"She didn't do it on purpose, though," Tara interrupted her. "I mean, it was self defense."  
  
The others were silent for a moment. Then Angel spoke up. "I know I'm probably the one who knows least about Willow and her - problems with magic. And I'm sure it's a problem we will have to deal with, but shouldn't we focus on the Bringers first?"  
  
Buffy seemed unsure about that, but still answered, "Yes, probably. I wonder why there weren't any to attack Tara - the First obviously knows she is back."  
  
"I guess it knows that she's safe here," Dawn said. "And then it decided to attack those who weren't as safe first - I mean it only needs one of them dead, right? So why risk minions unnecessarily..." she trailed off, realizing she probably sounded too harsh.  
  
Giles agreed, "That's certainly true. It will concentrate all its energy to stop our performance of the spell. I wonder whether it knows when we will have to perform it, though. Still, our priority now is to keep everybody safe - especially Anya, Xander, Willow and Tara."  
  
"Yes, they need bodyguards," Andrew suggested.  
  
"Actually, that's a good idea," Giles conceded. "Buffy? What do you think?"  
  
"Yes, that'll probably be the best. Um, Angel?" she turned to him.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You think you can stay for two weeks? Because then we would have two slayers and two vampires to guard them which would be the safest."  
  
"I think so. I will have to call the others though, first, but I think they should be alright with Connor around."  
  
At the mention of Connor's name, Dawn's interest was perked. "Connor? How is he, anyway?"  
  
"Um, Dawn?" Buffy seemed annoyed. "Can we do that later?"  
  
"Sure." Dawn rolled her eyes, but was silent after that.  
  
"So each of them gets a personal bodyguard?" Spike asked. "One of us?"  
  
Buffy looked at Faith and Angel, who both nodded. "Yes. That way everyone knows his or her responsibility, and we can be sure there's someone looking after them. So, one of us will guard Xander, one Anya, one Willow and one Tara. Any preferences?"  
  
Faith, Angel and Spike all looked at each other, waiting for one of them to say something. Tara waited as well. When Spike shot her a questioning glance she smiled and nodded slightly.  
  
"Um, I'll take Tara then," he said. Buffy looked at him, a bit surprised. "Okay, then I'll take Willow. Angel and Faith, one of you then for Xander and one for Anya."  
  
Faith grinned and looked poignantly at Xander. "Whaddya thing, Xan? The two of us?"  
  
"No, you will not look after Xander," Anya told her firmly. As if she realized that could be interpreted as jealousy, she continued, "I want a slayer to look after me. Plus, Angel can't have any sex."  
  
Now everybody stared at her. Tara thought that all her blood would have been gone to her head if she had been in Anya's place, but the ex-vengeance demon didn't seem to mind. After a moment of silence, Giles cleared his throat. "Right. That means we're settled then - Angel will guard Xander, Faith Anya, Spike Tara and Buffy Willow." Angel and Xander didn't seem to be too happy with that arrangement. When Xander opened his mouth to protest, though, Buffy interrupted him before he could say anything.  
  
"Please, how old are you? it's not as if you're going to have the rest of your life together? Angel just will look after you when you're not here. And when there's an attack or something. We're not going to follow you around 24/7."  
  
They both looked slightly relieved, though still not too happy with the arrangement.  
  
Tara decided she would now go upstairs. "Um, I'll just - check, see if Willow's okay, right?"  
  
Buffy turned to her, again wearing her worried expression. "Tara, if she says something - mean or anything, don't let it get to you, right? It's just - that's the way it is when things are bad."  
  
"Okay." Tara smiled at her and then climbed up the stairs, bracing herself for whatever was to come. She remembered what she had told Anya before - they would be alright. They had to be.  
  
*** 


	48. Chapter Forty Eight

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Willow and Tara talk and have to deal with what happened.  
  
***  
  
"Willow?" Tara knocked at the door to Willow's - their? - room, not sure if she was doing the right thing. She waited for a moment, then she knocked again, calling her girlfriend's name a bit louder this time. "Willow?"  
  
There was another pause, then she heard a muffled voice tell her, "Come in."  
  
Tara opened the door, stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. "Hey," she said, her heart aching at the sight of her lover. Willow was sitting on her bed, wrapped in a blanket. She obviously had cried, and she was looking tired.  
  
"Hey," Willow replied, but she didn't look at her lover. Tara walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. "Xander is going to be alright, it seems. And Anya too," she told her.  
  
"That's - that's great." Willow glanced briefly at her, and Tara could see the fear mixed with guilt in her eyes.  
  
"It seems those Bringer guys - they have something to do with the First, right? It's all still pretty confusing to me," Tara apologized, although she knew she didn't have to.  
  
"Yes, they are - its minions, mostly. We don't really know what they're up to most of the time, but - they're pretty mean."  
  
"Looks like they are. Luckily Buffy got to Xander in time." Tara waited for a second before going on. "We are all getting a personal bodyguard now," she said.  
  
"All of us?" Willow looked up again, confused.  
  
"No, just the four of us - Anya, Xander, you and me. Buffy, Faith, Spike and Angel are going to look after us. Faith's looking after Anya, Angel after Xander-"  
  
"Xander and Angel? Wow, they must be very happy about that arrangement." Willow couldn't help grinning at that thought.  
  
"Yeah, they didn't really seem to happy about it," Tara agreed. "Why's that anyway?"  
  
"Long story," Willow sighed. "Mostly, it's because each of them is jealous because of Buffy, I think. They really don't like each other."  
  
"Hm. Maybe they'll get along better now Buffy's with Spike," Tara wondered. Willow didn't seem convinced. "Anyway, after Spike had said he wanted to look after me, and then Buffy said she was going to look after you -"  
  
"Wait, Spike wanted to look after you? Why's that?" Willow asked suspiciously.  
  
"Oh, we had - we talked this morning, and we got along fine. He's really-"  
  
"You talked? About what?" Tara noticed her girlfriend's voice had a trace of panic mixed into it, and anger. It worried her, but she tried to overlook it and stay calm. After all, Willow still was pretty upset about the events of the day.  
  
"About Angel. And Buffy. And Spike's relationship to the both of them. He was pretty - shaken - when Angel turned up."  
  
Apparantly, this was the right thing to say, as Willow seemed to calm down at that. "Yeah, they don't like each other very much either."  
  
"I don't know," Tara replied thoughtfully. "I think it's much more complicated." At her lover's frown she sighed and continued, "But it's not that important really. And none of our business."  
  
Willow still didn't seem too satisfied, but didn't bother to ask further. She only nodded, and her frown disappeared. Relieved, Tara smiled at her. "Are you feeling better?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know. I guess I am. The shaking has stopped." Tara noticed Willow looking down at her body, as if she wasn't too sure about that. "What happened?" she asked quietly.  
  
Willow inhaled audibly. "I'm not sure I want to talk about it right now. Are you okay with that?"  
  
A part of Tara wanted to reply, 'No, I'm not, I don't understand any of it. It's too confusing, you are too confusing, I know you and I don't, I'm almost scared-' at that thought Tara suddenly remembered the challenge - the scenes from their life she had seen. She remembered how she had been confused - how could she ever have been scared of Willow? - but that had been before she had seen her trying to end the world. That had been before she had talked to her right now, with an underlying threat behind every word, every gesture. She needed to talk about all of this now - she knew. But at the same time there was another part telling her she was being selfish, she should give her the time she needed... when she didn't answer for a minute or so, Willow asked, "Um, Tara? Are you - alright?"  
  
And although she was fighting the words, although she wanted to wait for the right time, the right moment that she knew would never come, there they were, spilling out of her mouth and she couldn't help it. "No. I'm not." She didn't like the way her voice sounded, both accusing and begging for comfort.  
  
It was Willow's turn to be worried and confused now. She sat up a bit and for the first time since Tara had entered the room she really looked at her lover. "What's wrong? Do you want me - why do you want me to tell you?"  
  
Tara bit her lip. Then she replied, "I need you to tell me. I - I don't understand. At all. What's happening - why you are acting like this - I - this is all so weird. What's happening to yu? Why were you so - why were you behaving so weird right now - when I was telling you about Spike?"  
  
There was a pause. They both didn't dare to look at each other and decided to keep looking at their hands instead. Tara thought she would love it to just take Willow's hand in hers, entwine their fingers, enjoying the feel of her soft fingers against hers... but it seemed as if there was a gap between them, that no matter how near they physically were, she wouldn't be able to touch her... as she felt despair rushing up inside her, despair and fear, she almost didn't hear Willow's answer.  
  
"Magic."  
  
Tara glanced at her questioningly, needing her to elaborate. Although she didn't look up, Willow went on, "It's the magic - when the Bringers attacked, I defended myself. With magic. I - I think I killed them, I'm not sure." She waited, obviously expecting a reply from Tara.  
  
"But - but these guys are evil, aren't they? And - it was self-defense, right?"  
  
Willow sighed. "It was. But - that isn't the bad thing. Faith would've killed them as well. It's - it was the magic. It took control of me again. I could feel it. I liked feeling it. It just took me away, swept me off my feet, in a way - the power - it was amazing." Her voice sounded almost wistful, Tara noticed. Apparently, Willow did too, as she stopped for a moment before she continued.  
  
"And then there was Faith, calling my name - I could hear her, but I was almost gone, it was pulling me away - she grabbed me, and I got angry - really angry, and I think I told her to piss off - and then suddenly I heard her say your name and I was back again. We went back here, and I - I feel so bad. I don't want it to take control again - I need you to trust me again. I didn't want to use magic, honestly, I was just so scare -" she interrupted herself. "No. That's not true. I was angry. And it was powerful - always has been ever since - last summer," she ended, looking intently at the blanket.  
  
"Was it - the First?" Tara wanted to know.  
  
"No." Again, Willow waited for a moment. "No. If it was the First, I wouldn't have to be so scared of myself. It's - it's just me - the power - I can't let it take control over me."  
  
"You didn't," Tara told her firmly, although she didn't feel as convinced as she would have liked.  
  
"I almost did. And they way I was acting just now - being all snippy gal - that was - that was me as well. I was feeling possessive, and when you told me about you and Spike - that you talked - I know it's silly, but I was so jealous suddenly. And then there was the anger again - I really need to ask Xander about that Yoda speech, or maybe Andrew..." she trailed off.  
  
Tara still wasn't too sure about everything, but when she heard her tell her about her jealousy, she knew what to do and let her instincts take over. She reached out and took Willow's hand - suddenly that didn't seem difficult anymore. Even more relieved at the feel of her lover's hand, she said, "You know you don't have to be jealous. I - I am yours, you know?"  
  
At hearing that, Willow looked at her, a bewildered expression on her face. "You - you are?"  
  
"Yes. And I trust you. Of course I do." Tara used her other hand to gently cup Willow's cheek, pulling her towards her. She looked into her eyes, trying to make her see the love she still felt, she would always feel, no matter what. When she had the feeling she had been understood she smiled a small smile and then crossed the final gap and placed her lips on Willow's. What she had intended to be a chaste and reassuring kiss soon became more passionate when Willow opened her mouth and a small moan escaped her. Tara couldn't miss the opportunity and let her tongue explore Willow's mouth, playing with Willow's tongue, her teeth, and then her lips.  
  
When she finally pulled away, they were both panting. Willow reached out her hand to pull her back, but Tara stopped her. "Wait, I - I need to tell you something. Or ask you something."  
  
Again, Willow frowned, but this time it wasn't an angry frown - more a 'little confused and anticipating' frown. "You just said that - when Faith said my name you were pulled back."  
  
Willow nodded. "Yeah. Why?"  
  
"That's good, isn't it? I mean, it got through to you - I got through to you. Do you think there is a way - with magic or something to make sure you don't get lost? Maybe I can help?"  
  
Willow was looking at her in amazement.  
  
"What?" Tara asked, a bit insecure.  
  
"Nothing. It's just - you offering to be my anchor - you did that before," Willow replied softly.  
  
"Did it work then?" Tara asked.  
  
"It worked great." Her lover smiled at the memory of the spell.  
  
"And - do you think it might work again? Or something similar?"  
  
"I guess it would - it should work. I - do you think we have to do this now?"  
  
"Well, do you plan to use magic any time soon?"  
  
"You mean, right now? Or tonight?" Willow asked almost playfully.  
  
"Exactly." Tara raised her eyebrow questioningly.  
  
"No, Ma'am." Willow grinned slightly.  
  
"Hm." She pretended to think. "So - if you don't plan to use magic - what do you plan to do instead?"  
  
"Anything. Anything that doesn't include leaving this bed. Or you." Willow leaned over and placed a quick kiss on Tara's lips, smiling at her seductively. "What do you think?"  
  
"Hm. Guess we could do that. Not leave the bed I mean. But won't that get boring?" Tara's voice was just as playful as Willow's had been.  
  
Willow laughed at the thought of a long evening and night of being together in bed with Tara being boring. "I'm hurt. I'm really hurt." But her smile and the fact that her hands were slowly running up and down Tara's back betrayed her. She buried her neck in her girlfriend's neck, pulling her close. "How do you do that?" she asked suddenly.  
  
"How do I do what?" Tara asked her back.  
  
"Every time I - even when I'm at my worst... you always make me feel special. How do you do that?"  
  
Overwhelmed by a feeling of familiarity, and bliss, Tara had to wait a moment before she could reply. She pulled a bit back from the embrace, again looking deeply into Willow's eyes. Then she smiled. She knew exactly what to say.  
  
"Magic." 


	49. Chapter Forty Nine

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Plans and discussions. Plus a short Spuffy scene.  
  
***  
  
Buffy watched as Tara went upstairs. She turned to Faith. "How bad was it, really?" she asked her in a low voice.  
  
"You mean with Red?" Buffy nodded. "There's not much to add - she killed the bad guys and was totally - she seemed kinda gone."  
  
"How did you get her here?" Xander wanted to know.  
  
"I called her name a couple of times, then I grabbed her and shook her a bit - I didn't hurt her or anything," she added almost defiantly. When nobody said anything to that, she continued. "Then I said something about Tara - and she was back."  
  
For a moment, everyone was lost in their own thoughts. Then Dawn said, "That's good, right? I mean the last time not even Tara...or her name..." she trailed off at the memory.  
  
"Yes, well,..." Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them. "We shouldn't forget it was for self defense. That means as long as one of you -" he looked at Buffy, Faith, Angel and Spike who where still standing there together, "is watching and protecting her I guess we needn't worry about that... lapse."  
  
"You remember she will have to do a spell soon, don't you?" Faith asked him. "I mean, how can we be sure she won't freak out then. From what you told me I'm not sure I'd choose Evil Willow over the First Evil."  
  
"Neither would we. But I doubt we will have to deal with her. She is much more aware of her powers than she was before -" Giles was interrupted by Faith.  
  
"I'm not sure if 'doubt' is enough for me. Can't we be sure?"  
  
"I assure you-" This time, Anya chimed in.  
  
"There is a way." Everybody turned to look at her. "It's pretty easy, and I'm sure Willow knows it as well. She simply needs someone who can be her anchor. That way during the spell we can make sure she doesn't get carried away."  
  
"Can anyone be an anchor?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Sure. But it's obvious who she should choose, isn't it?"  
  
"Tara," Faith stated simply.  
  
"Exactly. If you could get her back by just saying her name, we won't have to fear anything when we do it properly. I'm sure they have done that before. Or... well, you know." None of the others said anything. There was a moment of silence again. Then Andrew spoke up.  
  
"Um, it's great we know how to deal with Darth Rosenburg, really, but shouldn't we worry about the Bringers as well? They know where we live and how do we know they aren't going to blow up the house like they did with the Watcher's Council? Or maybe they'll put us under a siege."  
  
"A siege?" Faith asked.  
  
"Yeah, I mean - we really should make sure they're not hiding dynamite somewhere or anything. But if they can't kill us, maybe they'll try make us kill each other. Or starve us." Andrew looked at Buffy and then, rather poignantly, at Spike and Angel.  
  
"As much as that suprises me, I have to say that he has a point," Giles finally said. "It is definitely something we have to expect to deal with."  
  
"So what? We get supplies for, like, two weeks?" Buffy wanted to know.  
  
"That would be the best." Giles nodded.  
  
"I guess we better do this now then, huh? I probably should go and -" Angel interrupted her.  
  
"Actually I think it might be better if you stayed here with Faith and the others. Maybe some of the girls can go with me and..." he paused for a moment, looking at the vampire next to him questioningly. "Spike."  
  
"Sure," was all the reply he got.  
  
"We will have to wait a bit then, until it's dark." Angel looked outside. "Shouldn't be too long though."  
  
Buffy seemed a bit uneasy at the thought of Angel and Spike going shopping together. "Are you sure you're okay with it?" she asked Spike.  
  
"Yeah, why not?" He smiled at her, showing her she didn't have to worry. Then he remembered something. "Listen, do we have everything we need for the speel? Cus I guess it's be better if we got everything now. Better safe than sorry, you know?"  
  
Buffy looked at Anya, who pointed to a bag she had brought with her. "I got everything I think. Maybe Giles could check again?" she suggested. Immediately Giles picked up the bag and looked at the contents while Andrew handed him the book. The others waited.  
  
"Yes, it looks like we have everything. We have enough candles in the house?" he queried.  
  
"I think so. But maybe..." Buffy looked at Spike who nodded. "We'll bring some more then. Any special ones?"  
  
"No, just the usual," Giles told him.  
  
While the potentials, Dawn and Andrew started to make a shopping list, Spike took Buffy aside. "I think you should try and talk to Faith while we're gone, luv." When he saw her flinch at the idea, he continued, "Waiting won't make it any easier. And you will have a bit of peace. I don't think you'll be able to discuss it in quiet any time soon. And you will have to do it before the spell." He smiled slightly at the sight of her pout.  
  
"I hate it when you're reasonable," she told him. But he could hear she was joking. She looked up at him. "You really are okay with Angel?" she wanted to know.  
  
"We talked earlier this morning." At her surprised look her added, "It was Tar- Glinda's idea. And it worked out fine. We decided not to stake each other any time soon."  
  
"Well, that's probably good I guess." All of a sudden, Buffy leaned over and gave Spike a slight kiss. "At least I don't have to worry about you then."  
  
"Hey, watch it!" He exclaimed as he realized what she meant. "You think I couldn't take-"  
  
She silenced him with another kiss, then she looked at him and he could see her eyes twinkle. "Didn't say that. But now you mention it..." she smirked.  
  
Spike grumbled something she didn't understand. But at that moment, Angel declared the sun to be gone. "Guess I'll be off then," he said, pretending to be still hurt. He turned to leave. Buffy stopped him. "Thanks," she told him firmly. He looked at her for a moment, then he nodded. He went to Angel and the others and asked, "Did you remember to put Weetabix on the list? Sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood - give it a little texture."  
  
They were already out of the door, but Buffy heard Angel asked, intrigued, "Really? Never tried that before."  
  
"You really should, mate. I'll show you later."  
  
The door was closed and she was alone with Faith, Xander, Anya and Giles. Giles went off somewhere looking for a book muttering something about trying to find out more about the Bringers. Anya was looking worriedly at Xander and his bruises. Buffy took a deep breath and then went over to Faith.  
  
"Faith? I - um, I need to talk with you about something. Alone."  
  
Faith frowned, but then she shrugged. "Sure. Okay. Wanna go down to the basement?"  
  
Buffy nodded. "Yeah. Anya, Xander, we're..."  
  
"Down in the basement. I'm bruised, not deaf, Buff," Xander finished her sentenced. She smiled at him and Anya and then followed Faith.  
  
*** 


	50. Chapter Fifty

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and believe me, I really need happy right now ;-)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: THE talk between Faith and Buffy.  
  
Author's note: Wow, four updates in a row... miracles do happen *lol* I probably won't be able to write more the next couple of days or so because of uni, but I'll do my best and update as soon as I can ;-)  
  
***  
  
After they had walked down the staircase to the basement, Buffy went over to the bed and sat down. Faith kept standing, leaning against the staircase and folding her arms in front of her body. Buffy started fiddling with the blanket, not looking at Faith. After some minutes had passed in silence, the other Slayer finally asked, "So what's on your mind, B? Did we come down here for some quality ignoring each other?"  
  
Buffy sighed, her gaze still turned away from Faith. Then she replied, "It's about the spell." She waited for an answer, but Faith remained silent. Eventually Buffy had no choice but to her lift her head. "You know, the spell? Where one of us has to - give up her powers?"  
  
Faith nodded slowly, her face emotionless. Buffy wished she would give her some kind of hint - anger, resentment, whatever. But either Faith didn't feel any such a thing or she knew what Buffy was looking for and denied her the help. Probably the latter, Buffy thought, almost bitter. But she knew she had to get this over with. So she continued, "Don't you think we should try and decide that? I know I've been thinking about it, and if we really should be stuck here in this house for the next two weeks - although it doesn't look like it so far, probably it's just one of Andrew's crazy ideas - but anyway, it would be a good thing if we decided now, because--- because..."  
  
"It's okay, B, I get it," Faith interrupted her. Buffy stopped, relieved. "You do?"  
  
"Yeah. I guess you're right. It's not as if I've been thinking too much about it, that's your job. Still, I get it." She paused for a moment, then she added, "I heard you yesterday."  
  
"Huh?" Buffy was confused.  
  
"You - when you were talking to Spike - I was listening. I was nearby, heard my name, wanted to hear more."  
  
Buffy didn't know if she should be angry or relieved that Faith had eavesdropped on their conversation. She decided on relieved, as that meant she didn't have to explain everything. "What exactly did you hear?" she wanted to know.  
  
"I guess I got the gist of it." Now there was a hint of anger in Faith's voice. "You want to keep your powers. So I wonder, what exactly are we talking about?"  
  
"What do you mean? I can't just decide this alone?" Buffy noticed her voice was now sounding defiant. Great. She really had to remember to thank Spike for this. There just hadn't been enough trouble in her life yet.  
  
"Oh yes. You can. And you did. Let's face it - you don't want me to 'decide' - what you want me to do is to agree with you to make you feel better."  
  
"No! I mean - no, that's not right. I want to talk with you about it. Not fight. I've had enough of fighting. Can't we just - discuss it without getting all - you know - angry?"  
  
Faith looked at her as if she didn't really believe her. But then she smiled. "Right. Let's try." She went over to join Buffy on the bed and sat down next to her. "So - go on then. Talk."  
  
Silently, Buffy cursed her. Why did she have to start? Whatever. "I guess we both want to keep our powers, huh?"  
  
"Seems like it. 's like you said - I don't really know what else to do. It's what I am. And it's what you are. Damn!" Suddenly Faith leaped up, angry again.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked, aware that this time her anger wasn't directed at her.  
  
"It's just not fair. How can they do something like that? Give us this - all this power and strength and what have you and suddenly decide we can't have it anymore?"  
  
"I know. It's mean, isn't it? And it's all my fault really - if I had stayed dead in the first place..." she trailed off.  
  
"You're joking, right?" Faith turned towards her, almost looking a bit worried. "I really hope you're joking."  
  
Wish I knew, Buffy thought, but she replied, "Sorry. I am. Bad joke."  
  
Faith didn't answer. They got both lost in their own thoughts for a while, until Faith spoke up again. "Probably you should be the one to keep them. What with you not being homicidal and all." Her voice was full of self hatred.  
  
A part of Buffy agreed - probably would always agree at that, but she somehow knew things weren't that easy. "It's not that simply," she told her.  
  
"Why not? You probably deserve them more than I do."  
  
"Do I? Is that what you think?"  
  
"I guess. I mean look at what you did and what I did. You ended up in heaven, at least for a little while, and I? I went to jail."  
  
"Exactly. You went to jail. You handed yourself in, remember?"  
  
Faith glanced at her, suprised. "Okay, now I don't get it. This is your chance to justify your decision or whatever, and you let it go by that?"  
  
Buffy sighed, almost a bit impatient. "I told you it isn't just my decision. And I don't want to justify anything. You -" she had to swallow, somehow this wasn't as easy to say as she had hoped it would be - "You did the right thing in the end. You paid for what you did. Even if you aren't anymore - you're needed. You can - you probably should redeem yourself here fighting the forces of darkness rather than being stuck in a prison somewhere." She couldn't believe she just said that.  
  
Obviously so did Faith. "O-kay," the other Slayer said slowly. "Who are you and what have you done with B?"  
  
Buffy shot her a sharp look. "What, you still think I'm nothing but a self- righteous bitch?" There was a hint of amusement in her voice. Faith got it.  
  
"Well, yeah, mostly. And why wouldn't you be?"  
  
"I - last year I did some things - I changed. So did you. There's no need to drag all the old stories into this. They're - it won't make things any easier."  
  
"Huh. Does that mean we'll be like, best friends now?" Faith laughed at Buffy's expression at that question. "Good. Didn't think so. Guess we should be happy if we don't end up trying to kill each other every once in a while."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy replied, a small grin on her face. They remained silent for a bit. It was a nice kind of silence, Buffy thought. Relaxed. She really should thank Spike.  
  
"So what do you think?" Faith asked her after a while. "About the spell?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe stone, paper, scissors?" Buffy suggested.  
  
"Hm. That's an idea." Suddenly Faith remembered something. Something Spike had said and something she had noticed on patrol. In a more serious voice she said, "You really think we can't be anything else but Slayers?"  
  
Buffy looked at her. "I dunno. Sometimes, yes. I can't - it's heard to remember not to have this power."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And - I guess you never had to do that test where you feel all helpless, but believe me, that was pretty - harsh. I couldn't do anything. Or at least it seemed so."  
  
"But you passed the test," Faith told her.  
  
"Yeah. But still - I was scared. It was easy to be normal when I didn't know about all the not-normal stuff, you know?" She sighed. "I don't know. I - Spike said I could give it a try. But what am I supposed to do? College seems to be a no go, working at the school is alright, but somehow not what I want to be doing all my life... I was always sure I wouldn't make it till my twentieth birthday - never took the time to plan, really."  
  
"But - Xander doesn't have any powers, and he's still helping, right? And the potentials - they're doing fine as well. Without any superpowers. Yet."  
  
Buffy was a bit confused. "What do you - oh. Well, yes, but - without the Slayer it would be too dangerous I guess."  
  
"Angel manages without any of us," Faith reminded her. "And his friends do us well. None of them has any superpowers. Well, except for Connor maybe."  
  
Buffy couldn't help flinch at the name of Angel's son. That was still a concept she couldn't really grasp. "So you mean, I should give them up and help Spike fight vampires?" Faith looked at her and they both grinned at the thought of Spike doing almost exactly what Angel did. She really had to point this out to him at some point, Buffy thought. When he was in a good mood. Definitely teasing material.  
  
"Well, yeah. You're in a fantastic shape, and there's no reason that can't stay that way. Plus, there could be a Slayer around as well."  
  
"You mean you-"  
  
"I mean a Slayer. Not necessarily me."  
  
Buffy frowned. "You mean you-"  
  
"Yeah. What if we both give up our powers? Then there could be a new chosen one, and none of us is going to be jealous or anything. Of the other that is."  
  
Buffy thought that idea through for a moment. "Actually, I - I never thought about that."  
  
"You mean I really was ahead of you this time?" Faith tried to joke, but she didn't really succeed.  
  
"Faith, I'm not - I'm not better than you."  
  
"Maybe not, but you believe you are," Faith told her.  
  
"You're right." Buffy looked at her. "I do. Sometimes at least. But that - let's just say I don't feel good about it, okay?"  
  
"You're really full of surprises, aren't you?" Faith was astonished.  
  
Buffy shrugged. "Maybe." Then she got up from the bed. "God, I'm tired. You think the others are back yet?"  
  
Faith got the hint. "You're right, enough heart to heart talk now. Let's check upstairs. But -" she hesitated. "What about my idea?"  
  
"I think we should talk to Giles about it. He knows about the spell and the details and stuff. If it's possible, I think we should - we should do it that way."  
  
The two Slayers simply looked at each other for a moment, each aware of the immensinty of that decision. Then they both went upstairs. When she had reached the door, Faith said, "I wonder whether Spike and Angel know how very much alike they are."  
  
"I think they do. Spike does, at least. Probably that's why they don't get along that well."  
  
Again, they shared a knowing look. But then they heard noise outside and Xander calling, "Bringers!" and they rushed to the door.  
  
*** 


	51. Chapter Fifty One

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and believe me, I really need happy right now ;-)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Some Angel/Spike interaction, a fight with the Bringers.  
  
Author's note: Whoo-hoo - look at that... another chapter! Originally I wanted to post this yesterday, but fanfiction.net wouldn't work somehow... I'm not sure about the fight scene, I've never written one of those before really. Sorry if it's too lame or something. Oh, and I know there were more than ten potentials on the show. But personally, I think ten is far too much already, and up to "The Killer in me" there weren't that many, were there? And just so you know: there'll be roughly ten more chapters I think, give or take. The end is, if not near, at least coming.  
  
***  
  
After having elaborated on the merits of Weetabix in blood for some time, Spike didn't know what else to say, and so the two vampires followed Andrew and the girls in silence. Every once in a while, one of the girls turned her head to shoot a glance at them. Spike was amused by this, especially when he realized the older vampire got more and more confused by this behaviour.  
  
When they finally reached the supermarket, Angel stopped him. "Spike, why do they keep looking at us?"  
  
He couldn't help laughing at Angel's expression and the worried tone of his voice. "Don't worry, mate, your hair's perfect. Actually," he grinned, "it's probably a bit too perfect."  
  
He obviously still didn't get it. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Oh, how he loved to be irritating. "Well, you might've noticed there isn't too much menfolk around the house."  
  
"So?"  
  
Spike simply raised his eyebrow. Finally, it dawned on Angel. "They think I'm - hot?" he asked, hesistantly but obviously pleased at the thought.  
  
"Now, let's not exaggerate, shall we?" Spike told him. "I said they're more or less deprived of good looking men, seeing as the Watcher's a tad bit too old for them and as I'm not exactly available... and let's not even start to speak of the geek and the whelp."  
  
It took the older vampire a moment to decode that last part of Spike's sentence, but when he did, he couldn't help grin. "I don't even want to know about their reaction to Connor then, I think."  
  
"Well, the Niblet obviously has the hots for him. And he didn't seem too appalled. But then, he's what, 18?" he added, remembering something someone had said about Connor lusting after Cordy as well. And he hadn't seem too put off by the Slayers and any of the potentials as well.  
  
"You mean Dawn is in love with Connor?"  
  
Again, Spike laughed. "You really are a poof, poof. It's not all about love, you know that, right? Hell, you above all should know." Only when he had finished it occured to him that maybe he shouldn't have said that. And the fact that now Angel was eyeing him with a strange expression - guilt? understanding? both? only confirmed his fear. He cleared his throat and nodded in the direction of the door. "Let's follow them, we don't want any of them get lost or hurt, right?"  
  
"Sure," the older vampire replied. But before Spike could actually enter the supermarket, Angel stopped him again. "Spike -" he started, looking at him intently.  
  
"Look mate, it's alright. Let's not bring up things that are - past. Won't make any of this easier, will it? I'm alright with it. Don't get lost on a guilt trip now. Maybe - and that's with a capitel 'm', maybe we can talk about this some other time. When all of this is over. Maybe - if you'll invite me to LA some time, you could buy me a drink and we can get this over with once and for all. Everything. Even the stuff with the hot pokers."  
  
Angel seemed surprised at the trace of guilt mixed into Spike's voice. Well, time he noticed he actually had changed, he thought almost angrily. Then he freed himself from Angel's grip and finally entered the supermarket. "Coming, Peaches?" he called, turning his head.  
  
Satisfied seeing that the other vampire was following him, he went to look for Dawn and the others. And some Weetabix.  
  
***  
  
After they had finished shopping at the supermarket they made their way back, only stopping at the butcher's shop where Spike always got his blood supply. With enough blood to last for at least four weeks - "Better safe than sorry", had been Spike's comment when Angel was paying for the blood, looking not too happy at hearing the sum - and "enough food for an army", Dawn had declared, their short shopping trip could be called successful.  
  
Andrew was carrying three large bags, and he kept on whining about it the whole way back. After a while, even Angel had had enough. When Andrew asked fro the umpteenth time, "Why couldn't we take the car?", he snapped at him, "Because we didn't think of it, right? If you had said something earlier - if anybody had something earlier, we could have taken it. But I'm not sure we would have been able to. You wouldn't have fit into my car, not all of you, and we need to keep all of you safe right now."  
  
"Except for you. Don't see the necessety there," Spike added, looking poignantly at Andrew. Andrew pouted but kept silent as they were trudging along into the direction of the Summers' house. When they turned around the corner of Revello Drive, Angel stopped. "Wait for a moment," he told the others, putting down the bags containing the blood. He gestured to Spike to follow him, and the younger vampire did as he was told, following Angel's example by putting down his bags as well. They slowly walked some more steps until they were able to get a closer look at Number 1630. They could see some dark figures moving about. "Bringers," Spike hissed.  
  
Angel nodded. "What do you think, how many? Ten?"  
  
"Yeah, at least." Spike sighed, looking worriedly at the group they had left behind. "So how do we get them and the food inside?"  
  
"I guess Buffy and the others have noticed them already. We will have to distract them while the others get inside."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I was thinking by hitting them. Any other suggestions?" Anegl looked at Spike, not able to hide a grin. Spike shrugged. "Nah, I'm fine with that."  
  
They both returned to the others. "Listen, looks like the li'l geek here was right," Spike told them. "The Bringers are already there. Now, we need to get you inside. The poof here and I will do our best to distract them." Angel raised an eyebrow at the nickname, but he didn't seem annoyed. "Niblet, I need you to take care of our blood. It's important you get that inside - believe me, you wouldn't want to be around two vampires who're feeling peckish. Soul or no soul."  
  
Dawn nodded. "Sure. I'll take care of it."  
  
Spike smiled at her. "I know you will." She beamed at his praise. Not for the first time that night, Angel looked surprised at how well Spike was dealing with everything. When he noticed that, it was Spike's turn to beam. He wouldn't have thought Peaches would let him play the leader for once. He tried to hide his delight though, and continued. "Now, you'll wait until you feel you can sneak by them more or less undetected."  
  
"When would that be?" Vy asked.  
  
"As soon as you can hear a lot of noise and see a lot of fighting," he told her.  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
"Right. You ready, mate?" he asked, looking at Angel. When the older vampire nodded, he turned to Dawn a last time. "Remember-"  
  
"I got it," she interrupted him. "God, you're just like Buffy sometimes." She rolled her eyes at him. He simply shrugged and then off they were going to hit things.  
  
***  
  
Just when they arrived at the front lawn, the door opened and Buffy and Faith rushed out. Angel and Spike went to attack the Bringers who were standing in the proximity of the kitchen, trying to clear a way for the others. While they were fighting, both tried to keep an eye on the others, hoping they would be able to get by. Dawn was the first to run into direction of the house, dodging a blow from one of the Bringer's knife. When she was almost at the door, one of them managed to grab her, but Spike was already there and dragged him away from her. In she went, only to come out again after a couple of seconds, carrying a sword. She positioned herself in front of the kitchen door.  
  
In the corner of his eye Spike could see Buffy and Faith deal with six Bringers at once. It seemed as if there were more than ten after all. Some must have been hiding on the back lawn or something. Now four of the potentials were storming by him, effectively running over one of the Bringers. Well, that was one way of dealing with the nasty little buggers, Spike thought, satisfied. Now there weren't too many left - six more girls, and the geek. He came next, immediately followed by two of the girls. Proudly he noticed how well Dawn was doing - she stood there, fighting and kicking - it was a pity she wasn't chosen. Would've made a great Slayer, that one, he thought to himself.  
  
"Spike," he suddenly heard Angel call, who had been driven into a corner by five Bringers. Spike rushed to his side, knocking one of them out and then grabbing one by his habit, pulling him away from his grandsire. "Thanks," Angel said, and when they were both attacked by the four that were left, they both looked at each other briefly, before turning into game face. For some minutes, they were both lost in the fight. When they had fought them all off, Spike stood there, panting, wiping some blood from under his nose. He looked over to Dawn. "Is everybody in there?" he called.  
  
"Yes!" Dawn replied, while hitting one of the Bringers with her sword on the head. Spike noticed she had a nasty looking scratch on her arm.  
  
"Then what are you waiting for?" he yelled into her direction. "In you go!" He ran over to asist her, and he could sense Angel following him. He pushed Buffy's sisters into the house, not ungently. Still she complained, "Ouch! What did you do that for?"  
  
"Sorry Niblet, was for your own good." He noticed Angel position himself at the kitchen door. At the same moment, he heard Buffy and Faith enter the house and closing the door behind them. Buffy rushed into the kitchen. "Dawn, are you alright?" she asked at the sight of her bleeding sister.  
  
"Yeah, it's just a scratch." Dawn put on a brave smile. Spike knew she wasn't exactly telling the truth, but he wasn't going to ruin that for her. When he walked by her, he told her in a quiet voice, "You did great out there."  
  
"Really?" she asked.  
  
He nodded. "You were amazing." She smiled at the compliment, but then she had to bite her lip because of the pain in her arm.  
  
"You better go over to the living room. Anya'll patch you up." Buffy's eyes suddenly widened when she said that, and she turned around and quickly left the kitchen. Dawn and Spike followed her, leaving Angel to guard the door and Andrew to take care of their supplies. "Remember, take care of the blood," Spike told him on his way out. But his voice sounded nice enough and Andrew simply nodded in reply.  
  
"Anya, Xander, are you alright?" Buffy entered the living room only to find Anya, Xander and Giles sitting on the couch. "You - you never moved during the fight?" she asked, confused.  
  
"We hid behind the desk," Giles confessed.  
  
"Oh," Buffy nodded, relieved. Then she turned to go upstairs and check on Willow and Tara. But Faith already came down the stairs. They're alright. I don't know how, but they actually seem to have slept through all of this. They're still sleeping."  
  
"Good." Buffy sighed. Then she looked outside. "There more of them now," she conceded. "Seems as if Andrew was right about the siege."  
  
"Why don't they just attack us?" Anya wanted to know. "What if they simply blow us up?"  
  
"I guess they won't attack us. They know they wouldn't have a chance. Not with two Slayers and two vampires. And about the blowing up - we just will have to look out for that. We will have to keep watch."  
  
"But why don't we just attack them?" Kennedy asked. "As you said, they wouldn't take a chance."  
  
"Yeah, sure. But what would we do after that?" Faith asked her in return. "The First probably just would send more. Better stay here where we are safe. Plus, we got enough supplies to last us the next two weeks or so, right?" she wanted to know from Spike.  
  
"Suppose so. Think we got all inside fine."  
  
"Wonderful." Giles seemed pleased. "Let's try and look at this from another angle - we will be able to practice extensively now. Both the potentials and Willow and Tara."  
  
"Practice what?" Molly asked in a low voice, turning to Vy who only giggled in return.  
  
Giles cleared his throat. "But Buffy is right - we need someone to keep watch. Maybe two groups of two - one pair for the front of the house and one for the back."  
  
"We'll do it," Buffy said quickly, not giving the potentials a chance to say anything. "I mean - Spike, Faith, Angel and I. The others need to rest. You did enough for one day."  
  
"Right," Giles answered. "I think this is the best solution. Is there anybody with injuries? Come here please!" Buffy, Faith and Spike left for the kitchen as Dawn and two of the potentials went over to Giles to let him patch them up.  
  
"They all did a great job", Faith remarked.  
  
"Yeah." Buffy seemed tired, but obviously tried to pull herself together. "Good news, Angel," she told him in a fake-cheerful voice. "We can stay up all night!"  
  
"Pajama party?" he asked her.  
  
*** 


	52. Chapter Fifty Two

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and believe me, I really need happy right now ;-)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Angel broods. Faith won't let him.  
  
***  
  
"It's kinda creepy, huh?" Faith asked Angel, looking at him and then nodding in the direction of the Bringers who were lurking in front of the Summers' house only fifteen feet away from them. The two of them were sitting on the front porch, watching the Bringers and in turn being watched by them.  
  
Angel didn't reply. Until Faith had spoken up, he had been lost in his own thoughts, and now he didn't know what to reply to her casual remark. He was glad, though, that Faith was the one keeping watch with him now. Buffy had automatically teamed up with Spike- something that showed him more than anything else how much things had changed between them, between her and Spike. Although the two of them had talked things through that morning, imagining her with Spike wasn't something that made him happy; and even though that was generally a good thing in his case, he felt relieved he hadn't to deal with this particular brand of angst tonight.  
  
And Spike - they were getting along surprisingly well so far, Angel thought, recalling their conversation on the way to the supermarket. But still, his presence irritated him. Hell, his existence irritated him, as it always had. Some things evidently never changed. It wasn't simply that Spike was with Buffy now - if he was honest he was almost glad it was Spike, who was family after all, and not some random college guy like Riley had been. He wasn't too sure if he could trust him, but if Buffy did, that had to be good enough for him.  
  
Faith had fallen silent again as well. He glanced at her. She didn't seem to mind his brooding. He knew if she would she would have said something already. In that way she was a lot like Cordelia. Cordelia... no, that was another path of thoughts he wouldn't go down that night. Somehow, Connor, Cordelia and he managed to get along, but to call their relationship 'strained' would have been too much. He sighed quietly and then, determined, returned to his thoughts about Buffy and Spike.  
  
The real reason Spike irritated him wasn't his relationship with Buffy, or the fact that he seemed to get along with her family and friends much better than he ever had. With Tara and Dawn at least. And Joyce, probably. He remembered the night he had surprised him drinking hot chocolate with her, heartbroken about Dru. Spike had cared a lot about her. Cared for her. That thought, as always, puzzled him. It led to a question that had been bothering him for years now, a question he wasn't sure he wanted to have answered. Back in the factory, the Judge hadn't been able to touch the two of them, not without burning them. He however, or rather Angelus, hadn't been harmed by it at all. So what did that say about him? Again, he had arrived at the same point all his thoughts had concluded that day. Spike's soul. His soul. Shanshu.  
  
Shanshu. That had been the first thought coming to his mind when Willow had told him Spike had a soul. He could hear Wesley's voice in his head, 'The vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny, will Shanshu. Will become human.' That was his prophecy, dammit! It was his mission, his promise, it was what he was working for. But now Spike had come along, to - again - spoil everything for him. He certainly seemed determined to make his unlife a hell.  
  
A part of him knew he was being unfair and childish - that part even almost admired what Spike had done. To go and ask for a soul, to fight for it - he was impressed, although he was never going to admit that to Spike. Or anyone else, that was. The fact that the other vampire had actually wanted a soul - earned it - was what worried Angel. Because he knew he hadn't. His soul had been a curse, not something he wanted, not for almost a hundred years. But then again it had always been what had made him special, what had given him a place and role in the greater scheme of things. But now?  
  
"Now it's enough, brood boy," Faith interrupted his thoughts. "I don't know what exactly you are thinking about, but knowing you it probably aren't happy things - which is good, don't want you to be too happy now - and I'm beginning to fear it'll rub off on me."  
  
He looked at her. She was grinning. How could she even begin to understa-  
  
"I told you, it's enough." Her grin widened. "You think Buffy'd mind if we beat up some of them?" she then asked him, again motioning in the direction of the ever-present Bringers.  
  
Angel gave in. "I think she would. Better not risk her getting angry - or us injured."  
  
"Right. It's weird, though, to be sitting here, and they just sitting there... I feel like in some kind of western. The only thing that's missing are the horses. And it's not exactly high noon. Lucky for you," she added with a glance in his direction.  
  
Again he didn't reply. But she wouldn't give up. "How are you doing?" she wanted to know.  
  
"Good?" he offered.  
  
"Good? So you don't mind the two of them?" Faith seemed surprised.  
  
"You mean Buffy and Spike?"  
  
"No, Willow and Tara. Always pictured you a homophone." At his confused look, she explained. "You had problems with gay people? It was supposed to be a joke anyway."  
  
"Oh, you mean homophobe. And Buffy and Spike."  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Faith shrugged. "So you're really okay with them?"  
  
"It's - it's not easy," he confessed. "But it was the same with Riley." Faith's expression slightly changed at the mention of his name. "We're both grown-ups, and we both moved on. That's good."  
  
"You really try to believe that, do you?" She seemed slightly amused.  
  
Angel felt irritated again and decided to change the topic. "How are you doing?" he asked her in reply.  
  
Faith opened her mouth, but seemed to change her mind. She was silent for a moment before she answered, "I'm okay. I really am," she added before he could say something. "It's not easy - I don't think B and I are ever going to become best friends or something. But we get along, and the girls are alright as well."  
  
"That's good." Angel smiled at her.  
  
Her expression was thoughtful. "Yeah, it is," she finally said. "I - we - I mean Buffy and I - we talked today. About the spell."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"There's supposed to be only one Slayer. That's why she's also called the Chosen One," she teased him. Then she continued, "Anya told us that one of us had to give up her powers and we - discussed that."  
  
Angel waited for her to go on. When she didn't, he asked, "So you made a decision?"  
  
"Yeah, you could say we did." With a look at the Bringers she raised her eyebrows. "You think they can hear us?"  
  
"Now, yes. If you whisper, no."  
  
"'kay then." Faith lowered her voice. "We both will. Give up our powers, I mean. One of the potentials can become the next Slayer." She waited for his reaction.  
  
"Oh," was all he managed to say. He somehow couldn't imagine either Buffy or Faith not being a Slayer. At seeing his look, Faith laughed.  
  
"That's why we're doing it." Again he sent her a confused look. "You're thinking you can't imagine either of us not being the Slayer."  
  
He nodded, almost a bit embarrassed.  
  
"It's okay, I think neither can we. But -" she hesitated. "You know, I've always been thinking that slaying was the only thing that made me special. And it probably even was, at that point. I wasn't anything except the Slayer. And a bad girl, probably." She shrugged, obviously not wanting to think about that part of her past now. "I wanna see what I can be apart from that, you know?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And it's the same with B. I really hope we can do this."  
  
"I'm sure you can." Angel told her. "You have both come a long way." Then a thought occurred to him. With a teasing smile, he asked her, "You wanna see that in jail?"  
  
Faith paled slightly. "You think I should?"  
  
"You think you should?" he replied.  
  
"No," she answered quickly and then added, "No. I mean - I think I can actually do something here, something good. And I mean, hey, look at you - you're on the road to redemption as well, and you're not in jail as well. Maybe we should form a club or something."  
  
"Maybe we should." He looked at her meaningfully, and she understood. "You want me to come to LA if you?"  
  
"If you want. I would understand if you wanted to stay here, though."  
  
"Yeah? Why would I stay here?" Faith seemed genuinely interested and watched Angel searching for an answer. When he couldn't come up with one, she grinned. "Sure. I'll come with you. When all this is over."  
  
"Good." He smiled at her. "You'll find that it's not being a Slayer that makes you special."  
  
"Huh. It's not what I am, it's what I do, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"You believe that?" There was something odd about her voice, as if she already knew what he was going to answer and as if she already knew what to do with that.  
  
Still, he replied, "Yes, I do."  
  
"Huh. So why have you been brooding about Spike and his soul all day then?" At his surprised look, Faith laughed. "See? Gotcha. I told you to stop brooding. There's no need to."  
  
"It passes the time," Angel replied lightly. But he understood what she meant, and he was grateful.  
  
"So, you wanna play thumbwrestle instead?"  
  
*** 


	53. Chapter Fifty Three

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and believe me, I really need happy right now ;-)  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Buffy and Spike, sitting on a... porch.  
  
Author's note, Part One: First of all, again sorry for the lack of updates. I'm supposed to be preparing for my logic exam right now, which I will be taking on Friday, so... But after Friday, I hopefully have holidays, which should mean updates, actually regularly. Yay! So look forward to the first or second of August.  
  
Author's note, Part Two: Happy news!!! I've been nominated for Best Slash at the Shattered Frames Awards. Thanks to whoever nominated me! I'm so happy :-)  
  
I somehow can't get the link to the site show up here, so is you want to go there go to the 'about me' site on fanfiction.net. Hopefully it will show there. Does anybody of you know why the link won't show up?  
  
***  
  
"Everything's so weird," Buffy said with a sigh, sounding to Spike as if she had finally discovered the secret of the universe. Out if the corner of his eyes he caught her looking at him, waiting for an answer.  
  
"Uh huh." He went for non-committal.  
  
"I mean, they're just standing there. Watching us. I feel like a - an animal! That's it! I feel like an animal in a zoo."  
  
He couldn't help it - he had to grin. It wasn't his usual, 'I used to be evil' smirk, though - it was far more affectionate than he would probably have acknowledged. She had been chatting to him like this ever since they had gone outside to keep watch, which had been over an hour ago. They were sitting on the back porch, with the Bringers hovering in the dark only a few feet away from them. After a couple of minutes of just sitting next to him, Buffy had taked his hand. That was new. He had just been enjoying the sensation of that intimate touch when she started to talk. About the Bringers, the siege... work stuff, one might call it. He knew what she really wanted to talk about, and he knew she wanted him to start the conversation. He was enjoying this - she was getting more and more impatient every minute. He, however, was patience personified. Reincarnated. Whatever. "Is that right?"  
  
Another sigh. "Come on, Spike, don't -" He noticed her bite her lip in frustration. He almost had her. It had started as a silly little game; well it probably still was, but it had also become more - it was about who had the power, who was in contro - hey, that wasn't fair. So far, there had just been conversation, beating about the bush. Now there was pouting. And Buffy's pout was - let's face it - adorable. Irrestistible even. Almost, he had to remind himself. He had to concentrate. She wouldn't - now she turned to him with a playful smile he knew she had just put on to make him... Oh. Now she was placing quick, tender kisses on his mouth, nibbling at his lower lip... he knew she had won. She knew he knew she had one. He knew she knew he knew... anyway, they both knew. "Come one, Spike... don't you think it's weird?"  
  
With an exasperated sigh, Spike gave in. He pushed her gently away. "Okay, Slayer, tell me. What do want to know?"  
  
"Nothing," she replied with a far too innocent expression.  
  
He only raised an eyebrow, causing her to giggle slightly. Then she caught his eyes, and they just looked at each other for a moment. Again he told himself to concentrate. There was something in his throat that felt suspiciously like a lump and no way... Spike had often been amazed at how Harris and his girl or the witches had managed, how they had found time for... love in all this chaos. Hell, not only them, Captain Cardboard and the Slay- Buffy as well. He never really would have thought it possible to find the time for - couple-like bantering while being closely watched by the harbingers of the first evil. And yet, here he was...  
  
"Spike?" He was almost startled at the sound of her voice, so lost he had gotton in his trail of thought. Probably was because he had been talking to Peaches far too long today... all the brooding must have been rubbing off... he chuckled at that thought.  
  
"Sorry, luv," he replied. "Just thinking of something."  
  
Buffy smiled and then looked down, inspecting her hand that was entwined with his. "Isn't it weird?" She paused for a moment, but when she heard him inhaling sharply, as if impatient, she quickly continued. "I don't actually mean the Bringers, although they're weird, too. I mean - Angel being here and everything..." she trailed off. Spike noticed a trace of insecurity in her voice, as well as - worry. For him.  
  
"I'm okay with it," he told her.  
  
"Are you?" She looked up, questioningly. He nodded.  
  
"Are you?" he asked her back.  
  
She hesitated. "Yes, I guess. I mean it's odd - weird - but not in a bad way. It's a bit confusing, you know?" she confessed.  
  
"It is." He started to caress her hand reasurringly with his thumb. "But as you say, not in a bad way."  
  
They just sat there in silence, Spike still caressing her. After a while, she put her head on his shoulder. Again he had to concentrate. He let go of her hand, only to put his arm around her and pulling her even closer to him. With his free hand, he took hers again. He buried his head in her hair, placing soft kisses on her head.  
  
He wasn't sure how much time had passed when she finally spoke up again. "I talked to Faith."  
  
"Oh." Both their voices were low, but not because of the Bringers. "So?"  
  
"We - we talked about stuff."  
  
"About 'stuff'?" He couldn't help smiling, and he knew she couldn't either.  
  
"Yeah, basically about me being sorry about being all superior and stuff and -" she paused for a moment, then she went on. "And we decided we would both give up our power."  
  
"Oh." It took him a moment to actually grasp the enormity of that decision. "You mean-"  
  
"Yeah, one of the potentials is going to get a go. If we have any say in this, that is."  
  
Suddenly Spike remembered the talk he had had with Tara that day. "About that..."  
  
"What?" Buffy lifted her head to look at him again. He instantly missed the contact.  
  
"Um, I had a conversation with Ta- Glinda today, and she said that you probably don't. Have any say in it, that is."  
  
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "You're saying?"  
  
"I'm saying that according to the watcher's books or whoever they belong to, I don't care, well, there seems to be no part in the spell where there is any decision. Or that's what the witch told me."  
  
"Do you ever call somebody by their real name?" Buffy couldn't hide her amusement, although she clearly was a bit annoyed.  
  
He almost answered, 'That's what the witch asked me', but he stopped himself in time and merely grinned in reply.  
  
"And you couldn't have told me that vital piece of information before Faith and I had that conversation?" Again she sounded both amused and annoyed.  
  
"You know the two of you had to have that talk, pet. Not just because of the spell."  
  
For a moment it seemed as if she wanted to disagree, but she obviously decided not to. "You're right." With a small grateful smile at him she put her head back on his shoulder. This time he started to play with her hair a little, running his hand through it, caressing her. She sighed, contently this time.  
  
Again they sat there in silence for a long time. Spike actually once thought she had fallen asleep and had pondered whether and how to make it more comfortable for her. But before he could do anything, Buffy had suddenly started to caress him - his hand. It wasn't much - just her thumb running over his skin; but it was the most erotic sensation Spike had ever experienced. He could feel her smile.  
  
Spike finally allowed himself to feel the lump in his throat that had been there for a considerate amount of time now. He was amazed at how that day had turned out - waking up with Buffy in his arms, then confronting Angel about it and actually being able to tell the tale - and now this. Buffy had chosen him over Angel a couple of times that day, something he secretely would never have believed possible. But then, there probably were people who never would have believed vampires were possible either. Or vampires with a soul. Two souled vampires, both sitting outside the same house, keeping watch with two Slayers. The world was a strange place. He bet Angel was having less fun than was, though. At least he hoped so, for all of them; perfect happiness was never a good thing for his grandsire.  
  
"This is weird as well." She sounded as amazed at their - situation as he felt.  
  
"But in a good way, love?"  
  
"In a good way." Buffy hesitated for a moment, then she added, "Love."  
  
*** 


	54. Chapter Fifty Four

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and happy's always good!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The next morning. Willow and Tara wake up and have to do a spell ;- )  
  
Author's note: Happy news again! My exams are over, I might even have passed! Plus, since Wednesday I have my own site! Go there to find all my stories plus other cool stuff :-) Again I can't get the link to show up here. Wonder why that is. Anyway, go to my "about" page here on fanfiction.net to find the link! And yesterday, the voting at the Shattered Frames Award started, where I'm nominated for Best Slash. If you like my story, vote for me, please :-)  
  
***  
  
Willow yawned, stretching her arms sleepily. For a moment, she frowned at the memory of the last day, but then she remembered how that day had ended and grinned instead. She turned to Tara, who had just woken up as well and was now looking at her, smiling. Happily, Willow returned the smile and leaned over to whisper something in her ear. "Good morning sunshine." Her girlfriend only giggled in return, and did even more so when Willow started nibbling on her ear. "Mmh... yummy... I think I'm going to have you for breakfast, baby." At that, Tara pushed her away gently, looking at her in mock outrage. "You think so?"  
  
Willow grinned mischieviously. "Oh yes," she replied and then, to prove her point, pressed her lips on Tara's. Oddly enough, Tara didn't mind that at all. At first, Willow continued to simply nibble at her lover, teasing her by gently biting her lover's lips again and again. But after a while Wiloow decided there was something even better than teasing Tara... so she used her tongue rather than her teeth and let it run over Tara's lips. She had to suppress a smile when a small moan escaped her girlfriend's mouth. Not one to miss an opportunity when it was there, she slipped her tongue into Tara's mouth and started to explore it. When their tongues met, it was Willow's turn to moan. She put her hand behind Tara's head and pulled her even closer to her.  
  
They were lying on the bed, facing each other, their bodies pressed together. Almost unconciously, Willow pushed one leg against Tara's, causing her to lift one leg and making room for Willow's between hers. They both groaned simultaneously at the sensation, for a moment pulling apart from their kiss, looking at each other in amazement and love. This time Tara initiated the kiss, immediately thrusting her tongue into Willow's mouth, as if she wanted to challenge her who exactly was having who for breakfast. At that point, Willow didn't really care about that anymore. All she cared about was Tara... feeling her next to her, her tongue inside her mouth, her lips touching her. It had always, always amazed her, overwhelmed her, but now... she had thought she had lost her forever, and yet here she was, right here in her arms.  
  
Tara could feel the change in Willow and pulled slightly away from her. Noticing the tears in her eyes, she asked, frowning, "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," Willow told her, smiling. She put out a hand and cupped Tara's cheek. "It's just... you being here... with me... I..."  
  
Instead of an answer, Tara leaned over and placed a chaste, lingering kiss on Willow's lips. Then she placed her forehead against Willow's and whispered, looking into her eyes, "I know."  
  
They stayed like that for a very long while, just looking at each other, occasionaly touching, smiling, kissing. Then suddenly there was a knock at the door. They both looked up in alarm, both reminded of the dreams they had had that had led to this. Both sighed in relief when they heard Dawn's voice. "Willow? Tara? Are you-"  
  
"Come in, Dawnie," Tara called, grinning at Willow and disentangling slightly from her in order to sit up. Willow mirrored her actions. Dawn opened the door. "Good morning," she greeted them.  
  
"Is everything alright?" Tara asked at the sight of the bandage around Dawn's arm.  
  
"Um, yes, or, well, we kinda got into a fight last night. You totally slept through it." It was a statement, not a question. They obviously had checked on them.  
  
"What kind of fight?" Willow wanted to know.  
  
"The Bringers - we had gone to the supermarket to stock up for a possible siege, which, by the way, is now real, and when we came back they were everywhere. In front of the house, I mean. We had to fight our way back into the house. That's just a scratch," she told them at their still worried looks at her arm.  
  
Suddenly, Willow registered something Dawn had said. "Wait, siege?"  
  
"Yeah. There are Bringers outside the house. No one can get anwhere. But we got enough supplies to last us for the next two weeks. Buffy figures they won't attack us any time soon, as they know they would lose, but they might try and blow us up or something. That's why - we kind of need a protection spell. Maybe one like the one you did against Glory?" She looked at Willow, who nodded slowly.  
  
"I guess I have all the supplies... it shouldn't be too hard." She hesitated, then turned to Tara. "You wanna help me?"  
  
"Of course!" Tara put on a brave smile, obviously trying to hide her fear.  
  
Willow put a reassuring hand on her leg. "It's okay. It's not too difficult... a good thing to start with I guess."  
  
Tara gratefully placed her own hand on her girlfriend's. "I trust you."  
  
Dawn smiled at them. "Good. I'll be downstairs. Will it take long? Because Buffy and the others are still outside keeping watch, and I guess they'll be tired."  
  
"The others?" Tara asked.  
  
"Yeah, Faith, Spike and Angel. So you're coming?" With that she left, not hearing Willow's kind of grumbled question. "Why doesn't one of the others keep watch then?"  
  
Tara shrugged and started to get up. Before she could start to dress though, Willow had come over and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm so glad you're here with me."  
  
"Me too." Tara smiled. For the second time today, Willow grinned mischieviously. "I wish you needn't put these on," she said, pointing at the clothes. Tara simply kissed her in reply and then nevertheless started to dress. After she had put on her shirt, however, Willow caught her hand, causing her girlfriend to turn towards her. "Hey," she said quietly.  
  
"Hey?" Tara was slightly confused.  
  
Willow's expression was soft. "I love you."  
  
***  
  
It took them a bit longer than expected, but finally they arrived downstairs. They met Angel and Spike in the kitchen. Angel was on the phone. "Wesley? It's me. I just - there's trouble here. What? No, nothing we can't deal - no, you all stay there. It's just - I'll be staying here... can you do without me for the next weeks? Wes, it's - complicated. Is there anything? A vision? You dealt with it. That's good. Right then. What? Tell me - tell me when I'm back. There -" By then, Dawn and five of the potentials had entered the kitchen, chattering, totally oblivious to him. "There are girls here. No! I mean, they are loud. I can't talk to you right now. It's TOO LOUD!" Angel noticed Spike was grinning broadly by then and slammed down the phone, muttering to himself. "It's like a madhouse."  
  
"Stating the obvious, aren't you?" Spike noticed Willow and Tara standing in the door. "Look who's here! Do you have the spell ready?"  
  
"Yes, almost," Willow replied. Tara frowned. "Aren't you supposed to be outside keeping watch?"  
  
Spike chucklad. "Vampires here, Glinda. Sunshine - not that healthy."  
  
"Oh." Tara blushed slightly. "I forgot."  
  
"Never mind. Still, wouldn't hurt if you could hurry up a bit - they're both pretty tired. And apparently none of the wannabes here has any inclination of doing anything useful, so..."  
  
Willow interrupted him. "Where's Giles?"  
  
"Over in the living room," Angel told her. "Why?"  
  
"I need one more ingredient for the spell. I couldn't find it upstairs. But Giles put some other stuff somewhere else in the house, and I haven't got the slightest idea where." Willow sighed, but it was clearly exaggerated and she smiled. She was obviously very happy, and the reason was obviously standing right next to her. She turned to go to the living room and took Tara's hand. Tara followed her, smiling as well.  
  
Giles was able to produce the missing ingredient and Willow showed Tara how to mix the two different powders. Then she explained, "Now we have to draw 'patterns' on the ground outside... like this." She showed her a picture in one of her spellbooks. "When we are finished, we add... this," she pointed at a small bowl with a third sort of powder, "and then it's done. Pretty easy, really."  
  
"So how does it work?" Tara wanted to know.  
  
"It's like an alarm system, really. When the Bringers do something - like try to blow us up, for example - the alarm goes off. Sirens shreek and everything." Willow smiled at her girlfriend, enjoying the familiarity of them doing witchcraft together.  
  
"But - if they see us doing that, they know we - um, have an alarm system. Won't they try to turn it off or something?"  
  
"Well, that's the best part. They won't. See us, I mean. I'm putting a cloak around us - a magical cloak - and they won't see us. It won't last too long, we only have about ten minutes or something, but it should be enough. And they won't have a clue." Willow grinned almost triumphantly.  
  
"Cool." Tara seemed impressed.  
  
"So, you're ready to go?"  
  
A nod was answer enough. Willow muttered a few words and then told her, "The cloak's up. Now we have to hurry a bit." They went outside and started drawing the pattern of powder on the ground. After five minutes or so, they met in the backyard. Willow couldn't resist placing a quick kiss on Tara's lips. Then she checked Tara's part of the pattern.  
  
"Is - is everything alright?" Tara asked hesistantly.  
  
Willow smiled proudly at her. "It's perfect. Now... look at this..." Willow put the third sort of powder into her palm and then added it to the pattern. It glowed for a second, then it disappeared.  
  
"Wow." Tara looked at the ground where there wasn't a trace of the powder left to see.  
  
"Yeah. Wow." Willow stood behind her girlfriend and spooned her, pulling her close. "See? Wasn't so difficult, was it? You'll be pulling rabbits out of hats soon."  
  
"Rabbits? Where?" They both turned at Anya's alarmed voice. "Did those Bringers bring rabbits to attack us? Cause that would-"  
  
"There aren't any rabbits," Willow told her reassuringly.  
  
"Good." Anya still didn't seem convinced though and kept glancing around her.  
  
"We better get inside now," Willow finally said. "The cloak won't hold much longer and I guess they would suspect something if they saw us appearing in the backyard out of nowhere." The two witches left and went to the back door. Anya followed them slowly, checking the ground for bunnies who after all might be hiding there, only waiting for an opportunity to viciously attack her.  
  
"An, what's up?" she heard Xander ask. "Bunnies." Anya recognized the sound of Willow's voice - she could practically see her roll her eyes. Bet she wouldn't be like that if it were frogs. She was pleased though when Xander joined her to check with her. "I'm sure there aren't any rabbits here, hon," he said after a while.  
  
At the familiar pet name, there was a short, awkward pause. Then Anya nodded, pretending to not having heard it. But when Xander turned to go inside, she hesitantly took his hand in hers. "Thanks," she told him. He simply looked at her and smiled. Then they went to join the others in the house.  
  
*** 


	55. Chapter Fifty Five

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: Slight R for language  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me! Plus, in this part there are two quotes from 'other sources' - one is really very well hidden and from "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead" and/ or "Hamlet" (it's very well hidden - if you find it, let me know ;-) ), the other one is from "Titanic".  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and happy's always good!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Spike angst; Spike and Angel have a conversation.  
  
Author's note: Sorry it took me so long again. It's so hot here in Germany, I can't do much except lie on my couch and take lots of showers (unfortunately not at the same time), least of all write much.  
  
***  
  
Buffy and Faith were both pretty tired and directly went to get some sleep. Spike debated joining Buffy in bed for a moment, but then decided against it. He needed to think about... stuff, and he had to be alone for this. Or rather, not with Buffy. Hell, it seemed brooding really was contagious. He shot a slightly angry look in Angel's direction, who was still sitting in the kitchen with him. Unfortunately, Angel caught that look and asked, "What's wrong, Spike?"  
  
"Nothing." Spike poignantly stared in the other direction. He sighed slightly. He already hated being stuck inside this house. Not that he could have left with the Bringers not being there, but he needed something he could be angry at. Usually he opted for Angel, but with their newly arranged armistice, he had to look for other targets. So the Bringers and their soddin' siege it was. That immediately reminded him of the last night. He felt he couldn't think about it without feeling a kind of - ache; not entirely unwelcome. A part of him still wasn't convinced it had been real - sitting there with Buffy next to him, feeling - loved. Almost.  
  
Right, being angry at the situation didn't help at all. Great. Spike redirected his attention on Angel. Second best to hating Angel was making fun of Angel. Earlier, when the other vampire had been on the phone and all the girls had come to the kitchen - that hadn't been bad. Spike chuckled at the memory of Angel's face.  
  
Another bad move. Bad simply because it attracted Angel's attention. "You sure you alright?"  
  
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Spike shot back defiantly, yet turning his face away again.  
  
He heard Angel sigh and get up and leave for the living room. Alone at last. Again he silently cursed himself. He shouldn't think so much, it only confused him.  
  
The last night with Buffy had been - different. He had never experienced anything like it. He had never consciously wanted it, simply because - well, to be honest he had never thought of it. Or not for a very very long time. He never would have imagined Buffy would want him like that; not in the animalistic destructive way she had wanted him - his body - the year before, but in the way one wanted a lover.  
  
He remembered what he had told Buffy back then in the destroyed building - that the only thing better than killing a slayer was fucking a slayer. He recalled the way he had told her that - triumphantly, with glee, at the same time mocking her. He remembered how lost he had been at the same time - how desperate to try and show her that things had changed, that what they had done meant something, when really it only meant something to him. And he was aware that even now it was like that - now that he knew there was something even better, simpler - that it meant something - more - to him than to her. He secretly feared it probably would always be like that.  
  
But he knew things were different now - he had heard her tell the others, herself and him over and over again - he had a soul now.  
  
So now she could love him, now she could trust him. The soul had changed things for her.  
  
Funnily enough, it hadn't changed his love for her. It hadn't grown, or become more pure or anything. It didn't matter more. He loved her, he would die for her. Everything was like it always had been.  
  
That wasn't really true, though. He knew it. That might be what he told himself most of the time, but... His feelings for her might not have changed, but his feelings for the others definitely had. It wasn't as if he cared too much about Harris now, he still didn't like him, but then again, Harris didn't like him either, and he had always had a soul. But the girls, the witches - he would have and had protected them in the past as well, but he suspected it probably would have been for Buffy's or Dawn's sake rather than for theirs. Now, he genuinely cared for them; well at least as long as he wasn't busy avoiding them. Sometimes he had the feeling they were driving him even more insane than the First and his soul combined had been. But recalling Angel's reaction earlier he was aware he wasn't the only one who felt like that.  
  
So where did that leave him? It didn't make anything easier; that was for sure.  
  
Angel chose that moment to come back into the kitchen. "You have my respect, Spike."  
  
Spike couldn't have been more surprised if Angel had proposed marriage to him. "What?"  
  
"How did you manage to live that long with all those girls? I thought having Cordelia to live with me one night had been the ultimate test of my - patience and what have you, but this..."  
  
Spike looked at him more closely, then grinned. "What did they do?"  
  
He noticed Angel's eyes widen slightly, as if he had suddenly realized it hadn't been that good an idea to say something.  
  
"Poor Angel, don't tell me they threw you out of the bathroom?" Spike couldn't hide his amusent. Hell, he didn't want to hide his amusement!  
  
Angel didn't reply but instead busied himself with the newspaper he had brought with him. Spike decided to leave him be, which was just as surprising to him as it was to Angel. After having pretended to read for a couple of minutes while at the same time waiting for Spike to laugh at him, Angel said, "You really have changed."  
  
Spike knew what he meant. "I've just a lot on my mind right now, if you want to be mocked, please come back later."  
  
Smiling slightly, Angel asked, "You need help with that?"  
  
"With what?"  
  
"With the things on you mind. You wanna talk about it?"  
  
"With you?"  
  
Now Angel was the one amused. "Well, as I'm the only other souled vampire around, why not?"  
  
"Why do you think it has got something to do with my soul?" Spike realized he was sounded a tad bit too defiant, but he couldn't help it at the moment. Truth was, he was confused and slightly exhausted, and he wasn't sure if it was a bad idea to talk with Angel about it. Which, in his opinion, showed just how confused he was.  
  
"Hasn't it always?"  
  
"Dunno." Spike was busy studying his fingers, wondering if he shoud paint his nails again at some point of time. Maybe he could even get one of the girls to do it.  
  
Angel waited patiently. Finally, Spike sighed. "Right. What do you want to hear?"  
  
"I don't want to hear anything, Spike." Now Angel sounded angry. "I was just offering to help you."  
  
"Sorry." Again, both vampires were surprised. They grinned shortly at each other and then Spike explained. "It's about Bu- the Slay- Buffy." He looked at Angel to check to make sure he could go on without getting staked. The older vampire simply nodded slightly. "I don't wanna go into details, but let's just say things are - things are going well at the moment." He waited for a moment, then continued. "Almost too well."  
  
"Too well? Is there a happiness clause for your soul as well?" Angel wanted to know, worried.  
  
"Not's far's I know, mate. I mean, I know," he quickly corrected himself.  
  
"What do you mean then?"  
  
"I - I never - hell, I can't believe I'm telling you this. You of all people."  
  
"I'm not exactly people, Spike," Angel reminded him. "Neither are you."  
  
"Yeah, and that's the problem I guess," Spike said in a quiet voice.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Guess I'm facing the same bloody dilemma as you once. I mean, come on - if a Slayer and a vampire being together is impossible, what about a vampire and a human then?"  
  
Angel didn't reply immediately. Suddenly Spike was glad he was talking to Angel about this. At least he could be sure to get an honest answer, and Angel actually had to know what he was talking about. So he was slightly confused at Angel's evasive words.  
  
"Faith told me they are both going to give up their powers."  
  
"So?" Spike couldn't hide the impatience in his voice.  
  
"She wasn't too sure what to do afterwards. I offered her to come to LA and help us there. She accepted."  
  
"That's swell. Actually having a point here?"  
  
"I'm getting there." Again Angel sounded amused. "You realize Faith almost immediately was sure she still wanted to help people? So if that's true for her, what do you think Buffy is going to do? You know her, Spike - she told me she believed you know her better than anyone does."  
  
"Did she?"  
  
Angel rolled his eyes and continued, "I'm sure she'll want to stay here and fight and help. Or go somewhere else to do it. And you can help her with that. She needs you. Whatever there was between us, it's different now. Now she needs you, if I like it or not. The thing is, she's never ever going to have a normal live, how much she might want it. Not with everything that has happened."  
  
"But she's deserved it," Spike contradicted him.  
  
"Of yourse she has. If anyone, then her. But she knows she's never really going to get it, and I think she has accepted it. Most of the time at least."  
  
"But maybe I would be the one thing holding her back. Maybe what she needs is a normal guy, human..."  
  
"Believe me, Spike, if there's one thing you never wanna do is tell Buffy what she needs, or worse, do what you think has to be done because she needs it."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Just stay and make her happy, Spike." Angel sighed. "I really can't believe I'm saying this, but - if she thinks she needs you, I agree with her. She knows best what's best for her. Try not to worry too much - when did that start anyway? Never thought you were that much of a thinker?"  
  
"Perhaps you don't know me as well as you'd like to think then, mate." But Spike was smiling and then added, "I think your brooding hs started to rub off on me."  
  
"Thought so myself." They both stayed silent for a moment, listening to the girls' chatter in the rest of the house.  
  
Finally Angel spoke up again. "I mean it, Spike. I think you are good for her. And who knows what'll happen."  
  
"Some things don't change, Angel. Especially the being a vampire thing. But I'll try and manage. Actually, I'll first try and stop brooding. Starting now. Can't be too good for my complexion, I think." Deciding he was hungry, Spike got up and went to the fridge to get some blood, by that managing to push all disturbing thoughts aside, at least for the moment. He couldn't afford to let Angel see too much of what - afflicted him. Well, that was a ponce word. It reminded him of something, but he couldn't really say of what. Trying to remember something as useless as that also helped to keep himself from brooding, he discovered. Good.  
  
But Angel was still looking thoughtful. "Spike, there's something I have to tell you..."  
  
He wasn't too sure he wanted to hear this now, but feeling grateful as talking to Angel had actually helped him he was willing to listen to him. But food came first now. After pouring some blood into two mugs and then putting them into the microwave to heat them up, Spike returned his attention to Angel. "What?"  
  
"There's a prophecy... about a souled vampire."  
  
"Huh. What does it say, then?"  
  
"That that vampire might live one day... after having earned it, that is."  
  
"Earned how?" Spike still didn't seem too interested. He was rummaging through the cupboards, looking for the Weetabix.  
  
"By preventing the apocalypse, surving darkness, fighting fiends... the usual."  
  
"Hah!" Spike triumphantly pulled out the Weetabix from behind some plates. He didn't really know why anyone would put it there, but he couldn't say he cared too much. "Well, that's gotta be you then, mate."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I know you're trying to say I'm the one to be brought back to life or what have you. I don't think so. You've always been prophecy vamp, just remember Stone Boy." Spike got the steaming mugs out of the microwave and shot Angel a questioning look while pointing at the Weetabix. Angel nodded, slightly confused. "Plus, I don't think I would want to be. I like being a vampire. So, don't you worry - even if someone comes up to me asking whether I'd like to be human, I'll send him to you, right?" He started to crumble up some of the Weetabix and put a bit into the mugs. Then he handed Angel one of the mugs.  
  
"I mean it, don't worry. I'll be okay. That was enough brooding for one week at least. Here, enjoy this while you can." With that, Spike raised his mug in Angel's direction in a mock toast. "To make every day count." 


	56. Chapter Fifty Six

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and happy's always good!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Two weeks later: Tara remembers/ summarizes what has happened.  
  
Author's note: Still too hot in here. Chained myself to the keyboard to write this one :-) I But now I'm going to take a shower. Happy me :-) I think it isn't that hot outside, but here in front of my computer it is *sigh* I wanted to post this yesterday already, but I somehow couldn't get to fanfiction.net. Hm.  
  
***  
  
The days had gone by so fast, Tara thought as she was standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror. During the past two weeks she had been back with Willow - in Willow's world - she had found out she needed that - a confirmation of the fact that she was really there. She sometimes wondered what it felt like for Angel and Spike, having no reflection. She probably wouldn't have been able to deal with it, feeling unreal enough as it was.  
  
Tara still wasn't sure whether this was supposed to be her world or whether she really belonged in the one she had come from. And she hadn't really given it too much thought - she had simply been too busy preparing for the spell, meditating, twice redoing the protection spell. She had learned a lot in that short time, but then again she had had a good teacher.  
  
She smiled at the thought of Willow, as she always did. She was - she was everything. Her everything. It wasn't news to Tara, but the last fourteen days had confirmed her belief. No matter how lost she sometimes felt in this strange yet familiar place, Willow always made her feel right. And she knew she did the same for her girlfriend by simply being there. They had used the time well, falling in love all over again, or more, or the first time. She didn't know and didn't care about the right turn of phrase. All she knew was that they had gotten to know each other again, and that it had been exciting. They both were the same yet not, and although that had sometimes been awkward at the beginning, they soon had learned to enjoy it. Especially in bed.  
  
Tara's face got slightly hot at the thought and she leaned over the sink to turn the tap on. When the cold water was running, she used it to cool her face a bit. Bed. That image immediately led to Willow in bed. To her and Willow in bed. She smirked at the memory of some of the things they had discovered there. It wasn't a lot - simply because they hadn't had the time, with one of the girls waking them early each morning for the group meditation, and with the two of them being totally exhausted each night from doing spells. She had to grin at that - she had already had the pleasure of getting to know Xander's definition of spells. Unfortunately, those had been ordinary type spells. But the little time Willow and she had had for the 'advanced' ones, they had used well. She felt a pleasant shiver down her spine at that thought.  
  
This morning she had gotten up early. Willow had still been asleep when she had left the bedroom. She had woken up already an hour ago or so and hadn't been able to fall asleep again. There were too many thoughts running through her head.  
  
For today was the day.  
  
Spell day. Last night, everybody had tried to hide their excitement - some being more successful, some not. The potentials had been extra hyper, causing Buffy and Faith to schedule an extra training session just before everyone went to sleep. Each of the girls had by then heard that both Buffy and Faith were going to give up their powers, thus giving one of them the chance to become the new Slayer. Of course, there always was the possibility of a potential who was not living with them getting the power, but no one seemed to actually believe in it.  
  
Giles had been pretty quiet during all the chatter. Tara hadn't talked much to him during all the time, but he had always seemed very - preoccupied. Last night, he simply had seemed tired and worried. It was obvious to her why - she could see his love for Buffy, how much he cared for her. He didn't want to lose her, but was afraid that as soon as she wasn't the Slayer anymore, she really wouldn't need him anymore. As often as he might have already thought that, this time it was more final than ever.  
  
Tara knew he had also been thinking about the training of the future Slayer and the potentials. With the Watcher's council being gone, he was effectively the only one left - well, apart from Wesley, but from what Angel had told Tara didn't have the impression he was too enthusiastic about the thought. Apparantly the last time he had done that it had been a desaster. She only knew parts of the story as no one had really wanted to tell her about it out of fear of creating ill feelings or something. That was the problem of coming from another dimension, one really felt out of the loop sometimes.  
  
But with Wesley unwilling to help, Giles was very much on his own. Or not, as it had turned out - both Anya and Andrew had declared an interest in the job; Andrew obviously inspired by thoughts of Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda, Anya apparently intrigued by the possibility of ordering someone around. Although, after Vy and Rhona had offered themselves as guinea pigs for one day, everyone was surprised at how well they did as watchers. Or watcher's apprentices. So the days after the experiment, plans had been made as how to organise a future council. At first, everyone had been invited to make suggestions, but most of the SITs had only contributed slightly altered visions of Hogwarts, so finally the three of them had wandered of to a more private place in the house, sometimes accompanied by Xander and Dawn.  
  
At the thought of Dawn Tara had to smile again. She couldn't believe how happy the teenager was about her presence. Every so often she caught her looking at her and Willow, grinning broadly. Or she'd join them when they were pouring over some of the spell books, listening intently and sometimes explaining things to Tara. She also once talked to her about Connor, asking her if she thought Buffy would let her visit him in LA. Tara had had the feeling that although Dawn obviously liked him, it wasn't as if she was head over heels in love with him. She could understand her, though. It must be hard to get to know people who weren't aware of demons and vampires and slayers; and it must be almost impossible to have a relationship with one of them. So now that there finally was someone who knew about dimensions and who probably wouldn't have a problem with his girlfriend being a former ball of green energy, Tara could perfectly see why Dawn would try to get to know him better. And apparently she had already asked Buffy and Angel, and both had finally given their consent. So Dawn was overjoyed at the moment, not at all depressed by their situation.  
  
Most of the others seemed to cope well with the siege as well. The Summers' house wasn't really big enough for that many people, but Buffy and Faith managed to keep the potentials busy and in the garden most of the time, something that already allowed the others to have a little more space. Angel and Spike were naturally forced to stay inside during the day and spent most of the time down in the basement, talking and sometimes training together. The first time the others had heard them fight, Buffy and Faith had rushed downstairs, both worried the two of them were once more trying to kill each other. They were relieved to see Spike had only been trying to show Angel one especially tricky move, and when Angel hadn't been able to do it, Spike had started to mock him. And then the real fighting - training had begun. But both had been laughing, so everybody was happy. Well, the two vampires were - the rest of them were still worried. In general, the tow of them were getting along suspiciously well. Tara didn't really know them well, but Willow told her she would never have believed they could spend that much time together without trying to kill each other. Remembering what Spike had told her, Tara wasn't that surprised, but she didn't tell Willow about it, not sure whether Spike would want her to keep silent or not.  
  
Everyone had soon settled into a routine - first thing in the morning getting up early for group meditation, which had been Buffy's idea to keep everyone grounded. Everybody took part in it - that was why it had to be so early. Angel and Spike had continued to keep watch each night, with Buffy and Faith once or twice joining them. After the meditation, there was breakfast, and then everyone went to do his job, more or less. The potentials had been giving a tight training schedule, and Buffy and Faith were taking turns supervising. Anya, Andrew and Giles were doing their 'watcher's stuff' as Dawn called it. Xander sometimes seemed to be everywhere at once, helping whenever he could. Sometimes he was just sitting around watching TV, though. He had called at the building site he was working at the moment, and it had turned out it was closed right now anyway because of gang attacks. It seemed as if the Bringers had turned up there more than once. Tara had been amazed at how the Sunnydale residents were able to repress and explain the supernatural aspects of living on a hellmouth.  
  
She also was surprised again and again how well everybody got along. They were occasional fights about who got to use the bathroom first and stuff like that, but all in all there was - well, not harmony, but peaceful coexistence. She herself had been a bit worried about Kennedy's reaction to her - especially considering her first reaction to her when she hadn't known who she was. But although Kennedy wasn't overly friendly, but she also wasn't hostile. Willow, Buffy and the others treated her a bit coolly, Faith apparently being the only one who really liked her.  
  
Couple wise the siege only seemed to do good as well. Anya and Xander weren't back together, but you had to add a big 'yet' to that sentence. Buffy and Spike - well, they weren't together a lot, but when they were, they looked happy together, especially Spike. Once or twice Tara had caught him looking utterly amazed, as if he couldn't believe that Buffy was actually holding his hand, actually leaning against him. And from what Willow had told her, his reaction was understandable. Everything was going so well that Tara sometimes wondered if this all was part of the First's plan, to let everything seem alright for this short time only to destroy it afterwads. But she knew that this was only her own fear, the fear she really didn't want to think about right now.  
  
Well, sure, yesterday things had been a bit more tense already, but that was entirely due to the events to come. They had gone through the plan again. As soon as it was dark, everyone except Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara and their respective bodyguards would go outside to distract the Bringers. At the same time, the others would try to get to Buffy's former grave, where they had to perform the spell. Hopefully, not too many Bringers would be there to fight them, but they suspected the First knew of the plan. And although they never left their place outside Buffy's house they hadn't attacked them. No one believed that was a good thing.  
  
Tara sighed. There, she had thought it again. The spell. Every time she only thought of it, her heart started to race. She had never been so nervous, not even before the challenge or before she had left her old dimension. She clasped her hands tightly on the sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror again. Her old dimension. That was exactly the reason she was so nervous.  
  
It wasn't the spell itself - Willow had taught her everything she needed to know and more, and Tara was positive she would be able to do it. It was what would happen afterwards that scared her. She remembered all too well what the other Giles had said - that all this - her crossing dimensions - might only have been possible because she had to help to sight the First. So what was after she had done just that? Would she be allowed to stay here, or would she simply cease to exist, together with her old dimension? And what about it anyway? Even if she stayed alive, what would happen - or had happened - to it? If it had disappeared, didn't that make her a murderer?  
  
She had once talked to Willow about it who had of course told her not to worry. There was no reason for the Powers that Be to destroy that dimension after it had served its cause. And who knew if that had been the only reason it had been created? And about the other thing - she had cupped Tara's cheeks with both her hands and looked directly into her eyes.  
  
"We're soulmates, sweetie, remember? No one's going to tear us apart, not again. We belong together. And whatever happens, we'll always find each other."  
  
Afterwards they had done the anchoring spell. Willow had told her it would serve two causes - it would enable Tara to keep her grounded and it would any of them prevent to get lost. Tara recalled feeling much more calm after that, but now she was feeling as insecure as ever. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, once again repeating her mantra as she finally heard the noise of the others rising for the day. The day. Spell day.  
  
Everything was going to be alright.  
  
It had to be. 


	57. Chapter Fifty Seven

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and happy's always good!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: It is the morning of of the day-y... Spike's POV.  
  
Author's note: We're really and actually nearing the end here, it seems. Probably roughly five more chapters or so.... just so you know :-)  
  
And another thing: I'm off to see my parents again from Saturday to next Saturday, so I don't know exactly how many updates I'll manage. I hope and guess I'll be able to put the next - and quite decisive - chapter online on Sunday. I'll do my best, promise :-)  
  
***  
  
Angel groaned. He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that with fifteen girls living in a house with just one bathroom, one had to be very fast to have said bathroom to oneself. This time, it was too late - there was already a very long queue in front of the door. He turned around to face Spike who had followed him upstairs, allowing him to see his despair.  
  
"Remember, mate, if we're lucky it'll all be over soon. You'll be back in your hotel and taking showers there in no time." Spike chuckled slightly. "Let's get down and get some breakfast before the little locust here join us there. There'll be enough time for you to shower and do your hair later."  
  
The other vampire simply nodded, still wearing a grim expression on his face. On their way down they met Buffy and Faith. "You already finished?" Faith wanted to know. Angel only cringed and Spike grinned. "Don't ask. He's in a bad mood. Going to get some blood, that'll cheer him up. Not 's good as his hair gel, of course, but it'll have to do."  
  
Buffy couldn't hide her smile. "What are you going to try today?" she asked him.  
  
"Well, I was thinking 'bout fruit loops. Peaches, what do you think?"  
  
Angel, who was wearing a light pout now, didn't seem to have heard him. Spike shrugged. "We'll see about that then." He turned to go down the last few steps, but Buffy stopped him, placing a short but gentle kiss on his lips. "Good morning."  
  
He smiled at her. "Morning, love." They just kept standing there for some moments, but then Faith cleared her throat. "Come on, B, we have to hurry a bit. There'll be enough time to play inseparable couple later." Buffy nodded and followed the other Slayer on her way to the bathroom. "Good luck then," Spike called after them. Then he and Angel went into the kitchen.  
  
Luckily, they were still alone there. During the past two weeks, the two of them had experimented a bit with their blood - the Weetabix had only been the start of it. Reluctantly, Angel had shown Spike blood a lá Cordy, with cinnamon mixed in it. Spike hadn't been as disgusted as Angel, but still had decided there had to be better ways to drink O Neg or whatever blood group pigs had. So they - or rather, Spike - had tried everything he could find, from all kinds of cereals to some of Willow's herbs. Angel had been apalled at the beginning, but as Spike said, it passed the time. Plus it made all the girls go away - their opinion being it was 'just ew'.  
  
Spike wasn't going for the fruit loops, though; they had tried that already. No, today being the day, The Day with capital letters, he decided to go with something familiar and tasty - blood, Burbaweed and Weetabix. Angel didn't object.  
  
They drank their blood silently, relishing the taste and the quite they were allowed to drink it in. But it didn't last long. Soon the first couple of potentials came downstairs, luckily immediately going outside where it was still dark. Sunrise wasn't too far away now, though, and as soon as Buffy and Faith came finally down as well, the vampires went outside to join the others for what was hopefully their last group meditation. It had been Buffy's idea; apparantly she had read about something like it in a book she had had to read for her job as a guidance councellor. According to her - and the book - it served to establish some kind of group spirit. Yeah, right, Spike thought. In his opinion, it simply served to piss everyone off because they had to get up really early, but then again, no one had asked him.  
  
That wasn't true, though - this time, Buffy had actually asked him. But she had seemed so delighted about the idea he hadn't had the heart to tell her that probably everyone was going to hate it, so here he was, holding hands with a witch from another dimension and his grandsire. If someone had told him about this six months ago he would probably have hit him; except, of course, if it had been a human.  
  
Everyone was relieved when Buffy declared the meditation over. She announced a last meeting after breakfast to go over the plan one last time. Almost everybody groaned at that suggestion, but when Faith, who actually had been in charge of most of the plan making, asked in a very sharp voice if anybody had any problems with that, no one said anything. Instead they all went to get some breakfast.  
  
Spike noticed Tara was slightly paler then usual - but then today was her grand day, the first time she would have to perform a real spell. Probably stage fright or something. When she noticed him looking at her, she put on a brave smile. He returned it, trying to signal her there was nothing to worry about. Funny, though, how they always tried to pretend just that, even when everybody knew it wasn't true.  
  
The sun was almost up now, so Spike and Angel went back into the house. They had hoped the girls would have quietened down a bit after last night, but they hadn't. Spike could feel the excitement radiating off of them - who was going to be the next Slayer? It was a bit like the supernatural version of American Idol - not that he had ever watched it, of course. But still.  
  
None of them was actually saying, "It's gonna be me," but it was interesting to watch them. How they were watching each other. Spike didn't really care who it was going to be - or, well, that probably wasn't right. If he had been feeling introspective - which he wasn't - he might have acknowledged he actually he cared. He just didn't have ay preferences. He guessed it wouldn't be easy for any of them, being chosen - or not. He wondered what was going to happen to them - he knew the watcher, the demon and the geek had been talking about opening a school of some sorts. He really hoped it wouldn't be in Sunnydale, though. Or at least not in the Summers' house immediate neighbourhood.  
  
Hm. Thinking that meant he believed he was going to stay there after this. Would he? He hadn't talked to Buffy about it. But it probably made sense, for where else could he go? Back to his crypt? He didn't think so. Get his own place somewhere? How? He decided to think about it another time. Or, even better, to talk about it with Buffy another time. Now there actually was a "them", or "us", or "we" or whatever, there was a good reason for this. He smiled at that thought.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" Buffy had come over to join him sitting on the steps.  
  
"You actually."  
  
She smiled. "Good thoughts?"  
  
He raised his eyebrow. "What do you think?"  
  
Now she was laughing. But he could see that she was tired. "Are you alright, luv?"  
  
Buffy didn't look at him when she answered, "Kinda. I don't know really."  
  
He lay his hand on her thigh in a reassuring gesture. "It'll be fine."  
  
She turned to him with a doubtful expression. "You really think so?"  
  
He pondered what to tell her. He finally said, "I don't know either. But that's what everyone keeps saying, right?"  
  
"I never figured you were someone to swim with the current."  
  
Spike didn't reply to that but instead asked her, "What exactly are you worried about?"  
  
Buffy sighed. "You mean other than the fact that Tara is going to do her first real spell tonight, that the potentials are going to have to fight alone here and about losing my superpowers?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"About tomorrow."  
  
Spike took her hand. He gently ran his thumb over her skin. "I can see that."  
  
"You can?" She sounded surprised.  
  
"Yes. But let's take one thing at a time, right? We can worry about tomorrow... um, tomorrow, I guess."  
  
"It's just that I don't know what happens next."  
  
"No one does, luv. Still have to go on living, though."  
  
"Or not." She looked at him, a distinct twinkle in her eyes.  
  
"Or not," he agreed, smiling.  
  
"Okay, then." Buffy looked at her watch. "It's time for the meeting, I guess."  
  
"What happens after that?" Spike wanted to know. "Training again?"  
  
"Nah, I don't think so. Guess it'll be best if everyone tried to get some more rest. We're going to need the strength." She looked at him questioningly, apparently not sure how to ask for his company. She didn't have to. He simply pressed the hand he still was holding. Buffy seemed relieved.  
  
Then she stood up, ready for business. "Okay, I want everybody in the living room now, please!"  
  
*** 


	58. Chapter Fifty Eight

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: R for language ?  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and happy's always good!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Fighting. The Spell. Yeah - this is it ;-)  
  
Author's note: This chapter's pretty long, and it has a lot in it. But the only other way would have meant an incredibly unfair cliffhanger (or that's what I thought), and really - I'm not that mean. So here we go :-) Oh, and it's not over yet... but I guess you suspected that already ;-)  
  
***  
  
Already hours before dark everyone met in the living room again. Most of them had done as Buffy had suggested, or at least tried to. But none of them had actually gotten much sleep. The few couples there were had cuddled together somewhere - Anya and Xander, who still claimed they weren't back together had stayed in the living room, Buffy and Spike had disappeared down to the basement and Willow and Tara had gone to their room. But neither of those who didn't have a partner had wanted to be alone. The potentials had gone outside to the garden, taking turns in practising some more moves and lying down on the lawn. After a while, Dawn, Andrew and Giles had joined them. Faith and Angel had taken up residance in the kitchen. Faith enjoyed herself watching Angel try mix his blood the way Spike always did it. Naturally he didn't have the slightest idea how to do it. At some point he debated going down to the basement to fetch Spike, but Faith managed to dissuade him there. In the end Angel reluctantly drank the disgusting result of his experiments. He would have to ask Spike for a recipe or something.  
  
One could practically smell the nervousness in the living room. For Angel and Spike this was actually true; their vampiric senses were overwhelmed when they joined the others - after Spike had shown Angel how exactly to mix the Weetabix and Burbaweed with blood. The two vampires looked at each other, slightly worried. They had a big fight waiting for them, and they needed everyone to keep their heads. Especially the potentials looked scared - understandable, seeing as they would had to fight more or less on their own, without someone stronger, for the very first time. At least Giles would be with them.  
  
Fifteen minutes before sunset, Buffy and Faith both stood up. Faith cleared her throat. "Okay, everybody get ready now. Girls -", she looked at the potentials, "check your weapons. You're going to need them. Don't worry - you'll do fine."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy continued. "You all did well at training. I wouldn't want to be a Bringer right now. Well, I would never want to be a Bringer anyway, so..."  
  
"Um, B? Got any point there?" Faith asked her, raising her eyebrows.  
  
"Sorry." Buffy smiled apologetically. "Right, Willow? Do you guys have everything for the spell?"  
  
Willow nodded. "Everything. We even got each necessary item twice, in case something happens. I have the one bag, Xander the other."  
  
"Good." Buffy was satisfied. "Now, remember; Faith, you are looking after Anya, Angel, you after Xander, and you're taking care of Tara," she said, turning to Spike. "Each of us is protecting his - um, bodyguarding person in the first place. We have to get them to the place where I - you know. That's the most important thing."  
  
"Sure." Faith walked over to the window and peered out. "I think they know what's to come - looks like there's more of them now."  
  
"Well, that had to be expected." Giles joined her.  
  
"You know what to do as well, right?" Buffy asked the potentials.  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes. "No, Buffy, I think we need you to explain again for the zillionth time now, please."  
  
"Dawn, this isn't funny," her older sister told her in her 'I'm you older sister and don't you know it' voice.  
  
She sighed. "I know. We have to split up, run outside and fight so they get distracted. Then you guys try to get by undetected."  
  
"What I still don't get is why Willow can't use one of her protecting spells," Vy asked. "I mean, wouldn't that be the easiest way?"  
  
"Willow needs all her energy for the spell later," Buffy told her. "We can't risk that one not to work."  
  
"I think it's dark enough now," Angel suddenly said.  
  
Vy, Chloe, Molly, Amanda and Dawn went to the kitchen. They would attack the Bringers starting from the backdoor. Buffy put her hand on her sister's arm. "Dawn-"  
  
"I'll be alright." She smiled at her. Then they heard Spike's voice. "Sure you'll be. You're a hell of a fighter. Guess it runs in the family."  
  
Dawn turned to him gratefully. He simply grinned. "Off you go then."  
  
Buffy followed her sister with her eyes, still looking worried.  
  
"You really don't have to worry, luv. I meant what I said."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and then nodded. "Okay."  
  
Kennedy, Giles, Andrew and the others got ready at the front door. Buffy, Faith, Angel and Spike teamed up with Willow, Anya, Xander and Tara and prepared themselves. They waited for some more long seconds, then Faith gave the signal.  
  
"NOW!!!"  
  
***  
  
Two doors were opened, and the girls and Andrew and Giles stormed outside. The others waited a bit longer, ready to use the chaos out there to their advantage. After a minute or two, Buffy and Faith looked at each other in silent agreement. Angel and Spike caught their looks and got ready to go as well.  
  
"Okay, we have to get past them as fast as possible now," Buffy explained again. "It's too chaotic there, and too dangerous. I guess once we're out of Revello Drive, it'll be easier. If we get separated, you know where we meet."  
  
Everybody nodded.  
  
"Alright. Now, let's go!"  
  
They stepped outside the door, the four more experienced fighters quickly getting themselves an overview of the battle, trying to find a way past the Bringers to a temporary safety.  
  
Tara had never seen a battlefield for real before. Even as she had watched Angel and Spike fighting, it had still had had the touch of something not quite real for her. But this - this was totally different.  
  
There were Bringers everywhere, it seemed - more than they had ever seen before. They probably could count themselves lucky that there weren't any ubervamps around. But the Bringers were causing enough damage as it was. And so were the potentials. Tara didn't have much time to take a closer look, but it seemed they were doing impressively well, swirling their swords and axes, never even pausing to be afraid.  
  
She suddenly felt herself being dragged along. Spike had taken her hand and was now pulling her after him, gesturing to her to hurry up a bit. She did. They ran past Dawn and Amanda, who were fighting side by side and had already wounded three Bringers heavily. Or had they killed them? Tara didn't know, all she had seen were three of those - creatures? - lying on the Summers' front lawn next to the two girls. She still wasn't sure she understood exactly what those Bringers were. But that probably didn't matter that much now.  
  
She couldn't see Willow or Buffy. Angel and Xander were nearby, Angel attacking a Bringer who had come dangerously close to Xander and the bag he was carrying. Spike went over and helped him discard the Bringer with one blow of the sword he was carrying, letting go of Tara's hand. Then off they went again.  
  
Suddenly there were six of them standing in their way. Tara looked at them, horrified. She didn't know what to do - Willow had taught her a few spells but had advised her not to use them except in a case of emergency. Was this an emergency? She wasn't sure. She was afraid - she knew she was panicking, but she couldn't help it. How could she ever have dealt with something like this? She wished she could curl up somewhere and hide.  
  
Then Willow and Buffy were beside them. Either her face showed all her fear, or her girlfriend just knew her too well, because Willow took her hand for a moment and pressed it gently. The touch only lasted for a second, but it was enough to bring her back. Willow smiled and offered her a small sword. Tara took it and tightened her hold on it. She then nodded decisively and the two witches joined the others in the fight. She wasn't too sure she managed to do much damage, but she knocked one of them out. They got away more or less unharmed, Angel with a small scratch on his arm; so one probably could say they had done well.  
  
When they reached the street, they met with Faith and Anya, and three Bringers. Now being in the minority, they were easily defeated. There weren't any in front of them, but when they turned around they noticed some where following them. So they started to run once more.  
  
Soon Tara was out of breath. She didn't know how far exactly it still was, but she hoped it wouldn't be too far. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up. It seemed Spike had noticed her exhaustion, for he slowed down a bit. "Wait up, everybody," he called to the others.  
  
Tara was relieved to see that Anya, Xander and Willow were breathing hard as well. They seemed grateful for the short break, each of them trying to catch their breath. Buffy looked around worriedly, noticing the group of Bringers coming near them. Well, now was as good a time to take them out as always.  
  
Angel and Spike stayed a bit behind, prepared to protect the four spellcasters. Buffy and Faith went to attack the Bringers - it was only four of them, and it didn't take them too long to finish them. But as soon as they were out of immediate danger, another group of the First's servants came around the corner.  
  
"Okay, we need to run again for a bit! Now!" Buffy called, and they did.  
  
Not for long though - they had run down two or three more streets, Tara wasn't counting, when some more Bringers came towards them. Three of them, this time - and an ubervamp. It seemed the First had decided to keep the big guns for - well, the other big guns. Tara heard Faith curse under her breath. "What the fuck?"  
  
Buffy bit her lip but looked resolved. Willow had told her about the last one, and how Buffy had finally managed to take him down. This time, they had two Slayers. Faith and Buffy simultaneously attakced the Turok han, while Angel busied himself with the Bringers. Tara was amazed at the fact that he didn't seem to mind his wounded arm at all. He didn't even seem to notice. Spike stayed behind to protect them if necessary. She realized they weren't following Buffy's original plan after all, at least not one hundert percent. But as they were still all alive, that probably was okay.  
  
The Bringers were dealt with easily - even when the ones who had been following them arrived, they didn't pose an immediate threat. Buffy and Faith had a hard time fighting the Turok han, though. Finally, with an especially vicious blow with her sword, Buffy managed to cut off his head. Relieved and breathing hard, the two Slayers returned to the others.  
  
"Right. Not too far away now, is it?" Spike wanted to know from Willow.  
  
"No. Five minutes maybe."  
  
"Good." He smiled at her and at Tara as well. "Sword looks good on you."  
  
Tara blushed at that, but realized he only meant to reassure her. "Thanks," she replied.  
  
"Okay, let's go on. Won't be long now," Buffy commanded. The others followed her, at first only walking fast, then running again.  
  
***  
  
Five minutes later they arrived at the spot where Buffy's grave had been. It was still recognizable, only the stone seemed to have been knocked over. Tara saw Buffy looking questioningly at Spike, who pretended not to notice. She smiled slightly.  
  
"Now, let's get everything ready." Faith was taking charge again. She seemed to like it, always appearing a bit insecure at the same time, if not entirely sure they would listen to her. But they did.  
  
Willow put down her bag and pulled out four candles, a small bag of herbs and four small bowls and some coal. She put some of the coal in each of the bowls and handed one of them to Anya, one to Xander and one to her. The last one she kept for herself.  
  
"Okay, we are going to form the circle now," she explained. "You remember how, do you? It has to be like-"  
  
"Like the one last time," Anya continued. "We know that."  
  
"Good. Buffy, Faith, you have to be inside the circle. Um, Angel, Spike, will you be okay with keeping watch? Buffy and Faith won't be able to help you once we've started the spell."  
  
"Hurry up then, will you?" Spike told her. "We'll be alright, as long as there aren't too many of them. And it seems like they are giving us a short break, so..."  
  
Willow nodded. She assumed her position in the circle. Anya was almost facing her, Xander was standing to her right and Tara to her left. Buffy and Faith were standing inside the circle, looking nervous. It suddenly hit Tara how hard this must be for them - suddenly it was all real. She felt her own fears return to her. But when Willow started to talk again, she almost immediately calmed down.  
  
"Now, everybody please light their candles. And the coal." Waiting until they had done just that, Willow opened the small bag with the herbs in it and put some into her bowl with the coal. Then she handed Xander the bag, who copied her and then handed it over to Anya. After Tara had gotten her portion of herbs, she put the bag down.  
  
"Place your bowls in front of you. Hold your candles. We are going to start the incantation now," she said directed to Angel and Spike. "Try not to interrupt us. This might take a while. Okay?" She waited until everybody had nodded their agreement. Then she started.  
  
"The balance is disturbed."  
  
"From one came two." Xander's voice was shaking slightly, as if he wasn't entirely sure if he was saying it right.  
  
"From two came three." Anya sounded as self confident as she did most of the time.  
  
"Now there are two were there should be one." All her fear was gone. Tara had the feeling she should sound like Xander, but everything just fell into place now. This was what she had to do. What she could do. She hear Willow's voice again.  
  
"The balance is disturbed."  
  
Now they all spoke up together, repeating the incantation again and again.  
  
"Where there were many, let there be one.  
  
Where there were many, let there be one.  
  
Where there were many, let there be one."  
  
Every time they repeated the words, their voices rose, becoming louder and clearer and more powerful. Tara felt her body tingle suddenly, starting in her toes and then running through her whole body. She knew the other three were feeling it as well.  
  
She looked at Buffy and Faith. She wasn't sure if they had done it consciously, but they were now holding hands, clasping them tightly. They had their eyes closed.  
  
Still chanting, she directed her attention on Xander, Anya and Willow. Their faces looked calm, peaceful and powerful. Suddenly she noticed they were starting to glow slightly.  
  
"Where there were many, let there be one.  
  
Where there were many, let there be one.  
  
Where there were many, let there be one."  
  
The tingle had turned into what felt like a - Tara wasn't sure what was more than a tingle. She simply knew there was power rushing through her, filling her, making her complete. Almost. Her attention focused automatically on the two Slayers now, as had that of the others. The glow had become more intense, and had even affected - effected Buffy and Faith. There was a slight breeze suddenly, and the wind kind of - mingled with the light. Tara would never have believed that was possible.  
  
She felt totally confident now. Their voices grew even louder, only that they had become one voice now, one voice willing the power together.  
  
"Where there were many, let there be one.  
  
Where there were many, let there be one.  
  
Where there were many, let there be-"  
  
Tara had thought that it had been power rushing through her... it probably had been, but it had felt nothing like this did. It was a flood and a storm at the same time, she knew she had to scream now, it was more intense than anything she had ever experienced. She felt her power meeting that of Willow's - so familiar, so easy - then that of Xander's, Anya's.... finally she felt it connect with Buffy's and Faith's. The glow had turned into a bright light by then, and suddenly all Tara knew was that she was willing the Slayer's powers to become-  
  
"ONE!"  
  
Light streamed out of them - out of Tara, Willow, Xander and Anya, meeting in the centre of the circle with Buffy's and Faith's. It became one, streaming straight up into the sky. The slight breeze had by then become a very strong wind, but it didn't feel dangerous. It surrounded them, kept them safe. At the sound of their voice calling "one", the light all of a sudden got brighter and brighter until there was a lightning and as if the storm was breathing, pushing it away it went into the sky - away - to the next chosen one - and then it was over.  
  
*** 


	59. Chapter Fifty Nine

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't want to violate anyone's copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and happy's always good!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Someone's getting chosen... plus the aftermath of the spell.  
  
***  
  
Things weren't looking too good over at Revello Drive 1630. Kennedy was breathing heavily, blood streaming down her face where a Bringer had managed to cut her. She was still standing, still fighting, still giving her best. She wasn't sure that was enough though.  
  
She had no idea whether their original plan would work - whether Willow and the others would be able to unite the Slayer's power. But the First's plan seemed to work out nicely - the potentials were losing ground. Maybe it would succeed in destroying the slayer line after all. There hadn't been many of them - only ten - and Kennedy had already seen two of them die.  
  
Another Bringer threw himself onto her. She staggered backwards, trying to evade him. She stumbled, for a moment fearing she would fall down. She wasn't sure she would have the strength to get up again. But then Dawn was suddenly beside her, holding her and defending her at the same time.  
  
Even though she wasn't a potential she was dealing better than all of them together, Kennedy thought. She saw Dawn flash a decisive smile at her - we can do this, it said. They had to do this.  
  
They were good - all of them were. The weeks of training had showed, every one of them had somehow found her own fighting technique. But the Bringers kept on coming - each time they thought it would finally be over, another group appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. And they were starting to get tired.  
  
Giles and Andrew were over at the house, their backs to the wall, fighting off three of the First's servants. They seemed to deal okay. But Rona and Vy were in serious trouble - six Bringers had closed around them. Kennedy looked at Dawn, who nodded crisply. They rushed over to help them. Expertly swinging her sword, Dawn cut off the first Bringer's head. Kennedy copied here, and Vy and Rona had by then taken up courage again and managed to drive three more of them back. Kennedy and Dawn dealt with the last one together, stabbing him from both sides. They grinned grimly at each other.  
  
For a moment they had time to take a short breath. But already they could hear more of them coming. There would always be more of them coming. Kennedy wished Buffy and Faith were here with them - and Angel and Spike. And Willow. And Tara. If at all, they should be together in the end.  
  
In the corner ofher eyes Kennedy noticed the bodies of Amanda and Chloe. She forced herself not to look - she had done that before, horrified, and that had been when she had received the cut on her face. She once more wiped the blood from her eyes, hoping her wound would stop bleeding soon. She heard someone scream - Molly? She wasn't sure. She turned around to check what had caused it. And her blood froze.  
  
Along with a dozen of Bringers, there was an ubervamp. No. Two ubervamps. There was no way they would be able to deal - she interrupted her thoughts. There was no way? There had to be a way. No point in giving up now. She touched Molly's arm reassuringly. There were all standing together now, having automatically reassembled in the middle of the Summers's front lawn.  
  
"Let's split up again," she commanded. "We'll - we'll -" she didn't know how to say it. How to give them a courage she didn't feel. How did Buffy do it? She didn't care.  
  
She grabbed her sword tightly. Then she noticed Amanda's axe lying on the ground. After a quick debate in her mind, she exchanged her sword for the axe - the better to slice the Turok han's neck, she thought grimly. Then they attacked.  
  
They all knew they were losing. Even when more Bringer bodies fell - they didn't stand a chance against the ubervamps. Suddenly Kennedy found herself isolated from the others - and one of the Turok hans was coming closer. To her.  
  
At that moment, she knew it was over. Oddly, a calm flooded through her body - she knew what she had to do. She'd go down fighting - protecting the world. Apparently, that was why she was hear. And she was glad.  
  
She didn't let go of her axe when the ubervamp grabbed her by her throat. She held on to it, trying to free herself of its hold. She knew it was futile - that word rang a bell in her mind, something Andrew had said - Andrew was fighting with Giles... she was choking. There wasn't much time left. Kennedy closed her eyes.  
  
Then she felt the Turok han let go of her throat. She fell on the lawn, gasping, trying to breathe. She heard a shrieking noise - it had to be the ubervamp. She opened her eyes and noticed a light coming towards them. It looked - like a comet. The Turok han was staggering backwards, trying to hide its face. It seemed to be afraid. Kennedy wasn't sure if that was a good thing.  
  
But then she knew.  
  
The light had come closer and closer, and had thus become brighter and brighter. It wasn't sunlight, but it still affected the ubervamps - causing them to fall to dust immediately. Kennedy started to laugh, when suddenly the light connected with her. Her eyes widened, and she gasped. She had never felt anything like it.  
  
She knew the others were looking at her, amazed. She wondered what she looked like - she felt - beautiful. Powerful. Complete. As the power surged through her, she slowly stood up, axe still in her hand; realizing what had happened. It was dark again, but there was no need to worry. She had been chosen.  
  
***  
  
When it was dark again, Tara felt her body collapse. She had to take deep breaths, and she desperately needed to hold on to something... somebody... blindly searching with her hand, she found Willow. It didn't surprise her. She pressed her girlfriend's hand, glad to feel her presence. Glad to be still there.  
  
She didn't move for some time. No one did. Everything was silent, and calm. There still seemed to be some kind of connection between them, because Tara saw the others even though she had her eyes closed. Anya and Xander were holding hands, too, both smiling slightly. Faith and Buffy were being held by Angel and Spike, respectively - both wearing a slightly confused, yet content expression.  
  
Willow was the only one sitting up. She was watching her, smiling. For Tara it was as if she was still glowing. She was beautiful. She opened her eyes, almost afraid what she would see then. It was the same. Willow was looking at her. Tara sighed.  
  
"You alright, baby?" Willow's asked her softly.  
  
She nodded. "Just - kinda tired."  
  
Her girlfriend's smile widened. "You were awesome."  
  
"I think we all were." Tara started to get up, but Willow shook her head.  
  
"Come here." She motioned to her lap. Tara smiled happily and lay her head on her thighs, closing her eyes again. She was so tired...  
  
"Did it work?" She asked after a while.  
  
"It worked." Her girlfriend gently caressed her cheek. "And we're all okay."  
  
"You too?" Tara opened one eye to check.  
  
"Me too. I'm - I'm better than okay."  
  
"Why?" she was curious.  
  
"Because you're here." With that, Willow leaned over to place a soft kiss on her lover's lips.  
  
When they separated, they heard someone clear her throat. Anya. "Can you get up now? We need to get back to the house, to make sure the others are okay."  
  
Grinning a bit guiltily, the two witches scrambled to their feet. While putting her arm around Willow's waist and pulling her closer to her, Tara turned to Buffy and Faith.  
  
"How are you?"  
  
Buffy smiled. "We're both feeling kinda wobbly, but so are Xander and Anya. And you?"  
  
Willow nodded.  
  
"Otherwise, we're okay. But - um, Willow? You think - do you have some of your witchy powers left?"  
  
She understood immediately. "A cloaking spell?"  
  
"Yeah." Faith grinned a bit apologetically. "We all probably won't be of much use right now over there, but those supervamps here might. And they won't leave us on our own except we're safe. Can't see their reasons really."  
  
At that, Angel started to speak up, but Spike stopped him, rolling his eyes. "Let it go, mate."  
  
"Sure," Willow said. "I think I can do that - should be easy. Don't worry," she reassured the two vampires. "We'll be okay."  
  
They still didn't look convinced. But Buffy and Faith had both put on their own versions of 'resolve face', and finally they gave in. Spike placed a hort kiss on Buffy's forehead. "I swear, if something happens to any of you, I'll kill you. And Peaches here is going to help me."  
  
Angel nodded, grimly. Both were still doubtful, but finally they turned and started to run. When they were out of sight, Faith sighed. "You sure you can pull this of, Red?"  
  
"It's already working." Willow grinned. "We'll be alright. Can you walk?" she then asked the two former slayers.  
  
"Yeah. Just - there's no need to run, right?" Buffy sounded slightly desperate. "God, I wish I were at home now. In my bed. Sleeping. I don't think I've ever been that tired."  
  
The others murmered their agreement. They then started to walk in the direction of Revello Drive, Buffy and Faith holding on to Xander and Anya. Willow and Tara followed them, arms still around each other's waists.  
  
*** 


	60. Chapter Sixty

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't want to violate anyone's copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and happy's always good!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: The aftermath of the battle.  
  
Author's note: This is the penultimate update - look for the last on Saturday or Sunday. Yes, then it's over... Oh, and as for those of you complaining about Kennedy being the Slayer - I like Kennedy, as long as she isn't together with Willow. And I think she's going to be a good Slayer.  
  
***  
  
When they finally arrived at Revello Drive, an ugly sight greeted them. Tara was shocked - she had thought what she had seen of the battle was bad, but this... There were bodies everywhere. For a moment she was afraid they were human - their friends - but almost immediately she realized that they were all Bringers. She couldn't believe how many of them there were - partly lying there in neat heaps over each other, partly in... parts. And there was blood. Lots of blood. But the battle seemed to be over.  
  
She looked at the others. It seemed they were checking if any of the Bringers were still alive - and if there were some of their friends among the bodies. It was oddly silent, Tara thought. But then the front door flew open, and they all sighed an almost unconscious breath of relief. Dawn came running towards them and then flung her arms around her sister's neck. "You're alright!"  
  
Buffy smiled and hugged her for a moment. Then she freed herself from the embrace to look at her younger sister. "Dawn, are you alright? And - what about the others, are they?"  
  
Dawn nodded. "We're okay, mostly. Except..." her voice broke and she looked away.  
  
"What? Except what?" Buffy urged her. "Dawn, what's wrong?"  
  
"Amanda and Chloe - they're dead. And Rona's pretty badly hurt. But Giles said she's going to be alright. And -" suddenly her face lit up, "you don't know, do you?"  
  
"Don't know what?" Faith asked her impatiently.  
  
"That Kennedy's the new Slayer!"  
  
There was silence for a moment. Then Willow asked, "Kennedy? Is she okay?"  
  
"Sure! You should have seen her - she was amazing. Even after the two ubervamps had gone poof - what with the light coming down and all - the Bringers kept coming. I don't know where from, really - we were fighting and fighting, and they just kept coming. They killed Amanda and Chloe - we couldn't do anything. But then Kennedy stood up and - she kicked their ass. I mean it, she was amazing."  
  
"Where is she now?" Buffy wanted to know.  
  
"Inside. We're all inside. I'm okay, mostly, just a couple of scratches, but the others - well, Giles is patching them up, Angel's helping him, and Spike too, I guess. But how are you?" Dawn only then seemed to realize what it meant that Kennedy was the new Slayer. "Did the spell work? What happened?"  
  
Buffy smiled at her sister. "We're alright, just a bit weak on our legs. Willow says it's because of the spell, though - that it must have cost us a lot of strength. That's why it took us so long to get here."  
  
"Yeah, there's no need to worry, Dawnie," Willow added. "The light you saw came from us in a way, I guess. But they'll be okay - they just need to sleep. I think we all do." She looked at Anya and Xander, who both nodded.  
  
Tara suddenly frowned. "Dawn, where are - I mean - Amanda and Chloe, are they still-"  
  
"No," Dawn answered. "Angel and Spike took them inside - Giles wanted to call the - you know - but Angel told him to wait until this mess here is cleared up. I wonder how he wants to do this."  
  
"He's right - I mean people around here are stupid and incredibly talented when it comes to turn a blind eye on something, but this - they would have to turn a Beljoxa's Eye on it," Anya said.  
  
"We'll see about this." Buffy sounded tired. "Now - let's get inside, please?"  
  
Dawn, Xander, Anya and the two former slayers went on their way to the house. Willow made to follow them, but Tara didn't move.  
  
"What's wrong, baby?" Willow turned to her girlfriend.  
  
"Is it always like this?" Tara continued to look around what had once been the Summers' front lawn, her face betraying her emotions.  
  
Willow understood. "Not always," she replied gently. "But sometimes, yes. Often, even. That's - that's what life on a hellmouth is about, I guess."  
  
"I never would have thought it would be like this," Tara told her. "It's - scary."  
  
"Too scary?" Now Willow sounded afraid.  
  
Tara looked into her eyes and smiled slightly at her. "Not with you around, no."  
  
Willow closed her eyes in relief and then drew her girlfriend into an embrace, holding her tightly. The two of them remained standing among the Bringers' bodies, clinging to each other, not saying anything. Only when it started to get light, they let go and finally followed the others inside, still holding hands.  
  
***  
  
Inside, most of the others were already asleep. Only Giles, Angel and Spike awaited them, sitting in the dining room. When Willow quietly closed the door behind her, Giles stood up and came over to her and Tara. He was smiling.  
  
"You did incredibly well out there, Willow." With that he put his hand on her shoulder.  
  
Tara noticed Willow blush slightly at the praise. "We all did."  
  
"Yes. We did." Giles sighed. "Willow, we need to do something about the chaos outside. I don't suppose you have any idea-"  
  
"I have," she interrupted him. "Um, remember when you once went away to see the Watcher's Council? I accidentally made the cash register disappear. Afterwards, I kinda experimented with it - with the herbs and stuff that did this, and I think it kinda dissolves things - changes their structures."  
  
"What do you mean? What does it do exactly?" Angel wanted to know.  
  
"Well, mostly it turns things to dust. I always wondered whether this stuff was what they used in 'Dorian Gray', but - um, anyway, I think I can mix it again and then we can do it. Use it. It's a bit like acid, only less dangerous. If you know how to use it, that is."  
  
"Great. Do you think you can do it now? I understand if you are tired, but -"  
  
"This needs to be done. I know." Willow smiled at Giles and then turned to Tara. "Help me?"  
  
"Sure. What do want me to do?"  
  
Willow gave her a list of everything they needed for the spell. Having stocked up before the siege, they had all the things in the house. Tara and the two vampires went to collect them.  
  
One hour later Willow and Tara had mixed everything together and had already succesfully tested it on one body. Quickly they and Giles worked on the rest of the Bringers' remains, and after two more hours the front lawn looked like a front lawn again. There still was some blood left, but at least there weren't any body parts lying around anymore. Angel and Spike had stayed inside and had helped - annoyed - them with helpful comments like 'Don't forget the arm under the bush over there.'  
  
When they were finished, they slumped over to the front steps and collapsed there. Willow buried her face in her hands. "Oh goddess... I'm so tired..."  
  
"You really should go to bed now. You did enough for the next - well, I guess, week or so." Giles smiled. Willow returned the smile weakly and then asked Tara, "What do you think, sweetie? Sleep now?"  
  
Tara nodded silently, clearly too exhausted to sleep. Giles got on his feet and then helped the two witches up. "Rest as much and long as you want. You deserve it."  
  
As they went into the house, Angel told him, "You should go to sleeo as well, Giles. We can take care of the rest."  
  
"No, I'll just - I'll call the police and the coroner... we will have to think of a story..."  
  
"Try gang related, PCP," Willow suggested. Giles nodded slightly. "Don't worry. I'll take care of it. Now go to sleep."  
  
The two women slowly went upstairs. When they had reached their room, they undressed quickly and then practically fell onto their bed. Willow turned her head to look at her girlfriend.  
  
"You're still here."  
  
Tara grinned. "Yeah, looks like it."  
  
Willow smiled dreamily and closed her eyes. "Good."  
  
Tara didn't reply but simply watched her for some time. Then she leaned over and kissed her gently. Willow, already half asleep, murmured appreciatively. Tara pulled away from the kiss and then whispered,  
  
"I'll always be here." 


	61. Chapter Sixty One

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't want to violate anyone's copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: As these are the last two chapters, I'd appreciate your feedback more than ever, both on the ending as on the story as a whole...  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Another Spike and Angel conversation - a rather short one, though.  
  
Author's note (long and final): That's it. This is The End. I hope you like it! Thanks and hugs to every one of you who sent me feedback and encouraged me - I'm not sure I would have made it (i.e. finished) without you! A special thanks goes to my lovely beta reader Jessica, for being there.  
  
I'm already working on another story - that one won't be a WIP, though. If you want to see what's happening with it, or what's happening in my life in general, check out my livejournal (for link see the about page here at fanfiction.net) or my homepage. Or you can email me, then I'll send you a note once I update.  
  
(Sidenote: Spana, I'm glad you weren't injured too badly in that accident. Hope you're still okay!)  
  
Right, now let's start with the end... I decided to split it up in two chapters, but because they're so short, I'm posting both of them tonight :- )  
  
***  
  
After Spike and Angel had waited for Giles to 'take care of everything', as he had said, and after the police and the coroner had come and gone, the two of them insisted the Watcher go to sleep as well. He readily agreed, the battle obviously having taken its toll. Then the two vampires went into the kitchen again, looking for blood. This time, they didn't bother to mix anything into it and drank it right out of the bags they had put into the microwave.  
  
It was finally quiet in the house.  
  
"Looks like it's over now, huh?" Spike finally said.  
  
Angel nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."  
  
"You reckon the First'll back off now?"  
  
"That's what the prophecy said, isn't it? And now the balance is restored, there's no way it can mess with the slayers - I mean the slayer. Maybe some of the Bringers are still around, but -"  
  
"We'll deal with it. So, I guess you'll be returning to LA soon?"  
  
"Yes. Faith and I'll be on our way this evening."  
  
Spike nodded. They sat in silence for a while, until Angel spoke up again. "You can come and see me some time, if you want."  
  
Spike raised his eyebrow. "Why would I want that?"  
  
"For training?" Angel sounded almost a bit hurt. "And we could try out some more recipes."  
  
"You mean I could while you watch." Spike sounded amused.  
  
"Well?"  
  
Unwilling to show the other vampire how much he had actually enjoyed his company, Spike shrugged. "Guess I might, when there's nothing better to do..."  
  
"Good." Angel seemed delighted. "Dawn's coming to visit soon, maybe you can come with her then."  
  
"Yeah, maybe."  
  
Again they didn't say anything for several minutes. Then Angel asked, "So you think you're going to be okay?"  
  
"Sure, why not? We still have a slayer, and I guess the other girls are going to stay around until Giles has found a place for his version of Hogwarts."  
  
The other vampire laughed. "I don't envy you, Spike - I don't think I could stand another day around them."  
  
"Yeah, well, but.... um..." Spike couldn't think of anything to say against this. "I guess you're right. Still, don't worry, I'll manage."  
  
Angel shot him a sympathetic look. "Kennedy seemed pretty okay with being a - the slayer, didn't she?"  
  
"She's a tough one. But then, they all are, so - guess one's as good as the other. She'll do alright."  
  
"I'm sure she will. Faith seemed especially happy about her being the Chosen One."  
  
"I think the two of them got along rather well. And Kennedy's good - as I said, we're going to be okay with her around and all."  
  
"I hope Buffy and Faith will be as well." Angel seemed worried.  
  
Spike didn't reply to this. He seemed to think about something. Then he asked, "Do you think I should go check on her?"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Well, she seemed pretty tired... and I wasn't sure if she rather wanted to be alone... guess I'll just see if she wants me around or not. Probably won't hurt."  
  
Angel nodded. "That's a good idea."  
  
Spike got up. "See you tonight them."  
  
"Yeah, see you tonight."  
  
With that, he left the kitchen, leaving Angel behind who went over to the phone. He dialled a number in LA. "Hi, it's me. Angel. Hi Lorne. Yeah. Yeah, we did it. It's over. I'll be back tonight, and I'm bringing Faith with me. Yes. Fai - oh, Wes, now it's you. Yeah, Faith - don't wo- let me ex- oh, sorry, seems the connection broke down." Exasparated he put down the phone again. He would have to explain tonight then.  
  
*** 


	62. Chapter Sixty Two

Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart  
  
Author: ladydewinter  
  
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.  
  
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*  
  
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't want to violate anyone's copyright, really. Please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and happy's always good!  
  
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.  
  
Summary: Quiet moments full of love, I think. And The End.  
  
***  
  
Spike quietly walked down the stairs, not wanting to wake up Buffy. She was lying on his bed, sleeping. She looked exhausted, but that wasn't really a surprise. Fighting an army of Bringers and ubervamps and then losing your superpowers wasn't something you did every day. Even if you were Buffy Summers, formerly the Chosen One.  
  
He went over to the bed and sat down next to her. Gently, he ran his hand over her hair, smoothing it down. She stirred slightly in her sleep. When he drew back his hand, she stirred some more, though, unconsciously prostesting against the lack of contact. So he put it back, this time caressing her face, tracing her lips with his thumb. He leaned over to place a soft kiss on her forehead and then on her eyes.  
  
She moaned slightly. He smiled and debated with himself whether he should wake her up. But he recalled how tired she had been and decided against it. Instead he whispered, "Pull over a bit, will you, luv?" She did, still at least half asleep, and made room for him on the bed. He lay down beside her and pulled her into a tight embrace. She sighed, contentedly. He placed soft kisses on her hair.  
  
He felt her entwine her fingers with his.  
  
They had actually made it. There was a tomorrow, and they were together.  
  
***  
  
Buffy was only half asleep when she heard Spike coming down the stairs. She was tired, but a part of her had hoped he would join her. She knew he had had to take care of some more things - he had probably hepled Giles, maybe they had tried to get rid of the bodies... she understood that, but she needed him to be with her now. She didn't want to sleep alone.  
  
She felt different - which probably wasn't a surprise, seeing as things actually were a lot different. But it wasn't a bad kind of different - she was already looking forward to discover her new self. Buffy smiled slightly as she wondered whether Spike was going to help her with that. He probably would. She felt him sit down next to her. When he started to caress her, she got excited and calm at the same time. But she didn't have the strength for excited right now, she decided. Now all she needed was being held.  
  
So when he asked her to make room for him, she obliged happily. She let herself be pulled into his embrace. Only then could she really relax. It felt good not to be alone in bed, she thought. It felt right to be here with him. When he started placing soft kisses on her hair, she desperately wanted to return them, but was too exhausted.  
  
Instead she entwined her fingers with his.  
  
She knew today was tomorrow. They would have to talk about things, about what was going to happen with them - now there actually was a them. She smiled. It was good they were together. She would tell him that.  
  
***  
  
Willow woke up and found Tara looking at her. She frowned questioningly, but her girlfriend only shook her head slightly. There was no need to worry. There was no need to speak. She smiled.  
  
Willow watched Tara letting her gaze wander over her body, taking in everything. Willow held her breath, wishing she would touch her and let her hands discover her as well. But she knew now wasn't the time - they were still exhausted, and no matter how much they wanted each other, they wanted what would more or less be their first time be special. So for the time being, looking or being looked at had to be enough.  
  
Still, Willow reached out her hand. Tara copied her, their hands finally meeting half way between their bodies. When they connected, they both gasped. Willow felt herself reminded of the first time their hands had met. She wondered whether Tara could remember that too. Probably not, but when she looked into her eyes, that didn't matter.  
  
They had found each other.  
  
Tara leaned over to kiss her. Their lips met in a lingering kiss, soft, tender. When they parted, Willow pulled her close to her. They fell asleep again, their fingers still entwined.  
  
***  
  
Tara had dreamed of her other - her old world. She had woken up, confused. She had watched her friends - her other friends simply living their life. Anya and Xander had gotten married. Dawn was working at Mr Giles's bookshop. Buffy and William had been picknicking out in the sun. She knew the dream was the Powers' way of showing her they were alright, and that she was right were she belonged. But she knew that anyway.  
  
She was watching Willow sleep. She couldn't believe how beautiful she was. Suddenly her lover stirred and then opened her eyes. When she noticed Tara looking at her, she frowned, confused. Tara shook her head slightly, signalling that everything was alright. She continued to explore her girlfriend with her eyes. It was all she could do now - they both knew now wasn't the right time for more.  
  
When Willow reached out her hand, Tara mirrored her and they met half way between their bodies. It was an action that seemed familiar to Tara, and obviously to Willow as well. Tara didn't know what it reminded her of, but it made her feel complete. Even more so than the spell had done.  
  
They had found each other again.  
  
She leaned over to place a kiss on Willow's lips. It was full of the love they both shared, always had shared. Always would share. She knew. When they pulled back from the kiss, she let Willow draw her close to her. They fell asleep, their hands still entwined. Together.  
  
~The End~ 


End file.
